I Need an Opinion - Wentzville,MO

Updated on April 04, 2008
B.P. asks from Wentzville, MO
57 answers

Help! I need an opinion. My sister and my mother recently baby-sat for my 2 year-old son while my husband and I we were out of town for two days. Upon our return, my son asked me multiple times to see my "privates". I asked my mother why he would be asking us this question and she informed me that she and my sister both took baths with my son because he cried when they put him in the bath alone. Now he is saying he wants to see his grandmother's privates and my sister's! I am upset with them for doing this because I feel it was very inappropriate for them to bathe with my son in the first place. I understand he is going to be curious and this is in no way his fault but I feel it was very bizarre for them to do this. Am I overreacting or is it ok for grandparents and aunts to bathe with children? I just don't think so but I do not want to make an issue of it if it's just me being too critical. Please help!

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P.R.

answers from St. Louis on

wow! that is VERY bizarre. and you should address that with them. and you should seek professional advice on this.

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J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

Hi B. P. I'm J.

My opinion is ask them to wear a bathing suit if they are going to take a bath with you son. If they don't like that then ask them not to take a bath with him. Tell them the truth, that you don't like them taking a bath with him naked. I would be upset if my brother took a bath naked with my 15 month old daughter.

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R.P.

answers from Columbia on

yes, I would be upset too. Any parent would be. It seems that commen cents would have warned them not to do this.

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J.R.

answers from Lafayette on

I dont know, I remember taking baths with my brother, sister, cousins....male and female...until we were probably way to old for it. Nothing sexual, just another opportunity to play. I doubt your son's interest is sexual either, just a normal curiousity in the differences in male and female, adults and himself. It seems a little early for it, but I think if you can calmly get over your anger and try to explain calmly that privates are just that, and even though its normal to be curious (i wouldnt make him feel like a BAD boy for a normal curiousity) that he needs to realize that its not good to ask. I guess its a delicate balance of not making him feel like a weirdo for being normal, but not asking all the little girls on the playground to lift their skirts either.

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L.M.

answers from St. Louis on

Wow, you've gotten quite a response to this situation! That's really strange that they would do that. Keep an eye on the situation, especially if they care for him in the future as he gets older and if he continues to make comments about private parts. And definitely be sure they know not to take baths with him again. I agree with everyone else...it's one thing when it's the mom or dad, but when relatives do that?? Hmm... Touchy situation, though, because you don't want to accuse them of doing anything more than they did, which is to take a bath with your son, but your son is your first priority and you have to do what's best for him. Yikes...good luck and let us all know what happens.

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J.M.

answers from St. Louis on

B.,
it does seem strange that your child is asking about private parts, most children of his age doesn't even notice things like that. One thing though I can assure you is that children at the age of 2 don't remember. Until they hit their 3rd birthday tons of parents do bath with their children and have their other children bath together, lots of kids for some reason that young I have found don't like to bath alone, so to make things easier and teach them better seems how they wont remember a lot of parents do tend to bath with them as I mentioned. It's not that big of a deal, as I mentioned though I have never heard of or seen a child question parts of the body on the opposite sex at that age, that is a rare one.

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E.O.

answers from St. Louis on

I don't think you are overreacting. We have a large corner garden bathtub. We have 3 year old twins. When we all go to "take a bath" together (play in the water) I make sure my husband & I both have on swimwear. I think it is to each his own. I would tell your Mom and Sis that you really are not ok with that and please don't do it in the future. You shouldn't have to defend yourself, they should simply respect your wishes as the parent.
What does your husband think?

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S.W.

answers from St. Louis on

I'm a grandmother of a wonderful 2 year old grandson. Personally, I'd feel a little weird bathing with my grandson and I don't think that my daughter, his aunt, would take a bath with him either. I know his mother showers with him and at times, has bathed with him. He's a normal, curious, 2 year old boy. I think you should cut your mom and sister some slack. I'm sure they didn't mean anything by it and I'm sure your son is fine. If you're truly concerned, ask them not to do it again. You're the only one that knows your family's dynamics and if that could be truly an issue.
Good luck.

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M.H.

answers from Kansas City on

You are totally right to be mad! My crazy mother in law did the same thing with my 4 year old daughter!!!!! I mean she was 4 right, so why should she need her "Mimi" to take a shower with her? Any way I was SO mad and I told her that I never want my 4 year old to shower or take a bath with her again! She is WAY too old for that! But it's your choice whate ever the age of your child and they should have asked you if that was ok first. I too think it's weird and my daughter has been curious about other people's bodies ever since. I would tell your sister and mother though you appricate the fact that they watched your son, that is not something you do not approve of and would like them to not do that again. It's a polite way of saying it and they will get the clue that it wasn't a good choice. Good luck!

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M.S.

answers from Joplin on

If it upsets you then tell your mother and sister that you do not want it to happen again. Unless you have other reasons to believe something more was going on, I would try to tell them how I feel, but then let it go.
My two year old son bathes with me or my husband sometimes but I would not like for anyone else to do so, especially if he was asking to see privates afterwards. That's kind of scary. If you don't shower with him though, that might be the reason he was interested in them.

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S.V.

answers from Kansas City on

Coming from a Mother whose children were molested by a loved one, I know that it is hard not to always be on the lookout when it comes to your children. While you should always be perceptive about those things you can also do more damage than good. After it happened to my kids I was constantly questioning them. I drove them nuts. I think it affected me more than it did them. I became a creature that they shied away from because their reassurances couldn't keep my nerves under control. They got to were they shied away from me. The real question here is do you trust your family or do you really think they would hurt your child. There is nothing wrong in my opinion with taking baths with your small children. How else are they supposed to know that they are like us and not some alien species. When your child asks to see your privates explain to them what is appropriate and what is not. That is how my children knew that something was happening that shouldn't have been and they told me about it. When your kids ask a question about sexuality, tell them in the best way you can for your children the truth. If you don't know the facts then you won't know when you are being touched in an inappropriate manner. Most of all, trust your kids and they will trust you enough to come to you when anything in their lives isn't on the right track.

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D.E.

answers from Springfield on

B. P.
I feel like you do. Although, he is ony 2, this really isn't the issue. The issue is, why did 2 separate adults take a bath with him because he refused if they didn't? So, all they had to do is say, okay, I'll stay here in the room, but I can't get in with you(they just had to make something up, he's only 2). I would never ever let them take another bath with him again. Not that they are doing something bad, but one must take control, and read the red flags and say, I really don't feel comfortable with you or anyone else for that matter, doing this, just leave he bathes out. If on the other hand you have stronger feellings and there could be more to this, don't leave him alone for any reason at all. this is a tough call, but it is your son, and he is depending on your protection. So what if he doesn't get a bath that night????? big deal. why did both of them do this???? keep searching and listening, he could possibly be nothing, but someting tells me to keep your eyes peeled.
D. e

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C.M.

answers from St. Louis on

AS much as you are bothers by it, I would be as well if I were you, I'm sure it will pass. They probably only had good intentions, not to upset you. Remember, they were trying to comfort him in the bath while you were away. If you don't make much of a deal about it with him, he'll proably gradually forget about it. if you do not like him talking about the "privates", try and get him distracted in other ways to get his mind off of it. That might help, and soon he'll forget about the whole thing....for a while.

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J.F.

answers from Kansas City on

I don't think that was right for your mother and sister to do. I had the same problem. I just told my kid that she could learn about that when she was older.

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R.K.

answers from St. Louis on

I think you have every right to be disturbed. Obviously, your mother and sister didn't just take a bath with your son but they talked about their private parts in some memorable way. I've taken baths with my own kids when they were little babies (unable to sit up) but the relationship between mother and child is far more intimate. I would be freaked out if my mother had done the same thing, even if the child were an infant. I think your mother and sister showed a lapse of judgement - hopefully that is all it is. You're the mom and you have a right to tell your mother and sister that you didn't like that and don't want it to ever happen again. Even if they don't feel that they did anything wrong, you can still let them know you are uncomfortable with it and they should respect your wishes. And you have a right to ask them to ignore your son's request to see their privates - they should simply say no and get him distracted with something else. As you know with a 2-year-old they are easy to distract and can easily forget things when no one makes a big deal about it. Unless your mother and sister realize that what they did was kind of weird, I would not leave my son in their care again.

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S.P.

answers from Kansas City on

I think many, many people bathe with their babies and small kids. It's a personal comfort level thing. Of course, he's your son, so it should have been your judgment call!

You can probably relax, though. At 2 years old, he won't make any more of it than any other new thing. Just a curiosity. Your best bet at this point in time is to downplay the entire thing and not let your son see that you are at all agitated - or suddenly he may wonder what all the excitement is about and push your buttons around the incident to see what happens. If it were me, I'd probably just say something like, "Everybody has body parts, but we keep them under our clothes unless we are taking a bath," and drop it.

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M.T.

answers from St. Louis on

It looks like I will be in the minority, but I don't think its that big a deal. I don't think my sisters or mom would in a million years ever do that, but my 2 year old son still takes a bath with his dad and has with me at times when he was smaller, not really anymore. I don't think the human body should be so freaked out about for a 2 year old unless in a sexual way. They weren't sexually abusing him or anything, it wasn't meant to be any harm. I think he is curious maybe more so because its not a normal thing for him to see in your home, so that may have crossed a line by mom and aunt by the way you have reacted. I think had it been something he has seen before, it would have been no big deal and he wouldn't even still remember it. If you put a stop to it now, he will never remember it after a short while. I am sure he wasn't traumatized by the event and they meant no harm and I think no harm done. He's 2 for heaven's sake, not 5 or 10. He's still a baby.

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A.S.

answers from Kansas City on

I think it is inappropriate if for no other reason than because you are uncomfortable with it. Our youngest son (16 months) hates baths to this day and screams the whole time. I give him his baths but the thought has never once crossed my mind to get in there with him. And if I did, I would at least wear a bathing suit. So it sounds strange to me that a grandma and aunt would have done this.
If I were in your situation however, I would probably assume the best on their part in order to keep the peace. I would still let them know that you were uncomfortable with it and maybe say something like, "if I were to get in the tub with him I usually wear a bathing suit" or "if he doesn't like the bath, we'll take care of it when we get home."

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A.S.

answers from Kansas City on

I would be furious. What's done is done, but I would definitely set clear guidelines for them in the future and let them know that you're not comfortable with what happened. I remember a time, after my son stopped breastfeeding (at 15 months), he would still reach down my shirt (usually when he was tired) and search for my nipple. I saw him try and do that to my mom once and she let him. She was laughing and thought it was funny. I definitely did not. There are certain mom-only moments, and I would surely think bathing with your son is one of them.

Have a talk with them. Let them know...

love,
A.

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R.H.

answers from Wichita on

yes, I do think it's inappropriate, first of all, if you were only gone two days, why were both of them bathing with your son? I wouldn't let them watch your son overnight anymore, I mean if he remembers he could be scarred for life, I mean who wants to know what their grandmother looks like, that's nightmare material!!!!!

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L.F.

answers from Kansas City on

it depends on how often he sees his aunt and his grandma. it could be they neither can stand it when your two yo is upset and so they did the thing they thought would work. I would not worry too much about the whole thing about privates, in general, as age two is pretty young. however it is true different families have different levels of modesty, and if you have never bathed with your child nor your husband, and the rule in your home is no one is naked around the other, it might have thrown your toddler off a little bit. if you have any worries, it might be helpful to talk with someone who specializes in early childhood development or read in the library on this a bit. as for our family: We are pretty casual about it right now. I do need to investigate when we need to start "clothingup" as our oldest is almost age five. neither child has shown any signs of emotional impact or obsession with sex/private parts. fyi.

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D.L.

answers from Topeka on

I agree with you completely, that is bizarre. I cannot imagine my mother doing such a thing and she knows I would go off the deep end. But be careful, this could be one of those things that destroys a family. Hopefully your son will drop the subject or possibly get him a age appropriate book. I would not allow them to babysit anymore. If they are going to make such poor decisions, what will it be next time?

Good luck,
D.

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B.H.

answers from St. Joseph on

Hi. I believe that there is an issue to be dealt with. First that is your son and you do have the right to put your foot down and say....if you watch my son you are NOT allowed to take a bath with him or you may not watch him anymore. Second..there needs to be a clear understanding that bath time is a special time yes but with the child ONLY being in the tub and patience of the adult bathing him and toys do help. I would be very upset if I had arrived home and found this out. But dont just blow up. Gather both grandparent and aunt together at once with your spouse and have a calm meeting about the situation and let them know that you do appreiciate the care for your son while being gone...but there will be stipulations to be met or that you will have to find another reliable source to watch that child while you are out. Remember family needs to remain family and loving. But there are also guidelines and borders with each immediate family that should be followed and accepted by out of the immediate family. Let it be a learning experience but also a time of talking to solve.
As far as the child this is a good time to go to a local library and get a good touch bad touch book for their appropriate age and read with them and discuss with your child in detail if needed that it isnt ok whether it be grandparent or aunt or a stranger.
Good luck in this endeavor and glad to talk to you anytime. I can be reached at email ____@____.com just put in subject mom from mamasource and will chat with you.

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A.C.

answers from St. Louis on

I'm thinkin ya. He's your son. If you're uncomfortable with it, enough to email us, then it's not right. I would give them a "by the way... " the next time they watch him. Start with a positive comment, that you appreciate them trying whatever they could think of to make him feel better, but next time, you'd prefer a dirty kid. And perhaps that was normal back in your mom's day and I'm guessing maybe your sister doesn't have kids??

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C.S.

answers from Wichita on

I support you and believe that your mom and sister taking a bath with your son was inappropriate.

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T.S.

answers from Kansas City on

Your child is two and your mom and sister probbly thought nothing was wrong with your child taking a bath with them, but they did and now your son is curious. Explain to him that this is not nice and they are your privates, he will not fully understand and as time goes on he will probably forget all about it. Now your mom and sister know how you feel about this and more than likely they will not do it again.

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A.B.

answers from St. Joseph on

Well to begin with I myself think it is inappropiate for them to bathe with your son, he's 2 they could of found toys or something to amuse him so he'd take a bath by himself. However, I do have a 3 year old girl, that is curious, and me being a bubble wrap mom I freak out over anything; especially something to do with your privates, these days that's the first thing we worry about as mothers, sadly. He will ask questions, he wants to know if everyone has the same thing, etc. But at age 2 is when I talked to my daughter about privates and how it is not ok for anyone to touch them or see them, that they need to keep their privates, private. I continue to tell her that all the time! Just instill in him that they are private and tell him that everyone's different, explaining it to him will alleviate the urge a little of him being so curious. Then I would tell your mom and sister, that you found that to be inappropiate, and ask that they do not do that again, it's for the safety of your son, and they should understand. Good luck!

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A.P.

answers from Kansas City on

Hi B.,
In my opinion...the deciding factor here is your son's age--he's only 2, which makes the situation non-shameful, just uncomfortable for you (which is natural for you to feel, I think.)

As far as your son goes, he's only a curious little guy b/c he never really sees private parts, and now he's like, "Hey, what's that!?" No harm, no foul for him, just answer his questions age appropriatly, very non-chalant like it's no big deal (since it isn't).

Also, tell your mom and sister not to do it again, since you're uncomfortable with that. (Which if they disagree, too bad, he's your son :)

Well, others may disagree, but that's my two cents!
Angie

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C.M.

answers from Kansas City on

That is a very hard situation. Because it is all family. I know, I was in a similar situation with my daughter and nephew when she staed with my mom. This is really a matter of setting up healthy boundaries. You never think that you have to discuss things like this when family cares for your children, but you do. Simply because they really don't know better. You are perfectly normal for being upset. Your son is 2 and it will pass just ignore his requests and do not acknowlede it at all. It is just like other "bad" behavior... The more attention you give it the longer it lasts. Just get guidelines and boundaries set so that no matter who cares for your child they know what you find to be appropriate. Hope that helps.
C.
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V.P.

answers from Kansas City on

I am with you. I think this was very inappropriate from both the grandma and the aunt. When it is your child and you decide to bathe with him/her, that is one thing, but extended family is out. I hope you can get this worked out with your family! Best of luck!

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J.B.

answers from Wichita on

I agree, it's pretty wierd that they did that. I know sometimes 2 year olds can get into some nasty tantrums; I figure he was probably upset that you were gone, and didn't want anyone else bathing him. If I had been babysitting and realized he absolutely wasn't going to tolerate a bath, I would have given him a sponge bath and left it at that. Don't know your family dynamics, but ask the mother and sister what the child's reaction was to them bathing with him, and ask what they told him about "privates". You have every right to know! Then explain to them that this makes you very uncomfortable and why. Get their reaction and go from there as to what to do. They need to know that this is inappropriate and not in your comfort zone.

J. B

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N.G.

answers from Kansas City on

I would be upset as well. I wonder if there is someone you can contact professionally that could help you understand this issue better and how to talk to over with your son.

When both my kids were little I often took them in the shower with me to bathe them. I did this when they were babies until I felt they were old enough that it was innappropriate to do so. They never questioned my body since they were used to it.

But I would have felt very uncomfortable had someone else done the same thing. Because that would have been different for them and they would have had questions, like your son.

This is a difficult situation to be in and I hope you will be able to resolve it with your mom and sister without any hurt feelings. Perhaps next time you will have to specifically say, please do not bathe WITH my child.

D.H.

answers from Kansas City on

I also would be very upset if my mother or mother-in-law or sister told me they took a bath with one of my children...I would not be upset that they bathed him though. You were gone for two days and I'm sure at one point he needed a bath. I would talk to them alone about how you feel about them bathing with your son and ask them to not go that route again. You can tell them that if they feel he needs a bath and starts to cry, then to just forgo it and let him be dirty. You can explain to your son that little boys aren't suppose to see his mommy's privates and if he questions why he saw his grandmother's and aunt's you can explain that they didn't know it was wrong and they won't do it again. He'll probably understand or at least let it go, as should you after that. Good luck, but remember to be nice or they may never watch your precious little boy again.

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K.V.

answers from Kansas City on

Not good. I would be upset about that.

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L.O.

answers from Kansas City on

Your sister and mom CROSSED THE LINE!!! You are not overreacting or being critical. How each family handles nudity, explanation of body parts, etc. is very private and certainly up to the discretion of the parents first and foremost. I know it's very delicate but you will need to have that discussion with your family, knowing that these kinds of actions may impact how much care you and your husband will allow them to give your son in the future.

With a two year old you can most likely keep your explanation simple and he'll move on to something else soon enough. I have always been a firm believer in not providing more info than the child is asking for. They don't understand yet anyway and deciding with your husband on an age appropriate but simple response will get you through this one!

My husband and I have two sons, ages 6 and 9. We are discreet in our house, regarding my husband and I, and have never bathed with our boys. In allowing nature to take its course my 6 year old is just now learing about female body parts in his last year of pre-k and this year in kindergarten. It was prompted by our school's involvement with our local Child Protection agency which does a program for 4-7 years olds on "good touch bad touch." Their explanation was simple and to the point.

Call us stodgy or overprotective but those kids will learn enough before we think they need to anyway so it's all up to you!! Good luck!!

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S.E.

answers from St. Joseph on

To me, I think it was wrong for them to take the bath with him. They could of certaintly tried to make the bath fun by putting bubbles in, or playing with toys in there with him. They might of "thought" they were doing something good but I think they were out of line. And you know 2 year olds repeat everything you say, and who knows when he'll let this go and go on to something else. You can't change what happened, and it might cause hard feelings between you and them. Let it go, but maybe next time don't put their babysitting in the position that they would have to bathe him. Or say he already had his bath. I don't think you are too critical. But you have to get along with them too.

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A.M.

answers from St. Louis on

yes, it was probably inappropriate for your mother and sister to bathe w/ your son w/o asking you first. It just seems a little strange, but harmless really (for a 2 year old). Those types of actions really should be saved for mom and dad.
Seeing the naked body,however, is nothing to be ashamed of and questions arise anyway about the private parts when potty training begins. Now you have to opportunity to talk about all the body parts, the ones that we cover up and don't cover up! :)

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J.B.

answers from Kansas City on

personally, I think bathing with a 2yr old is fine... Maybe they could have showered with him instead but really, 2 is still young enough; they could have asked you first though. At my house everybody but me runs around half naked to naked and even I will run to the bathrrom in just my t-shirt; my daughter (21mos) has seen me, her father, and both her brothers naked and I don't think she'll have such a strong curiosity, nor do I think she's been negatively affected by the exposure... we're just a liberal house and feel that your body is a gift from God, that is normal, healthy, and everybody's got one; it's nothing to be embarassed/ashamed about (of course we are all immediate family; my mom has bathed with my daughter, but it might feel different if it was my son; I know I wouldn't want grandpa to bathe with my daughter). Keep in mind too that @ 2-4 most kids start with sexual curiosity (not in the touch sense) but wondering why boys and girls are diffrent, etc. Try getting out a book of anatomy (i'm sure there are some geared toward kids) to show him "private parts" and explain that boys and girls are different and that's what he saw of grandma/aunt... it doesn't mean you have to have a sex talk or anything about the functionality but maybe just relate it to 'that's why boys go potty standing and girls go sitting' or whatever. He's just curious about things he hasn't seen. I wouldn't be upset at your family though, just let them know that at your house you're not that liberal and you would appreciate it if they ask you before they expose him to things you might not have already exposed him to. Don't worry he won't be traumatized :) Good luck!

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R.W.

answers from Kansas City on

B., it is not okay for you mom and sister to do what they did. Not only is it not appropriate it is not their place to talk about private places with YOUR SON!! I would definately say something. You can tell them in a loving way. They need to know how you feel about things of that nature.
R. W.

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C.L.

answers from Kansas City on

I think it is/isn't ok. Bathing with his Aunt would be a tad weird, but the Grandma isn't that weird. I live with my parents, and my Dad is the full time male figure in both my son's lives, and they have both taken baths/shower with my Dad numours times, or my dad bathes them as they prefer him to do this over me. When my oldest was younger, he would take a bath or shower with my Mom. I guess since we live with them and they are big parental figures in their lives, it doesn't seem wrong to me. I think it just depends on your family situation and how close your son is with them. I think they should of called you and asked if it was ok first. Just explain that you're not comfortable with them doing this and not to again....

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A.M.

answers from St. Louis on

That was very wrong for your mother and your sister to take a bath with your child. Should no adult be bathing with a child. In my opinion I would closely watch my child and you probably want to take your child to the doctor for a full examination. I am not saying that your mother or sister did something to your child but that is just a red flag to me and you just don't know who you can trust with your children wheather it may be family or friend.

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B.J.

answers from Wichita on

You have every right to be upset. If this is something that you feel is inappropriate for your son, then the best thing to do is be very honest with the grandmother and aunt in saying that this is not acceptable for your family. Make sure you are not venomous, just state that you and your husband are not comfortable with this for your family. I have five children and my youngest 3 1/2 year old son still likes to take baths with his sister. They are both still young and it is just a bath. But this works for my family and is totally a personal choice. You should not feel guilty about what you choose for your family.

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B.J.

answers from St. Louis on

Well I think that them taking a bath with your son was inappropriate due to the fact they did not ask your permission. As far as them being naked in front of your son, I don't think that is harmful to him at this age. I think exposing them to the naked body lets them see what it is all about instead of being curious and wanting to find out a different way. I would just tell them...Hey look don't do that anymore, it is making him say some things that others may see as inappropriate beings they do not know the situation.

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D.H.

answers from Springfield on

No, that was not appropriate. Now you have to handle the aftermath. I'd just tell him that it's not important to see people's private parts and drop it at that. You could talk about more appropriate bady parts (this is how your elbow works, this is how your knee works). He should get over it soon, being so young. I would not allow them to babysit again. No, you're not over reacting, your son's innocence was taken away.
D.

S.M.

answers from St. Louis on

B.,
It really is not ok for Grandparents to bath with children. I have bathed with my daughter before but I am her mother and would never allow anyone else to. If he was that upset, why didn't they put swim suites on to bath with him? To me that would be ok, because the "private area" would be covered and then your son might think of it as a "swim party". My husband has showered with my daughter before when we are in a hurry and he just puts on swim trunks so she can't see any private parts. But that is in the shower, not the bath. Also, they should have told you before you found out from your son.
You should try to talk to them and tell them they may not watch your son if that happens again.

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D.C.

answers from Kansas City on

I feel they were completely out of line. And for your son to be responding the way he is leaves an uneasy feeling (instinct) in me. I'm a mother of 3 daughters and now three grandchildren. My grand children have all taken baths with their parents and the oldest are two years old both a boy and a girl and they have never even noticed or ask such questions.

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S.S.

answers from St. Louis on

Hi B.!

Wow...they've sure put you in an uncomfortable situation. The only thing I can suggest is to be open and honest with them. I'd state that while you are not a prude, you do feel that taking a bath with a child of that age is inappropriate. In the future, if they will not comply, I'd suggest your son going one more day without a bath.

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A.L.

answers from Lawrence on

I think you are totally right. They should not have bathed with your son. If they felt it was necessary to do so, which they must have, they could have at least worn bathing suits. The next time your son asks to see "privates," maybe you could explain to him that there's a reason they're called "privates." Everyone's got them, but we don't need to see them.

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B.G.

answers from Springfield on

I used to bathe with my 10 year-old when he was about that age. I do, occasionally,with my 3 year-old twins. But I'm their mother. I wouldn't want other members of my family to do that. But it's done so just try not to make a big deal out of it with him. Eventually he'll forget and stop asking. But definitely let your mom and sister know that you don't want them to ever do that again. You're his mother and you decide what's appropriate for him, not them. Crying won't hurt him so they should just let him cry throughout the bath if necessary, or, better yet, have some fun bath toys for him.

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A.R.

answers from St. Louis on

Last November my daughter was 14 months and I had to go out of town on business for a week and leave her for the first time ever. Of course the Friday before I left she got RSV and was pretty sick.

My hubby took a couple of days off and my mom took one off to watch our daughter. My mom thought a bath would make my daughter feel better so she took one with her. This bothered me when I found out but instead of responding I waited a couple of days and thought about it a little more.

My final decision was not to address it with her. She is my daughter's grandmother and I know she did not mean any harm, but instead was trying to help. It did bother me and to this day I think it is a bit weird, as does my husband, but when I thought about it I decided it was a one time thing and I wouldn't bring it up.

My situation is different though because my daughter was a lot younger and it was my mom that took the bath with her so it is the same sex.

Will your sister and mom be watching your son again anytime soon? If so I would probably mention to them that you would prefer for them not to bathe with him. If you don't forsee them watching him, then I would let it go, unless you really feel something needs to be said. If you do, I would just be careful how you present it.

Good luck!

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Y.B.

answers from Kansas City on

Your not wrong for being upset about the situation BUT they shouldn't have taken a bath with him in the first place. Sometimes we don't leave enough instructions with the sitters. NO, it doesn't mean your a bad parent but maybe you should leave a little more info about some things he might do, if he doesn't get his way & how you would rather they handle the situation. I take it that this ie your first child, you love him & want NOTHING to happen that may make you look like a bad parent...relax there's plenty more mistakes that will be made in time to come, it's called trial & error:-}.

Y.

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S.S.

answers from St. Louis on

I too would find it inappropriate for grandma or aunt to bath with a 2 year old. I dont think its a big deal if mom does it. I did take showers with my sons but I dont remember how old they were we I stoped. I always made a point not to make a big deal over the naked human body. There were times my boys would walk in my room when I was changing a shirt or nursing a sibling. I just acted like its not a big deal. Perhaps if you just igore it and tell your son that its not the right time so something like that maybe he will for get it in a few days. good luck

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J.A.

answers from Kansas City on

Yes! You're completely over reacting. He got into the tub with 2 females, NOT 2 males! It's biology, and kids are curious. If you don't make a big deal out of it, it won't be. Tell him that your privates are private.... turn it into a learning experience. Let it go or cause family issues... it's not worth it.

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C.H.

answers from Kansas City on

What does your husband think? I don't think there is anything appropriate about it. I would be wondering what they thought they were doing. ??????? If this ever happened to me, I think I would have an extremely hard time trusting them again, not to mention that my husband would probably ban them from our house.

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A.J.

answers from Springfield on

You have a right to be upset. I would be a little upset to. But there is really nothing you can do expect explain to your son in a very 2 year old way that we all have body parts and go on hopeing that he will forget it. The more you let this issue bother you the more your son will sense it and keep mentioning it. He will soon forget about it. Yes I do think it was wrong for them to take a bath with him. If he was crying during the bath they should have not given him one or just let him cry it would have been better then taking a bath with him.

opininoned mom

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T.K.

answers from St. Louis on

I have 2 girls ages 4 & 5. When they stay with my mom, they all 3 take showers together. I guess it's never been an issue because they are all female, but I have a daycare & know that I would never take someone else's child in the shower or bath with me. My one suggestion is to not make a huge deal out of it with or in front of your son. I've learned that when my daughters say something shocking, if I make a huge deal out of it, they will too. If I just shake my head at them and say "we don't talk about things like that" it tends to make it go away quietly. Hope that helps a little.

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S.S.

answers from St. Louis on

What your mom & sister did was WRONG!!!! I would let them know that this upset you. I would seirously reconsider letting them watch your son for a while.
So your son was a little upset taking a bath. Get him washed up as good as possible and it is over and done. I don't think you are being too critical.

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