Ideas on Encouraging and Supporting Expectant Soldiers Wife That Is a Widow

Updated on September 17, 2009
T.W. asks from Plano, TX
5 answers

Hi Mamasource Moms,
My husband's friend was just killed fighting for our country. He leaves behind a wife and a baby that is due at the end of October. My husband knows her from college, but she and I only met once. (at their wedding) I want to support and encourage her through her journey of motherhood without her feeling like some stranger is "intruding." Any insight and ideas would be great.
We just bought her a bunch of gifts from her registry and I would like to include a letter, but do not know exactly what to say to her. I was also thinking of sending a little carepackage each month letting her know we are thinking about her and the baby. If you have any idea's on things to send her & the baby, I would love to hear it. I would also love advice about what to write in the letters. I really appreciate your time. T.

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S.H.

answers from Dallas on

T....what a beautiful sentiment and friend you are. She may not know it yet, but you are a good friend to her. I'm sure she won't feel "intruded" upon and would welcome your heartfelt sentiments and gifts from the heart. As you write to her, I believe the words will come to your mind. Just put yourself in her place and think of what you would like to be told or read. Pray to know, if you are unsure. God will give you the light and inspiration you need.

One thing I enjoyed doing the first year of my son's life was tracking his footprints. I got washable black ink (a stamp pad I got at Michael's/Hobby Lobby), and each month, I placed his foot on it and then "stamped" a sheet of card stock with his prints. I marked the month on the paper, too, to keep track. It's so neat to look back and see how those little feet grew so quickly that first year.

Maybe you could do something similar for her, like a scrapbook, where she would just have to fill in a picture or two of the baby each month. Use your talents to bless her life; so, if you are good at something else, find a way to brighten her life with your talent. :)

I wish you all the best and pray she will know that your gifts are truly from your heart! How could she not? :) Take care!

T.F.

answers from Dallas on

I would not know where to start if I faced something like this.

I really commend you and your husband for caring enough to try to do something to help this young mom to be. What grief she must be going through right now?

When I read your request, it made me realize that maybe I didn't have such a bad day because of all the rain and issues.... It made me appreciate what I have.

I do think some type of care package or little note especially after some time has passed to let her know that she is not forgotten.

Bless you for caring so much and THANK YOU.

G.W.

answers from Dallas on

Wow, what a heartbreaking request you've shared with us. I guess if it were me, I would do the care package with a very heartfelt card telling her simply how very sorry you are for her loss. You have to be really careful in situations like this because well meaning things can often hurt more than help because it's easy to say certain things when you're not the one going through it....my experience over the last year is different than hers but believe me when I tell you that she doesn't really want to hear that her husband is in a better place...in her mind, the best place is with her and their child...see what I mean? So, just be careful with those types of things...If she will allow you, try to deliver things in person so you can get a feel for what she's looking for...friendship, a shoulder to cry on or just to be left alone to her family and already close friends. Regardless of what she wants, I think it would be awesome if you did something monthly, even if it's a bag of diapers and wipes, I'm sure that would go a long way to helping her know she's being thought of and cared for. At some point, she will really enjoy and want to hear your husband's memories and times with her husband. Nothing hurts worse to someone than to feel like everyone has forgotten the one he/she loved when in reality, you might be afraid to upset her by talking about him. Yes, there might be tears, but they are healthy tears. Wish I had more too offer, it's obviously a war wife's worse nightmare and sadly, her's has come true. Best wishes as you minister to her in the coming months.

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M.M.

answers from Dallas on

Bless her heart and yours for wanting to help her during this very difficult time.
Here is a website that provides free paintings for our fallen heroes.

http://www.captainscottcorwin.org

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R.F.

answers from Dallas on

If you know her husband's unit try and find a phone number and tell them who you are and who you are trying to help and ask them if there is a FRG (Family Readiness Group) for that unit. This is a group that families and spouses start to support each other and their troops. If there is one for his unit they may already have ideas and/or plans to help her that you could help with. If they are not aware of her situation then you will be able to bring attention to it so they can help. She can also take advantage of them or other counseling or support groups that may be available on the base for her. You could do some googling and research and some of hte leg work for her so she will have some names or numbers to call. If you want to give me the unit info I can try to help also. I belong to my mom's unit's FRG and I can help you help her as best I can. Feel free to private message me.

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