Hi moms,
My sister has gotten herself into a pickle! She let her sons baby mama move into her home. Now baby mama thinks its her house and my sister is so miserable that she won't sleep at her own house! My sister is divorced and her son is 19 and baby mama is 20 and the baby is around 13 months. My sister does not want to kick them out because she fears the babies mother will take it out on her son and not allow her son to see his child. My sister wants the mother and child to live there with her but the babies mother has taken over her house, to the point it is baby mama's voice you hear on the answering machine when you call my sisters house, not my sisters voice. (wow, right!) Please help me, help her with your advice. You moms were so helpful to us before, thanks!
I let my sister see this page and she said thank you to everyone who replied. She is going to make a list of "house rules" and post them on the refrigerator then do what one of you cleverly said and have people fake call and say i'm sorry I thought this was "--"'s house. Then she wil begin making messes and handing bills over to baby mama. If all of that doesn't work she is going to hand the mortgage note to them and tell them to pay it or leave. Hopefully they will get the hint and straighten up before this happens but I doubt it. It is a shame because baby mama has no where else to go and this could be a great situation for all of them but baby mama is direspectful and feels entitled to treat my sister this way. Please pray for them and the baby. I am praying that it will work out. Thanks again for all the advice.
There is nothing to do unless sister is going to stand up for herself.
She has a fear that babymama will do a, b or c. It's just fear - it isn't real. And as long as she volunteers her house, there is no reason for babymama to act any differently.
I feel that if sister stands up and demands some respect, she'll get it.
1. Her son needs a custody order so that he (and his mother) is not pussyfooting around his child's mother's wishes.
2. Your sister needs to remind this woman that even if she's living there, the sister is the one on the lease or mortgage and it is not her home. Running away only avoids the situation. If the mother uses people, she will use the grandmother til the well is dry. Your sister needs to stand up for herself and and her home.
Well, until your sister confronts her situation and stops running away, nothing is going to change.
Maybe she could draw up a set of ground rules and have them both sign an agreement? Rules about food, phone, noise, sleeping arrangements, use of the house, laundry, cooking, etc.
She's trying to HELP her, not HAND her a ready-made life right?
As long as your sister allows this it will continue. Fear is a powerful emotion and she is frozen with it.
She is being manipulated by both of them. She needs to take control of her house. If they don't like it, then there is the door.
The long and short is until your sister takes control of the sitution then there is nothing you can do. She has to establish rules and boundaries. If they don't like it then yes they can leave.
I would do it subtle at first call and leave a message about I am sorry I thought this was Ms. .. 's phone. and hang up. Go over and say if she is trying to rule the house I would drop a dish say your house your mess! I have a mother that did this to me. She is out! I started giving her every decision about the house and when all was said and done asked if she would pay the mortgage as well! your sister really needs to nip this. Its her house. Either they pay for it or she runs it!
Well, they are still together right? So a visitation order seems out of place given that they are still together. Is he on the birth certificate? He should make sure he is so that in the event things go bad its an easier starting point for him to ensure continued active roll with the baby. Also since this grandma is involved in her grandbaby's life now, if baby mama tries to stop all contact just to be spiteful, grandma can actually petition the court for visitation rights if it comes to that.
Anyway, she needs to address this ASAP but should try to be matter of fact about her approach. I suggest she calls a "house meeting" and then develops some "house rules". She should think about the issues that bother her in advance and write down how she wants her house rules to work. Giving baby's parents some input in the house rules will help make it a team decision so they are more receptive but also allows her to make it clear that this is her house and that she expects certain behavoirs to be followed in her house. I agree she must stand up for herself or nothing will change, I am just suggesting a gentle approach to do that.
I think she should ask son, girlfriend and their child to find their own place. That way the girlfriend can run her win place. Unfortunately, when you try to help people things can turn out badly. I would not have let her move in, in the first place. Let them play house somewhere else. Why is your sister allowing this possession of her home? She should ave outlined he rules BEFORE they moved in.
