I Might Be Depressed...???

Hi J.. I feel your pain - I'm due in 4 weeks, I moved down here 5 weeks ago and my last day of work was 10-31 (I'm a nurse). I have no friends/family in the area. I have a great husband but, he isn't a girlfriend. I feel my brain cells dying! I know "baby blues" are common but, isolation and lack of stimulation is also a big factor. We had something called "meetup.com" in the DC/VA area. Maybe your husband can babysit while you go for a cup of coffee and conversation about current events with other women?

Being that you are a stay at home mom I would definently look into a moms group and playgroup for your little one. If you have the extra money(most of us dont) I suggest gymboree as something to do weekly with your baby. I took my son to a free trial class just before his first birthday and he loved it I wish I had done it sooner cause now we dont have the extra money to budget for it. Joining a moms group would allow you that adult interaction we all need sometimes. You are not the only one feeling this way. While I am not a stay at home mom I got the same way while on maternity leave with my second child cause I was so used to constantly having things to do and all of a sudden there was nothing and to much work to go anywhere with a 1 year old and a newborn. Just some suggestions and wanted you to know your not alone.

It sounds like you are depressed. I would encourage you to seek a counselor or a Psychiatrist if you feel you need medicine to help you. Medicine can really help, when you really need it. Your husband might have a EAP-Employee Assistance Program- where they can recommend counselors and you get counseling for free for like 5 or 10 sessions and then you pay after that.

A Mom's group is a great idea, try meetup.com I belong to one in Mansfield, called Mansfield Christian Mom's playgroup and I love it. The activities have been fun for the kids and the adults.

I'm also in United Methodist Women and we are a group of women across the nation and international that meet for fellowship, and help our missions around the world-to help women, children and youth. You do not have to be a member of United Methodist Church to be in our circle. We meet once a week and there is childcare. If you'd like more info, email me and I'll tell you what we are doing for the rest of the month of December and where we meet. We'd love to have you come and join us!

Do you have a sitter that you could leave your child with occasionally? If you don't, that would be something you need to work on finding someone you feel comfortable with.
Since you've been active in the past with biking and swimming/water polo, I would try to find a group that plays water polo or does bike riding. You could look on meetup.com for groups and this would give you some "me" time and a break from being a Mommy.

I hope this helps, if you need to talk more, I'll be glad to listen. Feel free to email me. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Well - first of all you've had a major change fairly recently with your son and then to top it off you are also at home full time. Big changes ! If I were you, I would look for a mom's group to get together with. That way you will be around other moms of kids the same ages. You can visit with the moms and your son will get some interaction with other kids. I would look at the public library to see about story time for kids. They do have them for the younger ones also. This will get you out of the house and doing something. I would also check into visiting with a counselor a couple of times. This isn't to say that you need medicine (but you might ?)temporarily but they should be able to give you some ideas on if you are actually depressed or just needing a little more time to adjust and how to do that. I know this is hard and I hope you get to feeling better soon ! Enjoy your son - they grow up so quick !!

First of all, it's OK. You are being a good mom. Being a stay-at-home mom is so tough because of the exact reasons you pointed out. I am not a full-time stay-at-home-mom (I know that sounds funny...) but since I am a teacher, I take on that position for the entire summer. What really helped me was activities like Gymboree that got us both out of the house doing something fun together. I looked and there is a Gymboree in Arlington. It was a lot of fun for both of us and I look forward to starting up again in June.
Also, often public libraries have story times or even infant music classes. These are great and they are free. And it will give you the opportunity to connect with other parents of little ones in the area who will help you see that you do not have to feel so isolated.
You say that you were an athlete. If that is an important part of your life, then you need to find a way to maintain it. Discuss with your husband the possibility of you getting even just a half-hour to get in a few laps in the pool at a local gym. I gave up running 45-60 minutes a day after my daughter was born, but I still go for 30-minute hilly runs to keep in shape and maintain my self esteem. Don't forget, although being a mom is the most important part of your life, IT SHOULD NOT BE THE ONLY ONE!
Finally, if you are able to get out, interact with others, and take up your activities again, and you are still feeling down, then it is time to ask for professional help. Post-partum depression is nothing to feel ashamed of and does not take away from the love and joy you obviously feel for your son.
Sorry to be so verbose, but I want you to know that someone is listening to you and that you are not alone.
Happy Mommy-ing!
-C.

Bless your heart. I have been there. Moved to Tx a long time ago as a 18 yr old bride. Left ALL family up north and then we didn't have computers and the long distance bill was carefully budgeted. I knew no one except the husband. And he worked and went to school. I was terrified about being a mom and the isolation wore on me. I even invited people into the house who came by selling things - just to talk to someone. NO one should have to go through that. I didn't have a car either and there was nothing within walking distance. It was bad. But it was temporary and what you are going through is temporary, too.
Put yourself out there to meet other young moms - the park, a church group, your neighborhood. I made cookies at Christmas for EVERYONE in a three block distance - just to meet people. I think people were beginning to be scared of me by then but a few people did talk to me! :)
I cried alot and I know an antidepressant probably would have helped me alot but most of it was situational as your's sounds like, too. You have to be creative and make effort to get out and be with other people. Even to the mall to SEE other people is better than being cooped up at home. This time will pass and you will make friends and it will get easier.
We joined a church and found a wonderful, friendly church family there and I ended up doing work there and my kids went to Mother's Day Out. It was my salvation through those years.
When you feel down keep on telling yourself how temporary this time is and it seems endless but it's TEMPORARY and if you can't cheer yourself fairly well - go see your family doctor and talk to them. I believe that if you go through months and months of these kind of feelings that it changes your brain chemistry and you can get a full blown depression situation. (I worked with psychiatrists and doctors at a mental health clinic). There is nothing wrong with getting on a mild antidepressant for a short time. It might help you alot. But remember if one does not work - you have to try another. It's all trial and error of which pill works for you although your doctor will have some sense of which antidepressant to give you.
Best of luck to you - email me if you want!