I Really Need Some Advice, or Someone to Just Get Me in the Right Direction.

Erica,

I'm just sending you a hug and I want you to know that you're not alone in feeling these things. We all feel this way at some point. Remember that you can love your husband through this time, but you cannot cure him of stress. That is his and your kids don't need you to inherit it from him.

Both of you being stressed out b/c one of you is stressed out is just not helpful. But I know where you're coming from. Be sweet. Be a friend, but don't take on his stress.

As far as the schedule is, children that age need between 12-14 hours of sleep a day, more for the 1 year old. Get them up when you think is convenient for you and FORCE them to lay down when you think it is time. You can't give kids options about bedtime. They will be better behaved, better balanced, happier kids if they get enough sleep. It might take a week or two but you will never regret getting them into a good pattern. Even if it takes hours for them to fall asleep the first couple of nights, make no allowances! They'll catch on, and their bodies will thank you for it.

Be disciplined about your own sleep, too.

Good luck to you and remember: This too shall pass.

Hello there Erica, please do not feel overwhelmed...I know easier said than done. First, I recently was laid off from my job and am very close to having my baby. I had to quickly find ways to entertain my kids while giving my husband some relief. I had to find "inexpensive" ways to entertain them and get them on a schedule. So, I quickly learned where the local playgrounds were that they could run around and get really tired and have fun. For about 1-2 dollars I could get a large amount of bubbles and have playtime with them. I will pack up a lunch and make it a fun adventure. I find the outdoors is magical in giving them an outlet, while giving me fresh air and then a nice nap for them and better sleep patterns at night. It is proven the sun does things to help with that. As well, I get them to take a bath at the same time each evening so then they understand once they eat dinner, get their bath and we put on night clothes what comes next. And by keeping this little routine although it may seem simple really helps out. In making sure you get them tired while your husband is working, when he gets home you will have your family window time then put them to bed and hopefully have some "you" time before you crash from exhaustion. As I discover new ways to entertain I will gladly share. But know this....these are tough economic times and I have learned how to stretch like I never expected but the wonderful thing is that we as Moms can connect and find new ways to entertain and enjoy life with our children and share. :0) Take care.
PS: by the way the organizing can go so far but it is tricky. I have to find myself getting rid of toys they just don't seem interested in and keeping those that they cherish. Then, keep little plastic boxes that "we" can work together during our clean up time and store stacked up. Big Lots as well as some other discount retailers will carry these for aroound 2.99-3.99 if you search the ads. A lifesaver for having daily cleanup and they can do before naptime or after late afternoon play when you get geared up for dinner. I really hope this helps and know other Moms are in the same boat so let's work together and see how we can help one another. :0)

Mother of two soon to be 3.....almost teen ager, two year old and newby coming.

I'm sending you a huge hug! Please know that you're not alone! Life squeezes us so hard sometimes and it seems there's no way out. Hang in there! It feels so chaotic and overwhelming with the children, the dishes, the laundry, the place gets trashed in two seconds with little kids, I totally know. But I've also found that the grumpier I am the grumpier the kids are. One piece of advice is go play outside with them as much as you can, parks, etc because you'll go crazy being inside all day and they will too. They've got to run and get that energy out. Also getting the 5 year old and the 2 year old involved in projects, coloring, stringing beads (that keeps my kids quiet and busy for ages!) helps. Play clean up games with the 2 oldest, put some happy lively music on and see who can pick up the most toys the fastest! Then, after the kids are in bed (at 7pm, lie down with them to get them to sleep fast if you need to so it's not one more battle at the end of the day for you) make it relax and do nothing time with hubby, cuddle on the sofa or in bed, make him some hot chocolate, rub his back and neck with a little massage oil, and just know he's almost done! Things will totally get better. I don't know if you have anyone that you can trust to watch your children so you can get out a couple hours a week and have a little me time, that really helps. Last of all, know that Heavenly Father knows you and your situation and pray often, I always forget and think I have to do it alone. You don't. Beg him to help your load feel lighter, and keep being in gratitude for everything you have. Then you'll get even more things to be grateful for. Lots of love to you!

take a deep breath...I'm sure it feels a lot worse than it really is! Just look at the positives...you have a beautiful family, a hubby working hard to provide for you and the kids, and as trivial as it sounds, in these economic times, even a 2 bed apt. is something to be grateful for!
I don't know how to help you de-stress (I'm bad at that myself LOL), but I think there are a few things you can do to make life easier.
As far as the kids being on a good schedule, the only way to do it is just be consistent. Pick a time that they need to be asleep, and put them to bed 30 min. before that. I put my kids in bed by 7:30 b/c I know they usually fall asleep by 8. My kids are almost 5 and 3 and going to sleep by 8 and waking up at about 6:30 is plenty of sleep for them, but your kids might need more or less =) Mine don't take naps anymore, either. If you are consistent about putting them in bed (with a routine like drink, brush teeth, story, song, kisses) at the same time and getting them up at the same time, their bodies will adjust and they will be more rested in the morning. It may take a week or 2 to get them adjusted, but it will happen! Make sure the new bedtime rules are explained well before the first night, and make sure they know the consequences of getting out of bed (if anything, just take them directly back to bed, only saying "you have to go to sleep now, it's bedtime", no other drinks, snacks, etc., no exceptions)
My other suggestions are a bit simpler =) If your hubby really needs a nap when he gets home to help him de-stress, is there a way you could take the kids out to play every day at the same time, if even for an hour so he can rest? Or maybe they could watch a favorite show for an hour at that time if it's raining out?
As for organization, I'm not good at that either! But I know it helps to keep the toys organized when I have baskets, containers, etc. to keep each type of toy (blocks, cars, Barbies, ponies, etc.) then tell the kids they can each get ONE set of toys out at a time. When they are done playing with them, they get put back before getting a different set. This helps keep the mess at a minimum! Also, my kids love it when I sing the clean-up song, or make it a game like "simon says". They are much more willing to work when it's fun =)
Make sure you don't forget about yourself, too! Maybe for 30 min. after the kids are in bed, give yourself permission to read a book or soak in the tub. Or wake up 30 min. before them to drink a cup of coffee and read e-mails. Whatever you can do to keep yourself refreshed. A happier mom makes for happier kids =)
I hope this has helped...just hang in there! If you need someone to vent to, just message me, I'll listen =)

My advice...read Toddler Wise by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam. It's all about getting kids on a schedule and helping you keep your sanity. It's great for stay at home moms! Good luck.

Turn it over to God in prayer. He will show you what needs to be done to help your situation. We are all there at some poin.

wow you are doing great!, you have got a lot on your plate and you are holding it together.

i also have a tiny 800 sq ft trailer, only 2 bedrooms 1 bath and it gets so cluttered it drives me mad. take 15 mins every day, no more, and de clutter, any toys you dont want or need can go to the charity, same with clothes etc - i am lucky i have a storage shed to put all my junk in - although it is full to the rafters lol, and my house is still cluttered most of the time, i think clutter for some is a way of life. i have got used to it now - and i also found something else out - all my friends with children have the same problem - i went to my friends house the other day to drop something off, and her house was like a bomb site lol, and i thought she was the most organized neatest person ever. it turns out she shoves everything under the bed and in cupboards when she knows she is having visitors!

my kids never get to bed on time, especially my 6 year old, he doesnt like to go to bed, so i teill him he doesnt have to go to sleep, he can read if he likes, but he had to stay in his room because mom and dad need "adult time", your oldest is old enough to reason with now.

your younger 2 are not, so you will have to work with them a bit more. what i find difficult is starting early enough in the evening to get my youngest to bed by 7, my hubbie doesnt get home until 6, so meal and bath etc takes up the whole time he is home, and he doesnt get quality time with the children - so now i have switched bath time to earlier in the day. you could try that

i also home school my son, it actually makes me more organized because i have to keep him on track because i use an accredited program, so that gives us a schedule, from 9-12 every day we do school.

i found before i homeschooled that i just drifted around during my days, with no purpose - much different to when i worked full time, i was much more organized then. but try setting a schedule, and writing it down. get up at the same time every, pretend you are working at a daycare lol, you get up at 8am, breakfast at 8.30, then playtime, lunch, naps etc - schedule it all out like you were at a job - that helped me, didnt stick to it lol, but it made me feel better.

you can get through this! (although stress free life+kids - never gonna work lol)

Try flylady.net It's a great website to help you start to feel like you can get your house/apt under control, which in turn can help you feel like your life is back under control. Good luck!

Erica,
I know you have a lot of advice, and in my (also stressed) opinion, I would not have the time to read books and would not even think about going back to work again! I have just started getting involved with a mom's group and the difference has been so amazing. I needed to get out of the house more and have other moms to vent with. The time with other moms has given the information I could get in a book, too, without having to try to sit down and read it. Having other people to bounce ideas around with has also helped. Often, the moms have not given me solutions, but just talking about the problems helped me come up with my own solution. I am not sure where you live, but meetup.com offers some moms groups and many of them charge nothing. The events are often at people's houses, so again, there is no charge. I have been amazed how much better my mood has been since I have been getting active, and it is good for the kids, too! I hope this helps a little!

In terms of getting your home organized and your finances in order, check out the Flylady. Just google it and you'll find her. It's almost entirely free (she does sell a few books) system for helping families get organized. She'll be a blessing to you.
Hugs on going through such a tough time. Remember, we've all been there.

E.

I think the children are picking up on your stress. It looks like you never have a minute to yourself. You need some time to personally destress away from the little ones. Is there a local church that has a once a week Mom's day out program so you could get a morning once a week to yourself? You could use the time to get caught up on the tasks that you are behind on or perhaps cook a weeks worth of main dishes to freeze for easy stress free meals or even just tidying up so things can get really done for a while befor they are chaotic? You could even just wath TV with out interuptions or read a book. I had 5 kids in 7 years and it was insanity making, so I understand. Do you have friends you and the kids could have play dates with occasionally? You sound like isolation may be a problem. Regarding bed time: First, feed your children early. Then, about an hour before your husband comes home, give your kids nice warm baths with soft music playing,classical lullabys perhaps, no words, use calming scents like the baby bath camomile scent. Perhps a candle up high enough it isn't a danger. make it a slowing down time. No toys in the tub. When every one is clean and relaxed and in their jammies, it should be time for Daddy to be home. When he arrives, all of you go to the kids room, put them to bed, have a family story time, keeping everything very calm and low key so that your husband is present in their lives but not stressed. leave the music going softly and leave the room. turn the lights out or darken the room. Keep the room dark to signal that it is a sleep time. Then have a comfortable adult dinner with your husband. It may take a while to get the children used to the new routine, but persevere. Good luck ,dear.

First, you do NOT have it easy! Being a SAHM is a very hard job!
As far as instituting a schedule, make one that makes sense to you and then follow it consistently. It doesn't matter what that schedule is, so long as it is consistent. I assume your 1 and 2 yo still nap? Build your schedule around their nap times. If you need to be out when DH comes home so that he can rest, make that the time you run your daily errands. That way, DH can rest and maybe when you get back you can have that much needed family time. It will take one to 2 weeks for everyone to adjust to the sched. It will not happen overnight.
Let your husband know how you feel. This is something you need to work through together.
Good Luck and take a deep breath!

I went through something similar a few years ago. There is a "clean up" song that the kids are taught in school. I don't know the exact words, but it's something to the effect of... "clean up, clean up, everybody do their part, clean up, clean up, get it all clean" (I hear my daughter sing it sometimes when she's cleaning her room, she learned it 5yrs ago.)
Anyway.... Children strive in structured environments, and when they feel useful it makes it even better. Pick a time for the kids to have play time, then clean up time. Once they have cleaned up, everybody is to lay down (maybe on a pallet on the living room floor) and put on a movie. Make sure they do not get up and they understand that they have to lay down through the entire movie. (drinks and potty before the movie starts). This is going to take a couple of weeks to get them on this schedule, but you can do it. Once you are ready for them to go to bed, make them go. If they get out of bed, put them back in the bed. You will probably have to stay in the room for a few nights to get them on that schedule. It's going to be hard work, but you can do it.
As far as your husband. Once you have the kids squared away, you will be able to have time with him. He will be able to get the sleep he needs, and everybody will feel better.
If you are not signed up for freecycle.com in your area, go to yahoo and find the one for your area. Then you can request plastic bins for storage. You will be able to give each child their own bin. They will feel like "big" kids, and have some where to keep their things out of the way.
I hope this helps.

Erica,
I'm sorry to hear about your stressful situation. The most important thing to remember is your health. Stress is very bad for you and your children and you want to around for a long time to watch them grow and become successful.
I know it may be hard with kids at home, but there are some employment opportunities for mom's at home if you have access to the internet. I'd be happy to provide some websites for you if you're interested.
Also, think of things in your home that you might be willing to part with by selling on ebay or Craig's List.
If you access to the internet and have a yahoo email address, visit www.freecycle.org. This is an online community organization where people in your area post items they are giving away. You will receive a daily email letting you know what people are giving away, and good stuff too. I've seen lots of baby things, furniture, and even computers.
I wish you the best and I'm very proud of your husband. Please let him know how much he is appreciated!

Just a few things to think about:
- Set a regular bed time for the kids and stick with it. If your older one doesn't want to go to sleep at that time make him stay in his room and read, watch a kids video or listen to music. Music will sooth even the most savage of beasts :-).
- If your little ones are working towards not needing naps don't force them to take one - it will be easier to put them to sleep.
- Hubby needs to spend some time with the kids when he gets home - maybe forego baths for the little ones until the next morning.
- Get up in the morning with hubby - have coffee with him - talk about the day before - whatever....its a few minutes of uninterrupted time.
- Set up plastic or cloth containers for the kids toys - they will help with the clutter factor and strees of keeping things picked up.
- If possible, fix a few things while kids are napping or on the weekends that can be frozen and quickly thawed out for dinner....take away the stress of "what's for dinner"

Because of your husband's schedule right now, you are probably saddled with the finances. I would recommend you pick up a copy of Dave Ramsey's book Financial Peace. This is a quick easy to read book that will help you step by step take control of your family's fnances and prepare your family for financial success in the future.

Are you member of a church? If so, reach out to your Sunday School class or a Mother's Day Out class - this can help you in so many ways.

Also, check and see if your church participates in the Angel Food ministries program. You can purchase a box of food for a family of 4 that will last a month for next to nothing. It is good quality food - my family and I did this several times when we had family members staying with us during emergency situations. It does help on the checkbook.

Clip coupons - from the paper and on line - put them in a coupon organizer. Prepare a grocery list and stick to it. You will be amazed at the money you save with a list and coupons. I have saved $75-$78 several times by doing this.

Good luck - keep us posted as to how things progress for you.

Erica,

I speak with people everyday who are going through circumstance such as yours and the numbers are increasing with the economy slowing down. I understand getting thing down to a norm is hard; nevertheless, it is important for you to move forward to reduce the stress level in your home.

Set up a plan for your children that would allow them the opportunity to burn off some of the energy they have. Put all of them down for a nap each day to give you a short break. Get them in the habit of having dinner, their bath and going to bed about 9PM. This will give you some time to relax with your husband before he goes to bed. There are thing you can do to change where you are compared to where you want to go.

One of the hardest things about this is getting started. My name is C., I am a Financial Literacy Education Specialist. My team help people stabilize the financial side of their lives by saving and accumulating more money into their budget.

Feel free to visit our website http://www.teamdestinyone.com to see what we do as a company. If you are open to getting some information on how we might be able to help you improve your circumstance, call my toll free number 800-884-8165 and leave your name and number.

Success to you,

C.

Hi Erica~
I was feeling really down one day due to stress and a sense of being overwhelmed and I was flipping channels on tv when I came across a preacher say to his congregation---" is your home a mess ? Be glad you have a home, some people do not. Are your kids driving you crazy? Be glad you have kids, millions of couples face infertility and would LOVE to have your kids. ".....he went on and on and it just touched my spirit and gave me my second wind. It got me out of my funk.
Its going to be ok, take a deep breath, be thankful, take a good look at all that you do have and embrace it .
Take one day at a time, nothing is perfect all the time and the good news is it dosen't have to be. Enjoy your home, your kids, your husband. Take time to pamper yourself too.

HI Erica,
You have received great advice here and i didn't read everything so at risk of repeating someone: have you considered home care? Meaning having someone come to your home to watch your kids while you work? Perhaps even part time? It may make a big difference. I know paying childcare for three separate children is expensive especially so young, but of course that is because it is very expensive to provide childcare. Anyway that's just a thought. Sometimes we just need a change of rhythm to help rebalance. A little part time job could be beneficial. The person who comes to your house could perhaps include a little cleaning. What is your profession?
Also for organizing toys and stuff, you don't have to spend money on plastic boxes and so on, just get empty boxes from the grocery store and you could even make it a fun art project to decorate them. Maybe each child could have their own box or have separate boxes for specific items. It could be fun.
You five year old could be in a public kindergarten no? At least part time which would help.
I think you have received amazing and wonderful advice from everyone here.
I also had an idea that mums could do like a swap shop for toys instead of throwing them away. Just start a meetup or something and everyone brings their old toys and swaps them out for others. Just a thought. Any comments from anyone?

Hi Erica,
Bless you- you do have some real stress issues- but nothing that cannot be fixed. Apparently, hubby is going to be a fireman and his schedule will soon change. but in the mean time- try this....you get up early with him- spend a moment or two with a cup of coffee.before kids get up- then you nap when kids are napping if possible- when hubby gets home and needs a nap- you take the kids out for a time of playing or a walk or something that they would enjoy and use up some energy.......give hubby an hour or so to nap before returning home with kids- then try for at least 15 minutes after kids go to bed for alone time with hubby- even if it is in the shower or bath...... It will probably be a little harder on you taking them out, but hubby will be less stresssed if he can get a good nap at least 3 days a week.
then- when he is off- try and get a sitter at least twice a month- for a date day- and since money is tight there are things you can do that are free- just take a walk- go to the park and thru frisbies- visit family without the kids- or friends without the kids if only for an hour or so-..........this will give you both time together- and since money is tight- and baby sitters cost money- try to swap sitting with another "fireman's wife" I am sure there is another mom in your building or circle of friends you could exchange sitting with.
then- when hubby is napping- if you cannot get outside- keep the apartment as quiet as possible---- no TV- take this time to play games or read to the older ones or just sit in the floor and play with them------
hope this helps
blessings

The most important thing is to put your kids on a schedule if you can by putting them in their room with the lights out and door closed until they get the idea that this is the way it is going to be. Start by having a quiet time during the day where you make them be in their room for an hour and play quietly if they don't want to nap. Then they will learn that the quiet time is continued when the sun goes down.
Get them involved in helping with the cleaning or straightening up and try to be there for your husband even if you are tired. He needs you to get rid of the stress for him by being his wife. This will also help him to focus during the day.
Start with the afternoon naptime all at the same time so that you can have 1 hour to yourself to clean or rest. When you have that under control, wean your little ones into a bedtime at 8:30 or 9:00 with lights out. Remember to start 30 minutes earlier.

S.

Hi Erica,
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You are feeling what happens to most couples when one or more is a student with kids. Your life is crazy right now because your schedule is crazy right now. What you need to do is give yourself a pass not to be perfect and know that this is a hard time in your life and the most you can ask yourself and your family to do is GET THROUGH IT together. You don't need to be perfect and organized as long as everyone is safe and healthy then you've done your job. When he starts working, your finances will take care of themselves, his routine will settle into something more normal (as normal as a fireman gets!) and you will figure it out. You need to remember that times like these put your family into crisis mode, and you can't hold your responsibilities to the same standard in crisis mode as you would normally. Good luck.

Hi Erica:
While my issues aren't exactly the same, they are very similar. Luckily, I'm on the backside and things are finally improving. I will tell you what helped me. Make sure you get outside EVERY day. Somehow, that wears out your kids and maintains YOUR sanity. Make sure you have a support group, whether that be a good friend or a mom with kids you can hang out at the park together. Just SOMEONE to talk to that you can enjoy being with. Next, SIMPLIFY your life. Cut out all commitments not totally necessary. That provides way too much stress and drains your financial resources as well. Slow yourself and your kids schedules. Finally, spend some time with God to center yourself. There is a devotional called "Streams in the Desert" that I HIGHLY recommend. It will support you when you can't support yourself.....
I wish you the best. As I said before, I have been there and these things REALLY allowed me to keep my sanity.
God Bless!!!

You've probably gotten a lot of good advice but I thought I would throw mine in. When it comes to your relationship you should definitely watch Fireproof. My husband and I watched it about a week ago and loved it. Our relationship has been pretty great so far although we have only been married almost a year and have a 7 yr old and one on the way. The journal that is talked about in the movie is suppose to be going on sale soon and would be good to have within reach any time you may need it.

Your children and having a schedule. It definitely sounds like you need a schedule so you and your husband have "you" time. Write down the times that everything is going to happen throughout the day and stick with it. From the time your kids get up to the time they go to bed. If they are not tired at bed time then shorten their afternoon nap or take it out completely. Make sure you take them to the park or outside at least once a day so they can run out energy and during play time make sure their minds are stimulated. This also helps to make them tired. Flash cards are always great along with puzzles but still keep the other toys available for playtime. If they take a nap in the afternoon and you probably definitely need your down-time shorten it to an hour right after lunch. Your kids are also old enough to help with a few small tasks. After they eat have them bring their dishes to you to be put in the sink, they can pick up their toys when done playing. A home daycare my son was at even had all of the kids 1 to age 3 wiping down the table after they ate. Don't wait on your kids hand and foot because you think they aren't capable. I've always been told that children will be put out what you expect from them. If you expect they can't do something then they never will. Also if they watch TV throughout the day get rid of that with the exception of the morning or for short periods. If you do combinations of the above give or take then by the time you are ready to put them to bed they will be tired. Bed should be no later than 8:30 or 9 and 9 is pushing it. By your kids helping you around the house it will be more in order when your husband comes home and he can help put the kids in the bath or bed. After the kids are in bed is time for you and your husband. It will probably still be stressful but not as bad. I have a feeling that your husband is exhausted from work then when he comes home and there is a mess it wears him down. It's always much nicer to come home to a clean to somewhat clean house. Any time I go out of town I try to get as much of the house straightened before I leave so when I come home I don't start thinking about everything I need to do on the house. Plus if the house is a little more in order when the kids go to bed it will be easier for you and your husband to just relax together. Watch TV or talk or anything else. Well I'm kind of all over the place but wanted to get as much info in as possible. I will be praying for you and your family. Hang in there. Things will get better. God never said things would always be easy but he did say that he would always be there whenever we needed him.

The first thing that comes to mind is get them out of the house and yard, take them somewhere. Let them run and play til they wear themselves out. Do this about an hour or two hours before dinner. They take a bath and time for a story, hopefully they will crash for the night. And you will have some time with that hard working husband. (worth a try)

As you learn to get your life organized and time scheduled, don't forget that you and hubby came FIRST! Keep the lines of communication open, even if it is a "Love you and miss you" note left on the dining table. Love and respect each other.

MAKE time together as a couple to live, love and laugh each day. Do you have family close by or a neighbor that could watch the little ones for an hour? Take a walk in the park holding hands. Take a warm, relaxing bath together. Fix a picnic lunch to take to the beach. Catch a movie. The point is get AWAY from your home environment (if you can) and find neutral territory to just be a COUPLE again. Always remember, YOU as a couple came first, because the blessed children come and go thru your lives, and you two will be alone again as a couple, when the children are grown.

Leave work problems at the front door and do NOT bring them inside. If you DO have a disagreement, talk (no screaming or fighting) about it behind closed doors and not in front of the little ones. Make your home your place of peace and solace. While he is stressed and going thru the Academy, you will need to find an extra dose of patience to help him and run interference with the little ones to keep them quiet. It is hard, but you CAN do it. He will appreciate it in the long run and it will show in his grades that YOU will benefit from, too. Always remember to Hug him and Kiss him goodbye everytime he leaves and tell him you love him. We don't know what God has planned for us and because of his job, we have to trust God that he will bring our loved ones home safely after the end of their shifts. This has worked great for me for 38+ years of marriage. Give your stress to God to handle. Much luck and God bless.

Hi! I know where you are coming from, I am a Fireman's wife of 6 years. Your almost towards the end of your husbands journey getting into the Fire Dept. right now things may seem out of control but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I only had one child while my husband was in the academy and I see you have 3 under the age of 5, you should commend yourself for being there for your family and husband, it's a lot on a wife and mother to go through while your husband is finishing up, my husband and I went through the same thing and I was stressed at times but we made it through. Don't give up once he is settled it will get easier, I thought at times to get a job to help out but I would only be working for daycare & gas so I have been a SAHM for 9 years now and we are just about to have another baby and right now we have a schedule but that soon will change with a newborn but it happens and it's ok, it's life and things change. I am not a scheduled person and my husband is totally on schedule, it took a while for me to adjust but it's all in time. I did the same thing with my husband and didn't ask him for help but for me I do work, at HOME. I understand he is exhausted but his family is there for him and will stand by him and he has to understand that you are home with his 3 kids and I know for a fact your not just sitting on your booty, (excuse me) all day. Tell yourself that it soon will be over and that your husband and you will make it through this tough time. Don't know your religion but pray about it and ask God to help and guide you to make the right decisions, prayer gets me through a lot. I am happy to be where I am today and knowing that my husband is happy and LOVES his job, it will be worth it. Blessings!!!

I hope everything works out for you!!

WOW! My heart breaks for you. You have a lot going on.
I haven't read the other posts, yet, so I might be repeating something/ someone else.

There have been times in my life that I have felt completely and totally out of control! With lots of stress and tension in my relationships. Those are the times that I have been trying to run my own life, instead of seeking God's help and peace.
You don't mention in your request, but are in or seeking a good church home? Finding time to worship and listen to God and finding a group of families who love and support you, makes a huge difference. So does developing a loving relationship with Jesus...who you can spill your heart to and ask for help! He loves your family as much as you do and He wants to see you all happy.

So I believe that is number one. But also number one is communication with your husband. Together, finding a plan that works to improve things. Sounds like your place is crowded. Do you need to re-organize, re-arrange or sort possessions out to help ease the clutter? Getting everyone on a schedule would help. You might have to try a few different schedules to see what works best....but give each one a good consistent try. Is there a park or playground nearby? Getting the kids some exercise and getting them outdoors will help tire them out. It would also be a good place to go when your husband needs to rest from his training.
Make sure you all take time to play together. A game or reading books or something done all together will help. And you don't need a lot of space.

You say your husband gets up early while you and the children "sleep in". Exactly what time does he get up? Does he hang around the house for awhile (eat breakfast and/or read the paper?) Why can't you get up when he does? That would #1, give the two of you some private time, and @2 give you a jump on the housework. Actually, the house should be in order before you go to bed. Keeping the kids up late so they will seep late is a bad idea and a very hard habit to break. The two little ones are still babies, but they can be trained to replace toys once they have finished playing with them. The 5 year old is old enough to help. Give that child chores to do. keeping sanitary wipes in the bathroom are great for quick clean-up jobs that keep the bathroom looking good. Do you have in house laundry or must you go outside? If you have in-house, do a load a day so it can be dried, folded and put away all at the same time. Your children probably sleep in the same room so there's most likely not much play space in there. Set aside a particular area of the house for playing and make them keep their things there; that will help keep the rest of the house in order. Do you clean as you cook? It is very easy to wash a pan used for cooking as soon as it is emptied, and teach the children to put their empty plate and glass on the cabinet as soon as they are finished eating. That will teach them responsibility and save you many clean-up steps. Teach the 5 year old to set the table.What time does your husband get home? You mentioned that he can't nap because of the children He should spend at least an hour playing with them. It may be hard now, but it'll pay off in the long run. The hardest part will be getting the kids used to going to bed not later than 8:00pm. They'll need to be in bed by that time when they start to school, so you might as well start that now. Just be firm. Give them something to sleep with and JUST DARE them to get out of bed. This will give you and your husband a little more private time.

1. Google Flylady and Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University. (seperate googles) This is help that will work.

2. Take time to pray every day (even if its while you do chores) Giving your burdens to God allows you to be at peace even when things around you are stressful.

The troubles you are having are real but they can also be great opportunities for growth. Had a principal I worked with meet what I would call a problem, by saying, "what opportunity do I have to help" It kind of helped me change my mindset for all the stuff we deal with. They are opportunities (in disguise :)

Sometimes the simplest things can have the biggest impact. I was happy that you asked about how you can make your husband feel better. Studies have shown that men feel most loved when they feel respected. You know the song "RESPECT" sung by Aretha Franklin? It was written by a man. My advice would be for you to first of all let your husband know how much you love and appreciate him. Also make sure that your sex life does not suffer. I know it's hard when your children are so young but sex will definitely help relieve your husbands stress. Even just a simple neck massage can go a long way in making him feel really loved and cared about which in turn will help him relax and even turn his attention toward helping you. It sounds like you are both devoted to each other and to your kids. Of course THE most important thing you can do is to pray. One of my favorite scriptures is Phil.4:6 "Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done." (NLT) I hope this helps, God bless!

Hey there! I know your pain! My husband is a paramedic. Same thing, up all night and sleeping all day. We have narrowed down that he takes best naps in the afternoon, 3ish so I try to run errands or get the kids out for an activity like the park or something. The good news is that once he is out of the Fire academy and at a station he should be a lot less stressed. Most firemen that my husband works with actually have second jobs because things get so slow at the stations. So he can probably catch up on sleep there. My husband also works with a guy who stays after his shift to sleep at the station a while before he goes home because he has a hard time sleeping. Once things do slow down you need to insist that he helps out. Its no good working so hard that you miss your kids growing up. He shouldn't sleep through that.

If you are a stay at home mom why do you have child care expense.
You will have to be consistant with your children everyday all day long. And patient.
If your life is hectic so is theirs. If you are stressed it is rubbing off on them.
Set a bed time and stick with it. It may take a week or so to get them used to the routine but in the end you will win if you are consistant. Do not allow a nap if they take one in the late afternoon or they will not be sleepy at bed time.
You do not stat what a normal day routine is for your children.
Good luck,
A.

Hi Erica,
I am so sorry that you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed. If it makes you feel any better, we have all been there. I would say just try to take it a day at a time and figure out what your biggest priorities are. Play with your kids and let the house go when you can. Try and get out of the house as much as possible. I know money is tight, but there are still lots of places to go, like the park, area pools, play areas at restaurants (just order a coke or something).

I am glad that your husband will be done with school soon, that will really help. I hope it gets better :)

R.

I agree on not taking his stress. All you can do is try and be patient and things have a way of working out as they should. Try and take some time for yourself to. Even if its just a few minute walk or a bath alone. We all need that time to recollect. Babies are so hard and so demanding sometimes but it is always worth it in the long run. I can remember I couldn't get my oldest daughter to sleep for anything. Finally I begged my mom to help me I was so tired and she was so cranky from being tired and feeling my stress. She was almost a year old. My mom told me just put her in her crib and let her cry she'll get it eventually. So I did and hearing her cry was terrible for me. I wanted to just save her. But I forced myself to let her. In about a week she would literally put her self to sleep. But for that first week you would have thought I was really hurting her. Her body and she got used to it. She is now 15 and even on weekends is in bed at a good hour. My other daughter is the night owl like her mother. But during school days she takes herself to bed also. As a baby she was never any trouble to get to bed it was the oldest one. But am happy to report with sticking with it and not giving in except on occasion like slumber parties and bday parties and such we stick to a decent bed time even now that they are teens.

You could use a mother's day out program. Check with local churches to see who has one. Find a church with a childrens's program in general and that will give you a break on Sunday morning and maybe Wed. nights. I opted for a Bible study that had free babysitting. Even though I had no Bible knowledge, getting out with other mom's was great and free babysitting for a couple of hours and being separated from the kids during that time was priceless. I also took up selling AVON and have been doing so for 11 years. It is a job I can do around my children and ny schedule and more importantly my husband's crazy, on call schedule. He works a job with absolutely no set hours and takes call. Its like being a single mom. By the way, I have 4 kids. I know its hard but you can do it. You said you have a 5 year old, try to get him or her involved with Tball or kickball and that will get you around more moms and its a great stress buster.

Dear Erica,

First of all, breathe. Just want you to know that you're not alone. That probably most moms go through this. I know I have. The bad news is that your life will probably never again be stress-free (it's challenging with kids), but the good news is that stress is good for you if you are willing to compartmentalize it all. I have one child, and I feel overwhelmed alot of times, so I can't imagine how you do it with three! But kudos to you! Have you done the math as far as finances? I'm no financial guru by any means, but sometimes paying for childcare, in order to keep your sanity, is almost worth it. That means that if you break even at the end of the day, having them in childcare, but you're able to go to work --feel productive and get back to yourself--than have money at the end of the month, it might be worth it? You might need to find work closer to home, rather than pay for gas. Can you ask for help from your mom or in-laws? That's what I had no problem with was ask for help when I do need some me time and girl, you should always set aside me time each week. Whether it be one hour or so....you need to decompress.

As for asking for help from your husband, you need to ASK him. He was part of creating these children, so he can help too. You shouldnt feel bad b/c he's exhausted. What do you think you are?

I think you should step back and take a look at what's happening to yourself, b/c without you, nothing will work. The house can stay messy, until you get yourself together. You might have to just let go and prioritize and give yourself a break. You're doing a great job!! Stay positive! Good luck to you!!