Hi Moms,
I have a huge dilemma. I want to get my second son Christened soon but have not planned it because I know that there will be a fight involved. The first problem involves selecting of Godparents. I want my sister and her husband but my other sister will get upset so I am thinking of having one sister and the other sister's husband. The second and even bigger problem is where to have the party. My sister and mother-in-law will both let me have parties at their houses. The problem is that my family don't like going to his mother's house and his family won't go to my sisters' house. (At least that is what my husband thinks because after last party over 5 years ago they all complained). I live in an apartment so I really don't have the room here to have a party and I really don't have too much money to have a party at a function hall or restaurant as the combined family is around 30 adults and 15 kids. Any suggestions?
M., your situation sounds difficult, and you won't be able to please everyone. The important thing is that you pick who you want as godparents, and have the party were you want it, family members will have to overcome their own issues and focus on the important thing, the Christening of a new baby!
Hi M.,
What a trial for so wonderful an event! I have a couple of suggestions for you. I may be wrong, but I've heard that godparents should be chosen keeping in mind that they are who you would want to raise your child if something were to happen to you and your husband. I hope that helps you and your hubby to think through your decision.
My suggestion for where to have the party is this. How about the church where the child is christened? Would they give you a break on the fee? How about a pot luck there?
As far as your sister's or his mother's homes, maybe you and your husband should talk it through and decide where it would work the best. That's a tough one, and I hope you can resolve it. I wish I had other ideas, but I wish you the best.
H.
First, I suggest selecting the Godparents YOU want. If you want both your sisters, have your son have 2 Godmothers. That is what I did and everyone was happy. Who cares if it's not conventional?
For the party, I suggest paying a small fee and having it at a local park that has a pavilion (if you look I bet you can find one) and grills will already be there. The kids will have fun b/c they will have somewhere to play. If that doesn't work, maybe you could have it at a friends' house so bith families would have to go. Honestly, if they don't like where you have your party they don't have to go.
Hi M.,
I understand how difficult family dynamics can be sometimes! My suggestion would be to have your Christening party at a public park. I am not sure where you live, but there is a wonderful park in Gloucester that overlooks the water and is between two good beach spots. The playground is very spacious and has a lot of activities for those 15 kids you mentioned. Plus, there is a lot of open space to set up a picnic. Since you don't have a lot to spend (I am with you there!), you could ask everyone to bring something. Then, no one has to feel uncomfortable, and you don't have to worry if the menu you planned suits everyones tastes.
Good luck!
A. G.
Not sure where to have the party, but I would like to say that I am Episcopalian, which is very close to Catholic. I know it has been common over the years for a female baby being christened to have 2 godmothers and one godfather. You should check with your minister/priest and see if your church would recognize this practice as well. That would solve your problem of hurting the feelings of your two sisters.
Good luck with the place in which to have the party.
What everyone has said is true: you can't please everyone, so do what makes you happy, what is most meaningful for you, and what you will be able to look back on with pride and satisfaction. You don't want to regret choice of godparents down the line. It's too important. Choose the godparents that you feel will best fulfill the role, and have the party where it is easiest for you. If people choose to skip the party, that is up to them. Tell them truthfully that you hope they can join you on a day that is so special and meaningful for your son. It is his day, after all.
Some halls (church or fire departments) could be used for as little as a donation. Church would be ideal, no one would question why it wasn't hosted at anyone's home.
M.,
I would make your decision about who you want as godparents based on who you feel is the best choice, not who you think will be mad if don't choose them. It's difficult, but people have to understand it's YOUR choice, and not take it personally. As far as the party -- that's another choice for you to make based on what you feel is best for you and your family. Your other family members need to realize that by saying they won't go certain places, it puts an enormous amount of pressure on you. If everyone has the interests of the child being christened at heart and not their own needs, then they'll grin and bear it and help you out as much as possible.
My husband has 2 godmothers and no godfather, you can put whomever you want on those lines, so you can ask both sisters if you want.
good luck, Nat
Hi M.,
does your church have a room you could use for a party? My church has a parish hall that they offer at a minimal cost. As far as godparents, i would choose whoever you want, it's a once in a lifetime decision
good luck
well i had both my sisters as god mothers for my son...and just rent a vfw or legion hall it isnt that much to rent just the hall. have your sister and in laws all make a dish or two and bring it to the hall....decorate with cake and crae paper streamers and blow up a few balloons.
Does your church have a hall? When my son was baptized the priest let us use the hall for our party and it didn't cost us a thing.
Hi M.,
Don't let family issues get in the way of your son's special day. The sooner you learn this, the better...YOU CANNOT PLEASE EVERYBODY! Even if you constantly think of everybody else's feelings there will come a time when you upset somebody and they will forget about all the times that you went out of your way to be fair.
I have heard of people having two sets of Godparents just so their are not any hard feelings. You could always do that. As far as where to have the party...maybe you could agree to have it at one family members house and have the next occasion (maybe son's first birthday)at the others. Do what is best for you and your boys and everybody else will adjust!
M.,
Sorry you are having such a tough time with this. I agree with the neutral location ideas already given: church hall or a covered pavillion at a local park maybe? You can also
keep the party relatively short (some snacks and cake after the ceremony, then you're done, if you want).
This event is about your child being Christened. It is about your child being part of your and your husband's family. If members of that family cannot see past other issues to recognize this, that is their deal. You will choose who you feel is best to be your child's Godparent. That is that. If absolutely necessary, you can have your other sister be a part of the festivities another way (i.e. be the designated Aunt whom your 3 1/2 year old gets to sit with during the ceremony).
I can relate somewhat...my husband's parents don't speak to each other. They were both at my two daughters' baptisms (though not for long). Also, my second daughter has just one Godfather and no Godmother, due to various family issues. Gotta love it! : )
Best of luck to you - you are a good Mom!
S.
first , stop trying to make everyone happy.. it will never happen! Make your family happy first.. see if you can pick two godmothers and that should help out that situation.. 2nd, pick a restaurant - neutral ground for the party.. you don't have to do anything fancy. We had a double ceremony for my son and niece, we ended up at Prince Pizza = big function room and it wasn't that expensive. Or you can try to rent out a local church hall or K of C type place. Ask if any of your friends are members and they get huge discounts.. You could even just do a brunch somewhere or even just ice cream at an ice cream parlor.. don't go overboard if anyone doesn't like it, they don't have to show up. good luck!!
You won't be able to please them all and I know that is really hard. Pick the first sister as you wanted or pick them both if you really want, that's ok too. Pick 1 place for the party. People may choose not to come,that's their issue to work through, not yours. I know its not easy but you need to try to let those problems go as much as you can or you will resent missing the joy in your child's event.
I just have a suggestion concerning the Godparents. My sister's priest said she could have two Godmothers. He actually said the more, the merrier. I was a Godmother and my sister's best friend was a Godmother to here baby. I wish I had know that when I christened my son. Ask about it and maybe you would be allowed to have two sets of Godparents.
I have one suggestion for a location, check with the church where you are having the Christening some have halls that will let you use free or for a minimal cost. A neutral location might be best for all concerned.
