Im a New Stepmom Help!

I have always hated the word stepmom. It tends to imply less love to me and I don't think that's true for most.

Here's your roll...coming from both sides of the fence: you are support to your husband, but not the decision maker for your step son. You cannot believe everything you hear because I can tell you from experience it's only one side of a three sided story. (Believe it or not the xMIL and your husband CAN embellish to suit...just sayin)

Is your s-son happy? Is he taken care of? Is he fed? does the mom do drugs? Is he always dirty when he comes to your house? Because unless he is then you guys don't have a leg to stand on to get 'custody" unless she agrees to it.

Not paying attention to a child isn't grounds for proving that the child is neglected. My daughter said the same thing to her s-mother and they took custody of her only to find that she was a nice manipulator and now they are seeing what I was having to deal with for the last 4 years. It's not easy.

Its hard to stand back and watch what's going on with the other parents, but you have to choose the love the kid more than you hate what's going on. And then do the best you can with that.

I am sending good thoughts your way.

I would say just focus on being a wife and follow your man's lead in the stepmom dept. He does have a mom and unless there was some gross negligence, I don't think trying to take away her custody is a good idea. My husband has a great relationship with his stepmom, sends her mother's day cards every year, talks to her, our kids call her Mimi, BUT she never forced it. She just loved him, mothered him and never tried to replace his own mom. So she gave him room to love them both and never made him choose and to this day he has her programmed as Mom2 in his cell phone. SO, I wouldn't worry about the deficencies in him mom, Lord knows we all have them. Just love your husband and his son and let the relationship blossom with time. If there are custody issues, let your husband deal with that and just be a support. Good luck!

stay out of custodial issues all together

That is a court thing and would not be easy on the child or you. That is something that you will need to talk with your husband about for awhile before doing anything...

You'd have to get his mom to agree to custody transfer or sue her for custody and prove there is a reason he'd be better off with you.
First step is talk to a lawyer.

I am a stepmother. Mind your business. Your role in custody issues is to support your husband. It's a precarious position to be in because you're supposed to love the kid like he's yours, but you can't make rules for him and address him like he's yours.

Your focus as a newlywed should be on being a wife to your husband. Discuss things openly, and find your rhythm with him. Havign been with him for two years means very little once you actually get married. At that point, you start all over. It takes a lot of energy and does not need to be muddied with your unnecessary and inappropriate involvement with what this kid's mother is or is not doing. Let your husband vent if he wants, but do not jump on that train.

It is pretty hard to take custody from a BM without her agreeing to it. Will the xMIL agree to testify in court? From what I understand, unless others are willing to testify in court against her, the chances are not good.
My husband was looking into getting more visitation and the lawyers basically said that unless she was doing something to harm the child (and he could prove it) the courts are not usually willing to change a custody agreement that both parents already agreed to.