Before Your First Baby...

This is a good question. Before my first child was born, I would have liked to have known that many, if not most, babies cry every single day. A newborn baby can be perfectly healthy and fed, dry, etc. and still cry and cry and CRY. It didn't mean I was doing anything wrong. And that even when you do everything they tell you to do (swaddle, rock, etc.), the baby may still cry just because they're new and discombobulated and don't know what else to do with themselves.

Really how much daycare was going to cost. This threw us so off guard. I tell every first time mom, if they have to work, start saving for daycare.

1. Pick and choose what is best for your family. There are a lot of groups out there that may make you feel guilty for not agreeing with them, whether it be co-sleepers, anti-vaccines, breastfeeding, clock schedulers, cry it out, etc. You and your husband do you what work for your unique situation.
2. I should have read Happiest Baby on the Block earlier. Its a great book.
3. Yes you love your child but may take a while to be comfortable & confident in being a mom. It took me 3-4 months before I really knew what I was doing.
4. I should have got my child used to a sling from day 1, not day 30--or I should have gotten a different version than what I had.
5. You will still wear your maternity clothes for a while, a long while. The weight will come off but not as quick as you'd like.
6. The stages go by so quick so enjoy each and don't rush it. The newborn peanut phase was just 3 weeks for us.
7. Clothing: sleepers were the best thing. I don't know why I had so many 0-3 month clothing. I thought I was smart by having everything 0-3, not newborn sizes, until my tiny daughter came home!
8. I would never go back to my heavy sleeping days. Even though my daughter sleeps through the night, I still have the supersonic mommy ears that awake from every noise.
9. Get your sleep in the hospital if you can. You may have to get tough about it and tell them what they need to do for you to get better. For my c-section, I had 4 days and nights of interruptions every 2 hours, from the doctor, nurses, cleaning lady, food delivery, etc. I was sent home a complete wreck from lack of sleep. It was truly awful. Also, regardless of how you deliver, get a pain killer prescription before leaving the hospital. Even if you never use it, you'll be glad you have it just in case.
10. Babies don't automatically sleep when its dark and awake when its light. It can take up to two weeks for their clock to set.
11. Just because your baby is awake doesn't mean you have to be entertaining and interacting with them every minute of the day. I felt so guilty if my baby was up and I wasn't with her. There are times where she would be fine just hanging out and quietly observing her surroundings.
12. You were a sister/daughter/wife/friend before you were a mom. Don't forget who you were and maintain those important relationships.
13. Remember your childless days: not everyone wants to hear baby baby baby baby all the time.
14. My mantra: I remember life before my child. It was a great life. But now that she's here, I can't imagine life without her.

HI DL!
I think your question is a fun way to start the week!

I wish I'd know how much "stuff" comes with having kids! Suddenly you have things everywhere and need to re-think your organizaton plan.

Good luck with your survey. I will enjoy reading everyones response.

Enjoy more alone time with the hubby ;)

1. Formula will NOT, I repeat NOT, ruin your child. Yes, breast is the best choice but choosing to breastfeed (or making the agonizing decision to stop) is a personal decision for the mother to make, not anyone else.

2. The only person who worries about comparing reaching milestones is the same woman who in high school was so insecure that she compared clothing, cars, boyfriends, vacations, you name it. Now that she's moved past that stage, she's gone on to bigger and better things - her children! Your child will develop at his or her own pace, and you and your pediatrician are the only ones who should be alarmed if something seems amiss.

3. Before the baby is born, linger over a long drawn-out breakfast or date with your husband or partner. It is probably the last time in a long time that you will leave the house carefree (and hands-free w/o baby gear!) and not be thinking or worrying about what's going on at home.

4. Around the time your baby is due make sure you EAT! I made the mistake of being so busy at work that by the time I made it to the hospital I had only eaten a coffee and a granola bar before I went into labor. 36 hours later I finally got to eat again.

i wish i'd known....

that babies cry..... more than i ever thought possible.... for no apparent reason. and sometimes after you've checked the diaper. fed them, burped them and rocked them... there is nothing you can do but hold them close and 'shhhhh' in their tiny, little, adorably soft, kissable and bendy ears...

i didnt know that some babies have deep rem sleep with their eyes half open, and that it is incredibly creepy to watch :)

i also didnt know falling asleep on your own is a skill that doesnt come naturally

This is more of a list of things that *surprised* me about babies....

- babies fart more than I ever thought possible.
- they don't sleep peacefully. They roll around and grunt and make noises. it's really quite loud.
- just because your kid sleeps through the night at 4 months doesn't mean he will sleep through the night at 5, or 8 or 12 months.
- sometimes babies just cry. it's not your fault and you probably can't do anything about it, but try anyway. Just don't get frustrated if it doesn't work.
- it's really hard to break the baby. this doesn't mean you shouldn't be gentle, but really, they're more durable than we give them credit for.
- whenever your baby has a really annoying/frustrating habit or thing he does, just say to yourself "it's a developmental stage and he will grow out of it". It probably is, and he will.

Oh... and most importantly, that especially if you're breastfeeding sex probably won't really feel good for a long long time, like 9 months (those hormones are killer). Even when you're *not* too tired, and the baby *is* napping, you may not really be in the mood. So get your licks in before the baby is born :)

Hi DL_ As a mom of 4 I wish before baby #1 that I could have stopped, slowed down and not worried so much. I know that after watching friend,siblings etc. go through having their first baby that it is not something most new parents can do- but baby #1 is the only one you can take the time to hold (even when sleeping sometimes) without another child wanting you to help them with something. The only bit of advice I can give is try hard not to overthink every decision and just enjoy you sweet little one!
B.

I wish i would have know how much care and worrying go into being a mother. i definately knew i would worry about my son. i didnt know id be frantic over poop that wasnt the right texture. i wish i would have known that i would obsess whethere he was getting enough nourishment, or maybe too much! it seems like there are so many things mothers worry about and i just didnt get it until evan was born.

also, when your pregnant people tend to tell you NOTHING BUT HORROR STORIES! why is that? no one tells you how amazing it is. that nothing in life will ever be better than having a child (except grandchidren i hear :) ) you give up your life to this little person..and absolutely love it!! they own you :)

ooh and you will be 20 minutes late for everything. we can NEVER get out the door at the planned leaving time!

I truly wish I would of known about doulas and also about all the different options that are out there for having a baby etc and not that you have to in and surrender to whatever they tell you at the hospital. I am a doula now, and there is so much I did not know then that I know now.

S. Bailey CLD
Aurora
www.tendermomentsdoula.com

I wish someone would have told me that after I had the baby, I would still look pregnant!

That nursing can be difficult, takes a lot of education, and commitment.

That sleep issues, training, and scheduling would be the hardest thing for me as a parent during the first year.

That there are SO many different parenting styles and philosophies.

That I would NOT want to return to work once the baby was born. I hadn't planned for that and it caused a bit of chaos since we didn't know that I would not want to leave my child and go back to my full time job.

How fun is this question!?

* I agree with the others, babies cry no matter what you do. It's not that you are a bad mom or you have a miserable, sick child. They cry and there's nothing you can do about it sometimes.

* People love, love, LOVE to offer unsolicited advice. Try not to let it get to you (I still struggle with that). Do what YOU are comfortable with.

* After having a baby, your whole outlook on life changes. I never was a "crier", but now I'm a complete sap when it comes to things involving children.

* Parenting styles do vary. And after becoming a Mom it can change your view of even your closest friends.

Edited to add...

I couldn't agree more with GS's post about NOT forgetting who you were (sister, friend, daughter, WIFE). Don't let go of those relationships just because you are now a Mom.

Also, don't fret the milestones! They are averages. Some babies sit-up, crawl, walk, potty-train later than others. Keep in touch with your child's doctor but ignore those who are CONSTANTLY comparing. In truth, they are probably exaggerating anyway. :)

That I would never have a decent night of sleep again : ) My son is now 3 and I still haven't had more than a handful of decent nights' sleep in 3 years!

That the first several weeks, babies are blobs who don't do much but demand from you, but at week 10-12 when they offer up that true first smile, you feel like you've been paid back tenfold.

That you will worry about things you never thought you'd worry about and your instincts are usually right, you should listen to/follow them.

That you would love this little person more than anything on earth and while you remember you life before them, this is so much better.

That there is enough room in your heart to love another baby as much, although it can be different, as you love you first.

For me, that even though I knew my husband would be the best father I could have choosen for my children, once they arrived, he would blow me away with just how exceptional a dad he is and how supportive a husband he continues to be.

To teach your child to sleep when it's not tip toe quiet, and in different places to make good use of that pack and play when visiting friends and you're not ready to leave when it's your child's bedtime but they can sleep anywhere.

To not heat up food or water for bottles since at some point you may be in a place where you need to feed your child but you don't have a place to warm their food - they're used to it being room temp.

To hold your baby and watch them when they sleep - it's the sweetest thing.

That I would choose this life over any other.

I wish I had read Happiest Baby on the Block with my first instead of my fifth!
With my first my MIL told me, "whenever you want to hold him, hold him, you'll never have that much time to spend with just one child ever again" boy was she right and I'm glad I did that.
I wish I had known how much harder BF is than my mother made it look, of course I saw her do it with her sixth and I'm sure by then she had it down, but it was a shock to me with my first.
It's a fun ride!