I'm So Confused!

A bit of background...my SIL is a gay and has had a life partner for as long as I remember, infact, her life partner has been in my life as long as I've known my Inlaw family.

Many conversations surround feeling this way and having desires at young ages. Even my SIL has said that she knew well before she was 10. Perhaps your daughter truely is feeling things, so I wouldn't underestimate her feelings. If she's telling you about it, she's just as confused as you are.

On the other hand, it could be just fantasizing, which is perfectly natural when entering into puberty. She may be experimenting on her own a little and since she hopefully has seen more girls naked than boys (if ever) then the reason for her fantasizing about girls is because that's all she knows, not that you want her to rush out and see naked boys, but the fantasy of naked girls is there in her mind, which is totally natural. She'll figure things out and it's nice that she's being honest and upfront with you about her confusion. Keep supporting her, no matter what her decision, however hard it is. Chances are, it won't come to realization either way until she's well into highschool and with your support, a transition (no matter what it is) will be alot less stressful for her.

BTW: I agree with Tamara's response to Teresa's comments. I think in the larger scope of the G,L,T community can verify that most of them had happy childhoods with supportive parents.

Hello Tracy~

I just wanted to say... I wouldn't fret about this right now. I remember when I was around 9 years of age, and feeling "funny" about girls too. I think that puberty is just around the corner so there are so many questions about your body, boys, girls, or whatever! I think it's WONDERFUL that your daughter felt comfortable talking to you about it. Obviously, you have a great relationship with her (so please don't feel like your working a lot of hours has anything to do with this!). I agree with someone else's post on here- don't overreact negatively or positively. Just listen to her and tell her that it's okay to feel that way, you love her, and hope that she will always feel comfortable talking to you about things.

Good luck!

for another mother's reaction go to shakesville.com ... she's going thru the same thing; although in this case, the mother is a lesbian, so probably not at all the same thing.

how wonderful is it to have a relationship with your daughter that she felt perfectly safe sharing her feelings with you like that.

although i wonder why 'she knows' she 'shouldn't' feel this way.

you feel the way you feel. plain and simple. it is what it is. and i hope you have the ability to let her know that.

there is no should or shouldn't too it, imho.

Wow, that is a lot to take in as a mom with a young girl. First of all let me say how great it is that rather then over react you are looking for some advice so that if this is something that your child is facing she will have you to be there to support her. I am not a therapist or anything, but when I was 17 I found out through accident that my mother was gay - the book lesbian dreams was a gift from a friend of hers for one of her birthdays. Talk about a shocker. But, she is my mother and that's all that mattered. She said that she knew at a young age and she had gotten those fillings from girls, but it just wasn't something that was possible. But obviously it was. Of course I think that a lot of girls or women may not admit it, but find themselves attracted by some women, I will admit that I have, but I personally know that I am not gay. I love being with my husband, but find great comfort having close girlfriends, but it never is like in that sexual way.

My suggestion is just take this slow. Be there to listen to your child and you can tell her that sometimes it is normal to feel that way about people of the same sex, but that doesn't mean that she won't keep feeling that way about boys. I would just also keep yourself looking for advice on people who have went through this or look for some books written about this. You are doing the right thing by looking for help since you are finding yourself freaking out. Just be there for her mom. Hang in there. It can be scary, but you have two possibilities here... she will still find herself in love with a boy one day, or she could find herself falling for a girl, but she will still be your healthy beautiful child who you will love unconditionally.
Good luck!!
J.

Hi T.!

I believe the best response is to shrug your shoulders. 95% likelihood that this has no significance whatsoever. Step 1. Step 2 would be to let your daughter know, in other contexts, as often as possible that you love the heck out of her no matter what.

In our society it is still women who are objectified and observed. Many heterosexual women report enjoying looking at other women's bodies. Or, your daughter could be gay. I always say I don't care if my kids are gay but I WANT GRANDKIDS!!! :)

You are so lucky your daughter feels comfortable enough to share that with you. Most kids would not even think about talking with their parents about something like that! I would just kind of keep it low key with a little talk about sexuality about how some people are attracted to the same sex. Do not focus on it. Then just let it go & see what the future brings.
Brekka

She needs you. There is a mother/daughter love that needs to be fulfilled, as well as a daughter/father love that needs to be fulfilled. Your working so many hours has prevented that. If she doesn't get those needs met from her parents she will try to get them met in other places with other people, and that usually means sex. There is nothing like sex to make a needy child feel loved. I've been there. You have no time to lose. She may be pregnant or on birth control by the time she is 10. Quality time is no substitute for quantity. Get your priorities in order before it's too late.