I Need Help with Before Bed Time Activities

You DEFINITELY need to start the whole routine earlier.
Not just thinking of it as a "bedtime routine"... BUT as an "evening routine." Because that is what it is....combined with all that we Moms must do in the evening... it is a mad-rush to get things done, and get them in bed by a certain time.

I would, put him to bed earlier. What time do you have dinner? If it is late and then everything else is done after that... then I would, move up the timing on everything. OR, start your son's routine earlier, prior to dinner, and have him eat earlier.
Many kids, eat dinner by 6:00pm, and then the bedtime routine can begin.

WINDING-DOWN, is crucial. For my kids, they need at least 30 minutes... sometimes even 1 hour, to wind-down, PRIOR to the bedtime routine. And, we don't do any "hyper" keyed up activities right before bed... this only gets then not in the mood to sleep.

Yes, its tiring at the end of the day to get a child to bed/bathed/fed/teeth brushed/diapers changed and to bed... but, that is what it is. It takes time, and each child is different. BUT THE KEY THING IS... is not to "rush" the child or the whole routine. I find, when my kids are Rushed... it only gets them fussy and not able to sleep. When I "rush" my kids, they just get irked. Mega. So, I've learned not to do that.

But yes, nursing, among the other parts of the routine, adding it all up together, does take time. I understand the NEED to just get away at the end of the day... for yourself. But, if you feel that the nursing is creating stress for you... then have you evaluated that? And perhaps, do you want to wean him???? For some women, it can get too stressful by this age. I experienced some of those feelings with my 2nd child... but fortunately, he self-weaned without my prompting, at about 1 year old.
--Is your son on whole milk yet? Perhaps transition him to other sources to drink, and then he won't chase you around for nursing. Or give him something else to soothe with...

I would get him to bed earlier, feed him his dinner earlier, move everything up earlier and yes, accept that it takes at least 1 hour to get the whole routine full circle.
ALSO, what helps us, is to keep the house dark & we keep everything quiet before bed. NO playing or horse-play. You need to "CUE" the environment AND him... that bedtime is coming up. AND give them verbal head's-up that bedtime is soon... Over time, a child will know it.

I know, its not easy... fortunately, you have a Husband that helps with the night-time routine. Because not all Husbands do that. They are tired too after a long day at work. And, sometimes, many times, even though WE try to get a kid "tired" for bed, they simply aren't. And also, when a child is with their Mommy, they have a different mood and reaction to it too... sometimes they will get sleepy, sometimes they won't. There is no way to predict that EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Also, if he is with your Husband for his other night-time routines... your son could very well just be WAITING to be with you... and will simply not get "sleepy" before then, because he is "anticipating" you and his routine with you. That is what I think it is. Many babies/kids are that way, with their Mommy.

All the best,
Susan

A strong second, on making sure you're not missing the "sleep" window.

The other option, of course, is to move the "getting ready" time earlier. So if bedtime is 9 and you usually start at 830....start at 8. If bedtime is 7, start at 6. Etc.

You could also combine story & nursing time together...Daddy or you read while he's nursing. OR not sit up for a story, but lay down for one (this is why we actually got a double bed when we changed from the crib...ease in cuddle time). But you can use your bed, or read next to the crib, while he's laying down.

(Ahem...we had to quit story time @ bedtime in our house for years. The stories made my son's imagination take off...and he'd stay up waaaaay later.)

You don't mention what his bedtime is...depending on the time sometimes re-evaluation is needed of the time and I had to push ours up when I realized my son was missing his 'tired' mark and staying up because I missed my chance. My son goes up to get ready for bed at 7.30pm and any later and I'm going to see him toss and turn for a good hour.

I read your other post and it seems like you might be ready to ween, but your son has other ideas. Toddlers often ween on their own or they BF when it feels right, like bedtime or naptime. It sounds like he's associating it with sleep, which is no big deal except it sounds like you're ready to stop?? It's natural to want some downtime, but if you can't get it at night, then maybe you can schedule some away time during the day. Get a sitter/family member/friend to watch your son while you slip out for a pedicure or haircut?

When my son started to ween from the bottle/breast I started offering him a nighttime cup of water. And, told him we drink water at night to keep his teeth from getting yucky. Our whole routine starts with him helping me get the cup of water, then we brush teeth/wash face and read books (and snack if he's hungry during growth spurt time) and finally we lay down and while I play soft music I rub his back for bit and then leave when he's comfy and dozing. I don't do bath as part of our bedtime routine, because it just wakes my son up and then I've got an alert little one to calm down. (he got that from me I think).

The whole routine itself should be a wind down. Your husband could try reading to him while he lays down, and then rub his back and play music. I have a friend who got a special bean bag chair that her son sits in for bedtime reading and that is his cue it's time to be mellow. Every kiddo seems to have their own trigger/cue for when it's time to cut it out and slow down...with my Godson he helps his Mom turn off all the lights in the house and he has to say goodnight to the Moon, and he's seven.

Sit down with your hubby and come up with a game plan. You can get throught this transition if you work together and stand united. Good luck.

Hi there,
the only thing I can suggest is to stop nursing all together. There's no need to breast feed anymore. It will be a very hard few days (week) but he will get over it. They all do. That would cut out a lot of time.
I let my 28 month old watch one show before bedtime and then remind him through out the show that it will be bed time soon. As soon as the show is over she turns off the TV and then we walk to the bathroom to brush teeth and wash up. We say good night, hugs and kisses, then I read 3 books to her. when I started sleep training, I would read the same 3 books in a row. ALWAYS ending with thesame book. I think I did this for about 3 weeks straight. That way when that last book came, she knew what to expect.
You didn't say if you had a problem with him falling to sleep on his own, so I won't get into that part.
I think a strict routine is most important and be consistant. We do the same thing every night, and it seems to help my daughtercalm down faster.
Goodluck to you! Oh I have an on line book calledSleep Sense Program. If you want me to email it to you, then contact me at ____@____.com luck!

It sounds as if he's not ready to wean and your attempts to limit nursing are making him want it more. Does that make sense? Split the duties with your husband. He can do bath and pj's, then you could try having your husband read while you nurse.

Probably a good idea to try nursing pre-bath and see if that helps. Maybe start a little earlier too. If he doesn't want to read, maybe get some picture books and/or hand puppets and let dad and him make up stories instead of just reading them (have dad come up with relaxing stories, nothing that will get him too amped up). Or sing songs with hand motions while laying in bed. Would massage help? Name body parts as you massage, talk about what each body part is used for, find other words that rhyme with each body part. Talk about what he did that day or will do tomorrow. Talk about what he might dream about at night while he sleeps.
But if all else fails and he wants mama and mama's milk, that is your duty as a mama. Enjoy it while it lasts, because soon enough he'll be independent and won't rely on his mama as much!

I definitely understand the need for me time and time to get things done. I would start the routine earlier and include a bath too (you can sit in there and read while he plays or if you're really good try and clean the bathroom a bit or fold or sort laundry!) I try to have my boys in the bath by 6:45 or so, let them play for 30 mins, get them out and dressed and reading stories by 7:15 or 7:30. That way by 7:30 or 8 they're in bed but if it takes them a little time to fall asleep it's not 9 or 10. My goal is 7:30 but sometimes (like last night) 8 happens! Anyway. Good luck! I know that it gets hard and you really need time for you so that you can enjoy the time with him when he's awake!

p.s. my 22 month old used to love reading and now he sometimes runs around while I read but I figure oh well! He comes over from time to time to check out the story but I think he'll grow out of it.

Why does he need to "sit" for stories? My kids were "busy" at that age, and I read to them while they were climbing on and off the bed, pulling things off of the shelves, etc. I just kept reading and made it a exciting as I could with voice inflection, etc. With my second daughter, I read a collection of the same books, maybe 5 books or so, over and over, so they became familiar and she would anticipate her favorite parts. She would always drop what she was doing to come and look at the baby dinosaur! I also did sign language with them and incorporated the signs into the stories, so that I was moving my body in addition to reading. I think reading at night is really important, so I kept it as part of the routine. As for the nursing thing, don't even show your face anywhere near the child while the bedtime thing is happening. Go for a walk or whatever, but be consistent, and it will all work out.

What I would suggest is first to start the bedtime at 7pm and you do a nice relaxing long bath with him with essential oils such as camomile and bath salts to help him relax and wind down and do your nursing there. It will be good for you both. Then your husband can take over and stay with him in the bed until he falls asleep, maybe put him in an Ergo carrier and walk around until he falls asleep or sing him a song and rock him, etc. It may take an hour but they are building a beautiful bond for the rest of their lives and is well worth it. You need the break. Also, you and your husband can take turns with the bedtime routine to give you a break. My husband does the bedtime routine with our daughter and I do it with our son and it normally takes an hour to put each to sleep, I know its a lot of work, but it pays off.
Best of luck to you and hang in there.
E.

I would start your routine around 7:15, sounds like he's over tired by the time he's done w/bath... and all he wants is to nurse at that point.