Ideas Beyond Time Out for a 2 Year Old

Consistency, no more trying other things. Silently, and without interaction or attention from you, he goes right into time out. If he hits again, right back into time out. Do it 10 times if you have to. NO attention, no sad looks or emotion from you. It could be that it's sort of become a game (what will mom do this time?), so turn back to pure consequence and end the game.

I love this question! Time outs don't work on all children. Some behavioral experts advise that a time out shouldn't be used as a punishment, but rather as a period in which an upset/angry/grabbing child can get his impulses under control. When used that way, a time out isn't an automatic minute-per-year, but rather whatever time it takes, often with a calm, supportive, and friendly parent sitting nearby.

Putting a child repeatedly in time out for repeated hitting would tend to numb the effect – it would simply become the child's life (hit = time out; hit = time out; hit = time out; not much time to experience or practice anything else).

Immediate and logical consequences tend to work best with younger kids. Your "sad/ouch" reaction would work for some kids, but since it isn't with your little guy (he might actually like your reaction if he's mad at you), try two other things instead.

First, if you know he's in a situation where he's likely to hit, "shadow" his activity and intercept the hits as often as possible. Or immediately after they happen. Hold his hand (or arms) down firmly but gently. Tell him "No hitting!" in a kind voice. Use his hand to stroke you or the intended victim and say things like "Touch nicely," or "Be gentle."

Second, and even more importantly, recognize that he has legitimate needs of his own that make perfect sense to him. I'm glad you recognize that he needs time to make a transition. But you may need to talk up the change a bit more. You can get down to his level and participate in whatever he's doing for a moment, while you describe what's coming next. Make it sound desirable (stimulating, comforting, playful, delicious). Remind him how much he likes to play with his pirate, for example, who's waiting for him in the bathroom. Or help him clear the dinosaurs out of the way so you can get to the bathtub (my grandboy has loved that game for two whole years).

Then if he still resists when it's time to change, empathize with him sincerely. Often kids are not convinced that grownups recognize how important their lives are to them, as they get manipulated and scheduled away from one interesting activity after another. And much of their resistance simply melts away if you just help him express his frustration whole-heartedly. "I know you want to play some more! I wish you could do that all night long! We'll come back and do it again tomorrow, okay? Right now, let's go have dinner/bath/whatever."

This may sound rather effortful, Michelle, but it is really no more so that the aggravation you're dealing with now. It comes easily with a little practice. If you'd like to see a master of empathy and redirection, google The Happiest Toddler on the Block, and watch a few short videos of Dr. Harvey Karp winning the imagination and emotions of one child after another.

I agree with Peg. I went through the same thing with my 3rd child. Every thing I did with my other 2 didn't work. I tried everything and found the more I got stern with him the worse he got. It started when he was 1 and esculated to throwing things. Time out did not work for him either. I did give him lots of warnings when it was time to transition. I also gave him choices. Let him feel like the decision was his. It was tough through becasue my husband didn't like this method. He believed that he should just do what he was told. When it was time to stop an activity I would give him a 20 min warning and then 10, 5 and 1 min. When he got older I would give him a time. (Which taught him to tell time by the way)

When he would get out of control I would remove him from the area. Tell him he had to sit down and calm down before he can do anything else. I didn't call it time out. That was a punishment and as I said that didn't go over well. Then after he calmed down I would calmly talk to him about his behavior and how it was not ok. Sometime when it got really bad I had to sit and hold him form hurting himslef or others by giving him a bear hug. This looked harsh but all I was doing was hugging him. That usually calmed him quickly.

He is now 5 years old and is the sweetest little boy. He is very polite and everyone at his school just loves him. The tantrums are gone. I still give him choices but when I say thats it he doesn't argue.

I know this can be a very trying process. I wish you luck and keep it up. So far you have the right idea. I have spent a few nights very overwhelmed. It will get better if you stay consistant and don't give up.

Sorry for the late response. I'm pretty behind on email. :)
Ignore the hitting. If he hits you and gets a reaction....you're giving him exactly what he wants. Attention.
If your holding him, you can calmly put him down and start doing the things you need to around the house. If he starts screaming, ignore it. If you have other children, focus your attention on them and give very specific compliments on their behavior. (Playing quietly, using nice hands...) However, AS SOON AS he does something that is 'good.' Even if it's small, compliment him on it. (I like how your speaking in your normal voice right now. Mommy likes it when I can understand what you're saying.")
My daughter hit me a couple times after starting preschool at age two. I think she learned hitting in school, which isn't surprising. I didn't even bat an eyelash the few times she hit me. I would move on to other things to do in the house and SHE HATED that the attention was no longer on her. She gave up hitting pretty quickly.
Good luck!

do you immediately put him back, even if he's just been in time out...that's the only thing i can think of. if you keep at it and make NO exceptions it will slow down and eventually stop. hang in there mama.

With my daughter (1yr old) I will lower my voice and harshly and loudly say "NO" along with a very stern look. Harsh enough to startle her and get the point across. At times it is accompanied with a spotch. Good luck :) What does his father do?

Get a special little time out chair and put it in a corner facing the wall and put him in it when he hits you. Do not talk to him, play music or the television in this room when he is in time out. But do make sure he knows he's going into time out for hitting. I have seen people hit their children back for such behavior but in most cases I think it actually makes matter worse. And honestly, I do not think two minutes in time out is enough time for a child to realize what they did was wrong.

I agree with the other 2 moms. If he hits and gets time out, gets out and hits you again, back in he goes. Repeat as many times as necessary. He's 2, he's learning. "If I hit mom, I get a time out. What if I hit her again? What about now?"
You have to make sure the answer is always the same. Hang in there, it won't last forever.