Ignored by Other Moms... What's up with That?!

I'm in a FB group with a bunch of moms in my neighborhood. Twice, moms have invited the whole group over to play. I asked my daughter if she wanted to invite everyone, and she said no, that she just wanted 2 of the girls, and that was it. So I invited them. Nothing to do with the moms or other kids - in fact, the ones she picked weren't my favorite moms in the group - just who my daughter asked to play with that day.

There are just all sorts of reasons.

Maybe she is doing a favor for the other moms. Maybe the other moms have had her child over. and she is paying them back Maybe she could only handle these 3 kids today.. Maybe...

It can go on and on..

We had a neighborhood with 15 children all around the same age. Most of them little girls. There were times, I had a child over because another mom had an errand.. or the other mom had no other option for whatever reason..

I sometimes could only deal with 1 or 2 other kids, so that meant someone may be left out..

I promise I never did not invite a child over to punish the mother. or the other child.. or to ignore or keep another child out of the fun..

There was always a good reason..

So I will tell you what I tell my beloved best friend.
"It is not all about you"

We had a classmate of my son's that lived on our block for the first few years of school. I absolutely hated the fact that we couldn't have other friends from school over alone, without them pulling a guilt trip. It was a horrible situation. As much as we liked them and the kids played together ALL the time, sometimes my son just really wanted a break from this boy and to have other friends over. Please just give them a break and let it be what it is. If your son has other friends in class, maybe you could have them to your house once in a while.

I suggest that your comparison with high school drama is at play here. The other mother cannot possibly invite everyone to her house. Aren't there times that your son plays with hers and others are not invited.

I suggest that you step back and realize that this incident has nothing to do with you or your son personally. It is what it is. A day when the neighbor boy plays with different boys than your son.

And, when the boys are playing outside, I suggest that your son could join them while they're outside.

Try to relax, knowing that you and your son are included some of the time. You haven't been rejected.

Lee:

I'm sorry - but this is just - well just.

I don't know the size of her house and I don't know her situation...just like I don't know yours. Maybe having two more people in her home would be too close for comfort.

In my opinion, this has NOTHING to do with YOU or your son. This is just a situation that will happen. You can read into this all you want. But in the end - you are supposed to be an adult. Get over it. Stuff happens. I know I have friends that I don't invite over to my house all the time. Can you state that you include her in EVERYTHING you do? Why does she need to include you and your son in all play dates? She does NOT have to.

LET IT GO!!!!

I don't mean to be rude, but I think you are making too much out of this. There is nothing wrong with them having a playdate with other people.
Just my two cents,
R.

I see nothing strange about it. She can have anyone over she wants and she doesn't have to include you and your son. I know that sounds harsh but I think you are being a little dramatic. Have his birthday party tomorrow and let it go.

It's not strange at all. You can't expect to be included every single time she has someone over that you both know. I doubt that it was an oversight, but I also highly doubt that she did it to hurt you or your child.

Also, you aren't be ignored by other mothers. It sounds like she includes you quite often. How often do you "host" the playdates? Maybe (as another poster mentioned) these other mothers have helped her out recently and she was inviting them over with the kiddos for lunch.

I've done that many times and while I am close with my neighbors (whose daughter is a year older than my son), I don't include them if we are having another set of neighbors over who helped us do the electrical in our basement for two weekends in a row.

You don't know the circumstances for the visit and remember that no one is obligated to invite anyone into their home, so enjoy the birthday party and don't snub those mothers out of spite or make the party uncomfortable. Be welcoming and they will continue to be welcoming in return.

I'm with Cheryl. You need to let this go because it doesn't have anything to do with your son or you at all. Your neighbor's kid is allowed to have other friends and playdates without out your child.

I agree with many of the other moms here . . . you can't possibly know *why* your neighbor did this or that.

With my sons I have found that it is always best to deal from a position of strength. In other words, play dates are great but we don't "need" them to have fun. Bloom where you're planted. It's a great life skill.

People can sense clinginess and it's burdensome. We've been on both sides of that equation and didn't like either one.

It probably isn't anything personal. Don't worry. I can understand that it feels awkward but look at the times you are together for playdates and the others aren't around. All of them are coming to the party right? So I don't see a snub. I don't think it's intentional..I know..I know human reaction is that we want to be accepted. Take a deep breath and turn on the logic button. You and your son will have a great time tomorrow. Happy Birthday. My youngest...the baby of the family is turning 2 tomorrow :)

I would assume her little boy asked specifically for those other two children to come over for a playdate. I don't think she was snubbing you. I think her son was asking for specific friends. I would not think too much about it.

You weren't ignored. You just weren't invited this particular time. There's nothing wrong with that. Make no mention of it and don't hold a grudge over it. People are allowed to invite whomever they choose for whatever reason they choose. That doesn't mean you were excluded.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. We all get our feelings hurt in these ways now and again. May I suggest that since you live next door, that these other kids just might have wanted someone else to play with for awhile. I mean, if the same woman came over to your house everyday to drink coffee, wouldn't you want someone else different coming over on occasion? That doesn't mean that they don't like him. It's fun to mix in new people. Don't let this ruin your friendship.

I guess I'm in the minority-I do think it was rude.
But whaddaya' gonna do?
Let it go.
Hope the birthday party is fun and stress free!

If her kid plays nice with yours at the party and other times, I'd let it go. There are times we don't invite the neighbor for various reasons, or go ask her to play. Like, maybe her cousins are over or it's a holiday or maybe they just wanted a playdate with a few kids. Or maybe I know we need to go at a certain time and it wouldn't give the kids time to play. Etc.

She might not like you, but then again it might be something simple. I think that as hard as it is, sometimes you just need to shrug it off. Not every kid will get every invite, not every neighbor will be your friend, not every parent of your kids' friends will be someone you also like. It can sting, don't get me wrong, but I'd just invite someone else over to play and not worry about it. If your son asks, say that they must've just wanted a smaller group. Maybe they figured you'd be getting ready for the party.

Just a bit ago I sent an email to a subset of friends asking for a playdate tomorrow. Anyone I left off was left off because I just wanted a few kids, we haven't seen some of them in a while, etc. I'll see most of the other kids/moms at other events next week.

I recently lost a friend over this type of silliness. My friend thought she wasn't being included. That wasn't the case at all. There were 3 different occasions that I ran into a mutual friend & we just ended up hanging out together.

She was being rude to me. I tried to contact her on 3 different occasions to no avail. We had another mutual friend that wanted me to talk to her and my response was absolutely not. I have been out of highschool for over 20 years and was not about to step back into it.

Please don't read into this. As long as you are not getting the cold shoulder, you need to let it go. Good luck & hope your little guy has a happy birthday.

Don't be offended and you have to remember that sometimes it the child that doesn't want to play with your child also, not the mom. My son had a friend who he didn't like anymore and the mom and I were great friends but if my son doesn't want to play with his son, so be it. I found out that they just outgrew each other and had different interests. That child always wanted to play video games, my son likes to play outside etc. Don't worry, moms, friends, children will come and go but you will have a few that will be around a long time. Worse could be you don't get along with the mom and your child looves her child. LOL!

I know it hurt your feelings. I get that. But....she doesn't have to invite you/child over every time. Its ok to have different friends over and I would take a deep breath and let it go. Have a fun time at your son's party and maybe invite them all over for a playdate. GL

M

Updated

I know it hurt your feelings. I get that. But....she doesn't have to invite you/child over every time. Its ok to have different friends over and I would take a deep breath and let it go. Have a fun time at your son's party and maybe invite them all over for a playdate. GL

M

I completely understand where you're coming from with your wanting to be included. I remember feeling that way when I heard the mom of one of my son's 3 preschool friends tell the other 2 boys that she'd see them in a little bit at her house. My son heard it, too, but it didn't faze him, and he asked if we could go home and have lunch. I do remember the feeling of being left out, but I dropped it because we can't always be included. Like another mom who answered, I ask him who he wants to invite to a play date, and I respect his invitations, even if it's a kid I don't necessarily enjoy being around.