I Need Help/support Dealing with My Son's Increasing Pickiness with Food

Hi A.!
I know how frustrating this situation is, I've been through it as well. The only thing that has helped a lot with us has been making eating a game...playing airplane with the fork, singing songs about food, having the food beg to go in the belly where it's warm, naming parts that each bite can grow such as hair, toes... We got a great book from my daughter's Nana for Christmas called Little Pea...all about a pea who preferred spinach to candy. This helped get some veggies down, so any fun books you can find may help too. We also instilled a five bite rule for things we know she likes, something we got from the book too. That way there is a bit of a compromise. Dinner will take longer, but atleast you may get some food in! Hope this helps!

Hi A.-
I also have a very skinny and very picky son! He's 4 now, but I remember very well when he was in his second year, all the angst over food (somehow, like a child not eating is a direct stab at motherhood?)... I remember bringing him in for his 15 month appt and he had gained a whopping 2 oz since 12 months (this was after a carbo-loading lunch--lol)! I felt like some days he survived on pirates booty alone (and veggie booty was a REALLY good day!). My pedi had me bringing him in for weight checks for awhile, but, like everyone else said, he really seemed to eat when he needed to. (There was a sign in our pedi's office about feeding/mealtimes that became our household mantra... It said, "The parent's job is WHAT and WHEN, the child's job is IF and HOW MUCH") So, offer lots of fruits, cheeses, buttered pasta and veggies, cereal, oatmeal, etc... I found the yo-baby smoothies in a sippy cup were a great snack (or meal)-- good fat, a bunch of calories, and on the go (you could try that before bed to help curb hunger.
Now my 2 1/2 year old daughter (who is chubby-kid and was always a GREAT eater) is going through her picky, hunger-strike phase-- at least there's far less angst the second time around!
Keep offering those foods-- he will eat!
Good luck!

Hi A.,

My son was the same way. He is now 3 1/2 and he is getting better at trying new foods and eating what we have for dinner. I was so concerned with his lack of eating. Some days he would literally eat a few bites all day. He did not wake at night but would wake in the morning shaking because he was so hungry. It was very scary. I'm sure you are sick of people saying that "they will eat when they are hungry", but it is true.

My pediatritian told me that they really do not "need" vegetables right now. They just like them to eat them to establish good eating habits. He told me that as long as they are getting breads and dairy they are fine. I know it's a pain, but I would have to cook something special for him at dinner time, chicken nuggest, fish sticks, hot dogs. When all else failed, I could usually get him to eat a bowl of oatmeal.

One thing I did and still do is never deny his request for food (if it is a healthy request.) If he asks for a banana 2 minutes before dinner, I give it to him. Try and fill him up all through the day, then maybe even if he does not eat dinner maybe he will have gotten enough throughout the rest of the day. Things are getting better, he now eats a variety of meats and vegetables and even asks for certain vegetables.

One more thing I did was make a lot of smoothies with bananas, strawberries, blueberries, yogurt and milk. Also, I started giving him peanut butter at 18 months. I know you are supposed to wait longer than that, but we have no family history of allergies. He loved it. Peanut butter on crackers was a staple in his diet for at least a year.

Good Luck. L.

It is SO hard to watch your kids not eat. Mine are also not good eaters right now (1 and 2.5). It can really get me wound up, especially when they are waking at night (though I have found for my kids that usually their waking at night is more a signal that they are sick then that they are hungry). The most helpful thing someone said to me is for me to remember is that "it is my job to offer the food and their job to eat it." I have done my job if I offer the food. I can't make them eat it. That has helped me calm down a bit sometimes when I get wound up in the food issue. I try not to stress about it and just go with it because I don't want to instill bad patterns for the future (where they know they have control over me with whether or not they eat; or they feel compelled to finish their plate even when they are not hungry when they are older; or they find dinner time so stressful that they never get over the issue and are always difficult eaters; etc.) I am hoping that people are right in telling me that it is a phase that will pass if I can just ride it out. So I guess I am saying that I feel your pain and you are on the right track (I think!) with trying to just ride it out.
With regard to the night, I have also tried to relax a bit on when and where they eat the food. Sometimes if I offer cheese or something while they are playing downstairs before bed (even if I just fed them dinner), and sometimes they'll eat that (and make me feel better about the lack of food consumed at dinner). Also, sometimes I give a little warning about it being almost time to get on pjs and if you want anything to eat or drink, now is the time to do it. I had to do that after my older one started insisting he needed to "eat dinner" after we got him down for the night.
Good luck to you! I know there are plenty of us out there dealing with the issue (and perhaps living out the curses our mothers put on us when we ourselves were picky eaters!!).

When my son was 17 or 18 mos old he went from being a good eater who ate a variety of foods and had a big appetite to a picky eater who ate very little. He stopped eating most foods except chicken nuggets, crackers, cereal and a little fruit.

By the time he was 19 mos old some days it seemed he was only eating a few mouthfuls all day. He wasn't gaiing weight, but his belly was still rounded. One day my husband noted that it looked too big for him, but I thought it was just a toddler belly. He also got gassy and his sleep (which had always been bad) got worse.

There were other things that helped me figure out what was wrong, too, but the bottom line was that he is gluten intollerant. I knew nothing about Celiac Disease then, but I started to do some reading and decided that it made sense to try going gluten free to see how he reacted.

It wasn't as hard as I'd anticipated, and after only a couple of days his appetite came back in full. He started eating BIG meals again and snacking, too. And the pickiness went away because his tummy wasn't hurting when he ate anymore.

Within the first week the bloating, gassiness, and wierd stool went away and his language skills took off.

It's been more than a year and a ahlf since then and we've learned a lot more. It's estimated that gluten intollerance effects 1 in every 100 people and the symptoms very greatly. But if you're seeing pickiness, poor appetite and weight gain, sleep disturbances I would seriously consider gluten as the culprit. It is a genetic disorder and we learned that, inspite of having no obvious symptoms, my husband is also Celiac. We are now in the process of having our other two children tested as well.

Feel free to email me for more details if you think this is worth investigating. Good good luck!

Hi A.,

I will echo what everyone else has said: this too shall pass.

I'm an amateur nutritionist with hopes of going on to take classes and possibly certify through Framingham State, so I'll give you what I know.

1. Toddlers and Preschoolers are in a slow-growth phase of their PHYSICAL development. They are in a high growth phase of everything else! Emotions, understanding, fine motor, gross motor, etc.

2. Because of this growth stage, their need for calories is less than it will be between the ages of 5/6 - 12/13 years. When their appetites will soar.

3. Keep putting healthy choices in front of them. They may not choose to eat them, but you can have a rule in your house of "one bite". A friend of mine says "one dinasaur (BIG) bite!" I can get behind that.

4. Throw your Jessica Simpson book out the window. Keep offering whole foods. Use sauces, cheese, butter, dips, etc. Days will go by, pages will fly off the calendar, then suddenly your child is eating them. It's a proven fact. I like to say "It's easer to get the butter out of the carrots than to get the carrots out of the cake." Get my meaning?

5. If you worry about night waking because of hunger, feed him a banana and glass of milk later in the evening, before you brush teeth, etc.

6. Offer fruit/vegies before the meal. We call it an appetizer in our house.

7. Remember that kids portion sizes are not the same as ours. Don't serve them as much as you would serve yourself. Imagine how much would fit in your childs cupped hand, that is their serving size.

Hope this helps...I've got to run!!

DG

I wouldn't worry. He may be asserting some indpendence. I give my daughter her dinner on a plastic plate with 4 compartments. 2 have food she'll eat & 2 have other things- beets, carrots, etc just to expose her. it is a waste sometimes, but often I'll be surprised & she'll put it in her mouth, chew a bit & spit out, but at least she saw it. learned the words etc. I never coax or trick her or reward her with food. I heard that a child needs to be exposed 13 times to a food before it's decided they don't like it & often parents give up too soon. Good luck!

Hi A.!
My best advice to you is just go with the flow. If 10 foods is all he wants to eat then 10 foods is what you should be feeding him. Kids go through this stage all the time and outgrow it sooner or later. My youngest wanted nothing but pbj at this age so thats what he got! He soon went on to other things but I figured it wasn't worth the stress to try and get him to eat things he didn't want to eat. Kids don't need as much variety as adults think they do. Some of the best advice I got when he was little was to look for at his weekly food intake rather than his daily intake. Kids tend to naturally pick up their appetites on certain days to make up for what they haven't gotten. It really worked and made me a much less stressed out mama!

I have an 18 month old who is having similar problems. I don't have any great solution, but can give you understanding. It seems like one day is great and the next he eats very little. I hear your worry about dinner and going to bed hungry. My pediatition said not to give in and give him too much variety or that will turn him into a really picky eater. But it is hard for me to deprive him.
-S.

Hi
One thing NO-one has mentioned is your child actually hungry at mealtime? How are you spacing his meals? I like what dawn M said but I WOULD NOT OFFER anything Before a meal.. Not even MILK it fills up a little tummy fast. Also how much milk/juice is he drinking during the day? He only needs 2.5 cups of milk a day now (20 ozs.) If he is already consuming the calories in that he doesn't need to eat and doesn't have room in that tiny tummy for much, so he gets picky about what he wants to put in there. I have noticed with my picky 4 year old when she is hungry she will eat alot of things she won't when she is not. Like Broccolli and cooked carrots. She is also more willing to try new things if she is hungry. My 2 year old will eat everything on his plate when he is hungry.

Basically what I am saying is hold back on fluids and snacks, offer whatever you are eating and he will eat better. I'm not saying to let him get dehydrated you can offer water when he is thirsty. Also at this age ONE good meal a day at this age is the norm.

My friend's pedi had the best advice about picky toddlers. "Toddlers are like snakes. They eat a rat every few days and they're fine." I used to think my son would starve to death. And then he'd eat so well I'd feel OK. Then be picky again, etc. A toddler will not starve-- they are just too busy and interested in more than just food. Cut down on the snacks between meals and the juice. They tend to fill up on that stuff, and come dinner time, not be hungry to eat. If they are hungry, they will eat.

How about adding other 'sweet' veggies, like sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, carrots, squash. My son liked pretending he was a giant while eating broccoli forests... or add some apple slices as a side dish, etc.

Good luck!

I sympathize with you because I went through it with my children! They are 12 & 10 now & are still somewhat picky, but as you said...so was I! I found just consistently putting a small amount of the foods that you want them to try has kept their pallet open to new options. They don't always like the food, but I always require at least one bite. I am explaining to them that some day they just might realize that they like the food!

In the meantime, I purchase a great deal of Bolthouse juices that have all the pure fruit & vegetables. I also supplement with protein shakes that I purchase through an online store called Melaleuca. Melaleuca offers many wonderful products & I shop almost exclusively with them now. You can go to their website www.melaleuca.com for more information or feel free to contact me directly because I refer people to them all the time! It's been a great alternative for us!

Hope this helps because I remember clearly being in your shoes!!

Hi A., I wanted to let you know that I am dealing with the same thing........I wish I had some answers for you though. I have 2 sons. A 3 year old and a one year old and they have BOTH become increasingly picky eaters lately. I have always tried to feed them as healthy as possible as infants so I thought it would carry over through the toddler years. Not the case! I just ordered that book from Jessica Seinfeld and I hope it works. My boys are good snackers though so I do feed them healthy snacks at least. So if your son does like to snack, try giving him raisons, cheese sticks, veggie sticks, whole grain snacks. Dinnertime is a struggle with my 3 year old EVERY night. Thye will both barley eat any meat. He will only eat chicken nuggets, PBand J, spaghetti os, turkey and cheese sandwich, and mac and cheese. And, trust me, that is not they case all of the time. A lot of times he refuses to eat even that stuff.Please let me know if you find the magical answer! I will let you know as well.

Whole Milk, keep him on whole milk as long as you can and I wouldn't give him too much for juice. Water & milk AND does he like YoBaby Yogurt? Anything with Whole Milk Fat will help fatten him up. I hate to ask this but do you think he would eat a Plain Hamburger /Cheeseburger from McDonald's or Wendy's? Either place you can order a milk and fruit which the meat will help fatten him up.

I went through this with my middle child who had food allergies to 5 things which limited his diet. At the age of 5 he is finally in the 50th% for his height & weight.

Chewable Vitamins -- that will help in the worries about him not getting the right foods in his diet.

Just keep offering it to him, he will soon click back, it just takes time!!

Good Luck,