I Know I Am Grateful, but Why This?

I have a house we totally paid off and I HATE THIS HOUSE. I love having no more payments, but I have a list of things I knew we needed to change and that is what I see and what gripes me every day. I had other people tell my husband there were rooms that would not work for us, but he would not listen. Believe me, the next house will be one that makes mama happy;-)

I used to be more that way but with practice, I'm not so much. It's like learning a new skill - it takes time and practice. Every time you have that type of thought, consciously replace it with another positive one. It really does work but it takes some time.

My ridiculously expensive dishwasher pisses me off too, Your not petty. lol. Your not a materialistic ingrate, probably the opposite. Its hard to spend that much money and then be disappointed.

I don't think you are nuts or ungrateful. I think you have a bit of an unrealistic view, however, which drives you crazy. It sounds to me like you idealize the "perfect" thing - house, dishwasher, etc. - when, in reality, the "perfect" thing doesn't exist. Just about everything in this life is a series of trade-offs. The trick is finding the best fit for you and accepting that there are going to be drawbacks. If you're happy with your house, who cares if the "perfect" one goes up for sale a week after. Trust me - it's not perfect. Once you moved in to the perfect house, you'd find things to don't like about it, too. Most things that look "perfect" - on closer examination just aren't. I think that just realizing and accepting that the grass isn't always greener might help you be happier with what you have.

Hun...we all have these moments! I spent nearly 6 years in a cramped duplex that I hated from day one...we finally got to move into a "house" and it is awesome...nearly everything I wanted...it has 4 bedrooms, we have a big yard, it is all on one level...and yet I am just as nit-picky...I hate that we have no garage, we have had trouble with the lawn mower so have had to pay to have the grass mowed, I have a HUGE beautiful master bathroom with a corner tub ( that I adore) and yet what do I focus on----the fact that the bathroom is Half painted a hideous sea foam green and I lack the money and time to paint over it at the moment.
I think it is because we are just human, we are imperfect...so as long as we can redirect ourselves and remind ourselves how fortunate we are and not dwell on it we will be ok....I certainly don't think it makes us bad or ungrateful....just Human = )

I have some friends who are really good about thinking about all those small little details like dishwasher rack size and whatever when they are shopping for a new appliance. Not me but I am learning to be that way. I have made some not so great purchases in the past without really doing a full investigation and considering all of my needs and options and have ended up regretting them. I don't think that it is a matter of not being grateful. I just think it's a matter of wishing I had really put a lot more thought into my purchase before closing the deal. But I'm learning . . .

K. you are perfectly normal. It's just part of the human condition.
We all can spot the dings and scratches. As long as you see the sunshine and the "good" stuff, too... then don't spend too much time beating yourself up over not being the constant optimist/rose colored glasses viewer.

It sounds like your inner dialogue is pretty vicious. Do you have a tendency to expect perfection from yourself and then beat yourself up the instant you deviate from that perfection? Most women have been programmed that they are supposed to be perfect and when they don't quite measure up that they are then unworthy, unloveable, or inadequate.

The most painful thing we do to ourselves is to "should" on ourselves constantly. We have all of these rules about how we "should" be and never leave room for just what is. Often we are completely unaware of the should. "I feel so upset over minor and material things" and I shouldn't. The problem isn't whether you care about material things or not. The issue is that you think you shouldn't feel how you feel.

When you remove the "and I shouldn't" from the statement then you just get to address what is happening. As soon as you introduce a "should" you are stuck. You will never find solutions and be able to make choices as long as you cling to the "should." If you just say "I feel upset" then you can choose what you would like to do to resource the feeling. If you continue to unconciously repeat that you "should only feel grateful and shouldn't be upset," you will only feel miserable and nothing can change. You have no choices in the "land of shoulds."

Gratitude is an important aspect to our lives. However, it will always be undermined by the "shoulds" and expectations we think are so important. When we are willing to just acknowledge what is - good or bad - then we may feel gratitude as well sadness, upset, happiness, fear, joy etc. The feelings aren't the problem. The judgment we put on the feeling is. Why is it bad to feel anger? Anger can simply be a signal that our boundaries have been crossed. Why is it bad to feel sad? We may have lost something and need to grieve. Why is it bad to feel ungrateful? This simply shows us where we may want to make some new choices or changes in our lives. When we allow our emotions, and don't stop them with "I shouldn't feel this way", they will naturally move through and we will be at a place where we have choices again.

So, what is? You like nice things. You like appliances that are efficient. The appliance you bought has some things that you don't really like. You didn't look at this appliance as closely as you would have liked to. Okay, what kinds of creative things can you come up with to resolve the issue? First, stop beating yourself up! Second, express your feelings of frustration through writing or drawing or tearing pages out of an old phone book. Next, come up with some things you have learned from this experience (without beating yourself up). Then, you are at a place to make some choices. You can do anything from buying another washer to just letting go and washing the cups by hand. You will be amazed at some of the creative solutions that can show up when you just address what is and stop buying in to the "I should/shouldn't have done this or that."

With the dishwasher, I see it more as you were hoping to find something that worked well for your needs. You thought you had done your homework, only to find out it wasn't exactly what you needed, but you put all the time and energy and money into and now it's frustrating to you...and it is frustrating. I think we've all felt similarly. It's not materialistic:-)

Of course you should have taken your dirty glasses with you to stack in the rack to see how everything fits...you are fine! It happens to all of us.

i think you did what i do all the time - got your hopes up. and in this case, things these days are made cheaper, smaller, and crappier in general, than we "remember" them. remember the toaster our moms got for wedding gifts that still works? ok well mine has one. and MY husband and I been through three toasters in like 10 years. "they don't make 'em like they used to!" is NOT just a saying! but i think it's just a case of something that you work REALLY hard for, not measuring up to your expectations. sometimes i think, as hard as i worked for something, it really should be exactly what i want. and sometimes that doesn't happen...and it's so disappointing.

It's buyer's remorse. It basically is the fact that many people when they make a big purchase they feel that they didn't buy the right thing, they could have gone with a different, they spent too much on it, etc. I think it will pass. For more details google the term "buyer's remorse".

I think it's probably more a matter of you being mad at yourself for not completely covering every single angle--like moms are expected to do! LOL

I do that ALL the time. It's the dumbest little things I can overlook and then reap the consequences for y-e-a-r-s til that O. dies! haha

Two things:
1. Before making any major purchase, do as much research as possible! Consumer Reports is a great resource. Just because something is shiney and ndew doesn't nessesarily mean that it will work well, so research is crucial.

2. It sounds like you logically know that you should be grateful for all that you have, but you don't really FEEL gratitude. Having a spirit of gratitude is somethign that you really have to work at. I know how hard it cdan be! My example right now is that my husband just got a great new job earning more money than we had previously and doing a job he enjoys. The problem? He is currently living alone in the city where he works while I am in our old house in our old town taking care of my kids and everything else by myself trying to sell our house so we can move and buy a new one. It is SO hard and I get really frustrated and feel self pitty even though I KNOW I should be grateful because there are SO many people who are a lot worse off than me, esspecially in these tough economic times! You just have to remind yourself how much worse things could be, and the best way to do that is to get outside of your own life and your own concernes and do good for others. Volunteering is a great way to do that. Get involved in your local food bank or women's shelter or animal shelter or whatever you like, when you do good for others you will feel better about yourself, and when you see what a REAL problem is then your own little concerns will feel diminished.

I do this all the time especially when I make a decision too quickly.

I always second guess myself after the fact. Did I make the right decision... Would I have been happier if... If only I wouldn't have said... I should have spent more time choosing a better color, different size, larger house, smaller yard, etc,,,the list goes on and on. The worst thing is that sometimes this thinking plagues me for years. And I miss so much of what's important in the process.

I've decided that it's not so much that I'm ungrateful, it's more I over think things. I have a bad case of what I've learned to call 'stinking thinking'. (Probably brought on by OCD.) I get caught up in the details so much that I forget to enjoy what I have. So what if things fit differently, they'll still get clean. (I just bought a new dishwasher too and it's an adjustment. They're different than they were 15 years ago.) I find that I struggle with any kind of change. I'm still learning how to enjoy the moment before it's gone. Many times I've thought that I have plenty of time or opportunities for various new purchases, outtings, relationships, etc only to be reminded that times change, things wear out. And after all, they're only things. There's so much in life that's so much more important.

Try not to get caught up in the 'stinking thinking' and just enjoy that you have a new dishwasher. And remember to enjoy spending time with those you love. The new dishwasher will wear out just like the old one did.

Good luck and remember to smile :)

You are definitely not nuts! Lol, I think it happens to all of us sometimes.
Myself included. My darling husband took our son and I to the beach for 2 days this past weekend, after telling him I needed to get out and have fun, and it was amazing. It was the best time, and was fun for the whole time we were there. We saw great stuff and did all that we wanted. But now being back home I cant help thinking to myself I wish I was still at the beach. I should be thinking, I am fortunate enough to have even gone. Its just something sometimes we cant help, and it happens to everyone. Its a natural instinct set in us that always makes us want more or better. It's just life.

LOL, that's so funny because I did the exact same thing! Our 15 yo dishwasher quit and I was so excited to get a new one. We looked and looked and did all kinds of research and I hate our new one. I can't load bowls on the bottom rack because it keeps the glasses on the top rack from getting clean, even though there is a jet underneath the top rack...weird! I have to use jet dry to get sparkling clean dishes and nothing but cascade seems to work. Oh my crappy dishwasher wasn't so bad after all, lol!!!! :)

Our new DW doesn't fit as much as the old one, either.

I'm still suffering with an old dishwasher. But I find whatever you pick there is always some little annoying quirk you overlooked. If you had a different dishwasher you would have a different problem but nothing is as good as it looks in the ads or in the store. It is all about picking the annoying quirks you can live with most easily.