Hi mamas,
I found out via facebook about a girl I graduated high school with had passed away. She died of a aneurysm on the 14th and her funeral was today. She turned 34 in january and I just can't stop thinking about it. I was not real close to her in school but my heart goes out to her kids and husband. My mom died of the same thing and went to the same funeral home and the 10 yr anniversary of her death is the 31st of this month. Do you think that's why its bothering me so much? I just don't know how to get it out of my constant thoughts and move on? I keep picturing her in school and I feel so sad for her that she had to pass. I guess I feel that way for anyone that has passed on but this is seriously bothering me. Any suggestions?
love y'all,
H.
Thank you ladies. Toni,cheryl and heck all of y'all are right. This time if the year sucks and I hate it. My mama died suddenly with no warning of a massive stroke/aneurysm on easter Sunday no less and im still devastated. Of course life goes on so you roll with it or you don't, I chose to live. Hearing of this breaks my heart and I know how it feels to have that horrible void and not be able to hug my mom and I just can't seem to come to grips with it. Im 33 and she was 34 and a mom and wife. I had to fight back the breakdown I wanted to do last night and just hug my husband till I popped his head off :) when my mama died, after the turned the breathing machine off, I remember looming down the hall and a girl we went to school with had rushed up to the hospital to be there with us and as I looked up she was standing there hugging her mom as hard as she could. At that point, it hit me, ill never do that again. Those boys will never hug their mom again. I just feel so sad for them and I do feel sad for anyone that dies. I know its part of life but I can repeat that a million times in my head yet I don't feel better. Y'all are right, life is such a mystery and it can be yanked from you with a split second and it scares me. That's it! It scares me to death that we have no control over it. Thank y'all for listening to me a reassuring me im not crazy :) thank you for the prayers it helps.
I think when we loose a "peer" it hits home. "Could be me" kind of thing.
If it was me, I would probably send a card to her family (either husband or parents) with a personal note mentioning something you remember about this woman...be it her smile, her kindness, sense of humor, a class you shared, etc. It will be a great comfort to them to have someone "remember" her in a special way from years ago.
Sorry and good luck.
Oh honey, I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you and to her kids/husb.
I will say a prayer for her.
It is a difficult thing.
I'm sure your mother's passing of this same thing has a lot to do with this hardship.
When someone we love or know passes early, we feel the pain & it is always so difficult & unfair.
I'm sorry.
It's a wake up call for all of us to hug our children & love our husbands & all of our family members.
Life is fleeting so we must enjoy each & everyday.
Love with all your heart & tell those you love that you do.
I will be thinking of you honey.
I wish you peach & comfort tonight.
Several years ago now a similar thing happened to me. A friend, a girl who was my same age and married for as long as I had been was killed in a car accident. It was...to say it was tragic is an understatement. This out of control truck just took the car her and her husband were riding in off the road and crushed it. He survived and she lingered for a couple of weeks. Her husband said that they had been talking in that moment about starting their family...and then she was gone.
I identified with her so profoundly that I was sick about it....as in sick to my stomach...for weeks...and I would cry randomly. I had the hardest time dealing with it.
I'm wondering if this isn't like a double trauma to you in the sense that it brings your own mortality to the foreground, but it also brings the grief of your mother as well in a time when you are coming up on a milestone anniversary with your mother's death. I think you need to respect this as a terribly difficult emotional time. Losing a parent is really REALLY hard. I lost my own father 12 years ago and as a dear friend put it to me "grief and loss has it's own sense of time". It's just so true. 10 years should mean that it was an entire decade ago but what it means is that you've collected 10 years without your mother...and that's NOT an easy thing to deal with. The death of your classmate has compounded this.
If you need to reach out to someone, try to find a grief counselor or someone who will meet with you for 6 weeks or just a few sessions. It may be very helpful or try to think of a constructive way to honor your classmate and your mother?
My heart goes out to you. I hope your find peace and center soon.
H.:
It's a lot of things. I'm SOOOO sorry for the loss of your mother. I can't imagine that. I'm sorry for the loss of a friend as well.
Part of it is your mom, her death, how she died, where her funeral was but the other part is your own mortality. This W. was your age and now she's dead. That's life altering stuff. She's YOUR AGE. People our age aren't supposed to be dying...especially leaving young kids and a husband. Just like you have. It's scary stuff.
Go to the cemetery and pay your respects - not only to your mom but to your friend. You miss your mom. I know I would and now that it's been 10 years and she's at the same place as your mom....world's collide.
My heart and prayers are with you. I wish we lived closer so that I could take you out for a movie or something to get your mind off it or even listen to you share memories of your mom and your friend.
God Bless.
Cheryl
Its bothering you because its the same thing and happened to your mom. Since I have become a mom, its hard for me to stomach when young moms leave their children and family motherless. It is just so sad and everyones worse nightmare.
Pray for her family, I will as well.
These are normal feelings. I think we often find ourselves more upset when we have a way to relate. With your mothers anniversary so close, you are probably already feeling a bit emotional and you are now reliving the tragedy within her.
Focus on the good times you had with your mother.
Aaaaw, that sucks, I'm sorry. It WILL stay with you for awhile.
Those kinds of things remind us of our own mortality and how very fragile live can be.
Plus, she was a living member of your own memories, of course you're especially effected by her death.
Hope you have someone you can talk about her with. That can help work it through in your heart/mind.
Fond Thoughts to you, Spidermonkey.
:)
I can completely see why this is bothering you. Not only is it a painful reminder of your mother, but it is a painful reminder of how fragile life is in general. An aneurysm can take any of us at any given moment in time without warning. It is horrible that someone at the age of 34 is gone, leaving behind a family. I think this would bother you regardless of what happened to your mother, but I think having gone through this with your mother makes it worse.
I think that time will help you stop thinking about this so much. Allow yourself time to grieve and get through your mom's anniversary. Maybe you could send a care package to her family or donate money to a cause in her name? Doing something kind in her name might help ease some of your pain.
Sorry you are going through this, go give your loved ones an extra hug.....
H.,
I am so sorry for your loss of your mom and your hs friend. Yes, it makes complete sense that you would be thinking of her during this time--its the anniversary of it and there are similarities in their deaths. It doesn't make it easy though. I am wishing you peace and comfort during this difficult time. Hang in there....
M
You're grieving. Your reaction is normal. Let yourself grieve. Think about your friend and your mother as much as you have time for. I've found that crying releases a lot of that uncomfortable energy that builds up in us when we're so sad.
Yes, this friend's dead at this time does bring up memories of your mother. That is OK. Grieving is a process that we go thru many times during our lives.
Allow yourself to grieve and see if the Allumni are planning to do anything to honor her - see if you can give a donation in her name to a charity she supported or research in to the cause of her death - things like that to help you get a "resolved" feeling and move forward.
When someone your own age dies, especially someone you have known or loved, it is common to obsess on it. You have many thoughts such as "what if it were me, what would my children do, what would my husband, family, etc. do"?
I would suggest writing a letter of condolence to her family and if they live near you, ask if it would be helpful if you could send or take some food by the house.
This could help you and the family process some feelings during a difficult time.
Blessings....
