I Really Need Sleep

She's scared of the new surroundings. Let her lay with you until she is good asleep and then move her to her bed. See how that works. Or lay with her until she goes to sleep.
Some things work for some kids and some things work for others.

Hi K.
We train our kids from the minute we bring them home from the hospital...they cry, we pick them up, they cry, we change them, they cry, we feed them...all by demand...so it is natural for them to cry at any age (especially as babies) and expect mom or dad to come running to their aid. So you have to bite the bullet and let her cry it out. My twins cried for 10 min when I "made" them sleep through the night, my other son, for 1 hour and my husband HAD to keep me out of his room. I got a video monitor so I could atleast "watch" him to make sure he was "ok". My fourth son...45min to 1 1/2 hours of all out yelling with tears! torture...but after 2 weeks, he got it and slept through the night. My daughter...about 1 hr...its NOT fun...but they are ok and its good for them to learn how to console themselves and develop the security of being ok when they fall asleep. As long as you have a routine; feed him about 1/2 hour before bed or an hour...make sure he is burped and a clean diaper, comfy night time clothes...give him his blanket or animal, pull the crib up, sing your songs, say your prayers...tell him "night night", turn on the monitor so you can see him and SHUT THE DOOR! and DONT open it again, until you go to bed or leave it shut with the monitor on. It will be hard for a week or two or three...but it works and your son (and you/husband) will be so thankful that you MADE him do it...for life! I have five and I am telling you...YOU set the tone and THEY know it...and they follow...maybe kicking and screaming at first..but you give them a confidence and security that is unmatchable...compared to moms that don't take charge and help their children with a schedule! the kids will run your life otherwise...and you will be tired and miserable! Do it...it works! and your kids will be GREAT and thankful for you! Have fun...it will all pay off! Tears are a good thing! Hard on us, but a good thing!

K. - my 15 month old girl JUST STARTED sleeping through the night. BUT - it took her going to her Aunt's house for the weekend...??? Who knows? She goes there and she tells me she had no problem..that she slept through the entire night...where for us, she'd been getting up every 3 hours. UGH. Anyway - then, she came home and slept through the night for about 4 nights and then got sick. Which made us say, "she's gotts go back!!" She starting getting up again every 3-4 hours. We thought it might be teeth. To us....something could always come up because we are expecting the teeth to hurt and NEVER know when news ones will start bugging her. Sophie's ended up being a double ear infection but at first we ALWAYS thinks it's teeth.

You may need to rock her more, or really try figuring out what helps her sleep. What special does she need - is she pulling at her ears, putting fingers in mouth - lots of extra drool? Really pay attention to the clues she is giving without knowing it. Actually my husbands been the best at seeing the clues. Now I really pay attention to them and I take time to try different things that might help make her feel better. Try Motrin or Tylenol and rock her - see if soft music helps - try different things til you get it. You will! Phases kinda stink....just when you think you've got them down -they go changing.
P.S. - our routine is solids, bath, bottle, book - bed with music. She will cry once we go back and let her finish her bottle, then lay her back down. She usually sleeps til midnight. When she's not feeling good she's usually up every two hours....ugh. Keep trying different things - you will get it. Try to relax and pay closer attention to things that may help her stop crying or that she likes. Good Luck.

Here's a wonderful article from mothering.com...

We have a 17 month old son, Max, who wakes three to five times a night and needs help getting back to sleep. Sometimes all he wants is a drink of water but it always has to come from his mom or dad. We all shared our queen-sized bed until Max was about 13 months old. At that point he became too restless to sleep with—neither Dad nor I were sleeping well. We successfully transitioned him to his own bed (a queen-sized futon) and his own room but he still wakes several times a night and needs help getting back to sleep. Max has been teething since he was five months old, continuously it seems, and I know that contributes to some restlessness. But after reading Elizabeth Pantley's book, The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers, I'm wondering if he's just used to us being there when he wakes up and is unable to get himself back to sleep without our help. My husband has suggested that perhaps cosleeping has caused Max's inability to sooth himself and honestly, I have a hard time arguing with him. By sharing a bed with Max for so long, have we taught him that he needs help getting back to sleep? We're expecting our second child in September and I plan to share our bed with him/her as well, at least during the period of intense breastfeeding. But I want him/her to know that he/she doesn't need anyone or anything to get back to sleep.

Congratulations on your sensitive parenting for your son. I can also understand your own needs for sleep, and concerns about arrangements with your new baby.

First, I would like to reassure you that you have not caused your son's need for night-time reassurance.

One way to look at his needs is to consider that, through human history, over 100,000 generations of children have grown up in the wilds, compared to maybe 500 generations living in settled agricultural villages and less than 10 generations in modern multi-bed roomed housing.

Therefore, our children's brains are still hard-wired for night-times where adult protection and reassurance was crucial for survival. Imagine a 17 month child sleeping alone in the wild: it would certainly risk his life. So it is very normal for a young child to protest at being alone at night: their instincts are telling them that they are in a life-threatening situation.

If we consider this perspective, we can understand that any child who is not old enough to defend them selves against a nocturnal predator (lion, tiger) may feel scared at night.

For example, my six year old daughter (who has been co-sleeping and now wanting to move to her own bed) told me one morning that she awoke in the night and was so terrified that she couldn't more, or even call out. Her brother (aged 11) said he remembered having the same experience. I realized how lucky I am that my children can share this verbally; the experience for younger children is likely the same (or scarier), and they can't articulate it, and therefore parents don't appreciate the depth of these hard-wired fears. (As I say in my book, ?the monsters that our children see under their beds are real, although possibly extinct by now.')

You might also consider that most parents don't sleep alone either, and I often find that I don't sleep as well when my partner is away.

So any method that attempts to get a young child to sleep through the night alone is going to be up against millions of years of human expectations. This is the reason why most sleep training techniques do not produce lasting effects, and why most children will wake regularly for comfort in the pre-school and sometimes school years. This is normal.

There are several solutions, and you will have to see what will work best for your family. Some families cosleep, which is the norm in most non-western cultures throughout childhood, with older siblings often sleeping together as well.

Parents who do not want to cosleep may have a separate close by bed in their room that children sleep in, or can come into in the night.

You may have found yourself that the most difficult time for a child is falling asleep, so lying down with children at this time can be very helpful. Some families (our included) have double beds for young children so that a parent can come in during the night and sleep comfortably with the child for some time. When I had younger babies, my husband had this task with the older children, and it was very sweet to find him, snuggled up in a double bed with several children around him, the next morning.

It is also worth considering what our goals are with our children's sleep. Generally the goal is for the parents to get adequate sleep so that they can do what they need to do in the daytime. Children's sleep is usually only problematic if it disturbs the adults. With this in mind, we could also consider if there are other ways that we can care for ourselves so that we are well rested.

Personally, I recommend that all mothers of young children—especially those who are still taking a daytime nap—ensure that they also nap as much as possible. You will find this a great habit with your new baby too.

I have found that over the years I have come to enjoy cosleeping more and more, appreciating the sweetness (and cuddliness) of my children at night and realizing that this time is really very brief. I have also relinquished any expectation of nighttime independence (which is very much a cultural expectation), which has helped me to become more sensitive to their needs.

On a practical note, I also find that my children sleep most peacefully when their nutritional and emotional needs are met, including the need to ?let off stream' with rough play and/or sometimes a tantrum before sleep. See Aletha Solter's book for more about this.

Many blessings to you and your expanding family.

Resources

Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering: The wisdom and science of gentle choices in pregnancy, birth and parenting by Sarah J Buckley MD. www.sarahjbuckley.com
Chapter 22, The cosiness of co-sleeping
Chapter 23, Getting a good night's sleep: gentle approaches to nightwaking. http://www.sarahjbuckley.com/articles/good-nights-sleep.htm
Safe sleeping for all babies under one http://www.sarahjbuckley.com/articles/ten_tips_sleeping.htm
Our Babies Ourselves by Meredyth Small
Night-time Parenting by William Sears
Sleeping with your Baby by James McKenna
Tears and Tantrums by Aletha Solter www.awareparenting.com

let her cry it out.....it may take a few nights...but by being consistent with it, she'll eventually get the message and go to sleep. The longer you wait to break this habit, the more difficult this will become later. It sounds hard core...and believe me, I never let my kids cry....until my son came along and woke all hours of the night. I got no sleep for his first year...then wised up. After that year mark, I had enough....let him cry and self soothe.....it took about a week...but he's slept through the night since, and he's 3! Offer a cuddly animal or baby blanket....maybe put a t-shirt worn by you for the scent. Best of luck.

I empathize with you and I am sorry. It is so hard. I will tell you that it gets better. I got my help using a book titled "Helping your child sleep through the night", a guide for parents of children from infancy to age five- by Joanne Cuthbertson & Susie Schevill. My book is tatered as I am bringing it back out again. I used it with my first son who had collic and reflux and did not sleep for 5 months. It worked. I am now using it for my new baby who is 3 months as well as my now 2 year old who is climbing out of the crib. It has worked again in 3 days. It is a lifesaver!!! Good luck to you.

HI K. my 14month old won't sleep in his either, we've resorted to him sleeping in our bed again. I konw lots are against this but we need rest to keep our sanity and also know that he need to be in his own bed but it won't be forever. I know its hard we have tried everything from let him cry go in a every few minutes at growing times to letting him cry for longer times and none of it works he out lasts us and breaks all of our hearts in the process, so when he is ready we know it will happen. And although e do miss having our bed to ourselves it is nice to have him safely in the middle cuddling with us. I've just accepted it for now, it how I was raised and the rest of my family too, I think we are all closer because of it, it gave us all a great since of mommy and daddy will always be there no matter what. I was out of their bed by 2 when I was able to understand that I had to and mommy and daddy are still here just in our own room. HAve you ever seen a highschooler still sleeping with mommy and daddy? So unless you just can't sleep with her there maybe you should just except that she just wants to be close to you is that so bad for 14month old. My son got really bad and stopped sleeping in his own bed when I started trying to wean him off the breast, he would be out in a dead sleep limp in my or my husbands arms and the seconde we out him down he started to scream like he was being hurt. Before that near bed time we would say ok time for bed give hugs kisses turn out the lights turn his time music light medley and leave the room he was asleep in minutes but that all changed recently, now he will not sleep in there at all, so I will be looking at your suggestions too, but probably have the same result.
Good Luck if something works let me know!!

The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/

We moved when my daughter was about that age also and she wouldn't sleep through the night anymore. We finally figured out that b/c we had bumpers in the crib she couldn't look around her room while falling asleep so we moved them so that it went across the back and on the ends and then bent them back so she could look out the front of the crib and we would leave a small night light on and I think it was that first night we did that she went right to sleep on her own and never cried for us. There is lots of new things to check out!!

My 3rd was about 19 months old before he slept through the night. I was desperate. A friend of mine told me to get a sound machine because if it's too quiet they can hear every little noise and it bothers them. I got the homedics sound spa and we put it on the rain sound every night. There hasn't been a sleepless night since. It will take you a week or so to figure out what volume level to have it on. Make sure the room she's sleeping in is dark and not too warm. We have found that denim curtains tend to block out light better than a lot of others if you can't afford the black out curtains. Try to make her bed feel like yours if that's where she's wanting to sleep. I don't believe in the bare crib with only a sheet for older babies. And the advice you were given on making her full first may be hindering you. Digestion can wake people. We feed them about 2 hours before bed. And then if she wants a little drink of milk, give her a small drink before putting her down, but don't fill her up right before laying her down. That just doesn't work. Routine works. If she gets the same treatment at the same times, she'll know what's coming next and what is expected of her. So if she goes into her room and it's dark and she hears the sound machine on, she'll automatically think it's bedtime after a while. Good luck! I hope whatever you try works!