How to Deal with This?

This situation is hard. I called my step dad Dad for 18 years. Now my Mom and Step Dad are divorced. If he was the type of man that you are with I would still call him Dad. I would still go and see him. That's another story but I think that if this man wants to step up and be your daughters daddy, I would let him. Take it slow like you are. Let things happen as they do. Maybe if the biological father won't step up and take his place in her life he could adopt her. I am adopted. I just met my real father two years ago. He is a good man. But growing up my Dad was still my Father as I saw it. I didn't wonder about my real father until I was grown. My Dad was all I knew. If he is willing to love her I would let him. As long as he is a good man he will always be Dad to her. This is just an opinion though. Go with your heart. Sometimes my mind gets in the way of my heart and I over think it. Do what you feel is right for her.

I was in the same situation with my husband and my daughter. Me and my husband met shortly after my daughter was born, we dated for a while and then I finally let them meet. He immediatly fell in love with her and wanted to be her daddy, I was not so sure about the whole thing. My husband is a wonderful man and he reasured me that he was doing this because he wanted to and not because he felt obligated to do it. I never pressured my daughter to ever call him daddy or anything but one day she just started calling him daddy and I think it was then that I realized it was her who made the choice to have him as her daddy since her biological father has never seen her or wants anything to do with her. I say go ahead and let her call him da-da, let him be her dad, at least you know she will have someone who will be there for her throughout her life. Plus like my dad told me, it's not very often that you find a man who wants to take care of a child that is not even his. I was really worried, I thought for sure my husband would treat my daughter differently than he treats our son but you know he treats them the same, and to him that is daddy's little girl, he has that bond with her.

I was also in a very similar situation, however, my bf did not appear in my life until my daughter was 8 months old. I was a single mom and her father has nothing to do with us at all. My bf took on the role of father quickly and has always loved the idea. I left it up to him if he was comfortable with the idea because the way I saw it, I was madly in love with him and vice versa, he already had been treating my little one like his own, and he wanted the responsibility. I guess one big thing to ask would be is your 4 month old's biological father in her life at all? If so, then I could see the dilemma, but if not, I think you should let the man you have now and have had since you found out you were pregnant go ahead and assume the position. I'm not necessarily sure what him wanting to be her daddy but not her father really means. Being a father is accepting the responsibility that this is HIS child as well, and being a daddy is just a name you call your father! You may want to talk to him about that. I think if you want to be "daddy" then you also need to be "father".....
Don't know if I helped at all or just shared an opinion, but I do know what's it's like.
Good luck.

I am the single mother of an almost 5 year old. Everytime a guy finds out that I have a daughter, he turns tail and runs for the hills. I say if you have found someone who will love your son and won't condemn you for having children with someone else, go for it. God knows I screwed my only chance up. You are obviously having better luck than I am, so go for it. Good luck in your decision.

I would advise you to do some serious soul searching. Are your instincts telling you to wait? If so, you should give the relationship more time before moving to the next step. Are you questioning how much you love this person? If you do not feel ready for marraige, then you should wait until you are because jumping in before you are ready may end in disaster which will only cause pain to everyone involved. Good luck and may God be with you in your time of need.

Hi R., I'm going through a similar situation, except that my son is 17months old. When my current fiance first met my son, not only did he fall in love with my son, but my son opened up sooooo quick with him that he know thinks of my fiance as his dad. We are now expecting a little one of our own in the summer and couldn't be any happier and my fiance is enthused to have a second child(he considers my son his first). It's still overwhelming for me,but I couldn't be any happier. Kids are a huge detector if something is right or wrong and see how your daughter reacts first. It will take time. Good luck to you!

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