Ideas for Sleep Training (non-CIO)

I completely understand the not wanting to do the CIO method. My daughter is a couple months older and I have noticed that if she is teething it is harder to get to sleep. Are those molars coming in?
We also had some issues with night time waking. We found the best thing was to have Daddy go in and lay down next to the crib. Sometimes he falls asleep there, but he does not even pat her back. All he does is go in there and tell her to lay down. If I do it she cries until I pick her up. As Daddy has used this method she seems to wake up less and less. good luck

I commend you for sticking with your baby and NOT doing the CIO. It is natural motherly instict to cry and for it not to feel right... take care of your baby and your baby will thank you for it. Sure, it may take some other creativeness to make things work, but there doesn't have to be tears involved! You will probably get other advise on here to go ahead and suck it up and let him CIO but I highly disagree and think you made the right choice. You could open a whole new can of worms in the relationship you have with your baby, his behavior and happiness in the day and his overall content baby personality. This is just your baby, this is who he is :-) Unfortunately his style is not one that makes for easy sleep for you! My almost 4 yr old woke to nurse every 1 1/2-2 hrs for well over a yr. My now 14 month old boy goes to sleep around 9pm and nurses briefly every 3-4 hrs and is up for the day around 8am. Every kid is different. Does it seem as though he would happily nurse and then dose back off? If so, that would be the easiest route.... far easier than trying to go through a whole bunch of other stuff to get him back to sleep. Maybe he's hungry, thirsty, just wants the parent he trusts close to him? All of these could be what he needs since he is still developing not only physically, not emotionally too. I think that expecting 12 hours of down time from him is a lot and may be more than he needs. Again, not every kid sleeps for 12 hours, especially one that nurses and I definately would NOT compare your kid to others. Besides, I have read that most parents will lie to other parents about how well or how long their baby sleeps each night since in America it is some sort of parenting goal/victory to have your child sleep longer and be out of your hair for the longest time each day! Waking at 5-6 am for the day is also NORMAL. LOTS of babies I know wake at that hour and are ready for the day, especially if they have been put to bed at 7-8pm. Twelve hours at night in addition to long naps is a lot, I would definately shorten your expectations.... actually I would stop keeping track at all! Even 10 hours is not typical for uninterupted sleep if you talk to parents that give you honest answers. Actually, long, deep uninterupted sleep is not recommended (higher incidence of SIDS according to some studies) and it is better to have some brief wakings. I know what you mean about wanting to have a great nights sleep yourself, but it is just not something that generally comes with having a toddler. Those days will come and these days will be a memory soon enough. If you have more kids, it will start all over! but one day it will all be gone. This too shall pass....You say he is happy and content by day, so he is certainly getting all the sleep he needs at night and during naps. When I read yor post I honestly thought that you have MANY MANY things that you described that are AWESOME! Try to remember to be thankful for all those great baby qualities that you get to enjoy.... he isn't up screaming all night, he is a very happy baby in the daytime and doesn't give you a lot of trouble in general.. YEAH! My 14 mo boy is EXTREMELY fussy, NEEDS to be held almost 24/7, has food sensitivities which meant I had to adjust my diet severely and takes few to no naps.... So, your little guy sounds like a dream to me :-)
The napping thing is totally normal. Most babies start cutting out a regular 2nd nap sometime between age 1 and 2. ALso most babies will sleep longer when being cuddled, sleeping on someone's chest or in their arms, in a sling, or in the carseat while driving. That's normal. My son will nap for 25 min on the bed or 2 hours on my husbands chest, it's just a matter of comfort and security. Where does he sleep at night? Would sleeping near you allow him to fall back to sleep sooner? If it gives everyone more sleep and less awake time, maybe this would work better? Was he retrning to sleep faster when he was nursed? If yes, that may be something to reconsider...
The advice I would give about stressing over his naps is to just let it go and accept that some things just can't be done when you have a baby... don't worry about cleaning the same way you would if you didn't have kids or getting all the laundry done in the same sitting. Those things can wait. You baby will only be the way he is for such a short short time and then it will be gone. Try not to think of his style and needs as an interference to what you would rather be doing at a certain time of the day and once you have a different outlook, his demands won't seem so stressful or burdonsome :-)
Please feel free to email with with any questions....sounds like we have sons of similar age/stage!

I didn't read the other posts so sorry of this is more of the same.

It sounds to me like your little guy is, um, normal.

My first son "required" the cuddling, etc. to get to sleep. My second would push me away so he could sleep on his own (imagine that!!)

You little guy sounds like my first - hated naps, had to be walked to sleep, etc. There is no way I could/would leave him there crying, and even though it was tiring, I look back on those times with such joy that I would not change a thing. I think there is a real bonding that takes place during times like that. Babies know what they need. Being left all alone to "cry it out" isn't in their list.

One thing that did help was a book called Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child (I think that's it. I'm not sure if it's the one you mentioned).

My first would wake up from his nap after 45 minutes. This book explained that there is a cycle of lighter sleep that occurs at about that time, and if you leave him alone he'll go back to sleep. And it worked! I was amazed. Prior to that I would run in at the first noise, even if it was just a mumble. After I read that I would let him be and he would go back to sleep and have a 2-3 hour nap!

I forget what age the switch to one nap. But they all do it.

Anyway do what your instincts tell you and you'll never go wrong (and you'll never regret it).

While unfortnately I don't have any particular advice to offer...I just wanted to say your not alone...we have some of the same sleeping issues here......I just think some babies are good sleepers (or eaters or whatever...) and other are more challenged!!
I am still nursing my 20 mo old daughter(I work full time and she goes to daycare/school) 3 days a week for 6 hours)mostly evenings and upon waking and if I am home for it, naptime.Maybe it is because of the extended nursing(which I intend to do until 24 mo if possible) maybe its just fate.... My daughter also seems to need less than the "normal" 12 hours, she sleeps 9 hours at night and typically a long nap of 2-3 hours....She goes down great for naps, but its definitely more of a challenge at bedtime even though we do all the typical bedtime routines....I also don't want to do the CIO method although it works great for most-it not for us....what can you do?? Look to others for support, maybe contact your La Leche League group for ideas(they seem to be more open minded about the extended nursing, co-sleeping, non CIO sleep methods etc etc.. Good Luck! and I'll stay tuned along with you to see if anyone tried that book you mentioned with success! L.

My first daughter was the same way. I recommend you read Dr. Sears book "The Fussy Baby". He has other excellent books as well. Some kids are just hard-wired differently. Though you may be an exhausted mother now, the payoffs in the end are huge with a well adjusted child who had his needs met. We've always co-slept and have found our children to now be very independent and sleep like logs. Children up to around age five, don't how to "feel" their bodies. When the lights go out or they fall asleep and realize they can't feel the space around them, they reach for you to assure them. This is why kids like night lights so they can still "see" their bodies and what's around them. Good luck with your wee one. My 3rd child is a boy now 19 months and I'm loving it.

Didn't read the prior posts, so not sure if this was mentioned. We dealt with very similar problems. "Good Night, Sleep Tight", by Kim West. Her "Sleep Lady Shuffle" saved our lives!!

We spent 10 months of hell with a poor sleeping baby. Did the SLS and within a week/week and a half, we had a great little sleeper on our hands! I kept a journal throughout the process and it's quite funny to go back and read now (our son is 2.5)

We had tried everything known to man prior to that, and were so glad to have found something that worked.

Good luck!
K.

Oh, how refreshing to hear from moms who are nursing toddlers! I am nursing my 2 year old and sometimes feel like I must have grown a third head when I nurse her even in front of healthcare professionals- one doctor practically ran out of the room when he saw me.

But that's off topic. I don't think there will be an easy answer. My advice is to keep trying different things, and even the same things a few months later to see if he's ready for them. I don't know what your definition of CIO is-- whether it's leaving him alone to cry himself to sleep, or if it includes letting him complain for a few minutes then going in to reassure him and leaving again as many times as it takes. I myself feel that letting them complain some and going in to reassure them as necessary does not give the same abandonment message, but I respect those who do not want to do even that.

I've seen systems where you gradually move away-- i.e. start by the bed patting, then go to by the bed without patting, then near the door, then outside the door, etc. You might even make it a new routine where you bring in a book light and a book and just sit by his bed. Eventually you may not even have to sit there very long, and then not at all.

You can even try the... "mommy will be right back--" and see if he doesn't cry if he knows you're coming back. Then stretch those times out longer and longer until he eventually falls asleep when you're gone.

How about a lovey? You might "replace" your presence with a doll or stuffed animal that can keep him company. Or give him something of yours that has your smell (shirt or nightgown) that he can cuddle.

I know what you mean about being tired of being tired all the time. Good luck, and I would say keep trying things until you find something that works for you.

michele,you and i have alot in common. my son does pretty much, all that too, but my son has "gerd",(gastro esophogeal reflux desease.) and my son cries/fusses etc., so your son might not have any medical problem, but maybe just doesnt want to "miss anything". and/or (like you said,) maybe just the type of kid that doesnt need much sleep. its always good to do good calm things to get him in a sleeping mood/mode. maybe keep any interesting activites away during sleep times. doing these things helps my son some. i hope i have helped. good luck!

I don't have any advice other than hope. My oldest daughter was a horrible sleeper. I called her my 'cat nap' queen. She never slept through the night until she was over 2 1/2. We tried everything. I nursed as well. She was also a good baby, but we did question as to whether we were doing something wrong sometimes. She still requires less sleep than my other child. She's a morning person. We were so tired when she was little. I remember discussing how could we survive a 2nd. We'd never sleep, but then I told my husband that if we aren't sleeping anyway, we might as well overlap the 'up in the middle of the night' ages. Well, amazingly our 2nd daughter was the exact opposite. She would sleep so long we'd check on her to make sure she was still breathing. She would just fall asleep in the middle of the floor on her own. I was shocked. I wasn't doing anything different with the 2nd child. My first that didn't sleep well as a child, just hops out of bed for school, and my second child (the sleeper) practically needs to be dragged out of bed. It's just that every child is different. I had heard that, but didn't really understand what people were saying until I experienced it myself. So my only advice is that if he is happy, hang in there. Look for joy in everything. This time too will pass and you'll be on to another stage of motherhood.

how does he nap during the daytime??

I tried the No Cry Sleep Solution, it didn't work for us. My son didn't sleep through the night until he was 2 and it took 2 hours to get him to sleep every night. Now I have a second baby and he sleeps great and goes to sleep on his own. I think it is just an issue of each kids personality. I don't think there is one solution that works for everyone. I still have the book if you want it, I don't need it anymore. It isn't really a technique, it just has different ideas to try, and you basically make your own solution out of the different ideas.

I hate to break it to you but he may not need the daytime nap. Not all children require the same amount of sleep. Some children can easily go on seven to eight hours of sleep while others require ten to twelve hours of sleep. If he is not tired during the day then he is getting plenty of sleep. I personally would skip the day time naps for awhile and see if it makes a difference. Also you might want to consider putting him down an hour or two later at night. One of my girls didn't require much sleep at all and the other required a lot of sleep. Each child is different. Just because he doesn't sleep a lot of hours does not mean there is something wrong with him. My Mom told me that when the girls would wake up during the night if they are not frantically crying stay out of the room. That they would go back to sleep and it was true for the most part. Also she always told me if I went in the room to never speak to them. Lay them back down and pat their back a minute to calm them down. Try putting a night light in the room, some soft music, a special toy, etc.... My Mom raised eight of us and her advice was usually right on the nose. Good Luck!

Hi Michelle,
I understand what you're going through. I have twin boys who are 19 months old and one of them sounds a lot like your son. He dropped his second nap at 14 months and needs A LOT of soothing (rocking, patting, etc) to fall asleep at night. I can't stand to let them CIO either. I will give him 10 minutes some times just b/c I think he needs to get that energy out but then i'm back in their room, rocking him. He is finally pretty good about sleeping through the night but when he was waking up I would take him a bottle with half milk, half water. I finally have them weaned off the bottle but now I do leave a Nuby sippy in his crib with water. I also run a white noise CD in their room all night and that seems to help. I'm sure you probably already do- but make sure he has a nightlight and some sort of "lovie" as comfort. Mine goes down for nap ok for some reason but sometimes they are only 45 minutes so I decided to put a little TV with VCR in his room. If he wakes up early or sometimes just is having a hard time falling asleep I'll put in a baby einstein dvd (muted) and that sometimes does the trick. He doesn't always go back to sleep at nap but he'll at least stay in there and watch the movie and get a little more rest.
Good luck!