I Need Another Woman's Input, Please Help

No one can give you truly good advice based off of a brief description of your issues. If you indeed want to work it out-you'll probably find that some type of couples counceling will do wonders. The issues you describe sound like what most couples go through-a break down in communication can have devistating effects. Seeking professional help will give you both new insight on how to reconnect. Try finding a couples counselor or joining a group for reconnecting couples. Good luck and hope things work out for the best.

I've watched my dad be that kind of 'companion' to other women and it made me hurt for them. The women he would semi-commit to would enable him to be so much less than what he should have been. It has made me sick all these years. He passed away September 7 and I've had to go through all kinds of notes and letters from women who adored him, yet were so hurt by him. I just wish they had had enough courage and sense to really see and reject that kind of behavior/personality.

All I can say is that I hope you do not end up in a marriage - feeling utterly trapped - with this man as he is right now. How could you possibly the mom you so want to be to your boys if that happens? Even now I'm sure your relationship with him adversely effects your energy level and desire to do all the things you want to be doing as a mom (and friend to others, and career woman, etc.)

God help you and give you a peace about your decision!

T.

I say kick him to the curb! Life is too short to live in that type of relationship. You did not say how old the kids are but you are not benefiting them by shouting and having built up anger toward him.

It is going to be hard, but trust your gut and leave. I was in a similar situation and the first year or so was so hard, but my life is so much better now. There is nothing like a peace of mind. When the right person comes along, you won't have these conflicting doubts, ex. he loves me, but....etc. Just be strong for yourself. It isn't worth the heartache.

I agree with everyone else!! Also, your kids love him because he is there, but you may be surprised how much happier they are without him!!!! Your kids want to see YOU happy.

I settled in the past, married the guy after 8 years of being together and the marriage lasted for two months. If he hasn't changed by now, stop waiting. The right guy is out there. And the excuse that he has been hurt in the past is just that, an excuse. If he hasn't realized by now that you aren't the woman he first married and aren't going to hurt him then his guard is always going to be up and you will always be left doing it alone anyway. You know if your heart the right thing to do. It is better to be alone and happy then with someone and be miserable.

B.,

You know the answer already, but like so many of us, we don't want to see or admit what we know. The best thing to do is to concentrate on raising your kids and wait to date until they're grown. It's worth it. Good luck.

I would personally leave. Things will only be worse if you get married if you are already having these issues. I think the fact that he asked you to sign a pre pre nup speaks volumes. I honestly couldn't imagine living with a man who feels whats his is his and what not. That is just ridiculous. I am not married but my boyfriend and I live together and share everything. I couldn't imagine him ever feeling I'd take everything if we broke up, or vice versa. That comes down to trust and if your boyfriend thinks he needs a pre pre nup then he doesn't trust you, which is on him. You may love him, but it's doubtful he will change since you have all been together for 3 yrs now. I would say if you both are wanting to work it out, it would be best to do it while not living together.

B.,
Coming from a woman in a good relationship with her husband, why would you want to settle for someone who already doesn't make you happy. Do you really think things will improve once he says he is committed ( and the whole pre prenup thing sounds ridiculous)? At this stage of the relationship, shouldn't you be in near nirvana, because once you are married, you get into a routine of chores and kid duties and the nirvana comes back to reality anyway. You can't start at the level you are at now and expect things to be better for the long haul. You need to find a different man who will respect you and adore you. And, why not just concentrate on your kids for now and see when the right man shows up instead of searching and settling for the wrong man just to be with someone.