Impact of Sleep Deprivation on Mommas

Updated on March 14, 2010
M.R. asks from San Rafael, CA
13 answers

Hi! I had such great advice when I asked a question before that I wanted to ask another question. I have two children 4 years and 18 months. I didn't do a great job setting up my first one to sleep well and up until she was 2, she was nursing frequently through out the night. I was pregnant at this point and ended up tandem nursing for a few months. I am currently still nursing my 18 month old, both girls are now in their own room and unless there is an illness, they mostly sleep through the night. My question is about me- I feel like I am having some serious sleep and stress issues I never had before I had kids. If one of my girls makes a sound at night- I feel like I am in a panic, I can hear them from their rooms and my heart is racing and sometimes I can't go back to sleep for hours. I believe we are powerful creators of our life experience and I feel like I am in some weird cycle of creating no sleep. ex-My husband and I went away for a night and at the hotel there was a dog next door that was barking when I was trying to go to sleep (I called and it was taken care of). Last night I went over to my husband's office to get some sleep- the girls have been waking up more at night with colds/cough. They all slept great here and while I was at my husband's office there was some domestic issue in the street nearby that woke me up...I never had these kind of issues before I had kids, the only thing I can think of is that I should do yoga to help with stress, any other suggestions? Thanks so much!

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M.P.

answers from San Francisco on

You have gotten some great advice here . I would stress through that you could have some post partum depression showing as anxiety You get into a vicous cycle when once awake you feel even more stressed trying to get to sleep to catch up on the sleep deficiet. Do check with your doctor and try the magnesium, etc. Exercise is also great if you can fit it in. You may feel so tired you don't want to work out, but a good run or work out will help your body rid itself of some of the stress hormonone and help with sleep. Just dont work out 2-3 hours before trying to sleep it can backfire late in the day in keep you awake.

Good luckl

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P.W.

answers from San Francisco on

Sounds like the normal effects of sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation makes a person crazy. Did you know that if a person goes more than 11 days with no sleep he/she will die? (I think the number is 11 days.)

Anyway, it should make you feel better to know it's normal.

However, why don't you give yourself a break and wean the older kid? At 18 months, she has received all the benefits from nursing she will need, and it is way more important that she has a sane mother.

But if you want to keep doing that to yourself, it's your business.

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L.B.

answers from Chicago on

It sounds like your sleep deprivation is spinning you into a vicious cycle- which could leave you feeling anxious or even depressed. I was in a similar situation 6 months ago. I saw my doctor, OB-GYN, even a sleep specialist. Nothing helped me as much as this book I picked up: Say Goodnight to Insomnia by Dr. Marc Jacobs (I think)- I can go dig it up if my information is wrong. I gave it to another mom in our group and it helped her insomnia tremendously as well. It demystifies all the things that you thought were true with sleep deprivation and helps put you back in control of your sleeping- not external factors, noises, etc. I really recommend it. Good luck and things WILL improve. Until then, I'm sending you a huge hug because I know how hard it is...

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R.S.

answers from Chicago on

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this; it sounds like your body has become hypersensitive to sound. I have a 7 month old and am not doing a very good job of helping her sleep through the night (despite many consistent effort). I'm sleep deprived and having a very hard time with it. Yoga is helping me tremendously, as is taking a nap during the day when the baby naps...and making sure to drink enough water. It might sound silly, but have you tried any soft earplugs, or a white noise machine, to help drown out external stimuli?

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A.G.

answers from San Francisco on

M.,

I also can totally relate and I second all the recommendations for magnesium before bed (either the Calm recommended by Alene or in a capsule - magnesium glycinate is easy to digest and absorb. Be careful not to take more than 300 mg at first as it can give you diarrhea. Magnesium is responsible for helping muscles to relax, including the bowels!).

For me, I always felt "on duty" when I went to bed. My brain was listening for the tiniest indication my son needed me and I often dreamed he was calling out for me, waking me as a result! So my husband agreed to be the point person for night time awakenings. This really helped me mentally. Your children might not be old enough yet for this (until my son was about 4, it was always mama or no one to help at night). I close the door to the bedroom (hubby doesn't usually come to bed until much later) and I am able to sleep better knowing he can handle most anything that comes up.

Another recommendation would be to take L-tryptophan, which is an amino acid your body needs to produce serotonin. Serotonin in turn becomes melatonin, which is the hormone that regulates sleep. I take it during the winter as I find I am affected by seasonal affective disorder and in particular my sleep worsens as a result. L-tryptophan is a little hard to find. Natural health food stores should carry it (you can also buy online). I take 1500 mg in mid afternoon and another 1500 right before bed (but start out with 500 mg and work your way up to this over several days). This is not something you want to take long-term, but rather, just to re-train your body's systems and replenish your serotonin levels. You should take it with 50 - 100 mg of B6, which your body also needs to produce serotonin.

Also, I would try to eliminate all caffeine for a while, or limit yourself to no more than 3 cups of green tea per day (this is about 45 mg caffeine). When your adrenals are pumping out stress hormones, as it sounds yours are, the extra caffeine actually stimulates more cortisol production. Sugar and refined flour have the same affect, as does alcohol. I would recommend either chamomile or Tulsi teas before bed. Tulsi teas are made with Holy Basil, which is an "adaptogenic" herb -- it literally helps your body maintain balance and reduces cortisol levels.

Finally, I would find some meditation CD's to download on your iPod and listen to them in bed each night. I found that after doing this consistently for 2 to 3 weeks, I was able to fall asleep and stay asleep much easier.

Best of luck to you. I think most young mom's have similar concerns and we just need to remember that we have to take care of ourselves 1st because if we aren't functioning well, the family doesn't function well. Whatever time or money you need to spend to reduce your stress and be able to sleep well is time and money well spent!

A.

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G.T.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi there,

I think the supplements and the yoga are all great ideas. Also, have you heard of the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution"? It's great, focuses on helping your babies/toddlers sleep through the night, and chapter 11 discusses your own sleeping (or not sleeping) patterns. Lots of people have sleeping problems at some point in their lives, especially mothers.

Here are some tips from her book:
- Turn our clock away from your bed and don't agonize over whether you are sleeping or not.
- Establish good sleeping habits and follow them nightly.
- Set aside two weeks to squeeze in some extra sleep. Make it a priority. Go to bed early whenever possible, take a nap when you can, sleep a few minutes later. Even an extra hour of sleep will help you to pay off at least a portion of your "sleep debt."
- It may take a month or so for your "sleep debt" to dissipate and your new sleep program to work, but it will.
- Choose a specific bedtime and time to wake up; stick to it as closely as possible, seven days a week.
- When your days are hectic and disorganized, your stress level increases; the natural physiological and emotional responses to this stress hamper your ability to sleep. A formal daily to-do list or calendar can help you feel more in control of your days.
- Avoid caffeine late in the day. Caffeine stays in your bloodstream between six and fourteen hours!
- Drink warm milk or herbal teas before bed to bring on the relaxed state needed for sleep.
- If you are taking any medication, ask your doctor if it has any side effects.
- Alcohol can disturb the quality of your sleep, making it shallow and disrupting normal dream cycles.
- Make exercise part of your day: 30-45 minutes of moderate aerobic exercise, three to four times a week. Complete your exercise at least three hours before bedtime. Walking is perfect.
- Make your environment favorable to sleep:
+ Is your mattress comfortable?
+ Are you too cold or too hot?
+ Do you sleep better with complete silence, background music, or white noise?
+ Do you need an eye mask for complete darkness?
- Have your own bedtime routine. It can include anything that relaxes you, such as reading, listening to music, sitting with your spouse, sipping a cup of tea, talking.
- Avoid stimulating your mind or body in the hour before bed. Tasks like answering your email, doing heavy housecleaning, or watching television can keep you awake long after you've finished them.
- Try to dim keep the lights dim in the hour before bed.
- Eat right and eat light before bed. A large meal will keep your body working to digest it, thus disturbing sleep. An empty stomach can keep you up with hunger pains. Have a light snack about an hour or two before bed. Some foods that help people sleep better are milk, eggs, cottage cheese, turkey, and cashews.
- Encourage relaxation and the onset of sleep. Focus on peaceful, relaxing thoughts:
+ Repeat a familiar meditation or prayer to release the mind from daily action and prime it for sleep. Yoga stretches can help relax your muscles.
+ Focus on your breathing while repeating the word "relax" in a slow pattern tied to your exhales.
+ Use progressive relaxation to coax all the parts of your body to relax, from your feet to your head. Feel the weight of your feet, have them go limp and relaxed, and then imagine that they have a gentle warmth moving over them. Move up your body with each body part.
- Pay attention to your own health. If you have chronic insomnia or other unusual sleep problems, or other health problems, see a doctor.

Hope this helps!

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G.T.

answers from San Francisco on

I agree with Rachel about being extra sensitive to noise.

Maybe soft earplugs or white noise machine would help.
If you have a baby monitor, turn it off.
Avoid unnecessary lights in the room (TV, alarms...).
Try an apple or glass of milk before going to bed and as you mentioned yoga might help you relaxing and falling asleep.

Good luck

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A.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Try wearing earplugs at night! It totally puts you into a nice quiet "cocoon" and helps me sleep so much better. I only hear the important sounds (i.e. baby crying). But all the little noises are blocked out. Even just wearing one earplug helps, if you're paranoid about missing something. I sleep so much better now that I've discovered them! Blocks the hubby's snoring too! What a godsend!

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D.T.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi. I have had the same thing happen to me. I slept like a rock before I had my son. We co-slept and then my son went in his own room at about 11 months old for night sleeping. He woke frequently to nurse and I had the monitor by my head since I was used to him being right there, I woke at every little noise. He's now 2 1/2 and if I am not sleeping with him in his bed, I am in my bed with the monitor and I still wake to noises. The anticipation that he will want me to come in and I will finish the night off in his room makes me wake easily. And b/c I am so tired I fall asleep there instead of getting him back to sleep and going back to my husband. But, I sleep better when I take 400 mg of magnesium before bed. I believe we create our experiences with our thoughts too and it is difficult to manipulate your thoughts when you have children you care so much about. I don't think we can ever go back to how we were before kids. Just find some balance with yoga, warm baths, camomile tea and magnesium. You can look into melatonin. But be careful. It is not a vitamin - but a hormone that regulates other hormones and specifically sleep (circadian rhythm). Good luck. I know I need it too!

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T.W.

answers from San Francisco on

I can totally sympathize, I have been the same way since my 8 year old was born(I also have a 6 year old) So here are a few things that work for me. First get some Melatonin, cheep at wal-mart and can be found by the vitamins, take 1 pill before bed, it is not a sleeping pill, it will just help you to relax so you can fall asleep and and be restful however it will not prevent you from waking up if you need to but you should fall back to sleep much easier. It is genital enough that you can give it to kids. Next when you are feeling stressed and all worked up during the day but obviously can not take something that would make you sleepy, Hyland's make a pill called Calms Forte http://www.hylands.com/products/calmsforte.php (they even make one for kids) I have also founds this at wal-mart in the same area, take 1 and in about 15 min. your nerves calm and you can view the world with a level head again and no side effects. I hope these will help. I am the type of person that does not even take a Motrin unless absolutely necessary however these are natural and do not have any funny side effects. Good Luck!

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S.B.

answers from Kansas City on

You could be dealing with some post partum depression issues as well... mine exerted itself more as anxiety than actual depression. You might ask your doctor about that as well, although for most of the medication for that you would need to stop nursing, so that is a down side.

As a mom though, we do sacrifice a certain amount of sleep ... i can sleep through a thunderstorm that shakes items off of the shelves, but my son sits up in bed and I jerk awake. If your kids are going through some illnesses it's going to disrupt your sleep, you just need to get the non-mom stuff to leave you alone for a bit .

In addition to all the white noise and I think your yoga or any exercise not too close to bedtime is good, I would also recommend asking your doctor about some short term medication for your anxiety, just to get you back on track ,

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D.W.

answers from Indianapolis on

It has very likely been 10 years since I had a good night's sleep - my oldest child is 3.5 years, so it can't really be blamed on them.

It started when we lived next to a FedEx facility, transitioned into a stressful job, and my body now just has adapted to being able to function on poor sleep.

I've done sleep studies - that were a waste of time because all they told me was that I didn't have sleep apnea or Restless Leg Syndrome. I knew both of those - I wanted to know if I was getting deep, regenerative REM sleep.

I sometimes wonder if my cancer was caused by my body's lack of sleep. Ironically, I started sleeping better when I was taking anti-nausea meds during chemo - turns out my mind has a hard time shutting itself off. Even still, I wake up 3-4 times each night.

If I were you, I'd speak with my physician about it - yours sounds anxiety related (like mine). I have to sleep with a high-velocity fan on in the room. Ear plugs and white noise machines aren't enough to drown out the noises that catch my attention and prevent me from refocusing on sleep.

Good luck and hoping you get a good night's sleep.

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A.H.

answers from San Francisco on

First, go to your doctor and have them run blood work. Having a baby can do wacky stuff to your hormones, especially your thyroid that can cause anxiety and insomnia. Meanwhile, go to Whole Foods and get a supplement called Natural Vitality Calm magnesium supplement. It comes in powder form and you drink a glass before bed, it's a great natural supplement that will relax your body and put you right to sleep. Also, you should start taking Melatonin (it's a vitamin) once a day to reset your sleep cycle, takes a week or two to start working, and be taking a Vitamin D supplement once a day (1000 mg) and your prenatal vitamin if your still nursing (if your not already). If none of that works, than it could be a hormone thing and you may need to be on medication.

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