I Need 5 Minutes!!

If you don't want to go to the gym... Does the gym have a daycare? Can he take the kids with him. He gets to workout, you get a break.

Gym with a daycare and/or working out 4x/week. He's a hunk and going great things being healthy, but he needs to balance his body with his family care.

My gym has babysitting from 5-8 for a nominal fee ($2 per kid per hour). If your hubby's gym has one, ask him to take the kids to babysitting there. My younger daughter always wants to accompany me to the gym because she gets to do acrobatics and play with new kids.

Can't he stick the kids in a stroller and go for a walk with them one night a week? or find some way to work out with the kids at the pool or something.

lol, just have to say sometimes I read these titles before opening the question and of course with yours I mentally finished it with " I need five minutes,.... just to poop in peace!." cuz it's been one of those days around here.

I like the idea of having your husband take the kids to the gym with him. That way it is a win/win for everyone. You get the house to yourself for a couple of hours, hubby gets his workout and the kids get to go somewhere and play. I work in the childcare at the gym and lots of dads bring the kids with them while mom has time to herself. If you don't have child care at your gym switch to a gym that does.

He needs to schedule it more sanely.
Not every night.
He is on the initial "honeymoon" stage with it now, going with gusto.
Who knows how long that will last, his gusto with it.

Just TELL him, his "hobby" takes every night.
When do you get to go out, every night?
it is not about going to the gym or not.
It is about, fairness and him doing household and Daddy things too.
And so that YOU can also, do things.
Nightly???? What if you went to the gym nightly and left him home?
And with soon to be 3 kids, you both need to amend your schedules and time.

And the thing is: HE has to also be willing to, per any given day.... NOT go to the gym. If... you are needing a break or if the kids need time with him. You see, his gym time, is up to him. TOO.
It is not engraved in granite.
It has to be, since he has kids and a Wife, variable. Or not at all even, on some weeks.
This is, because, he is a Husband and Dad, and other people's schedules and timing, needs him too.
He is not single.
He has to be willing, to adjust.

And again, maybe you need to leave the house for 1.5 hours, too. For whatever relaxing thing you want to do.
And leave him at home, with the kids.

Once my Husband was going to his martial arts classes every night.
They actually require a certain amount of hours, to meet certain requirements etc. But it was ridiculous. I told him. I didn't have a "hobby" in which I was GONE every night for up to 2 hours a night. And the kids were already in bed by the time he came home. He went to it, after work. So he was not home at night.
And I told him, see if the other Dads... who go there, also go there every night. SO then he did. And come to find out, the other "Dads" who took those classes, did not actually go every night. Because-- they have a family and kids. Only the bachelors or older guys who's kids were out of the house, were there every every night.
Makes sense, right?

It's not about CAN she handle 1.5 hrs with her kids! Of course she can, Mrs Judgies, but is it what's best for her family??
Does your husband get any time with the kids? working all day then 1.5 hours at the gym to me translates to he is out of the house till the kids go to bed. He can wait and go to the gym AFTER kids go to bed. at that age I'm sure they go to bed at 8 and it is not that late for him to work out. Dont tell him this is all about you and your needs. Make it about the kids Needing their father in their life. Every day. There are tons of articles out there about the importance of spending time with daddy if you need to show him the research to prove he is hurting them by being gone all the time.

Perhaps at this point it isn't as much about working out, but more about missing all the craziness with the 3 and 6 year old. Can't blame him for it, in a way, but you are having to deal with the kids all alone and he needs to step up.

Ask him to go to the gym every OTHER night so that you can have a break.

Good luck!

Is there a daycare at the gym? That's the first thing I'd look for - have him go when it's open and take the kids. My kids LOVED the one time they got to go :).

My husband is an avid softball player. For years he played every Tuesday and Thursday night, it was hell on me. I was NOT a single mom, but I felt like one. Only it was more frustrating because I didn't make that choice, it's not what I signed up for when having kids, and it's not what I wanted to do. He now plays on Sundays. Plus the kids are older.

At 3 and 6, could you give them chores to do? Even at 3, my kids LOVED running the vacuum, unloading the silverware, loading the washing machine, etc...it was fun for them.

Can they watch a movie when he's at the gym?

Can you take them to the backyard and let them play?

I understand your frustration and would be frustrated as well. Tell him it's too much. Every other night would work. Can he go BEFORE work? Then the kids are still sleeping. Can he go on his lunch break? There are so many more options than what he's doing. Tell him it's too much for you and find a way to change it.

Good luck!

Once a week get a sitter so you can go out, and once a week have him skip the gym. Like already suggested, he can take them on a walk/run. You're in the Twin Cities, so you've got lakes all over that you can walk around.

Is your 6 year old riding a bike yet? If so, bike rides with dad! 3 year old can go in a seat or trailer.

I agree with the below posts that he should find a gym with daycare so he can at least sometimes take the kids along.

And not go to the gym every day.

A desire to go to the gym does not give him a free pass to avoid his dad duties!!

Hmmm, As a single mom of three (7, 5, 4) I'm feeling like you COULD mange 1.5 hours alone. OR tell the hubs he needs to work out every OTHER night or take kids with him to gym daycare every other night or something. I work-out 4 times per week and take kids to gym daycare or fit my work-outs in while they are at a class in evenings, but if I had a husband and he was at gym every night then kids and I would go out to park or errands or I would watch TV and let them play...you can work it out, it's not bad..if kids are acting that badly for that 1.5 hours then get book Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson and they won't.

EON to gym.
He's married with a working wife and 2 kids, O. on the way.
So....no gym every night!

My husband was at the gym constantly too, and I started complaining. It was taking time away from the family. So he started going every other day, or if I had something to do or somewhere to be, he'd go at that time too. Our boys go with him quite a bit too, so that's good for family time too.

I wonder if you might be able to go to a park with a walking path as a family... Then he can stay at the playground with the kids, while you take off walking for a while. Good exercise for pregnancy anyway.;) that can be your "gym" time... Only free! Even if he has to sacrifice one or two nights at the gym to do so... Chasing the kids around and playing with the, can be a pretty decent workout in itself.

B.:

Even if I was pregnant - I would go to the gym for their yoga or pool. Does the gym offer free day care?

Does he have a contract for this gym? If not - is there a YMCA near you? You can make this a family affair! The kids can have classes - you can get in the pool and get some relief from the baby weight and he can work out.

If the gym is like gyms around here? They are open until midnight - I would tell him sorry - dude - love what the gym is doing for you - but your children need you too - so please go AFTER they are in bed.

In regards to the kids? You don't need to referee. Sets the rules of the house and the consequences are swift and immediate when the rules are broken. They fight and whine because THEY CAN - because you ALLOW it. Rules and consequences will nip that right in the bud.

You can also let them resolve it on their own. yes, it's hard. but at some point in their lives, they are going to have to learn how to resolve conflicts.

Good luck!!

1.5 hours a night, every night, is too much. He doesn't have that luxury, especially with a pregnant wife (who also works) and two small children at home. Ask him to drop two nights for now - he can throw the 3 year old in a stroller and the 6 year old on a bike and take them out for a run on the nights he doesn't go to the gym. Or do HIIT for 20-30 minutes (biking or running) and then be around to help for the rest of the night. HIIT is high-intensity interval training. It really takes less than 30 minutes and has proven to be a much better workout than doing cardio at the same pace for a longer period of time. It's a very efficient workout. Most people who go to the gym regularly alternate weights and cardio so there's no reason he can't do some of that cardio at home. There are other good workouts he can do at home too - Insanity, T25, and the 10-minute series are killer workouts (or so I hear from people who do them - they're a bit too hard for me LOL).

Another alternative would be for him to go to the gym *before* work a couple of days a week.

You should be able to have a bit of time off, too. Sit down with him and tell him exactly like you told us. Decide together what nights he can take an hour- 1.5 hours off and what nights you can, so you can have a break, too.
Your husband can still get exercise every day without going to the gym each night. Some options are:
Get up before everyone and go to gym in the morning (most gyms open at 5 am)
Hit the gym after the kids are in bed
Take the kids on a walk or bike ride, or jump on the trampoline with them
Do a physical game like Wii Sports or something in Kinect, if you have one
Do a workout dvd. There are a lot of "manly" ones like Biggest Loser, Insanity, P90X, etc.
Lift handweights, do pushups, lunges, pullups etc at home while watching a show. A pull up bar is about $30. There are lots of workout videos at Bodyrock.com or even on the fitness pages of Pinterest (or get him a Men's Health magazine)

Why does he need to work out every night? Oh wait, he has a pregnant wife and two young kids at home, of COURSE he'd rather be at the gym!
Working out is great, but he doesn't need to do it every night. My husband goes three nights a week, and plays golf on the weekend, and he is 53 and in GREAT shape.
Time for a compromise. He could go MWF, and you could have T and TH to exercise or relax or whatever YOU need to do.
If he complains he really needs to exercise on those two days then he can take the kids out to a track (high school or college nearby?) and go for a run while they ride bikes or play on the grass. Or he could take them for a bike ride. Plenty of people exercise WITH their children, he should be able to figure it out.

Hi B.,

didn't read the other responses so i'm sorry if this is redundant. my gym has a child care area which is included in the membership. they have to follow the state mandated ratios and care guidelines so i know that my DS is safe and can focus on my workouts. if not, maybe a friend or family member can take one night a week or one every other week?? just a suggestion. best of luck...don't wait until you burnout to do something about it. :-) S.