I Think I Made a Horrible Mistake

You should not feel bad at all. At that age you should not have to ask but some times people take advantage so you did the right thing. Relax and enjoy it sounds liek a great party!!

If the parents can't or won't attend than that is their kids' loss. You are having a huge party and should be honored to attend. Have fun and good luck!!

I don't think that you were out of line at all! It should be assumed...therefore, mentioning it shouldn't be a big deal. Whoever told you that you were "out of line" is crazy. (Especially because you are inviting strangers.) I wouldn't lose sleep about it. Good luck with the party!

You did nothing wrong.

Don't worry about offending anyone. Caring parents want to attend parties with their kids at that age.

Enjoy your party and tell those that say you were out of line that they don't have to come to the party.

I don't think that is wrong at all. I have always had parents and kids at my kid's parties. Especialy at that age. My oldest turned 5 today and is having a couple friends go to Playworld with her for her birthday, The mom's of the two other girls are going, it was never a question.
Now, my 5 year old has been invited to her first "school friend" party and I don't know if the parent wants adults their or not, if they do that is fine, if not then this opens the whole new world of "checking out the parents" before my kids stays without me.
With what you have planned and your daughter's age, I think it is best to ask a parent to be there. There should be no need to apolizige for that request.

I don't feel you made a horrible mistake. You have every right to ask the parents to stay especially for that age group and the amount of children you have coming. I have 5 yr old triplets and would have no problem with a birthday invite that stated that they wanted the parents to stay. You are inviting them to a birthday party, not offering to babysit.

I agree with everyone else! No mistake has been made. I am curious as to who would think that it is out line. At this age parents should not just be dropping off their kids and leaving!

It sounds like you have planned quite a day for your little one! I wish you all a GREAT day ~ Enjoy!!!

How are you supposed to enjoy your daughters birthday if you are too busy watching 20 other kids. No you should not apologize, your daughters birthday party is not a daycare. Any parent who doesnt want to be involved in a birthday for that age of kids don't need to be attending your party. The only mistake was inviting that one person who made that remark to your daughters big day. LOL

I do not think that you should apologize for anything. At age 4 and with the activities that you have planned, having a pernt on hand is great for safety reasons. It would be difficult for you to handle 20 children age 4 all wanting to ride the pony by yourself. If you feel that you would like to have a party next time and not request parental assistance, a suggestion would be to seek a few teenage helpers to assist as like "tour guides" if you would, to help each group of children rotate around to the different areas. Teenagers are great for babysitters, but are also great leaders at fun events such as birthday parties. good luck!!

You are not out of line at all! At that age I would question the parenting of anyone who expected to just drop off their 3 or 4 year old! My oldest is 12 and I still extend the invite to his friends' parents, especially if it's a new friend and my husband and I haven't had an opportunity to meet them yet. At his age I don't have a lot of parents who stick around but at least they know the offer is on the table.

Whether or not it's offensive to ask that seems like it would depend on how you worded it in the invitation. To me, it sounds perfectly reasonable to ask parents to stay! And, it sounds like a party a parent would *enjoy* attending with their child, anyway. The idea of the party sounds fantastic, and almost impossible to do if you didn't have some extra hands. Especially with 20 four year olds, it's good to have people who know the kids and can intervene appropriately, you never know when 4 year olds will have a melt down, am I right?! :)

So, do you think how you worded it sounds (accidentally, of course) demanding? If so, then maybe you could make a few phone calls and set it right. Apologize for how you came across, and explain that their child will have more fun and be more safe if an adult stayed with them.

Or maybe kids can pair up and have 2 kids per adult (one who knows them). Or maybe you can get some friends to help you out. I've heard that good ratio is 4 kids per adult, so you'd need 5 people to help.

I think the people who are offended are a little silly, but I suppose you'd still rather not offend even *silly* people.

Hope these ideas help!
S. F

I had several parties for my kids at these ages and I always asked one parent to stay during the party. Several pre-school aged kids are a lot to handle. Besides, I would have NEVER dropped my 3-5 yr. old at a party and said "Bye...see you at 3pm!" and left! I don't think any decent parent would. So...I don't think you are out of line at all. Maybe you need to consider who told you you were and take it with a grain of salt. I would tell them that you are concerned for their child's well-being, safety, and ability to enjoy the party like you want them to and that you think that would be easier with an adult present for each child. Kids that age can still get tired, whiny and out of control. You want to be able to enjoy your daughter's special day, too.

A., I dont think you made a mistake! How could you handle all of those children of that age by yourself? Especially if something happened to one of them. Again if they were 7 it would be easy by at that young of an age I think it was totally appropriate. Somehow people have become so judgemental and lax when it comes to the responsiblilty of thier own children. Anyway, I think you were right. I would just explain that by having ponies and all the other activities you thought it would be a fun family day. good luck and dont worry too much about what others think. Listen to your gut:) J.

Hi A.,

I don't see anything wrong with asking the parents to attend with the children. You would think that for the age group it would just be a given but you never know. I think I would be a bit put off if a child that age was just dropped off at my son's birthday party. You have enough to do getting everything in order and keeping it flowing without being responsible for 19 other children age 3-5 that you do not know all that well. Relax, take a deep breath, and enjoy your daughter's day!!

T.

You're not out of line, that's a reasonable and necessary request. Also, as a parent, I couldn't imagine dropping off my child at that age for a 'friend' party, anyways. Don't give it a second thought...and I can't imagine who would actually tell you it's out of line. Disregard their comments/advice - you're on the right track.

A., sweetie, you did NOT make a horrible mistake. We had my son's 4th birthday at the petting farm and I requested that each child invited bring a parent/guardian. The last thing you need at your daughter's party is to be responsible for 20 4 year olds, in addition to all of your hostess duties. I think there is no need to rectify this situation because you did NOTHING wrong...
Have fun at the party!

I don't think you owe an apology or should feel bad about asking for the child to be accompanied but an adult. The parents should be glad that you want them there to assist in making sure that their 3-5 year old has a nice time and is looked after. These children are too young and there will be too many for one person to pay close attention to them all at the same time and have a good time with akll of the activities you will have going on. If one of them were to get hurt you would be liable for them and the question would come up as to whether you were watching them or not. Don't beat yourself up about it, these people should be glad to spend time with their child at such a nice event. Have fun!!!

When my kids were that age, I always wanted to stay with them at the parties. They also preferred that, as the whole party thing was a new experience for them. I like that you put that, because then the parents know it's okay to stay. Usually, I would just ask the party giver anyway. Sounds like a great party!

Hi A.,

You did not make a horrible mistake. My children are 23 and 28 years old now and when they were little I had the kind of parties you are having. I found that the parents enjoyed coming and helping! It was also a great way to meet and form friendships with the other moms that I would be seeing for the next 12 years.

C. Biondo
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I would actually question the parents who were willing to drop their 3 or 4 year olds off at someones house that THEY didn't know well! It is not appropriate to have "drop off" parties until children are 6 or 7, unless you know the parents very well & feel comfortable handling their children for injuries, discipline, etc. I wouldn't feel bad, just explain your rationale & leave it at that, they probably just wanted a free babysitter for the afternoon!

Hi A.--I also agree that your request was perfectly reasonable. Don't second guess this at all. I think that if someone complains, they are unwilling to look beyond their incovenience to understand your motive of safety for all of the children attending. It's unfortunate, but it is their problem, not yours.

In health, D. M

No Way!! You are exactally right to have put that in the invitation. If they were responsible parents, they would be relieved that you were asking them to come and help supervise that many kids, especially with the ponies and all! The "drop off" birthday parties shouldn't be until at least 5 yrs. old. No Apology Neccessary! I think they should be glad you invited their child to such a fabulous party! You Rock!!

wow, I cant believe that you would even have to put that on the invite. Like the others, I dont know why someone would just drop their kid off at that age. I dont see how you were out of line at all!!

I don't think you made a mistake. It's hard with that many kids and some people don't understand the undertaking. I made the same "mistake" with my first daughter with that same age group. I didn't ask the parents to attend and I had a few activities planned over 2 hrs including cake. I had parents I never met literally kicking their tykes out the door of the car and driving away. The didn't even say Hi! I had invited about 17 kids assuming the parents would be cautious about leaving their kid with someone they didn't know and figuring at least some would stay. In the end, the create-a-crown project glue never dried (glue everywhere), the cake was late from my trying to get the kids together for the other games, and one child managed to rip my satellite dish off the side of my deck. I have NEVER had another party like it again. I stay to 2-3 friends or have a nice family party.

Don't feel bad, I would have done the exact same thing. People with small children should understand. Plus would you want your child at another person's house unsure that they're being tended to or watched carefully with all the different activites that you're offering? If they're offended then they don't need to come.

Enjoy your party and I hope your daughter has the time of her life.

With the age I don't think you made any mistake. I would say you probably were right on target. They make the decision to attend. Stand firm on the parent. I don't thinl I could keep up with 20 or more people. Christy

I don't think that you made a mistake. Who in their right mind wants to have 20 or so 3-5 y/o running around w/ only you and maybe one other person to watch them, NOT ME. I require the same thing until they are 2nd grade. For first grade, i give the parents the option but otherwise i ask that the parents stay. with people now a days, anything can be said and anything can happen. It's better to be safe than sorry in the end. You're not gonna make everyone happy but this YOUR CHILD's party and no one elses. The decisions you make are what you think are best, DO NOT second guess yourself on this matter.

Hope this helps.
Jenn

I ha a big party for my now 5 year old. it was at a farm. I invited is whole class and family so I had 20 +kids there. I also had parents there. I had games, lunch, cake and ice cream there. then we had a tour of the farm. My problem was the most of the parents just sat there and did nothing. I kind of felt like a babysitter then a Single parant throwing her son a party. I think you are doing the right thing just hope they just don't sit there.

You are completely 100% right in requesting that parents stay. You shouldn't feel bad at all - you are throwing an awesome party and were kind enough to invite their child to a day of fun! They should not be complaining! Who would just drop off a child that young, anyway?

I have 2 children ages 4 and 5 and even the 5 year old typically doesn't completely attend parties on her own. I usually escort her to the party, make sure we are comfortable with the situation, request if the host (parents) can use my help and if not I get permission to depart and leave my contact numbers in the event of an emergency.I think that you were appropriately proactive considering the size of your party and the level of activity. Perhaps they felt your wording could have been different? I say, take it as feedback, don't beat yourself up any further and have a great celebration :)

I think you are totally in the right. That is ALOT of activity and food happening. Even in Cub Scouts the boys who are Tigers (1st graders) have to have an adult at each outing. I would NOT apoligize to anyone. If they feel that it was out of line, don't sweat it - they probably won't show up. It sounds like you have enough kids coming, you won't miss a couple who's parents have yet to figure out their children are not the angles they believe. I know my kids are fairly well behaved else where, and show me otherwise at home while I know many kids who are the opposite.

I say relax and try to enjoy the party!

Take lots of pictures!! :-)

K.

Frankly for a 4 year olds birthday the best is to invite 4 of her best friends. It would make it more memoriable for her. Maybe you have family sisters, brothers, mom etc to help you with all the activities. I think the parents with their children will feel its just another day with their children at the park ,so they should have fun. You won't have time to feel bad just try to enjoy and make a wiser choice next time. Also don't apologize the plan has already been made.Thank them for coming. Sharon

You have to think about safety and you can't be responiable for 20 odd kids and run a birthday party like that. Those other parents should be grateful their children are being invited and be happy to help. As a parent I wouldn't expect a parent to care for my child especially that young during a huge party party along with other children, that is putting mine and other children as risk.

NO! You have every right to ask parents to supervise THEIR OWN CHILDREN! You are being nice enough to provide them with a fun, family friendly activity, and food for all invited. Do NOT let anyone make you feel bad! If parents can't fit in the party, they shouldn't. My only issue for a situation like this would be having someone to keep my other kids, or need to bring them also. Still, not your issue! Have a great party!

Wow, that is an extreme party - ponies? I don't think you were out of line at all. First and foremost you are thinking about the kids safety by having a parent attend. My 5 year old niece just went to a roller skating party and they asked that a parent attend for each kid. Besides, who in their right mind would drop their kid off to a party with animals and clowns and just leave them, especially 4 year olds. That is pretty young to just drop your kid off at another kids house with that many people invited. It's not like a play date where 2 other kids are coming over for cake and play time. I think you made the right decision.

Have fun. Wow, ponies... can I come? Just joking.

It is your party, do what you want and dont' apologize to anyone. If anyone has a problem with it they don't have to come. I have a 4 year old and can't imagine leaving him at a huge party like that alone.

A.,

I dont know who the negative responses came from, but I think you're BRILLIANT. Safer for the children, comfortable for the parents, especially if they don't know you well either. Three is a young age.. actually 3-5 are all young ages.

Good for you, go with your instincts and have a wonderful party!

L.

Uhmmm-can we come? :) Just Kidding though it sounds like the coolest kid (and adult) party ever!! I can't fathom why anyone would tell you that is out of line. I wouldn't want to leave my kid if all that is going on AND it sounds like an awesome day for the kids and parents to enjoy together!

I think the only mistake you made was to invite 20 children. I always used the child's age as a gage as to how many children to invite. If they're 4 then 4 friends, 5yrs old 5 friends etc. At age 10 they were allowed to have a sleep over and that was their final birthday party with friends. After that at age 11 they were allowed to have one friend and go out to dinner with the family. I ran a day care in my home for 20+ years and believe me it is no mistake to ask parents to accompany their children to this large of a party. You are not running a day care this day for other people's children but want to enjoy your own child's special day. Plus you are definitely going to need the extra hands to help you with taking turns on the pony and making crafts. Word to the wise.....gear down next year. I think parents are way overdoing these parties for their pre-schoolers. C. S.

I think you're making a great decision. I would not be offended if I received the invite.
Hope your daughter has a great party.
D.

A.,
Good for you throwing such a huge party, my opinion, if you are having that many kids that young, and ponies, a pinata, and all else,you should have asked the mom's to come, if they ask about it, let them know that you thought it would be a good chance for you to get to know them while supervising the kids and that you would be glad to help out at their child's birthday party if needed.

I think it sounds perfectly reasonable to have an adult attend at that age. I would not want to leave my 4 or 5 year old alone at a party!
I'm sure when everyone sees what things you have going on they will realize why you want some extra adults around!If anyone is sniffy about it then they obviously haven't hosted a party by themselves but have just booked the local chuck e cheese instead........

A. speaking from experince NO you where not out of line. To be honest I am not sure I would even let my child attend a party at that age alone. For one parents should respect your request cause I view it as you are watching out for there child. With all the things you have planned for that day, your not going to have time for watch every child. Don't worry about, you will always find someone who doesnt' agree with you, TRUST me! D.

I think you had every right to ask that a parent accompany a child of those age groups and at a party of that magnitude. Maybe those who made the comment didn't realize just how BIG of a party you had planned/or they planned to use you as a sitter for the day. Either way, I wouldn't loose any sleep over it.

A.,

WHAT A WONDERFUL party you are throwing!! DO NOT apalogize...if the parents don't want to come then they can RSVP that they can't come.

As a parent I would LOVE to go with my child and see how much fun they have and meet other parents and just be there for a new experience.

Stick with what you put on the invites and if people give you a hard time just respond "Oh I am sorry you feel that way and sorry you and (kids name) won't be able to come". That way you are nice about it but letting them know that you don't NEED them to be there if they are going to have a bad attitude!!

ENJOY THE DAY...You have worked hard at putting this together, don't let some bad attitudes spoil it for you!!!

Have fun!!!

S. :):)

Hi A.,

No, you didn't make a horrible mistake! You are well within your rights to ask that a parent accompany their child to the party. It's a birthday party, not a babysitting service!

Have a great party!

L.

Hey there...
You're not a baby sitting service. You can't be expected to supervise 20+ children plus all of the activities, and enjoy (or even witness) your daughter's big day. You're not out of line at all. We've recieved several invites to parties, and don't feel it's out of line at all to say "due to space, only one parent can accompany" or "children must be supervised by a parent". These people who are upset, are the ones that will also show up with 'uninvited' siblings that don't even know your child.
Stick to your guns and enjoy your party!

WOW! Do NOT feel bad. I think that people who told you that you are out of line are COMPLETELY innappropriate. You are hosting quite a large event for a young group of children. It would be irresponsible of you not to request additional parental supervision. I hope your party goes well for all of the planning you have put into it! Do not "feel bad" for looking out for everyone's safety and enjoy the day! The parents who gave you the hard time are probably the same people who would complain if their child was hurt or something happened because there was not enough supervision.

Hi A.,
I personally do not think that you made a mistake. The children invited are between the ages of 3 and 5. They are still in need of having an adult with them- supervising. Inviting over 20 children at this age, you definitely need to have the adults there. What if something happened to them while in your care? 20 children are a lot of children to look after, not to mention how they love to wonder- even at the house. I couldn't imagine just dropping off your toddler, and not even knowing the parents. I think that you did the right thing by asking for the children to be accompanied by an adult.
K.

Do not feel bad at all! You've invited all those people, the ponies...You will drive yourself crazy if you don't have adult help that day. I didn't have ponies, but 16 6 year olds running all over my house (winter birthday) was more than enough for me.

Do not feel like you've done anything wrong. Do not apologize. They should understand. If they don't they don't have to attend.

A., I am a young 53 year old mother my son is about your age. When I read this I could not believe the parents you have no reason to apologize for there stupidity!! When my son was a young boy I went to every party with him I wanted to share his fun, so him happy and make sure is something was to go wrong I would be there. What is wrong with parents now a days!! Parents are so ready to leave there children in someones hands but the first to sue if something goes wrong such as drowning, falling (or even fall off a horse). So with all that I say you do not need to apologize.

Hi A...
With that age range... I would want a parent or an adult with the kids too. You'll be running around nuts trying to keep things going... and make sure your daughter is having fun, you don't have to worry about 20 other kids running around without adults and doing who knows what.
No, your not out of line.

Don't worry about it. I think at this age it is more irresponsible to not offer to stay durring the party. It sounds like a big undertaking, good luck and have fun.

Are you kidding me! If the parents can't spend a couple hours out of their "busy" schedule to be with their children at a birthday party then I guess they shouldn't come. I think it is completely resonable for you to ask! You are not a babysitter service! Can you tell that I feel strongly about this?! Don't allow anyone to make you feel bad or inadequate about this. You don't need to rectify anything. They need to thank you for having a wonderful party. Good Luck

You weren't out of line at all! At that age parents should be staying with their kids, especially if it's a school friend and the parents don't know you that well. You can't make everyone happy. Do what you feel is best and enjoy the day. Those that aren't happy don't have to come.

Dear A.,

Relax! You did not make a mistake of any kind! There actually are people who think that a birthday party is free babysitting for them, and couldnt' possibly comprehend how their little darling could misbehave and need their attention. I wouldn't dream of letting my 3-5 year olds alone at a party, just from a safety standpoint! My kids are older now, youngest is 8, and I accompanied them, as did almost all of the other parents to every event they attended. Sometimes a parent couldn't make it, but they made arrangements with another parent to take/supervise their child.
I think that you are being prudent and proactive. I had many invitations that requested a parent's attendance, and if it didn't I asked if I could be there. I did this until my child was old enough to be without me, ie, know how to verbalize what he wants/needs, able to potty by themselves, etc., which wasn't until they were in kindergarten at least. Just explain to the parents that if their child needs some attention, you won't be able to give it as you are the hostess and are having 20 kids to attend to. Sounds like a great party! Have fun.

No way! No need to apoligize nor feel bad! At 4 years old, with that many children and so many activities,there is no way you can do it all yourself! At least I know I couldn't!!
Besides, it is a lot safer for the children this way. Good luck.

A.

You absolutely should not feel badly about requesting a parent attend with each child! That is totally appropriate for that age group, and for the size and scope of the party. I would find it surprising if any parent felt comfortable simply dropping off a child that young!

A.,

You ABSOLUTELY did NOT make a mistake! Any parent who would leave their child unaccompanied at a party for 3 to 5 year olds is irresponsible. You shouldn't even have had to make the request that at least one parent attend, but unfortunately that was something you had to do to avoid confusion at the party. Don't think for a second you breached some kind of code of good manners by making that request. Any parent who has a problem attending the party with their child was looking for a free sitter for a couple of hours. They are the ones that are out of line.

Good luck!

Not at all, your party, your rules. This sounds like the safest way to keep track of all those little ones so everyone can relax and enjoy the party.

I don't think you were out of line at all. I think you made it clear before the party instead of as people arrive.

Good Job!

Hello,

No! you are not out of line. Parents should stay for the party. The parent that stated that that comment is out of line.

You are right. If you need help to pull this party off (and it sounds like its going to be a blast), you are perfectly entitled to have parents stay with their kids. Especially with the age group you have invited. I think you were very kind in letting people know ahead of time that they will need to stay for the party. I always ask the host if they need me to stay and help out.

I don't think you are asking too much of the parents. I think you are being responsible by asking the parents to attend, since you mentioned that you didn't know the children that well at the school. I don't feel you need to apologize or feel bad. With all the activities you have going on, the parents should be there to make sure nothing happens and to keep their children behaved.

Absolutely not!!! You are having a very exciting party and any child would be happy to attend! The parents should understand and have no problem. If it was a swim party, you would be asking the same thing for safety reasons...I think this is similar and there shouldn't be an issue. Have a great time! Just be sure to have drinks and things to accomadate the parents also, that way they feel part of the celebration.

A., I do not think you made a mistake at all. I have daughters that just turned 8 and 10 and I would not leave them NOW at a party thrown by a school friend, let alone at the ages you describe. I am probably too overprotective, but 3-5 years old is pretty young. I think your request is very responsible on your part. I hope the day goes well. Take Care.

A.,

I don't think you made a mistake at all! It is perfectly fine to ask parents to attend especially with that age group and the activity level. All of the parties my son has been to the parents stay and he is 5 years old. Don't worry about it and enjoy your daughters birthday!

D.

While you used the words "children must be accompanied by an adult or guardian" that may be contrued as a little harsh by some people, they can always choose to send regrets if they're offended. I think some parents are uncomfortable with interacting with unfamiliars in a party setting and then end up sitting around alone. Me, I find it a good way to meet people who have a common interest (children) and share experiences. I've forged some good friendships this way.
When my son got his first invite at 4, I was a little hesitant at leaving him at his friend's house, but I did know the parents somewhat and there were only 5 kids or so. At all of the parties where it has not stated that parents were welcome, I have asked outright because I figure the parent could use the help - and yes, I've pitched in and helped supervise the kids, set out the refreshments and whatnot. Other times it's strictly been a kids affair (got a very nice romantic Valentine's Day dinner out of it this year) and I leave my contact info and stay out of their way.

No, you were not out of line at all! I can't imagine parents of children that age would expect to be able to drop their kids off and leave...and why would they want to??

A.,

Shame on those people who told you that!!! I would expect to stay at a birthday party with my 3-5 yr old, and would only leave if the host encouraged it and if my child was comfortable. How generous of you to plan such a special party.

In my opinion, you were being thoughtful to let parents know that their presence would be needed for the entire party ahead of time. Now that my kids are older, I usually don't stay at the parties with them, so it was nice of you to think ahead. Please don't feel you need to do anything to "fix" this, other than not invite those who complained to the next party.....

T.

I think that any mom willing to drop off their 4 year old child at a stranger's house be it for a party or whatever is the one with the problem. You have every right to make any requests that you want for your child's party. I certainly don't think that asking parents to attend is out of line for this age. Maybe if they were 16 it would be (ha-ha)! Anyway, I think you made a perfectly reasonable request, good luck

Hi A.,

I have not experienced this yet, my little guy is only 3 and we have had smaller house parties for his birthdays so far. In my opinion,I think you requesting a parent or an adult to attend is just fine. It sounds like you have a wonderful party planned and some extra eyes will be necessary. My opinion, if a parent is offened by you asking for help with their child, they do have the choice not to attend the party.
My sister had a party for her son and she was shocked at the parents whom she had never met just dropped their kids off and left. (Some of my nephews school friends.) My sister said, would you ever do that or ask if you should stick around or am I over-reacting? I agreed with my sister that even if it is a kids party, I would stick around to help my child. It does not hurt to have an extra set of eyes there??
Don't feel bad, I think you did the right thing! Have fun and enjoy your celebration!

A. you are great and your little one will have a birthday party to remember. So sad that some of the parents of the children you have invited are looking more for daycare services rather than an opportunity to spend quality time with their child.

I suppose if there was a hard ship problem and a child could not come because their parents were working (that would be a good reason) that maybe another parent could lend a helping hand and be responsible for another child. Do you have a couple of friends who could help out?

Um no you did not make a mistake and no you do not need to appologize. Why on earth would someone be angry with you for that? Were they planning on using you for daycare for the afternoon? If so that is their problem. You did nothing wrong. At every birthday party my son has had the parents have stayed to supervize their own kids. Good luck.

I think that size of a party for a four year old is a bit much. What will she expect when she is 10 or 12? YIKES!! It would be different if it was all family. That said... What's done is done. I think asking the parents to be there is a good idea. You can't possibly supervise that large of a group of that age on your own. It could be alot of fun for all. You might even make some new friends.

I think the parents who told you it was out of line are the ones really "out of line". The fact that the kids are young and you'll have live animals there is enough to warrant adults attending. Just let it blow over. The kids will have a ball and so will the parents once they get their. Did you mention the ponies on the invitation? If you didn't, I probably would have put that on the invite so people understand why the parents need to come. Great photo op for the parents too.

A. -

Given what you have planned, your request is perfectly justified. I have a four-year-old daughter and I wouldn't think twice about attending a party with her. Unfortunately, you've probably heard from some parents who view other kids' parties as "down time" for them. They're happy to drop off their children and let you handle them for a few hours. DO NOT beat yourself up over this. You're doing a wonderful thing for your daughter and her friends and the "grown-ups" will get over it. Relax and have a great party.

I don't know much about this kind of thing, but I think it was a great idea to ask for adult accompaniment. Considering the ages of the children, I would not even think of letting my child go without me. I am a grandma and a little bit old school, but you don't let your preschooler go to a party without you.I think the party you described is a wonderfully generous and gracious way to not only celebrate you child's birthday, but to meet the potential parents of friends of your child that might very well last a lifetime and build relationships with them. I don't think this is a mistake. In fact I take my hat off to you.

Unbelievable! I would never allow my girls to attend a b-day party at that age with all of those activities ( ESP. pony rides). If my girls were invited to a party like that I would be excited to attend with them. Boy, you know how to throw a party. Shame on the parents who are complaining - that is so tacky!! Good luck!!!

at that age i believe parents should stay anyways. we are having my daughters party at a horse ranch for ponie rides, and we are expecting the parents to styay too, once the kids get older (7 or 8 ) then it is more likely that the kids can go to a party without there parents.

You didn't make a mistake. Parents of that age children should stay at the party without having to be asked. I wouldn't give it another thought. Just enjoy the day with your kids. It only lasts for a moment...

S.

No - you should not apologize. You clearly stated your expectations and they are not out of line. With kids that age, you need to have their parents handy - especially when you are dealing with a large crowd. For my sons fourth bdays - we had a total of 44 kids and parents. Not all of the kids parents stayed, and that made it very hard to control the crowd. Having the parents on hand to control their own child would have helped tremendously!

Hi A.

I do not think you made a mistake at all nor were you out of line. Having over 20 children is quite a few and how could anyone expect you to take responsibility for watching that many children and enjoy your daughters party at the same time? The parents should want to take responsibility for their children especially since you stated that you do not know all of her classmates very well which seems to imply that you do not know the parents very well either..If it was my daughter I would gladly bring her and stay to observe her as well as make sure that she is not eating things that she shouldnt what about kids with allergies are you supposed to monitor that too.? Good luck with the party it sounds like you all will have a fantastic time!!!

K.

The only ones making a mistake here are the fools who told you that it's unreasonable to expect parents to stay and help supervise. You were dead right. Please don't let other parents make you doubt your instincts. I have taken my 4 and 5 year olds to every party and have NEVER "dropped and run"!

Be gracious and firm. You are in the right.

D.

I do not think you were out of line at all, 3-5 year olds are not really at the age yet where they should just be dropped off for a party. Maybe if the party was 2-3 kids but not a fully size class party. That parent was wrong to tell you that, they should not expect you to be the babysitter just because you are hosting a party.
I have seen parents sometimes get funny, because they themselves do not like to go through the work or fuss of a birthday party. I had a friend whose son had a bowling party, and afterward a mother wrote her a very nasty note about how her husband was made to feel very uncomfortable because the birthday boy's dad did not pay enough attention to the other dad's that were there. The letter was really cruel and called her family names, it made my girlfriend cry (to top it off her son goes to christian schools so this parent was suposedly of high values).

Don't worry about it, I think most parents appreciate it and some needs the heads up because they see this as there few hours to play by themselves and they really should value every moment they get with thier child.

Greetings A.,

The party sounds like it is going to be a lot of fun. Don't let this get you down and spoil this great party.
I'm with you on this. There is no need to feel bad, or apologize. I think children ages 3-5 should be accompanied by a parent or guardian, especially with a live animal.
However, I think some people might be having a problem with your statement because is suggests that you are telling them what to do and that they don't have enough common sense to know that they should attend with their young child. Then there are some people who are just looking for a place to drop their children off at and they are angry that you found them out.
You did the right thing. It is always better to be safe than sorry. Not enough adult supervision at this type of party could be disastrous.
However, leave that request out for your next party. Find family and friends to volunteer to help you out.
Much success to you!

Love,
S.

Uh - excuse me -- are they CRAZY? To me, these people who said that was out of line - they must be either nuts or people who don't care who/where their children go etc.

You are not 'out of line'. We had many birthday parties over the years for my 10 yr old for his friends and at almost all of them we said that the kids had to have a parent present. We looked at it from the standpoint of what we were doing at the party, and how many kids were going to be there. You are going to be busy and you cannot be expected to watch a bunch of children running around, and since you are having ponies - that creates a liability right there. I can't believe these parents wouldn't want to come anyway so that they could meet you etc. If they don't want to come and stay with their kids for the party, too bad - then don't come. You don't need the extra headache. I'd simply reply to those parents that since you are having this event outdoors and there will be pony rides, a pinata, etc. that they will need to stay with their kids. IF they cannot, and they know are friends with someone else coming to the party and that parent doesn't mind watching their child, that is fine.

--K.
Mom to Alex (10), Aaron & Aidan (19 mos)

no i do not think you need to apolgize to anyone i personally would be mad if i showed up to a kids b day party that young and only one or 2 adults to supervise all these kids your asking for a child to get hurt that way.also you are wanting everyone to come and have fun your not asking to babysit all theses kids.If they dont like that they have to be there then dont bring your child to it there just looking for a free sitter.beleive me i have 4 kids and for some reason everything you do you cant please all of the parents. i do not think that is out of line by no means.good luck

A. -

I certainly don't think you made a mistake. I can't imagine parents just dropping kids off at that age at a birthday party (you are not a Daycare). Especially with as many kids as there are going to be. It's also sad to think that parents wouldn't want to accompany their kids to such a fun event. I don't think it's just my age talking (36), but in my experience parents have always accompanied kids to birthday parties (until the pre-teen years when the kids either don't want you there or they are mature enough to be in a group like that on their own).

Don't sweat it and have a great time (sounds like you have great activities planned).
Dana Suzanne

The only mothers that would think that's ureasonable are the moms that don't want to or don't think that accompaing thier child to a party at a house of someone they don't know is ok. I would have done the same thing and if a parent has a problem with staying then sorry maybe next time. You did the right thing and things will work out enjoy the party and happy b-day to your daughter.

Hi A., No way did you make a mistake asking parents to
come with their children. I have attended a Birthday party for a 4Yr. old. It was such a lovely family event and with all that you have going on, you'll need all those extra hands to care for the small children. Perhaps, if a mother of a 34 year old who enjoyed giving Birthday Parties could give you a suggestion... If children have everything, ponies,
pinita's, lunch, etc then next year and the year after and all those years after they will expect parties bigger and with a lot more to it. Kids are happy with something small.
They won't have something to look forward to in their later years. Did I make my self clear enough. Hope so. I Pray
all will go well. God bless. K.

We had 2 requests (as in 'if you come, go along with this, otherwise feel free to decline') of guests: bring a parent, and maximum present *value* of $15 (if you get something 90% off, it better only cost $1.50)...

I'm sure there are lots of people who think that birthday parties for their children are free babysitting at the expense of the host... but I have never really wanted any of those folks in my house, and I certainly don't want their children anywhere near my stuff.

It is your home. You are completely free to invite people under whatever conditions you feel like expressing. If they feel like coming, they are agreeing to the conditions. If they disagree, they are equally free to decline the invitation.

Of course, I was a nasty host when it came to my kids' birthday parties: allowed to invite the same number of kids as the age you're turning, maximum party cost of $60, maximum party time of 2 hours (at any age), cake, ice cream and juice *only*, and no candy in goody bags.

In order to rectify this, all you need to say to those declining the invitation (and really, who else is bothering to insult you over this, and how long will you wait for an apology?) is to say, 'I'm sorry you won't be able to come, I'm sure Little Sally will be missed.' However they say it, accept it as a declined invitation, and see if that's actually what they meant. Backpedalling may ensue, which will be fun for you to watch...

We haven't had any "friends" parties for my my kids (only 3 & 1), but I have heard from my sister-in-law that many of her kids' friends have just been dropped off for parties, and I can't even comprehend dropping off my 4 year old at someone's house for a party and not being there. I do not think it's out of line to ask parents to attend a party that their child will be attending. I suppose if there are some who really can't stay, you can make sure you have enough adults who can come to help supervise and let a few drop kids off. But in my mind, I cannot understand putting up a fuss about going somewhere with your child.

No I do not think that you made a mistake. I think that anyone who made you feel that way should focus on something positive about their own life and not worry about something completely normal that you have going on in yours!!

I think you are wise for asking parents to help with their own children at that age and I would only feel honored to attend such an exciting celebration with my child. Good job mama!! Keep your chin up and follow your gut feeling!

I am FLOORED that someone complained about that! and that you had a couple of complaints! Do NOT feel bad! It's actually pretty great that you made it very clear that parents were to stay. I know i'm saying what everyone else said but I couldn't resist writing for this one. The nerve of some people. They're probably just jealous that they are not able/willing to throw an awesome bash like that for their kids and they're trying to ruin it for you.

I don't see a problem at all. At that age I always stayed with my kids at their parties anyway. I think requesting an adult stay with them is fine. Stop worrying and enjoy the party, it sounds like an awesome party.

Have Fun!

I think that for the childrens age is is more than acceptable for the children to bring their parent or gaurdian.e not out of line at all. Chill out and have FUN!

I don't think that is a mistake at all! My daughters bday party is this weekend, and I have had a couple parents ask if they could stay b/c their kids aren't ready to be "dropped off" yet! This is your party for your daughter---enjoy and it don't let people get you down! They are probably jealous that they can't throw such a great party!! Ponies!!! That is awesome!!!! Have a great time!!

I don't think you owe an apology for anything! I wouldn't let my 4 year old go to a birthday party and just drop them off...and I wouldn't want that happening at my 4 year old's birthday party. You are going to be busy enjoying the party and concentrating on YOUR child, you don't have to worry about everyone else's as well!
I wouldn't worry about it for a second. You did the right thing and if anyone has a problem, they don't have to come! Stay strong in your decision...you are COMPLETELY in the right :)

No you did not make a mistake. The parents who don't think it is free time for them will not put up a fuss. Some think it is free time for them. Sorry, if you are having all that activity including ponies you better be there with your child at he age of 3-5. You never know how a child is going to act and you are not going to be able to give personal attention to each child cry for help.....don't judge yourself so harsh you are doing the right thing......

C.

You've already got your responses, but I just wanted to add, I would be very delighted if at 4 my daughter was invited to a party and I was able to attend with her. At this young you can't know all the kids that well and their parents can't know you guys that well. It would make me feel more secure about where she was going at the age of 4. I DO not think you should feel bad at all when in fact I think it was a WONDERFUL idea!

I feel that what you request is not out of line at all. You should not feel bad for wanting their parents to be involved. You are not a babysitter and this should be a fun event that they get to share with their children as well as yours. I would do the same thing. And really I already have. Our 4 yr old bday party this year we had 20 or so kids as well. We asked that their parents stay as well. So I wish you luck but do not feel bad and do not change it. You will need help with all those kids and without really knowing some of them it is for their best interest that their parents be their. Have a great party. What time should we come.Hee hee
Christine/Mother of a 4yr old and a 12 yr old

I don't think that asking a parent to attend is out of line at all. We've always invited parents and have never had an issue yet. I have a 5 year old, 3 year old and 2 year old. It would be hard to take care of 20 young children with only 2 adults present.

i don't think you made a mistake. first of all if i were coming to your party, i would want to be there just to watch my dtr ride the ponies and do crafts and no offense, but i would wonder if you could keep a close enough eye on my kid w/all that would be going on. i would thank you for inviting me. but that's my opinion...hope this helps

I do not think you need to apologize for anything! If these other parents don't want to spend time with thier children, and make sure that they are safe, they don't need to be there. Don't you dare apologize!!!! You are keeping the well being of everyone in mind, and being a responsible parent. Look on the other side of it, if one of those kids got hurt, those parents that are complaining would be the first ones to sue your butt. You are hosting a birthday party, not a daycare. Stick to your guns, and everyone will have a great time.

Good Morning!
No doubt in my mind you did NOT make a horrible mistake.If I am taking my child to a birthday party at that young age I will stay. There will be alot of kids and alot going on. Any mom with half a brain would know you would welcome the help. Any mother who might suggest you were out of line, is probably the mother who can't wait to get rid of her kid or who has the kid that is out of control. Those are also the mothers who send their kids to school sick. If they have a problem with staying or think your out of line, i guess they can stay home. You will have plenty of other guests to enjoy in the fun. Focus on your little one and enjoy the fun cuz they get big quick. Hop I helped!

Absolutley not!!! You did what you thought was appropriate to say and do at that time and there is no need if people cannot see it as you did. That's their problem. Don't waste a second of your life apoligizing b\c you have enough to do with this fun party!!!

Was it a PARENT who told you that you were out of line?! Because seriously... I can't think of any parent I know who would leave their 3, 4, or 5 year old at a birthday party ALONE! I have maybe 1 friend I would trust enough to leave my child there alone.... but not at a party! There is too much going on!

I think you were perfectly reasonable. Particularly with the kind of party you are having... ponies and such. They need adult supervision. You were completely right in my opinion to ask they have an adult with them. You are providing things for everyone. It's fine. I wouldn't worry about it and I would seriously question listening to 'those people' on any future pareting advice.

A. J,

I have three children ages 6, 3, and 1. I have had birthday parties for all of my children and I have never had any issue with asking parents to stay at the party to help supervise their children. I feel that with having such a big party it would be sxpected for parents to stay and help supervise their children. You can just explain to parents that for the safety of their children you would prefer if they stayed to accompany their children with all of the activities that will be provided. Besides I would think that most parents of children ages 3-5 would want to stay and watch their children enjoy themselves. Just remember it is for the safety of the children. Do not feel bad.

Good Luck

A.,
I don't think it's a major mess. Honestly. At that age, it might be very smart to have a parent along. They are only four year olds. And as you're having ponies, it'd be better to have a parent along in case there's an allergy issue. An ounce of prevention????? I think you're being responsible and cautious.
Look at it this way; it's also a chance to get to know some of the moms. You can always say, when talking to them, that asking for a parent or guardian got you feeling antsy, and maybe they'll just laugh it off or give you peace of mind. If it's not a big deal to them, it shouldn't be a worry.

Have fun!!!!

A., you have nothing to feel bad about or rectify! Just because some parents feel like it's "free" time when their child is invited to a party and have an issue about attending with their child, doesn't mean you need to beat yourself up! I would never drop my 3-5 year old off at anyone's home where there was a large party going on because I wouldn't feel it neccessary to place that kind of a burden on a mom or anyone for that matter! At a daycare facility there has to be at least 1 person to every 10 kids (at least that is what I'm told) and you have people getting offended by being asked to come and attend with their child?? You are thinking of the safety of the children and throwing a party that any child would love to attend. Parents need to get real and spend time with their kids, not offloading them under the guise of a birthday party. You haven't asked them to help you. So there should be no offensiveness at all! L. S.

Are you serious?
Tell the "couple of people" that they can come and help you babysit! (-:
You are totally justified to ask that for the ages of children you're having.
Have a great time!

I think that your request was reasonable and well intentioned. I am not sure I would try to rectify the situation rather I might make sure that I thank parents that attend. I personally was shocked when parents dropped off their 4 year olds at my house for his birthday party when he was turning 4. While I think it is unfortunate that it needed to be written out clearly parents need to stay, it seems as though it was a well thought out decision on your part. If parents feel offended at your request, they do not need to attend the party. I think that if anyone gives you grief you just might want to say, "I am sorry if my request offended you because I am sure that you would have someone stay with your child but I felt I needed to make this request as a way to make sure every child has a good time and is safe." Good luck!

I THINK YOU ARE 100% right in having the parents attend. Especially with all you have going on, you'll need the parents help with their own kids.

NO APOLOGIES NEEDED... No don't feel bad. Honestly, I think you did right. I do think 3-5 is still too young to go to a party solo UNLESS the parents say it would be okay and I'd still worry about my child at that young if that were the case...

Hi A., I don't think you should apologize. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a parent staying at a party with their 3-5 year old. Especially with all that going on, you're going to need the help. If these parents have a problem with taking two hours out of their weekend to spend with their child, then that is the problem. IMHO

Don't apologize, but do thank them for coming. Have a great party!!

First, you DID NOT MAKE A MISTAKE. Would you send a 3-5 year old to a party at someone's house you did not know without attending? I wouldn't dream of it. If the parent doesn't want to attend, let them explain to their child why they can't go.

I would absolutely not apologize and would not change the situation. Do you want to be responsible for 20 kids? You can't be. You wouldn't be able to host and enjoy the party.

No, you were not out of line to ask for a parent to attend with their child. I think it was actually a good idea that you asked this in the invitation. The kids you are having at the
party are too young to just be dropped off, they should have an adult with them.
So don't worry about it, you don't need to apologize for anything.

this got me worked up a little. I started having kids only birthdays at 6. You cant possibly watch all those kids so I do not think you were inappropriate at all to ask for help.

m

I think you are in the right. If people have a problem, they dont need to allow their kids to attend.

Hi A.,
You did not make a horrible mistake. You were generous and thoughtful. Do not change anything. 4 year olds need a lot of supervision, and their parents should be pleased that you included them. It sounds like it will be a fun party, and you have provided an opportunity for everyone to enjoy it together. Please do not let guilt take over such a happy occasion. If someone has a problem with having to be in attendance, then they (and their child) will not come. Have fun!

Do not feel bad at all!!
20 kids is way to many kids for you to keep an eye on. I always attend my daughters friends parties with her, I dont expect a babysitter when dropping her off. We all know how hectic parties are and I wouldnt feel right not coming along. I think you did the correct thing!!!
Have a great party!

A.,
Don't be silly! You are completely right for asking parents to attend with their children - otherwise you will go crazy trying to make sure all of the activities happen while chasing children around. If your guests are all in a yank about joining their child, they don't have to come. You are smart to ask for parents to come! Hope the party is a great success!

I don't think you made a mistake at all. That is very young children without help for the party. I think whoever told you that you were out of line, should be told they were out of line. You need as much help as you can, and you and your daughter obviuosly don't need those people as friends. You will still have people show up and you will probably find really good friends. Don't second guess yourself! Have a great party with who does show up!

I think you have every right to ask that the children be accompanied. You have a lot going on at your party, especially with ponies and the children are still young! Personally, I wouldn't leave my child at 4 years old at a party without me. You did the right, sensible thing, don't doubt yourself. I think if anyone brings it up to you, just say it is what you felt was best for the children and leave it at that. If they don't like it, I guess they can miss out on all the wonderful things you have planned for your daughter's birthday. Hang in there and stick to your guns! You did not make a mistake.

No way!! You aren't throwing a babysitting free-for-all...it's a birthday party. I can't believe these parents would even THINK of dropping their kids off at a house they don't know and leaving them alone, anyway! How are you supposed to know if there are allergies, food sensetivities, etc? Enjoy your party and let the offended parents stand in the corner and pout! LOL

~L.

Dear A. J.,

I don't see how this is being rude considering how inconsiderate people are as a whole nowadays. I feel it is better to err on the side of safety for the kids so asking that an adult attend also to help watch out for the little ones sounds very reasonable to me.
If you have any adult friends who have time and are willing to stay there for the party to help out that would be great as some parents may take advantage of the situation and drop of the kids as a way to have a free sitter for that period of time. I am in my early fifties and cannot fathom how thoughtless and self-centered many young couples are these days. I would never have even thought of doing things with my kids at this young age as people do now; leave them off in a public place without a parent and allowing people to watch them whom you don't know at all.
When my daughters were this age, we had a birthday party at McDonald's so that I would not have a house full of little kids running around and yelling because they were so excited. It worked out well for me.
Wishes for you to have a pleasant time to remember with your little daughter. Hope you take lots of pictures to make permanent memories since she is so young. Parents often enjoy looking at the pictures (maybe even more so) as much as the kids do.

L. C., Zeeland, MI

Hello A.,
A word of encouragement! You are doing the right thing! I also find you very brave to entertain such a large crowd of kids! No responsible parent should expect for you to babysit a big group of toddlers/ preschoolers especially when you are the host. You have enough on your plate! Sounds like you invited some children who's parents you have not met before. They should consider it a priviledge that their child was invited and they have a chance to meet you and your family!
I wouldn't let others make you feel guilty about your birthday plans and invitations. You invite! Therefore, you get to set the stage and can name the rules! Stay with your original plans....and enjoy daughter's birthday party! The truth is you will never please all people in live and should not let other people's opinion or negativity influence your judgment.
May God's Blessings shine upon you !
C. W.

I don't think it was out of line at all! In fact with those ages of kids I can't believe any parent would be willing to just drop their kid off and jet! Please don't feel bad at all you did the right thing for the children attending.