My kids are all grown, I met a man I love dearly, he has a 7 year old and I have yet to meet her. She knows about me, He and I have been involved for almost 5 months. Once we pass six months, I will be preparing to meet her. She first wanted to meet me, but now she is making up mean songs with bad things happening to me and has began stuttering since he and I took a trip to the beach. This is his only child and he is 50, so this is a delicate situation.... I worry that the mother may have planted a seed in the head of the little one that began such trouble. I need advice on how to approach her once its time we meet. How to support the feelings of this wonderful man and child.
Just a thought... Her mother may not have planted negative thoughts... I've often wondered how little girls view the idea of step-mothers after growing up with stories of Cinderella and Snow White--and their mean, scheming step-mamas.
I met my now husband when his daughter was six. His daughter was not sure she wanted to meet me, and she wanted her daddy all to herself.
Her father sat down with her and explained everything to her using Barbie dolls. He showed how her and him were related and how I would fit into the picture. A lot of her fears where because she didn't know what would happen.
Our first family date was all about her. We went mini golfing and we were both sure to pay a lot of attention to her. We also let her make a lot of the decisions that night...where we would eat, who would go first in mini-golf, what color balls we were all going to use. This let her feel a little bit in control and it let her know that we weren't going to ignore her.
She was completely won over after that.
Just be sure that Daddy explains everything first and shows how she will still be his #1 little girl. Your first family time together should be something she enjoys. If she turns out to be pulling stuff, she's just testing. Stay nice no matter what and let her know you will accept her no matter who she is.
Good luck!
First of all, I'm happy for you having found love. Secondly, any worries you have of her mother, unless you absolutely know they are true, need to be completely erased from your head! Assume the best of her because if you stay with him, you will have a relationship with mom and you want that to be a good one. Don't demonize her before you've met her.
It might be fine once she meets you. She is just worried. Once she sees you are nice things will be different.
Treat her with love, and have a blast when you meet her. Put out all negative expectations and give that sweet little girl no reason to resent you. Little ones at that age are really easy to win over if you are good with kids! I am very proud of you and your significant other for waiting until you knew you had "something". It is so hard for little ones to meet their parents "friend" get attached, then suddenly they are not there anymore when they split up.
Congratulations on finding love, and I know you will be just fine with his little girl!
Think good thoughts and just be yourself.
Seven year olds can smell fake a mile away, and that won't win you any brownie points. Learn about her before you meet her. Likes, dislikes, allergies, etc. See if you can find a common ground and then use pieces of that when you meet.
Give her space. She will be protective, even if she thinks she likes you. She will have lots of questions, demands. 'Are you going to marry my Dad?', 'Are you going to live together', etc. Keep your answers truthful but vague. Your answer may overwhelm her or trigger a defense.
If you are hanging out at home, do ALWAYS be hanging around the Dad. Go about your day. If you like to bake or cook, use that. Kids LOVE adults that bake cookies, brownies, rice crispy treats, etc.
M.
It is important for a child of divorce to feel love from both parents. I think this is probably what the girl is concerned about. Just tell her that her daddy is a very special man and has enough love for everyone is the problem ever arises. I would not think anything negative about the relationship that you are going to have with the girl or the mother. I would just go into the situation with lots of love and understanding. I have a six year old son and he is willing to accept his dad's girlfriends. I can't say it is easy for me to have another woman in his live but I know it is best for the boy to not feel any contention. I also realize that his dad is a very hard person to deal with so the ladies probably won't be around long. LOL LOL
yes what mamma h said thats perfect!!!!!!
Ok I purpose a mixture of what Mekelle and Mamma said. Both are very good advice and come from great perspectives.
Coming from a step child...Just be yourself. She will see through what her mom has said (if she said anything). She will see that you are a nice caring lady and give it time. She will need time to adjust to the new situation. Maybe do special things together for dad like bake cookies or a special dinner or a special craft.
