I'm Wondering: What Do You Do When You Feel like You Suck at Being a Parent?

I suggest that you DON'T in fact suck at being a parent since, like crazy people would never entertain the idea they're crazy, sucky parents consistently reject the notion that they suck!

:)

I talk to my husband. He's my rock. And I console myself by comparing myself to other suckier parents than myself. :-)

If you think you suck at being a parent...you don't. It's the ones who never question themselves that probably suck....and don't care. The very fact that you care enough to be a good parent makes you one!

I do like reading books and taking classes....but that's because I love to learn. There is no right way to parent...because each child has different needs.

I find a good hour of 16 and pregnant on MTV always help.

I also went and sought help from a parenting counselor for our 3 year old. I think many are reluctant to do this but after 3 sessions we had a different way of dealing with our 3 year old and I have found that it has really helped.

I don't know what you are going through right now but hang in there!

I usually feel this way when some issue arises that is out of my control. I always feel that I should have done something else, but in all actuality I couldn't have prevented.

A loss of a pet, getting sick, having issues on the playground, etc. I always feel terrible, and guilty. I think it's more of those kinds of feelings then thinking that I "suck".

If self-positive talk doesn't work, my husband usually calms me down, reassures me, and uses examples as to why I DON'T "suck"..

Also, a hug and an " I love you, Momma" always helps, too!

:)

When i feel like I am not at my best or my best parenting, I talk to God. I pray and it helps me to find the answers. Hope you get the answers you are seeking. I don't think you suck at all---if you did, you wouldn't care to ask the question and get feedback/advice.

I watch Nanny 911, those are BAD parents! I always feel like Wonder Woman after watching an episode.

We all have bad parent days, just try to make it more good than bad.

M

If you don't sometimes question if your being a good parent, your not being a good parent.
I don't generally read parenting books. Many of them are are written by people who are over educated and under experienced. If I have a specific problem, I try to talk with parents who have experienced similar issues. If I am just generally wondering how I am doing, I ask family (no one tells you the truth like family). But when it is something serious, I talk to professionals who deal with like problems (like when we found out our son is dyslexic). Mostly I trust myself to do the best job I can, and forgive my minor screw ups.

I usually blame my husband first, that the kids got this way because of him.

Then I have a cup of tea and a walk, with or without them.

And I read Parenting Magazines, usually in the doctors office and get a few tips there, a few tips here on Mamapedia, Google effective parenting techniques...and start again.

I don't know if that would work for you, but it has worked for me over the years. I do have two siblings and and an older daughter I have raised, so I'm pretty confident in what works and what doesn't.

Usually, taking a personal time out and spending time connecting to my kids is what works the best over the long haul.

You can do it. Think back to when you were a kid, and what pissed you off and what worked for you. You're kids are probably a lot like you and will respond to fairness and what you think would have been a better approach to discipline when you were that age and learning.

I never think that *I* suck, at the time I think that my child's behavior sucks! LOL! Then I hop onto Amazon and search for books on the current behavioral phase that my kid's going through. By the time I read the book in it's entirety, the phase has usually ended. :)

I remember, for all of the times I feel like I've screwed up some "teaching moment," I still have GREAT kids.

Think of every time you've picked up your kids or taken them somewhere to hear "your kids are so sweet/well-behaved!"

That sure helps.

I have done plenty of things wrong but I can say in the 25 years I have never felt I suck at being a parent. I am not even sure how anyone could feel that.

Have my kids had out of control moments, sure, so then I figure out why they are out of control, make the changes and move on.

I guess I see it as a catch 22, by looking at how your parenting is failing at the moment shows you don't suck at being a parent. The parents that don't see themselves as sucking are the ones that actually suck.

Clear as mud?

__________________________________________________________
Victoria, yeah, I realized I said that when I re read it. Lord I am brilliant! But I meant looking back, but yeah, I suck. :p

Sometimes I have to remind myself that my kids are who they are, and mostly I just need to nurture them and not actively be destructive towards them. In other words their universe doesn't turn around me necessarily (of course with babies and very small kids it DOES, but only for a short period of time).

It's kind of like a bank account. If you're mostly making deposits a little bit in the negative column every now and then isn't going to hurt your wealth much.

The best thing I ever did to be a better parent was to heal my own inner child (still working on it LOL). I did some counseling, but I also think people can counsel through pastors, trusted mentors, etc. Sometimes you can even do it through self-help.

The Bible says that love covers a multitude of sins. So just LOVE your kids. Get help if you need it. But most of all love them.

I don't really think I suck as a parent...I have moments when I say "not going to get mother of the year for that one!". For the most part I think I'm doing a great job.

When I have "not getting mom of year award" moments...I turn to other moms, my mom (which is really hard for me), the ladies here find new ways to do things. Sometimes I rinse it off and try something else.

To me a parent who sucks is a parent who is not involved, a parent whose lost their kids to the state, a parent who abuses their kids. That is parent who SUCKS. Not those of us who have kids that are happy, healthy.

I usually go cry alone for awhile, gather myself together and relax for the rest of the day(cereal for dinner), go to bed and wake up feeling better and resolved to try harder.

In addition to doing some research and reading I also find something to do that I know I'm good at that makes me feel good. For example, I'm on Mamapedia sometimes because I'm feeling down and it feels good to have an idea for someone else's situation, especially when I don't know what to do for my own.

I also make sure that I'm spending time doing something that I enjoy doing. It's really important to schedule me time into your day. Building up your own sense of well being separate from your parenting helps the parenting issues to be in a better perspective.

When I was raising my daughter, I did go into therapy. The therapy not only taught me new parenting skills but also built up my self-esteem in other matters.

It is important to not be so hard on yourself. Therapy and talking with friends helped me to be less critical of myself. The therapist put the situation into a broader perspective. Yes, I was having difficulty now but I was also learning how to manage it better. Also I was reminded that in the big picture what had happened today really didn't matter so much.

"What do you do when you feel like you suck at being a parent?" I just pour another glass of wine, Dear. Then I cry myself to sleep and wake up sobbing; because I have tried it all, made every sacrifice, spent my last dime and driven my health into the ground-and do you know what? None of it worked. They are going to do what they want-they're going to make their own mistakes-they're going to listen to their peers-and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. You've just got to try to teach them to be decent, keep them safe, and educate them-the rest, is, LUCK.

Anytime I feel like I'm really failing, I read a book, or set up a playdate with one of my friends who seems to be a good parent so I can find something they do to copy. Two books did really help me, 1-2-3-Magic and How to Talk to Your Children so They Listen and How to Listen to Your Children so they Talk.

Both books gave me concrete examples of ways I could parent "better", or at least feel like I had a plan.

I often find that the books give me a sense of grounding when I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. They don't always help in practical ways, but I feel more peaceful if I return to an instruction manual of sorts. I fully believe there are up days and down days.

There's always someone who's worse at it than I am.
9 times out of 10 we do a pretty good job.
We're allowed to have one off once in awhile - nobody is perfect.

I am very hard on myself as a parent. I am doing a lot of things wrong right now that could affect my kids later and I am trying to correct that by seeing a psychiatrist. I read all the baby books when I was pregnant and was a self proclaimed expert (in my mind) at parenting a baby but when I was faced with a real baby I was clueless. Now that my kids are preschoolers I am especially clueless! (what is this potty training stuff? Do I have to.......? yea.)
It does not matter what you read you just have to do what you feel in your heart is right. If you feel like something is wrong then something is wrong and you have to dig a little deeper to figure out what it is a work from that.
I recommend taking a pareting workshop. Counselors in your city probably offer them and I think they run anywhere from 25-50 dollars here in my state.. I have signed up for one too! I will let you know how it goes.
I have found that when I obsess over being a terrible mom it makes me turn into one because the focus is away from the kids ":)
Keep your chin up, you are a great mom!

Usually when I feel like I'm a bad parent, made a bad choice, etc. I will apologize or explain to my children about my behavior. I will tell them that it's not okay to X and I am sorry I did or said it. Or I will talk to my hubby - he always makes me feel better and see that even though I may not feel like I'm a good parent, that I am. Or I'll call and cry to my mom. Or best friend. Sometimes I'll have a glass of wine, hot bath or get on the ellitpical. All of these things help. OH and chocolate...that helps, too :)

I have my days...today is one. Im not feeling all that great, not horrible just very low energy and the traces of a cold.
I havent done much w/ the kids at all. We did wrestle around on the floor for about 10 minutes until I got punched in the nose (accident) But otherwise Ive been suggish on the couch or at the table.
I try to remember that you cant be mom of the year all of the time. I try balancing time with them along with all the house work, cooking, errand running, diape changing, and showering and eating myself.
I guess when you DONT care, thats when there's a real problem :)

If you really sucked you probably would not know it:). If I feel like I have been too hard on my teenager I usually solve it by going out to dinner, shopping or going to the movies with her. Just spending fun quality time together makes it better.

i think it really depends on the level of "screwed up" that you pulled lol.

99% of the time i am a "suck it up, get back in there" kinda mom. you just have to keep plugging on, and try to do better, right? you can't agonize over every little thing, certainly.

there are times when it's a serious issue that i am failing my son on, and then i research. books, online, friends and family. i don't know it all. so i learn it. then i can teach him.

one or two moments in my mama life i would rather forget forever. but time heals and eventually i don't beat myself up over them. and once you know better, you do better. so i did. so most of those moments are long dead cobwebby distant memories. i'm sure there will be more. but being a mom is just like anything else in life. you try, you fail, you get up and try again. and it gets easier. then harder. then easier again ;) lol.

Someone told me that if you worry about those type of things, and about doing "everything right", you are probably a pretty good parent anyway. So if you try your best, which it seems you are, and you are kind to your kids, please DO NOT FORGET TO BE KIND TO YOURSELF!

I don't ever feel like I suck as a parent. Now, that doesn't mean that I think I do everything right. I do, however, make it a point to stay well-informed, whether through parenting magazines, books, blogs or sites like Mamapedia, they all have helped me at some point with something I might have been struggling with. I can't count how many times we had hit a wall with how we were handling an issue and lo and behold an article would be written about it, or someone on Mamapedia would write a question about the very same issue. I read these things all the time because a well informed person/parent has more tools to pull from the parenting tool belt. So, yes, I think that staying actively well informed has helped me to never feel like I suck as a parent. I think I'm a great parent for my child and having all these places and people to go to is a massive help because every child is so different and it's great to hear all different ideas and points of view.

I don't know how you're defining 'suck as a parent', so I can't tell you if letting go is the right answer. Are you trying to do and be everything all the time? Then yes, you need to let go a bit and loosen up on yourself. Or, are you having trouble with discipline or general parenting issues? Then maybe reaching out in other ways to be more well-informed and give yourself more tools might be a good idea for you.

Either way, give yourself a pat on the back for asking the question and trying to be the best parent you can be.

Best,
S.

Many parents feel that way. I hear it from other Moms and Dads too, that I talk to.
I wonder that myself.
But well, I try the best I can. Some days I am good at it, some days I am not.
But my kids... are happy and they tell me they love me and that I am the best Mom ever. And they are good kids, and well behaved and in school and are happy. So I guess, I am a good Mom.

I go by my instincts and by what I believe... in conjunction with parenting WITH my Husband. It has been fine.

All kids, even if they are Angels, go through age related phases and growing pains and emotion based changes and difficulties etc. No child is perfect, but we try out best.