Impossible to Establish Sleep Routine for My 3 Month Old - Help!!

This may sound unusual, but my twins didn't sleep through the night until I dressed them in pajamas w/ feet on them. (around 3 months.) Ever since, they sleep through the night. It might be worth a try. Also, one of my boys will cry for a couple of minutes before he falls asleep 90% of the time no matter what I do. I can rock him to sleep, but he wakes up when I put him down and crys anyway.
Good luck & hang in there! It does get better:)

Hello,

I have a 2.5 month old and she has no routine. We put her down for naps when she shows signs of being tired. We feed her when she is hungry. During the first couple of weeks she was waking up ALL THE TIME and I would feed her (breast), but she wasn't really hungry most of the time. I realized all she wanted was to be close, safe and secure. My husband and I decided to try having her in bed with us and instantly she was sleeping for longer stretches. Also, when she did give feeding cues she was actually hungry and not just wanting closeness. She is still in bed with us, which by the way all 3 of us totally love, and only wakes up every 4 to 5 hrs for food. Feeling mom and dad close is just as important to a baby as anything else and they will do whatever it takes to get it. Maybe your babe isn't really hungry, but just lonely? At 3 months I think it is good to concentrate on giving them security then a schedule. Also, when you do go back to work the whole thing will get completely out of wack anyways. He will miss you terribly, be stressed, stress out who ever is watching him and to try to keep him on schedule at the same time seems to be a bit much to me. Not to mention whatever schedule he is on now may not be the right one for when you are working. The only advice I can give you is to not do what other people are doing. Find the groove that works best for your family and go with it. All babies respond differently and have unique needs. When I try out something new, if it gives me a feeling of "wrongness", I trust my instinct. Your the mom and whatever you do will be right for your child. The only statement I will make is sleep as we knew it is over. A good nights sleep means not being up for hours trying to help your baby fall back to sleep. If your baby needs to eat every 2-3 hrs during the night then that is what your baby does. If you need more sleep, then go to bed earlier because you know you'll be getting up when he does. Take naps during the weekend to catch up. None of this is probably what you were looking for help wise. Again, this is just what we do. Good luck to you and your tribe.

Hi,

I agree with the other moms...you can't force a sleep schedule this young. Your baby WILL get in a routine eventually. I know some people think you need to take control but I disagree...let your baby tell you when he's ready to sleep and wake. I took this approach and it was rough for awhile but once my daughter started sleeping during the night she never went back...hang in there...it really will get better.

Hi -

I read through the other responses. Pretty consistent with what I have found when I have posted for sleep help. You will have to choose if you are comfortable with CIO, if want to do maybe a bit of it but not hard core CIO, or more of an attachment parenting thing where you are soothing.

My little one is 5 months, but almost 4 months developmentally since he was premature by almost 7 weeks. I am in the middle of the sleep crazy thing too, and just requested books from the library to help me through it. I have the Weissbluth book, love the info on sleep research and how to understand where babies are at with sleep, but don't think I will do his extinction method, which is hard core no matter what cry it out. So I am getting the books, Sleeping Through the Night by Jodi Mindell, Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp, The No Cry Sleep Solution by Sears and Pantley, The Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. I have heard over and over from non CIO parents these are books they found helpful. My sister thought the Mindell book was the most helpful one she read since she is not a cry it out person, but she has not looked at The No Cry Sleep Solution book or the Baby Whisperer. My sister just got their 5 month old sleeping from 9:30 to 5:30 or 6am using those techniques. It took them a couple weeks, but they did not do cry it out and they did it while weaning her from her pacifier. She just did this a week or two ago. She has 3 other kids, has not done CIO with any of them and they are good sleepers.

So do some soul-searching (or do a trial of CIO and see if you can handle it - that is what I did and it reaffirmed I could not even in my most desperate for sleep moments about a week ago). I am thinking our little babes go through something around 3 to 4 months where they really start fighting sleep. As my little one became more social with us, he stopped wanting to sleep as well because he didn't want to miss anything. That is when our sleep fell apart. We basically lost naps for a while and he woke more in the night for a while. He is getting back to being "better" at night (most of the time a good 4 to 6 hour first stretch, then usually a 3 hour stretch), but naps are still really short and a struggle. He is breastfeed baby, and rather than giving him formula before bed (research does not support formula or cereal makes them sleep longer, although formula moms swear by it) I pump and we give him a bottle so I know he has had a good amount. We actually do this for his first wake up too, so if he wakes after an hour or two, I know he is not hungry and rather just woke up and needs to go back to sleep. I started tracking his sleep patterns and found (when he was taking good naps of 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 hours) that he could only be awake for 1 1/2 hours then he would get overtired and be impossible to sleep. Now he can only go about an hour and then has to nap again since he only naps for 30 minutes. So you might be missing your "window" and he might be overly tired then and not go to sleep. Also are you doing the 12 hour thing? Weissbluth says 12 hours from when they wake up (at your son's age) they should be going down for the night. So if he wakes at 6 for the day (and then should do a little sleep of maybe 45 minutes or an hour after he wakes up as one previous post said) he should be going down for the night at 6pm. Again, I learned so much about what to expect about sleep from Weissbluth, but I just don't love his techniques (and his book is horribly organized and at times hard to follow). So you might want to request that from your local Chic. Public Lib branch and at least read it for that. Try requesting the other books too if you think you don't want to do CIO. I have friends that swear by it. I think it works and most of the time the results are very fast a couple days to a week and they are sleeping through the night (but Weissbulth says you should not do CIO until 4 months and Ferber says 6 months), it just would be impossible for me to handle it.
Best of luck!!
S.

YH:

stop fighting so much... he is 3 months old!..

a) it is ok to wake more during the day to encourage longer sleep at night.

b) more often than not it is not food that wakes little ones at night.

c) if you want call, and we can talk.

P., RLC, IBCLC
Pres. Lactation Support Group, Inc
800 LACTATE

You shouldn't feel bad if your 3 month old is waking several times during the night. My daughter didn't sleep through the night until 6 months old. If you are breastfeeding, the baby will wake more often because the milk is not as filling as formula. You may want to try a formula bottle before bed, or if your doctor allows it, maybe some fed cereal at night (Not in the bottle though - that is horrible). It is difficult to go back to work when you child wakes 2-3 times during the night, but your body adjusts to it. I used to love 12 hours of sleep, but my body is so used to 6-7 hours now, and so used to interrupted sleep. You will get a routine once the baby gets older, and you will then forget about these growing pains.

This isn't what you want to hear, but I found with both of my kids when I went back to work their sleep at night went to hell for a few weeks anyway.

You should stop the evening naps, definitely, or shorten them to about 45 minutes at the most. "Never wake a sleeping baby" makes more sense during the newborn period, don't you think? It doesn't hurt them to wake them.

You'll probably find that this will get easier during the next month no matter what approach you try - most babies aren't ready to sleep long stretches until around 4 months. If you're breastfeeding, you could try a before-bed formula supplement (but be aware that cutting a night feeding may decrease your supply.) Breastmilk supply is usually lowest by the time of the last feed of the day, from what I've read, so maybe adding a supplement will help.

I read both Ferber's and Weissbluth's books, and found them very useful in describing typical sleep patterns. I didn't use any one "sleep training" program but got ideas from the books. I hear the Baby Whisperer book is good for sleep ideas, too. Both my kids ended up spending some part of the night in our bed after night feedings, which meant I got more sleep. Some people have a no babies in bed policy, so do whatever works for you, but the shorter the waking the better. Maybe the baby's father can take the first wake-up in the weeks after you go back to work, or you can go to bed really early. This will pass, no matter what you do to manage it, I promise!

Considering what you've done, you may not like my advice. At 3 months, my kids were on a 3 hour schedule. They would eat, play and nap during that 3 hours. Yes I woke them during the day to establish habits, otherwise, you will never get a schedule together. They did cry it out and let me tell you that by 3 months, my kids went to bed at 8, I fed them at 11 (nursing) and then they slept til at least 5 in the morning, and eventually to 7. My kids are now 2 & 4, my 2 year old takes his naps when it is time and they go to bed when it is time. You need to start now with a consistent schedule otherwise he'll never know what to do at any given time. I enjoyed the book Baby Wise... I didn't follow it to a t. If my kids did get hungry before the 3 hour mark, I fed them and just went on for the day. But you'll go crazy without establishing a schedule.
Hope that helps.
A.
wahm of 2

Hi,
I can relate to your problem, I have twins and what really worked for me was getting them on a strict 3 hour feeding schedule. It takes a little effort to really stick with it, but it really does work if you are consistent, my girls did great with it and it was the only thing that kept me sane. :) You start the schedule first thing in the morning, right when your baby wakes up for the day the clock for the schedule starts. What you need to do is get everything he needs done in one hour, this is crucial because it sets the schedule for the rest of the day. So, right when he wakes up feed him, change him, do a little awake time and then put him right back to sleep. The key is putting him back to sleep within an hour of him waking for the day. Then for the rest of the day after this first nap he should have awake times and nap times of no more than 1 1/2 to 2 hours. If he sleeps over 2 hours during the day you need to wake him up to keep him on schedule. Or if he wakes up before it's time to feed again you need to do whatever you can to keep him content until it's time to feed. It totally helps to write out a schedule for yourself so you can follow it during the day. Here's a sample schedule so you can get a feel for what I'm talking about:

*6a wake up/feed
7a back to sleep
*9:00a wake/up feed
10:30a back to sleep
*Noon wake up/feed
1:30p back to sleep
*3:00p wake up/feed
4:30p back to sleep
*6:00p wake up/feed
7:30p back to sleep
*9:00p wake up feed
10:30p back to sleep

If you stick to an every 3 hour feeding schedule, you will be amazed how quickly he will adjust and sleep through the night!! Please don't give up in the first couple of days, it will seem difficult at first but once you get the hang of it you will be so happy you did it. As he gets older you will be able to go to an every 4 hour feeding schedule with longer awake times between.

So, good luck! I hope it works as well for you as it did for me! :)
L.

Sorry I don't have any words of wisdom except hang in there it will happen eventually. I tried everything with my first son to establish a sleep routine and it finally happened around 4-6 months. With my second son I just let things happen and guess what same results 4-6 months. I nursed and heard that babies on breastmilk take longer to sleep through the night???
I didn't have much success creating a sleep pattern for them at night---naps were easier. Good luck with your return to work.

M.

Please relax. It IS impossible (and inhumane) to put such a young baby on a schedule. Your baby is doing well to sleep for four hours at all. Don't make yourself and your baby miserable with such rigidity. He will tell you when he needs to sleep and when he needs to eat. Let him guide you.
Amy

This may not help you at all, but I know exactly what you're going through. I'm also a first-time mom - my son is just one month older than yours. And I, too, was wondering how to get him to sleep better (although I started obsessing about it when he was only 6 weeks old). Honestly, it took care of itself. I don't know that there's a way to force it - your son will just adapt when he's ready to. The fact that you've gotten a couple good nights out of him - where he's only woken up once - is a good sign. That's how my son started out. He actually slept through the night 5 nights in a row and my husband and I were THRILLED! Silly us...on the 6th night he was back to waking up during the night. But I think that's how it starts. So just know that Sebastian is getting there. He's learning that night time means sleep. It just takes a little time for them to learn that.
Also, in reagrds to the bedtime routine, don't be ruled by the clock. Again, I was just like you. When the clock said 7pm, I hurried up and put my son in his bath. But I've learned (at least with my son) that it's not so much the TIME that you start the routine, but the consistency of doing it every night. Your son will come to know that when he's put in his bath, and then you sit down in the rocker and read him a story while feeding him, that it means it's bedtime. I really do think this helps them to learn how to sleep through the night. But again, don't worry so much about doing at the same time every night, just make sure you do it every night.
I hope this helps! I've moved on from obsessing over his sleep, to obsessing over when to start him on solid foods. It's never-ending for us first-time moms!

I don't think it is "impossible" nor "inhumane" to sleep train a baby of three months old, though I think the word "TRAIN" gives a bad connotation. At about 3-4 months is typically the time that the baby develops natural routines anyway. Guiding your baby is NOT a terrible thing. Wanting your baby to gently follow a "routine" (for some reason the word routine is demonized these days too!) at this age does not make you a rigid person either. Going back to work must be stressful and not having a handle on your son's sleep schedule must make things even worse. The first thing you have to do is relax. Even babies catch on to stress.

I really liked elements of Ferber and Weissbluth. I sort of combined a little of both strategies, used cues from my baby, and went with what made me most comfortable. For me, the most important thing was making sure my daughter did not take really late naps. That seemed to mess everything up. At three months, I don't think waking a baby is a bad thing either. Also, the first nap of the day should come about 1-2 hours after the baby wakes in the morning. The rest might fall into place after that.

Weisbluth gives a really good description of sleep behavior for this age infant. Read it...I think it will help.

Good luck!

Y H,
3 months is about the time your boy will start getting a little more regular with his sleep habits, but you may need to help him with it. I have a 4 month old whose bedtime is about 7:30 PM. I generally don't put him down for a nap any later than 5, and then only if he's completely exhausted, and I always wake him after an hour if he sleeps that late in the day. We also have a bedtime routine - bath, breastfeed, then to bed.

Lately my boy has been waking up more often (3x instead of the usual 1-2) during the night and I am pretty sure it's because he's cold. He kicks the covers off and then gets cold and wakes himself up. It seems to be better now that I've started really tucking them underneath them so that he can't escape. (Note he is NOT swaddled - he likes his arms free and doesn't seem to mind his legs loose - I just put the ends of the blanket underneath them so that he can't really wiggle it off).

I know Ferber says that 3 months is about the time you can start training your baby to sleep, but I would maybe try some other things for a few weeks to see if you can help him out before resorting to this, though it works beautifully.

Question for you: does he nap without being rocked to sleep? You might try "practicing" with the naps.... Also, go ahead and let him try to get himself to sleep. Seriously, give him 5 minutes (actually look at the clock) and see what happens. You might be surprised.