Strange subject line, yes, but this is how I feel about asking my inlaws to give me more time with my daughter. Background: Lost my job last Friday. No, really it's a good thing. I've posted on here for the past two months about it. Really bad situation, affected my mental and physical health, etc.
Anyway, while working fulltime, my inlaws have been wonderful in terms of taking my daughter 3 days a week. She's in daycare for the other two days.
Well, now I want to spend the rest of my summer with my daughter. I want to see her shreak with glee when the ocean tickles her tooties. I want to see her face as she takes in the sights and sounds of the boardwalk. I want to show her mommy's favorite place when she was growing up. So , yes, I have lost time to make up for. Mind you, the beach and my daughter are a huge source of joy for me.
Well, here's the deal. My husand said I need to give my inlaws more than a day's notice to "borrow" my daughter, so they can make other plans. My inlaws are very active 70 years olds who don't like having one spare second. Bless them yes, but I feel that if I want to talk my daughter to the beach on a Wednesday while the weather is good, I have that right. I can invite them but since I have spent so little time with my daughter due to working I want it a special outing. Mind you my daughter is only 17months but this would mean the world to me. I can't seem to speak up. Any advice?
Thanks everybody. I'm just going to say that I'd like to take my DD to the beach tomorrow and apologize for the last-minute nature of my plans. I clearly have put other people in charge of my life which is not good! Again, I appreciate everyone's support. I think I'm pandering more to my DH than my inlaws.
So.....they're going to continue watching her? That's odd to me. Wouldn't she just stay at home with you now. are you keeping the 2x/week daycare as well?
You should be able to take her when you want, invite the inlaws but if they decline they can make lunch plans with friends and find somethign else to do.
You shouldnt have to ask your inlaws if you can spend time with your daughter. You have the right to do what you want with her, you brought her into this world!
Go to the beach and have fun. Why do you need to give them more than a days notice? You dont need permission. I would simply call them up right now and tell them that tomorrow or whatever day you want, that you ARE taking your daughter and thats that.
And I disagree, you dont have to invite them. If they say anything, just say that it is a special mommy and daughter day out. Simple as that.
Have fun, and do what you want to!
What? They would be offended that you want your own daughter?
The moms here will support you. Do it today. Buy them a nice gift, a gift certificate or something, and write them a really nice note thanking them for taking care of your daughter. Give them the gift and the note.
Tell them, "I SO appreciate all of your help taking care of little Bailey (or whatever her name is.) She would love you to watch her again when I find another job, but if you can't do it I will understand. Thank you SO much for all your help!!" Then give them a hug.
Then take your baby, and they don't have to babysit again until you get another job.
If they have a problem with you taking YOUR OWN BABY, there is something seriously wrong with them, and you are just going to have to let them throw their little fit.
It is BEST for your baby to be with you. Sorry, but your husband is DEAD WRONG on this one.
Now go take your baby for a walk on the beach.
you've got to be kidding.....of course one day is enough notice!
Screwiest thing I've ever heard!
Gooooo.....have fun!
Just speak up. Showing appreciation for them, but speak up.
YOU are the Mom.
Plan... in your calendar, your days. With your daughter. THEN tell your in-laws, your schedule with your daughter.
AHEAD of time.
That way, you are giving them advance notice.
Besides, I don't know why you have to 'borrow' your daughter.
You are the Mom.
Just say you want to spend lots of time with her because now you can. You are not working.
And so NOW... you want to spend time with your baby. It is your right.
Sure they are busy... so now, they can have more free time for themselves, because YOU are home. To watch your baby. Yourself.
They should be happy.
As you said, they are busy and active.
AND... you have every right, to spend time with your baby, ALONE.
You do not have to, invite them.
Say... you are having Mommy/daughter time.
AND that it means the world to you.
Your Hubby should understand.
You are the Mommy.
She is your child.
I really don't see why their time with your daughter, is more important than yours.
Let them know you are going to be taking care of your daughter for a little while and enjoy your time off from work!
Um... it's your child. Unless she lives with them, you don't have to give them any kind of notice. You are now officially a SAHM. If they really want that time with her, pick one day a week that is "theirs". Otherwise, thank them very much for their time, love and support and go enjoy your little girl!
Their need to be "doing something" all the time isn't your problem. Let them know that starting next Monday you will be a full-time SAHM.
Their notice, is that you got laid off. I would be dumbfounded if they weren't expecting that you would be caring for your own daughter the majority of the time.
I would suggest that you arrange with them an alternate schedule while you aren't working. Perhaps letting them have 1 day a week with here as the G-Day IF they want one.
Have you actually called them and told them what is going on? I am sure they will be flexible with you. Plus on some days you can all enjoy her on a day trip.
They're 70, so they should be used to disappointments and used to a change of plans and used to finding something else to occupy their time while you have YOUR daughter! I'm sure they'll be okay with a short notice. Even if they aren't, they'll get over it. =D Just another perspective. Just tell them your plans and go for it. Good luck!!
I'm confused. How come you don't J. have her full time at home until you get another job, and the inlaws get visits? If you're usig them for care still while looking for a job, its nice to let them know the day before you're keeping her home so they can make plans, but shes your daughter?
Thank them for all the help they've given you for however long your arrangement has been for, give them a big hug & a kiss, then pick your baby up & roll out. Simple as that.
Why is she still going to their house if you aren't working? That is odd to me. She is your kid and you can go to the beach every day with her if you want to and don't have to ask them to come,tell them you're going,or let them know in advance. She should be home with you all week anyway. They should asking you to see her during the week from now on not the other way around. I know you are greatful for the help with childcare but I am sure they didn't watch her so you would be greatful they did it because they love you,their son,and granddaughter and wanted to help you out.
Awww I'm sorry to hear that!!! It's your kid!! You should rightfully have the full right to take her and enjoy your time with her. It's very kind of them to watch her for you and I'm sure they enjoy having her, but you deserve to enjoy her. I'm sure you've been going through a lot with your job that sounds very stressful. I don't think you owe anyone an explanation. It's your kid. You have every right to take her whenever you want!!! You 2 go and have a great day and enjoy!! :-) Best Wishes!
Can you just talk to them and tell them that since you'll have more free time and that while the weather is still nice you'll be "stealing" your daughter back for a few days. Tell them that you'll happily give them notice a day or so before, but expect to have things switched up a little bit in the next few weeks/months/whatever. Also, you can tell them that if anything comes up on a day that they watch her and they'd like to do it, let you know and you'll be happy to keep her since you're not working.
She's your kid. You should let them know as soon as you know plans change, but you're the parent first.
If your in-laws have made plans to do specific things with your daughter (and have bought tickets) then you need to give them more notice than a day. If not, that's perfectly acceptable. But make sure you are clear with when you'll watch your daughter and when you need them. Don't leave them hanging -- ie, they don't know when they need to be available or not.
Now go and enjoy the summer with your daughter!
LOL! Just say she won't be coming. If they are very active, they will find something else to do.
I guess I have more questions than advice.
Are you looking for another positon now?
Do you want your daughter to be with her grandparents three days a week while you are not working?
Do you just want to the freedom to have them sit when it's best for you, with little notice?
Why does your husband not want to disrupt your daughter's or her grandparents' routine?
Perhaps when you're sure you know exactly what you want, you will be able to discuss this with your husband. There may be more to this discussion than we can see in this post. Best of luck to you.
I am also surprised they wouldnt expect you to take over the sitting. I would tell them that now that your home you want to spend more time with your kid so if you don't mind I'll take them back. They are your kids after all.
You mentioned that they are active. The only reason I can figure out that they need to know in advance is that they are planning out their day around your daughter. They might be planing on taking her places like shopping or the park and that might be why they want to know in advance. If they know they won't have her, they might want to plan to do something else not child oriented. Another idea of why might be because they feel a very close bond with her as if she's their own. That's what happened with my MIL. She watched our son grow up, so she feels closer to him than to her other sons and worries her self sick if he doesn't eat or get enough sleep. (Trust me, that will drive you nuts too.) You really need to explain to them in a nice way that you really don't need a babysitter now that you aren't working and stop taking your daughter to the daycare center as well so you can save money. You're capable of taking care of her and teaching her the alphabet, how to count, colors, manners...the basics for kindergarten.
If your inlaws are going to be part of the long term care of your daughter, perhaps its best to abide by their advance notice wishes. Let them know that you want days X and Y, and then plan for excursions w/ daughter whether the weather is pleasant or not, beach or otherwise. Maybe you'll get lucky with the weather, and it will be a beach day.
Either you are using the inlaws for daycare or not. They are not a drop in service. They are doing you a favor and should be free to make other plans if you do not need their services. It is inconsiderate of you to have them expect that they need to babsit for free when you are not even working now and call them at the last minute when they could have made plans for the day. Why do you need them to continue offering daycare if you are not working and have the two daycare days to go on interviews and such? If you want this time with your daughter, set your inlaws free and take care of her yourself.
Why is she still going there if you are not working. She is your child you do
what you want. Speak up
Updated
Why is she still going there if you are not working. She is your child you do
what you want. Speak up
