I Need to Have More Patience Anyone Else Feel That Way? Mom of 3 (5Yrs and Under

Absolutely! I used to be known for my patient, mello disposition but now I scream at the family a lot. I was recently diagnosed with hypothyroidism so I'm hoping that improves as my levels even out. I read short temper is one of the symptoms.

Hi,

I know exactly what you mean. Patience is hard to maintain all the time. I find myself losing my cool more than I would like. I try to always be aware that these are just little kids but at the end of a long day it can seem pretty much impossible. Counting to ten or walking outside or into the other room for a minute helps too. Sometimes I feel like I need primal scream therapy. A day away from them does wonders as well. Best of luck and remember you're not alone.

Try to make schedules so you wont be rushed, including a play time for them to play with you and activities they can do without you. And most of all remember they will ALL be going to college WAY too soon. Enjoy these wonderful baby years while you can. As for the bickering, dont intercede, instead watch them as if it were an I love Lucy show. Sometimes the bickering can be very funny as long as they dont hit.

Hey. When I read your note what I felt was relief that I am not so abnormal, and then seeing all the responses you have I feel even better. I also have 3 under 6 and sometimes can barely hold it together, but what affects me the most are my feelings of guilt or worrying about my kids and their reactions to my reactions. I found a little escape from my anxiety in the Scream Free Parenting website. I didn't buy anything. I had gotten a free ebook and get newsletters. Their philosophy helps a little bit to remind you that your kids are perfectly capable of surviving your parenting errors, and even learning from them. And that we as parents should worry a little more about ourselves than our kids. No one is perfect.. And perfection differs from one person to the next. You may be doing a much better job than your stressed out perspective allows you to see. Relax. Everything works in mysterious ways. You love your kids or you wouldnt be worrying so much. But worry less and trust your kids. They will be fine... and so will you. Deep breath... If you are interested google scream free parenting. They have some good notes for parents of kids of all ages. Good Luck..

D.,
As everyone else has told you you're not alone! I just want to add one thing...boundaries/rules/schedule...(yeah, in my mind that's one thing :) What I mean is make a schedule that makes you happy and stick to it...for example...mondays-storyhour, tues-clean, weds-playdate, thurs-errands, fri-free day....whatever works for you and your little ones...I do things for my small ones mon and tues and weds they watch t.v. and play while I catch up on what I need/want to do...this way I don't feel guilty because they had 2 days of fun out of the house and they play nicely because they need the downtime by weds anyway...keep to your schedule...naps after lunch...everyday...it's something to look forward to and it gives you that extra bit of patience when the bologna goes flying through the air at lunchtime because you know in half an hour all will be quiet and you can call your best friend while you re-fold the mountain of laundry that they just knocked over :) Take it from me mommy of 5 little boys(I had 4 in 4and 1/2 years, then the 5th 2 years later)...make time for you, them and keep to your routine and it will run smoother...because you'll all know what's coming next! One last thought...if you haven't already start giving them chores...if you are trying to do it all, you'll never have anytime...they can make their beds, put their clothes away, set and clear the table, take clothes out of the dryer, dust, sort socks, and my list goes on and on....besides now is the time to start...they love to help you and then you can talk and play together while you're doing these things...good luck!

D., I have been feeling the same way, some times worse than others. I also have 3, and I feel like I am depriving myself of the most enjoyable time of motherhood. They still think I am brilliant, they hug me, kiss me, tell me stories, etc. and I always feel like I am rushing them, brushing them off, yelling and have no patience. It makes me so sad because I know in a few years, they are not going to hug & kiss me, not want to talk to me and realize I don't know everything. All we can do is try our best, which is what I try to do when after an hour of trying to get them settled for bed, they want one more kiss or tell one more story, I just try to muster the patience because I know it is not always going to be this way. I know I am not giving any earth shattering advice, but just wanted you to know u are not alone & mothers are also human. Hang in there & just try to enjoy them..

TAKE A DEEP BREATH!!!Just reading your email made my heart race...you sound very overwhelmed! Is there any time that you can just set aside to do nothing with your kids? I know that it is hard to fit everything into the day, but what about giving them one hour with you to just play on the floor - not have to be anywhere or do anything? Make everyday activities fun....build a fort and play under it with them....They will all love that -esp. if you join in! it just sounds like maybe you need to have some down time where you don't have to rush or watch the clock and just enjoy your kids...That is what it sounds like you are missing! It is so challenging to find games/activities to fit all of their ages, but with some down time/ unstructured play they will find games to amuse each other and the bickering might just stop (for a bit) if you engage with them on this level. Even just playing monkey in the middle can help break that bubble of stres that WE ALL find ourselves in. It is so great that you can recognize you are stressed and reach out to others for ideas. Good Luck!

I didn't read your replies so maybe it's a repeat but my tip would be to learn EFT:
www.emofree.com.

S.

Hi D..
First, Everyone is doing the best they can at any given moment. Sometimes our best is being a patient, loving mom, other times it's microwaving some nuggets and squirting out ketchup while Noggin is on TV for the next hour.
I have a 2 1/2 yo and a 6 month old and I can relate to feeling like I am not at my best at all times, but who is? You are in a tough space right now (3 under 5)and I just felt the need to respond to your post and let you know you are not alone, we all go thru days when we think we could have been better. ALSO, by virtue of this playing on your mind, it appears as if you are a good hearted person, so cut yourself some slack already :)
Second, perhaps having some time to yourself (I go to the gym) for a manicure once a week or another special alone time treat will rejuvinate you and put you back feeling a bit more ready to handle the stressors of daily life. (I like the idea of the candy bar!)
Good luck!

Hi D....
I just figured this out the other day...I had our first baby 1 month before I turned 35, and our 3rd baby 6 weeks after I turned 39...YIKES!!! That = 3 babies in 4 years! It is utterly exhausting...and I too suffer from a lack of patience on many, many days!

Don't be hard on yourself...but on the other hand, don't be afraid to apologize to your kids if it's warranted...You aren't alone...PM if you want to chat.

Best wishes,
J.

Dear D.,
Although it was 20 years ago, I can remember feeling exactly the same way you do now. My husband asked me if this was how I wanted it to be, me yelling and the kids upset. I thought he should help, but he worked long, hard hours, so I knew it was up to me. I began by getting myself up and ready before the kids. Then I made sure they were up in plenty of time for school. A regular schedule can do wonders for you and the kids. They know what to expect and so do you. Once you have a routine or schedule in place, it is easier to deal with the rest.
If you're not sure, take time to watch Supernanny on TV. She has lots of good, old-fashioned advice.
Good luck, W.

yes, give yourself a time out when this happens. also counting to 10 may work for you as well.

Yes. It has always been one of my issues as well. All I can say is: you are not alone, and it gets better. My kids are 8 and 12 and call me on my ever rarer impatient moments (we call them mommy bloopers). We are not perfect, and saying sorry to your kids when you feel you were in the wrong is a powerful moment. Take a deep breath...you are doing a difficult and wonderful job.

We all freak out and lose our patients. The ones that don't are probably seeing a shrink or on drugs. I am also 33 years old. I have 2 sons (9years and 41/2). They fight like crazy. I go out of my mind most of the days, but I wouldn't change any of it for the world. I go to bed some days happy that I made it through. Most people know me as laid back, cool and collected. They are not at my house at 4p.m. I am busy helping my older one with homework, trying to contain my little one, making dinner,getting the kids ready for sports and trying to not to go out of my mind all at the same time. It is not an easy job, but I see how well rounded and cool my kids are and know that I am doing something right.

D.... again.. you are not alone...i only have 2 and can't imagine a 3rd in this mix (some days it feels like i have 6). do you have family around ? or maybe a high school student that can help and be a mother's helper? maybe taking some time for yourself ...away from the kids? ... in terms of bickering etc.. you may want to read 1,2,3 magic.... it's a way of disciplining so you don't lose your patience. and gives the kids boundaries.. also put my husband and i on the same page (mostly) for discipline..
hang in there.. you are doing the best you can!
oh and sometimes when i need to get something done, i will play with them for 1/2 hour or hour and then say ok. now mommy has to do _________ why don't you play or watch a movie...
i like the schedule idea but i never did it
J.

Try taking Evening Primrose Oil caplets the week b4 your period up until the week after. Some people say take it everyday but I think you'd get immune to it. They are all herbal and you can get the best ones at Walmart.(More for your money)

I take them and my kids know if I didn't...lol. I also give them to my dog (who has epilepsy). I know this might sound strange but it calms him down and lessens the amount of seizures he has oer month.

Since medication don't fix the problem, figure out what you are thinking about. I used to get mad at my son for leaving his dirty socks beside the couch. I wasn't mad at that. Turned out I was mad about something else and focused my anger and confusion on the socks...who couldn't fight back.

Good luck, take a walk, take a bubble bath, make a list of things that are bothering you and mark off the things you cannot change...work on the things you can.

Nanc

I'm with you. Sometimes when I get nutso, I put myself in timeout. Ha! (Except my timeout includes a piece of dark chocolate).

I also have a little mantra that I say to myself, "You can't change people, just the way you react to them." It sounds silly but it helps me cope w the fact that there are so many things in my life that are outside of my control. I think that's my issue, it's about trying to control the details of everyday life. Something that is so much easier when you are not responsible for so many different and budding personalities. I don't know if your a religious person, but it helps me too to think that even God has these issues - starting with Lucifer rebelling, and Adam and Eve - down to pretty much every human He has ever created... and He's God! Luckily He is more patient than I.

Don't beat yourself up. Everyone feels this way... you are definitely not alone!

Hi. Oprah had a show on yesterday about how moms have to slow down. I think you would get alot out of the show. Try to find it in reruns. I was crying! I work and have two kids and I feel like all I do is yell at my daughter (2 years old). Sometimes my house is messy, but I try to sit with her when I can. Plus, I do alot of pre- cooked meals . Good Luck!

I hear you!

I have a 14 month old son and I swear my patience is just GONE some days.

It's a horrible feeling. I lost it last night. Here's my little baby who I love more than life itself and I'm yelling at him because he is tossing his dinner onto the floor and laughing. Some days I can just laugh it off and other days it's just IF I HAVE TO BEND DOWN AND PICK UP HLAF CHEWED CHICKEN OFF THE CLEAN FLOOR ONE MORE TIME I'LL HURL MY TEACUP AT THE WINDOW!!!!!

I think all Moms go through it and I'm sure if we think hard enough we can remember our own parents losing their tempers and their patience at us. And no damage was done.

Wow, D. you are telling my story. I really think that lately I've been even more moody and I think it's something to do with the change in seasons.
Here's what helps me...get outside with the kids whenever possible, even if you just get into the backyard for 10 minutes. Also switch off the tv and let there be some peace and quiet in the house. For me it's virtually impossible to 'make time for myself' so try to make some quiet time in the house where you give the kids something to do like colouring or making something out of the cardboard bit from toilet rolls and sticky tape. It's been working for me.

Good luck,
M..

D.,

As I am responding to you, at this very moment, my three kids are nearly killing each other in the background. They are 9, 7 and 4. I've been there/done that, and still there. It doesn't get much better, but I'm hoping it does as they get older and mature. You have to take some time out for yourself, or you will lose your mind. Run, don't walk (just kidding). We need humor in our lives to cope with the constant bickering. Sit back and watch them sometimes. It can be comic relief in itself. Take a walk with the little ones when you can. When the little ones are napping, relax with a good book. I'm a SAHM, and I try to relax and gather as much energy as I can before I pick them up from school, because that's when my day really begins. Try to make conscious efforts to sit quietly with each of them individually. Ask Sean about his day. I find that when I raise my voice, they raise theirs, so I try very hard to keep the volume low. We even have "library voice" days when I feel the tension rising. It works for us. You're not alone. Sometimes, I feel I've lost total control, but you snap out of it and gain it back. I hope you find the method that best fits your situation--and soon. Good luck,

I am so there with you, you are not alone. My kids are older (11, 10 and 4) now and I still feel that way. I try to make sure I balance those bad days with days of treats for no special reason, giveing extra praise etc. It doesn't help you now, but once they can read it's great to write to them in cards or emails that even though you sometimes have to yell, you think they're great. We are human and are doing the best we can do. I also let my husband know when my patience is thin and need a break, he's great about helping me find a balance. Good luck to you.

((((((((((D.)))))))) You are not a bad Mom.
Know we all become frustrated and overwhelmed and when we get our periods things are more difficult to handle. The fact is you reconize the problem and reaching out for help and this is good.

You need to create some balance for yourself...My suggestion is, MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF.
Reach out to family and friends or hire someone to be with the children so that you have some free time for YOU.

What might help you with your period is EXERCISE and LESS SALT in your diet. When I say exercises, I'm not talking about house cleaning and picking up toys. Get out of the house and WALK around the block several times everyday and if you can, join a weekly pilates or yoga class.

Get together with your girlfriends....((((no kids))))do lunch, a movie, or how about a game night? A time for you to have fun and a few laughs...

Also create alone time for you and your husband and add getting together with friends as well...

Once you create and find your balance and begin to nurture yourself, you will feel a lot better....your patience for your children will return.

You must remember that you have had 3 children in five years. That alone takes a toll on your body and mind. You also must remember that at this time in your life you are doing children That is your main priority. Cleaning the house and minial chores wil have to wait. I use to say if you want to see me you can come to my house any time. If you want to see my house make an appointment.
Enjoy those babies!

Give yourself time outs w/ the kids safely in a childproofed area. As long as they are safe-let yourself tak a breather-mentally & physically.

I have 2 girls - youngest will be 5 next month & the oldest will be 11 in feb - I feel that sometimes my expectations of myself are so out there. Being a good mother is extremely important to me and raising my voice to my girls may happen more then I'd like (or my husband especially), but we are human. My husband comments on how he can't believe I did or said what I did so I give him the option of watching the girls 24/7 & I'll go escape to work. It's frustrating but what I try to do sometimes is remove myself from the situation. Separate the children and just call someone that you know will lift your spirits. Good luck!

D.:

I feel your pain, I have a 3 year old boy and a 6 year old girl, they play, they fight, they scream, they cry and then they play again, laugh, fight, scream, cry, etc., etc., they drive me crazy sometimes and I love them dearly. I, like you, find myself losing my patience and screaming like a mad woman at times.

I appreciate the advise from all the other moms and I know I need to take time to myself but even if I do find the time, I'm constantly thinking what I need/have to do, whether is dinner, cleaning, homework, reading to them, so at the end, it wasn't really my time and I'm not enjoying myself because my mind keeps going and I'm not relaxed.

Anyway, we must keep trying because we know we can and will do it for ourselves and for our families. It's great to know that we're not alone. Thanks for bringing up this subject and thanks to all the beautiful moms for their input and valuable advise and support.

Welcome to the reality of motherhood. No matter how we're doing we always feel like we're failing in some way.

I'd say to put the children first in your day. Make sure they get the time and attention they need for some play time with mommy. If you have something you need to do tell them they'll have to wait until you are done. You shouldn't drop everything to listen to their every word because that's not how the real world works. Their teachers won't do it.

Most of all be kind to yourself. I haven't met anyone who was a perfect parent and I've yet to meet an actual perfect kid. If you get through and at the end of the day you have 3 healthy, mostly happy little ones then you did good.

hi D., i have no great answers, i just wanted to let you know you are not alone. i also have 3, almost the same exact ages as yours, and it is rough!!! my daughter had a miserable day today, finally finally fell asleep, woke up screaming, and i was yelling at her to be quiet because she would wake up the others. some compassion, huh??? and 2 minutes later i regained my senses and was hugging and cuddling and whispering sweet nothings to her. as much as i hate how short my fuse is sometimes, i am sometimes even more worried that they think i am a psycho! i get so nuts, then spill over with love. crazy. what can we do, we are only human and doing the best we can, right? the same thing can elicit such different responses depending on our mood, i try so hard to keep things in perspective. ill tell you a quick story - a few weeks ago we were at my sisters playing in the yard, a whole bunch of kids and family. well, it started to pour all of a sudden. so, everyone, myself included, all ran for the house. except my 5 year old son. he whipped off his shirt and started running around the yard in the rain, face up to the sky, trying to catch the rain in his mouth. well, i sat down on the back porch, i was actually physically overcome with love and admiration for him and his beautiful spirit, i will never forget it. and it was so funny, because later that night i was telling my husband about it, and i told him that most any other day, a slightly different mood, and i would have screamed at him to get in the house now and what is wrong with you?! i was so thankful that i didnt that day. so i guess just try to remember that they are kids, and for such a short time, and we will miss this stage so bad it will make our hearts ache. and some days we will remember that, and some days we wont.. like i said, we are just human, trying to find a balance between encouraging them to enjoy their childhood and yet raise them to be responsible, respectful, kind people. not easy at all. i wish you the best.

Hi D.,
I understand what you are going through. I give you credit - 3 kids under 5 - wow! I have only one child so far (16 mos) and there are some days that I have run out of patience by breakfast time. There are lots of nights that I go to bed feeling guilty for yelling at him over silly little things. Many, many nights I pray and ask God to give me patience to deal with my son. I heard someone say once, if you ask God for patience, He isn't going to give you patience, He is going to give you an opportunity to be patient. Some days I can remember that, and when I feel like I am starting to lose it, I remind myself that this is my chance to practice being more patient.
Remember that kids need discipline, and it's ok to yell at them sometimes. I'm sure that you are a great mom and it's wonderful that you do your best to stop what you are doing and give them all of your attention. Best of luck to you!
PS - Sometimes a chocolate bar helps calm me down!

Oh, D., you poor thing! I have only one child and I feel that way sometimes, I can't even imagine it 3X's worse! You got lots of great advice already. I just wanted to lend you some virtual support.

One thing I will suggest is changing your diet to help with PMS symptoms. Be good to yourself and being good to your family will follow naturally. Eat UNPROCESSED, nutritious foods, lots of fruit, veggies, fiber and lean meats (if you eat the right foods, you can eat as much as you want) lots of water and take lots of walks. Actually, being outdoors always calms my son when he's fussy. Maybe it will have a positive effect on your kids too.

Good luck & Hugs,
R.

I have 4 and two are my step-children. They are 13 girl and 11 boy. Then I have two little girls that we added to the family. They are 4 and 2. My 13 year old hates me and loves me all at the same time - their Mom is MIA most of the time. My 11 year old suffers from ADHD and seasonal allergies. My 4 and 2 year old fight with each other with the 13 year old with the 11 year old and sometimes I can just scream all day. I have learned to set my expectations of what I will get done (whether it be errands or cleaning or laundry) very low. So instead of saying I have to clean all the windows - I say I have to clean the windows in the living room today. If I get them done and move on - and clean more - I'm delighted. The interruptions are constant - nothing you can do about it. Step back from life - the dirt will be there tomorrow and the next day. If you don't get to the store today get there tomorrow. Sit and play with your children - read a book - watch a new movie - go out and run in the grass. Enjoy your time with them. I only recently started. My family almost fell apart - it's very hard at times - but you can do it. Just take a breath. Feel free to email me whenever you are feeling like you want to lose it and I will get back to you as soon as possible. It will get better - then worse - then better. In the end you will have three little miracles and it will all have been worth it!!!!! Good Luck.....

I'm with you. Young children are both emotionally and physically exhausting. I have been working to find some quiet time for myself and make the most of it so that I can be best prepared for them - emotionally and physically. I've also found that on days when I'm really losing it, I do better if I pretend it's a "special" day of some sort. It's a rainy day, so let's have popcorn and watch a movie together. It's cleaning day, so let's try to think of something to clean together that really needs it. It's errand day, so let's take our time and stop and have a special snack halfway through.
Chin up - you're doing great.

D.,

www.flylady.com

Babysteps will help you get your life under control so you are not hurrying, you are ready to go when the time comes. :)

They truly are babysteps - it won't happen overnight.

I think if you look at what everyone else has sent you (and I didn't get to the bottom to see if someone else recommended Flylady) you will find the keys that will fit your lifestyle to lessen your impatience and increase your joy with your children.

Good luck!
M.