I'm 21 Weeks and Just Lost Our Baby Today His Heart Had Stopped So Devastated

I'm sorry. Give yourself time to grieve your loss and take as long as you need since there's no time limit on coping with such a loss. Death brings out a lot of stupid comments just because a lot of people think they have to say something but don't know exactly what to say. Don't judge them too harshly or feel that you need to correct or address dumb comments. Better to put your time and energy into getting back into a routine and figuring out your next step.

One of my best friends was in the same situation and went on to have 2 more children. Each time was frightening but they were both happy and healthy.

T. - welcome to mamapedia...

I was 22 weeks when I lost our daughter 11 years ago. Your life is NOT over. I have been in your shoes and it sucks. It just sucks the life out of you. However, your life is NOT over.

I too had a friend deliver a healthy baby before me. I was happy for her. And hurting for me. She was wonderful in that she called to find out HOW I WAS and LISTENED for cues from me.

What do you do? You pick yourself up. You continue to live. It hurts. It sucks. The pain will really NEVER go away, but you learn to deal with it. It's been 11 years and 2 months for me. Do I think of her? Yep. Every day.

How do you tell people? Well, that's the hard part. You have tissues with you and you tell them the truth, we lost our baby.

If you want to know why or how this happened? You have an autopsy done. We did. I can tell you it will NOT make it easier, but you will have answers.

Your life is NOT ruined. I know it feels like it is. You talk about it with your husband - this is his loss too. Take time to heal. Don't shut people out. Don't tell people they don't understand. You can find a therapist that deals in pre-natal loss. There are support groups for women who have miscarried.

You can't let this define your life. You pick up and move on. As hard as it is, you do it. Why? Because you have a life. You have a husband. Love him. Hug him. You will need time to heal.

I am truly sorry for your loss. I know right now its hard to believe, but you will get through it. You will. One step at a time.

I'm so sorry about this. My cousin went through this 3 years ago and it was truly heartbreaking. A few months later, her sister got pregnant, so she faced the conflicting feelings you are facing.

Please don't feel that you have to be the one to tell everyone - you can designate someone else to deliver the news to those who need to know.

If they sent you home from the hospital without resources, they really skipped a major step. Pelase check the link that B posted, or contact Resolve or Planned Parenthood (who keep lots of referral info on hand for all kinds of situations), or contact your doctor. There is help available, from support groups for individual and couples, or your own therapist. You will get through it, but that doesn't mean you will forget it. There will be people who say ridiculous things, but there are many others who will support you and be real rocks for you.

Please reach out for personal, direct and ongoing help.

It takes time to "get over" something like this. This is losing a child and not just having a miscarriage. This is so very very hard. I suggest that you spend some time at home with hubby and just take your time to miss your child. Miss the life they would have had with them.

This is completely normal. It will take time.

Oh T., I am so sorry for your loss and I know how heart broken you are. I delivered my son at 32 weeks. He lived for 17 days.

Take time to grieve but just know your life is not over.

I still have my moments and of course I will never "get over" the death of my son but I am happy today and live a full life.

Hugs to you.

(There are lots of great book regarding pregnancy loss, still births and early infant death. These books helped me tremendously. It made me realize I was not the only one that suffered this loss and that life does go on.)

The hospital and/or your OB should be able to tell you about any local support groups for miscarriage.
I'm so sorry that this has happened to you.

http://www.griefcounselor.org/resources/grief-recovery-mi...

I am so sorry. Give yourself time to grieve.

Hugs and prayers for you.

Sorry for your loss ... so sorry.

I think the key thing is to just tell the people who love and support you the most, and heal a bit (takes time ... and I know it's a devastating loss, that you never truly get over) before telling others.

You need to be loved and supported first - before, as others have said, comments will be made and people offer condolences. I find I spend a lot of time consoling people who are trying to console me during difficult times - people are awkward with dealing with others in grief.

So take this moment for yourselves.

Forget about husband's cousin's news. This is separate - let them enjoy their moment, but just don't add that to the plate now. No one will think less of you if you take this moment to be reserved/private.

Hugs to you

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I want to give you the perspective that you may completely get over this. I miscarried at 18 weeks and I was devastated as well. But when it turned out that the baby had actually died a few weeks previously, and that it was not a viable pregnancy, it began to feel a little better. And then when my daughter was born, I knew that she was the baby that I was supposed to have, and I didn't grieve again.

Sending hugs and prayers your way.

oh honey i am so sorry..i dont know quite what else to say..K. h.