I'm So Upset

Wow, I can't beleive you're working after a methotrexate shot! My docter told me to take a week off work! I felt just terrible, really "Zombified" like you said and just Ill. Same thing happend to me in Feb 05. Had a tubal pregnancy and had to have TWO shots of it a week apart because the tests showed that the first one didn't lower the levels enough. UGH! Hope you feel better.

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. I don't know anything about this shot. Will you be able to resume breastfeeding after awhile?

I'm so sorry. I loved breastfeeding my two as well. It was hard to give it up even when it was gradual and they were 13 and 18 months. It was something special that just I could do with them.

According to Hale's Medications and Mother's Milk, this medication does not contraindicate breastfeeding. It is considered moderately safe for bf moms, and after 12 hours it is even safer. It is retained in the neonatal cells and ovarian tissues for long periods, so you should hold off on becoming pregnant for at least 3 months. I would definately talk to your doctor and a breastfeeding specialist if you want to continue breastfeeding.

L.-
You brought some mommy tears to my eyes. Boy, you've got a lot of stuff going on right now. I'm so sorry to hear about the ectopic- that, in and of itself, is such a big, horrible, sad thing to go through. You're in my thoughts. The nursing part of this is terrible too. I almost had myself talked out of nursing before I had my daughter- my 'girls' are a little unruly and I just couldn't get comfortable with the idea of nursing- but I did and it was the best decision I may have ever made. I LOVED nursing my girl. There is something so amazingly special about the bond that it creates and something so incredible about your body being able to sustain that little being who is at the center of your world. I think that nursing is one of a woman's greatest features! I was so sad when it ended here because it was earlier than I was hoping. We went on a long car trip when she was about 6 months old and she had more bottle than nursing and she just finished up with me. I really think that when the nursing ends it's a sad time that deserves some crying and sadness. I felt sorry for me because I knew it was something that we would never do again- and part of what was so special about my baby and her babyhood was just gone. Cuddle that baby, feed him like the other the moms said- close and warm, don't change your routine. But after he's asleep, pour yourself some wine and get into a bubble bath with a brainless magazine and take some time to appreciate your beautiful body for all it has done to make that perfect little human. Make sure that you are kind and loving to yourself- you deserve some time to just feel sorry for all that you've gone through. Eat some chocolate too.
Peace-
C.

Huggs to you. Huggs to your son. I am thinking of you. I would continue to do as the first post and assume the breast feeding position, and give him some warm milk.Hold him close..VERY CLOSE. Lay with him as you always would. He needs you as much as you need him right now. He can feel your pain too.

I agree with Courtney 100%, and went through a similar situation. When my son was about 5 months old my husband & I went away just for 1 night to a wedding out-of-state, & when I got home, he wanted nothing to do with breastfeeding ever again. It broke my heart completely, so I know what you're going though in a way. Keep your head up & take care of yourself in any little special way you can. That period of your relationship with Anthony may be over, but there are a million little stepping stones of childhood you'll share with him along the way, this was just one you weren't quite prepared for. Take care of yourself & don't worry, he'll be over it long before you are.

HI L.
I started crying when I read your letter, I went thru a similiar situation and I felt no one could understand my pain. I had a bad infection and needed to take antibiotics for 2 weeks and couldn't breastfeed any longer. It was the most devastating thing to me. Like you said, it was my time with my baby and I didn't realize how much it meant to me until I couldn't do it any longer. I cried and cried along with my baby, it was horrible and I feel your pain.
Please know that I made it thru and so did my baby, it was hard and heartbreaking but we both pulled thru it. I wish I could tell you something magical that would make your pain go away but I can't. Just know that you have done something wonderful for your son while you could and you have so much more wonderful things to offer him and he to offer you.
Hang in there!!!
C.

I breastfed my daughter until 14 months and my twins until 18 months. I'm assuming you had to quit because of the drug they gave you. For how long do you have to quit? Can you start up again? Also, if you need help getting him used to putting himself to sleep I would highly recommend Baby Wise. Excellent book and was a life-saver for me with my twins. Good luck! I really feel for you!

Hi L.,
I wish you well with your son. I don't have to wean my daughter right now but I understand what you mean. When my daughter wakes up it's easiest for me to nurse her back to sleep too. I can't seem to do it any other way. It's different when my husband does it because she knows that she can't get milk from him the way she does from me.
Nursing is a nice bonding thing, I agree. The closeness is really nice.
I hope everything goes okay for you two.
J.

Hugs mama! Are you sure you had to wean? Did your doctor do a Hale's lookup with the most recent copy of Medications and Mothers' Milk? It looks like it could go either way.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=239211

I did breastfeed too and it can be very traumatic when it comes to an end.
Time will heal.
God bless you.

L.,
My heart goes out to you during this painful time in your life. All the advice you received is right on but I also wanted to suggest you take some time off from work to "heal" both emotionally and physically. The lack of sleep can be harmful to your health and your body needs time to adjust. You are mourning the inability to breastfeed your son and perhaps feeling sad over the ectopic pregnancy. Hormonaly your body is out of sorts and you just need to nurture yourself. It's OK to cry and reach out to others! Consult a Lactation Specialest to see if you can restart breastfeeding later on if you choose to do so. Big hugs go out to you. You are not alone.
T.

L.,
I am so sorry, for you having to make that decision or have the Dr. take away the special bond you and your little Anthony have. I guess my Question to is what did dr say? I mean what did that have to do with breast
feeding would it affect your milk? cause it is a powerful drug to stop what it is doing I am just sorry for your loss Guess I was like you just now, just getting it out well sorry again hope I didn't outstep my boundries Just Hold Him real close to your body poor little guy wasn't ready and mommy wasn't either But you will both be fine I promise you because there is so much more in life to change that you haven't experinced yet to come just make yourself healthy he will always need you NO MATTER WHAT!!!Don't be to hard on yourself Please be thankful he is a normal healthy baby boy we all aren't so lucky as my son was 16 when he left us due to Muscular Dystrophy SO Please Thank God he let you and your Anthony have that special bond again Good Luck M. (P.S.) I will Pray for you to have strength M.

L., I feel for you! I really do! I had to abruptly stop breastfeeding my son when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter (a high risk)... I wasn't ready to stop. He was my first and we were just starting to get into the groove of it all... I had fed him before I went to the Dr., left my DH with some pumped bottles (Which my son didn't like at least due to the fact that it was only the second time he had a bottle!!) When I got back my son was screaming his head off because he wanted to nurse and my husband was pulling his hair out!! Then I had to tell both of them that I wasn't going to nurse... Very rough couple of days for all involved!
Hang in there! You're doing great!

Im glad you got the advice you needed. My 11 month old Raymond weened himself around6 months I believe. I was so upset cause I wanted to do it for longer. I know exactly what you mean about people not understanding. With my first born I nused him for almost over a year & when I tell some people that the look on there face is of disgust. Forget them. Our babies are our world & who carse what the negative people have to say. Have a great week.

I'm very sorry to hear this. It will get better. Try to find something special to do with your son before bed that is just for the two of you like singing a special song, rubbing his back or head and congratulate yourself for 11 months of successful breastfeeding!!! Your baby got the best start to life that you could give him and you were able to do it for 11 months. My oldest weaned herself at 6 months and I was heartbroken but then I had my second baby and I knew to cherish those feedings even more. You will both be feeling much better by next week, try not to let your son see how much it hurts you, pretty soon he'll forget to want it. Good luck

The advice to still get in the nursing position is right on. Get skin to skin if it helps.

It's ok to have your feelings, L.. I'd worry more if you didn't. Let the feelings out, acknowledge them. Then enjoy as much closeness with Anthony as you can.

Keep us posted.

I understand what you are saying. My son just turned 11 months old on the 14th and we stopped b/fing last month. I loved it but was not producing enough of a supply to keep up pumping. I loved my special time with him. He did adjust very well to whole milk and now drinks it like a champ.

L.,

hugs. I am sorry you have to go through this. I know how special the bond of breastfeeding your child is. My son weaned himself at 6 months and it was a month after my daughter (who was 2)weaned so i know how hard it can be. I would double check with another doctor though becuase maybe you dont have to wean him. It sounds like the advice the other moms gave you may be correct. I do know some meds pass through and pose a risk but i would double check. Also just holding him close like you was when you were breastfeeding will help some. It wont be the same but you could still have that bonding time. Its gonna be a rough time for both of us since neither of you was ready yet. You need to take the time to take care of yourself though> Going through the miscarraige and also weaning before your ready. You should talk about it if you can. If you need someone to talk to I will be here. You could message me and vent or whatever. Good Luck,

i am so sorry i really wanted to breast feed but couldn't due to issues but when my husband wants to have a good bond with our son after being away for 2 to 3 mights we jsut put MOrgan is bed with us he seems to fall out fast but after about 3 hours of cudding i put him in his crib or i sneak into the guest room. try having him go to bed with you it might make you feel alittle better & He gets some bonding time

hi L.!

just wanted to send out a <<<<<HUG>>>>>>

im sorry for the loss of your pregnancy and that your poor little man is going through the loss of his "mommy time". hold him tight, and u will get through this soon.

~J.

So sorry you're going through this... you can still assume the nursing position with your son, and maybe give him a bottle of warm formula (or milk, at this point). I know its not the same as nursing, but that doesnt mean you have to give up your routines or the close bonding with just the two of you.

Let me know what happens...

I can only imagine how you must feel. I am so sorry to hear about your ectopic pregnancy.And on top of having to wean like that. I love nusing as well and totally can see where you are coming from.

sending ya hugs

L.

Hi L.,

I am so sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. Please don't beat yourself up. You should not feel bad because you didn't have any control over the way this situation played out. Just give your son extra TLC, holding, kisses, hugs, playing, rocking, etc. It will show him that Mommy's still there, just in a different way. That's what I did with my daughter after we stopped nursing. Best wishes.

Hi L.!
All I want to say is that you are certainly blessed to have been able to breastfeed your child that long! With all four of mine, I was only able to feed for about 4-6 weeks, then my "girls" couldn't handle it. I tried different positions, lanolin between feedings, pushed it till I was actually crying my eyes out during feedings because it hurt so much. My nipples were cracking at the base. Like my nipples were actually getting sucked completely off my breast. Even though I loved that feeling of being depended on by my little one (not to mention the nutrition factor), I had to stop. Like mentioned by a mom in another response, breastfeeding is a wonderful bond between a mother and child. So look at your 11 months as a true blessing and be glad you were able to do that! You and Anthony will have many more bonding moments to come!! :) God bless!

L., Sorry for your loss..I recently had a child born with DS and premature..Nursing didnt come easy,in fact never at all,it was very sad and disappointing. I ended up pumping faithfully for 6mths..in the process I read alot of material on this subject..After checking w/your doctor concerning the meds you might consider trying it again..it is possible to do and there are web sites concerning relactating..keep holding him close I found that when I fed my son I would make as much eye contact and would talk,sing, and touch him constantly..

I was in a similar predicament but my daughter was 2 1/2. I was pregnant with #2 and had the flu so bad that I became dehydrated and she couldn't nurse. I knew she had to wean sometime and this was it. Fortunately she didn't put up too much of a fight. You'll find that your relationship will reinvent itself and you'll find other special ways to share time with your son. The most surprising part for me was when my second daughter was born. My first daughter asked what the baby was doing when she nursed. For something she held so near and dear and only gave up 6 months earlier that boggled my mind.

I understand how you feel...you are right no one knows unless they have done it or been through the same situation. Keep talking about it and spending time with your son in different ways, it will help I promise. I wish you all the best take care!

hi L., my beautiful little girl is now 2 she turned 2 on nov 5th any way no one really knows what you are going through except you but when my daughter was just 2 weeks old i too had to stop. i had what they call a delayed reaction to the epidural and could not physically walk for 17 solid days. i started out breastfeeding because everyone and their mother said it was the thing todo and you do establish this undescriable bond with your baby and i can relate to the "needing me " feeling also because during those 17 horrible days i felt like you. after she was just 8 days old i went to get out of bed a could not move i was really scared because i have had back problems before i had her during pregnancy i had a siatic nerve issue that left me 3 weeks bed rest during pregnancy and ect ect. during the insertion of the epidural itself i felt nothing the technique of the team was perfection. it was after i was home with her a week when it started. i felt like you when i was laying on the er bed and had enough guilt that could of killed me because my baby was with my older sister and she was the first one to bottle feed her . i wanted to die how was i to know if my baby took to the bottle if she like the formula that she never had before and all the thoughts of a horrible mother were in my head. then some thing snapped. i was able to mentally put things in order and tell myself i needed to be better for my baby. it was not the worst thing ever that she was bottled feed and that it was my sister who introduced her to formula. as new mothers we are really too hard on ourselfs. {that does not go away because samantha is 2 and i still consider myself a new mom that gives my baby my all every sec of my day} just try to put things into prespectives god gave you a perfect baby and together you two make a perfect team just continue to give him the most precious priceless gift YOU !!! i hope after my long suggestion i helped a little. have the most beautiful holiday season with your baby and love him from head to toe everyday!!!! xoxoxoxoxo H. and sami {my baby girl}

I'm am so sorry for your loss and for the heartache you and your son are going through during this dificult time. I understand completely that you would be upset about having to ubruptly stop breastfeeding. May I ask how long you were told you needed to stop for? {{BIG HUGS}} for you and your son.