My almost 4 year old has been a die hard pacifier kid since day one and even now would have it 24/7 if we let him. When he turned 3 we limited it to nap and night only. He doesn't even use them once he is asleep, but they have been essential in getting him to relax and fall asleep.
We had planned to take them away completely this summer. Last Monday, he lost his last one and we decided to speed up the plan and not buy more. This week has been hell!! He is not napping (but still needs to) because he cannot settle down and allow himself to fall asleep. So the rest of the afternoon is a mess and he has to be in bed by 6:45 just to get almost enough sleep at night. Once he is asleep, there isn't a problem. My issue is his behavior all afternoon (and it seems all day even though his total sleep is about the same), needing to get him to bed so early and having to fight with an overtired, exhausted kid just to get him to sleep at night (usually means I have to lay with him for at least 30 min.) Especially hard since we also have a 2 year old, I am 7.5 months pregnant and my husband works long hours.
I have tried everything I can think of - reading, snuggling with him, singing, deep breaths, etc. to get him to relax and lay still. I am moments from running to the store to get him some new ones! How long do I have to wait this out? I am way too exhausted and hormonal to keep up the fight for much longer....
It seems to me you have dome 95% of the work. Wait it out, the biggest part of child rearing is time & helping them to develop new habits. Parenting is not meant to be easy. You must have the iron will & the stamina to do what you know needs to be done.
When you let them use a pacifier past age two it's like trying to take cigarettes away from a smoker, its hard. Always best to end it at an earlier age.
I would stick with it. You will probably have plenty of little battles to deal with when the baby arrives and this is one that you can put behind you if you hang in there. If you give in, the other battles will be harder to deal with because he will learn that if he pushes hard enough, cries loud enough mommy will give in. I dealt with that with our son and rocking him to sleep. OMG it was awful.
If you give it back now, you'll have to wait until he gets through the transition of having another baby in the house to try again. This means he'll have his pacifier for at least another six months, if you're ok with that, then that may be the route you want to take to give yourself a break in these last moths of pregnancy and early months of having a newborn.
If it were me (we took our son's away cold turkey at 2yrs old) I would stick with the plan of no more binky. By the time the new baby arrives he will be through the tough part, and you can reiterate that binkies are for babies, and he'll see that in real life!
Keep up the soothing bedtime routine, and eventually he'll be able to stay in bed and go to sleep by himself. My son still lays in bed awake for up to two HOURS sometimes, even though he's had an exhausting day... he just has a hard time going to sleep sometimes.
Give it another week and I'm sure things will have smoothed out for you!
Does he have a lovey?
If not, let him have one.
My son, was about 3, when we took away the pacifier. Cold Turkey. We explained, Santa needed them to help the other kids. With him, he rounded up all the pacifiers. Put them in a bag to 'mail' to Santa.
It took him 2 days to adjust.
BUT he also had a lovey he sleeps with.
My son mind you, was a constant Binky user. ALL day. Not only at sleep times. ALL day. Hard core.
For my son too, his mouth was getting malformed by the Binky. When his mouth was closed... it would not shut/close all the way. There was a space between his upper and lower teeth, in the shape of the Binky.
Which, per the Dentist, can take 6 months to 1 year, for the mouth/teeth to revert back to a normal formation. Which, thankfully, it did, in my son.
SO.. you might want to check the "bite" of your son's mouth. Too.
If you give it back now, it will be worse next time. He'll know if he does enough, you;ll hand it back to him. Things like this always get worse, the more times you try. With the next kiddo (and perhaps your other one), take it away earlier. It only gets harder, the older they get. It is an emotional crutch, and just about every pediatrician and dentist out there would say 4 is way, way too late. It's too late for that now, but not for your others! Save yourself the battle next time :)
Don't give in as much as you want to. I have had 3 kiddos that I have broken from the pacifier and like you waited until some think it is "too late" to do it easily. I just took my 3 year old's away about 2 weeks ago actually, and somehow she has done ok, but she is also being a little biotch on many days and her naps have shortened. But, yours (and mine) are too old and too smart now...if you give it back now they will just know that if they act like beasts for long enough you will give in :) You have gotten past the worst part and now your lil one just needs to adjust and he will. You may lose your naps, which is exactly what happened when we took away my son's at around the same age (he was my most avid pappy user). After about a month the sleep hours and everything were adjusted. You don't want to go through this again with a new baby and it is best to get him completely over it before he starts seeing one again. Good luck mama, just dream of that nice big glass of wine you can have in 2 months ;)
At 4 years old, my oldest wasn't taking naps anymore. It was a bit of a transition, because he had to learn how to be a little more tired during part of the afternoon. Now he sleeps 11 or 12 hours at night, and he's genuinely tired most nights. (Previously he slept about 11 or 12 hours total, so it was just shifting the when.)
I was just wondering if maybe part of the problem is that he doesn't really need to take a nap anymore and that he's cranky, because he's not used to it yet.
Hang in there! Just keep going, and don't look back!
Don't do it, if you do it will be all this weeks work for NOTHING. Instead, plan a big boy party maybe? I know its rough, but he will forget...he is already far into the process!!
We were in your position with my then almost 4 yo daughter. she was having nightmares and a psychologist told us to get her more binkies. Well, it took until she was almost 6 to dump the darn thing again and cost me a build a bear and several binky fairy gifts to get rid of it again. When my then 3 yo son wore his last one down we told them that they were gone for good. It was a couple of days of hell but he lived through it and the binky fairy gift helped. Let him pick an animal or blanket to sleep with (letting them build one at build a bear helped us a lot), have the binky fairy give him a small gift when he gets through the night, and put him in his room for quiet time whether he wants it or not.
You don't want to do this ALL over do you????
Play up his lovey. It's been proven that it's very healthy AND beneficial for (especially) boys to have a lovey.
Soft music on CD at night--all night on very low?
Reward chart? 5 nights of bedtime without paci=special treat/trip/prize?
I feel terrible, my little guy gave up his bottles and pacifiers up at 13 months, cold turkey, at the same time. (We'd thrown the bottles out and then found out he we couldn't find any of his suckies at bedtime.) It took him 3 days to adjust to not having both.
I would say don't give in and give his pacifiers back because otherwise you'll be dealing with this problem later and for longer. (He'll know you'll cave and give in.) Establish a bedtime routine with him and your 2 year old: a bath, getting pj's on, brushing teeth, a story or two, cuddles, and lights out. Try darkening the room and turning a fan on. Make sure he has a lovey to hold through the night, and I would stop laying down with him for any amount of time to get him to sleep, unless you think you'll be able to do it once the new baby arrives. By age 4 a nap isn't a must, so I would not make it an issue and just make after dinner time as relaxing, quiet and routine as possible. And let him know he doesn't have to go to sleep immediately, he just needs to stay in bed and be quiet.
God bless.
If it were me I'd wait to fight the battle - until after he gets used to his new sibling.
I don't know if that's the right answer, it's just what I'd do if I was in your situation.
Updated
If it were me I'd wait to fight the battle - until after he gets used to his new sibling.
I don't know if that's the right answer, it's just what I'd do if I was in your situation.
I recently took my 3 year old's pacifier away. Like you, I had limited it to car rides, naps and night time. He started to get a sore around his mouth from it that wouldn't clear up, that's when I decided it was time to take it away. I told him that I was giving the pacifiers away to new babies that needed them, it worked but it was still a rough week. He would whine for it but I did not give in. His behavior was also more difficult and he had a harder time settling down to sleep, but within a week or two he was fine.
Don't give up, if you do it will be like wasting all that hard work you've done in the past week, he'll be fine and will get used to it!! I think it's better to deal with it now than when the new baby comes...that will really prolong it. Best of luck!
I'd wait unto the baby is here to do this. Most little ones regress when a new sibling appears. So this is a battle you'll have to battle again in a few months. I'd make it easy on myself and do it later.
DONT GIVE UP!
I had two die hard binkie suckers!!! One was so bad that his teeth were getting bucked out because of it. We tried millions of times to get rid of them. Even when he had Oral surgery when my middle guy was three did not get him free of it. He found one that was hanging around and we started back at the beginning.....
Finally after like ten attempts...nine failures and so many tears...we are binkie free!
It sucks. It is gonna suck for a bit still. One day though, I promise, your little person will wake up and even forget he was upset about it. This is when you have to put on your ears made of rocks.....And just ignore the screaming, whining and everything I know is going on. Dont give in now or all your hard work up to this point will be a wash:)
Congrats on the new addition coming!!
Keep up the tough work mama!! You can do it.
I'd give it back. It's not worth the battle when you have a little one and are pregnant besides. Many children do need to nap right up until they start kindergarten - my daughter did. He needs to nap and you need a break. As long as he's not sucking it for hours, it won't hurt his teeth.
Have ya tried those binkies that or attached to the stuffed animal? It might be a idea to let him have one of those and then after a couple mths cut the binky off and hopefully the stuffed animal part will be enough to help him settle down
Let him have the pacifier. What is the harm in it? My kids one thumb sucker stopped at age 7 other attached to Binky until kindergarten.
Well educated living good lives raising their own kids. What are your goals?
He can sleep if he has the pacifier that is the way it is.
When our son turned 3, we told him that the pacifier would make his teeth grow crooked, and we had the pacifier fairy bring him a bike (tied binky to tree on night with note). We were surprised when he gave it up so quickly and without fuss. He had been a diehard binky fan since birth. It seemed the teeth fact was enough for him. Our doctor had told us that using binky after age 3 could affecthis bite. I look back to pictures, and I can notice how his bite looked different when he used it.
Anyway, hope this helps!
