I Have Just About Had It and I Need Some ears...eyes...whatever

I do not know if this will make you feel better but my dd did the same to her bedroom walls and carpet ...except it was poop.

It's days like this that we need a happy pill but the wine will have to do.
(((HUGS)))

My dd is Autistic

No Advice Libby, just wish I could come over and hang with you.

Tomorrow is another day, yes?

:)

.

Oh, sensory disorders suck big fat donkey balls. At least the peanut butter wasn't, uh, poop. For reals, yo. When G was 3-ish and we were still having some toileting issues (who am I kidding, Autism extends toilet training until nearly 5 years old when the child is high functioning) and she has an aversion to pooping. She had been withholding her poop. Saving it up for a rainy day. Until the day I had two appointments to get to and dropping her off at school.

It was fecal smearing at its worst. Not only all over herself, but painted all over the toilet, the floor, the cabinet, counter, and walls of the downstairs bathroom. She had it in her hair and on her shoulders, arms, legs, feet... and she was standing in the sink. "Mama! I tinky!"

Damn straight, she was stinky. I effing panicked and grabbed her under her arm pits, dragged her stinky butt up the stairs and tossed her in the shower. I hosed her off and then soaped her up. I didn't even care that she was eating soap, as long as the soap wasn't brown.

I got her dries and dressed, and smelling like a strawberry fairy. I called my husband and cried a river on the way to the appointment after I sprayed the disaster of a bathroom with disinfectant. I was a wreck but made it to my appointments. When I came home I found that my husband came home from his lunch break to clean the Bathroom of Horror. I never loved that man more than I did that day.

Another time she painted my upstairs bathroom with an entire bottle of brand new liquid foundation make-up. That was less than a week later, actually.

She did it with Vaseline in her room once.

Now at 8 years old she sometimes does it with toothpaste, but limits it to the sink and for some reason coats a Barbie doll with it. But her breath smells fabulous.

And this is why I blog. :-)

No concrete advice here, either, girlfriend. Some days with ALL kids just implode on themselves, in spite of our best planning.

Just hang in there the best you know how for now. Hopefully, help is on the way--soon.

Given the choice between wine vs. chocolate, I'd go for the chocolate! :) Gotta keep that judgement in tact, after all.

Would it make you feel any better to know my 5 year old covered his sister and the whole bathroom with baby powder in the time it took me to get dried off and dressed after a shower? Kids can be so frustrating!

I don't know if it would work with your kid but maybe he would get it if you acted out the incident with dolls or toys showing the "mommy" doll getting angry and the child toy apologizing? I wish I had a good idea for you. With my kids taking away a toy is a good bet as a consequence.

Breathe.
ok first, lets look on the bright side, it was just peanut butter, it could have been poop...see, you feel better already, right? = )
I have had to mentally count higher than ten and had to bite my tongue, and YES I have had to take a mommy time out.
I have cried, but tears don't solve much and we have to be the grown ups.
I will say it is ok to feel poor me, sometimes...just do not let it become your primary fall back emotion.
I have been known to sneak chocolate, although chocolate candy is just ok...chocolate cake to me is MUCH better = )
Yes, a glass of wine also takes the edge off from time to time.

I am not sure how old your child is.
My son was diagnosed with ODD at age 2 and we had some doozy of a time I will tell you...looking back I am amazed I survived some days, but I will tell you....we did survive, and it got a lot better....Alex is 4 now and I rarely have days when I want to run away anymore = )

PM me if you ever need to rant, want a hug, or any advice...I say the reason we survived is we had an awesome therapist, she is considered part of the family now, I do not know how I would have done it without her. I STILL call her to this day when I am at my wits end...a GOOD therapist is worth his or her weight in gold.
Having faith in yourself is pretty important too...
hang in there!
B.

I don't know any good advice> we learned the hard way spanking sets our child into a rage. her grandparents are spankers/beaters so they are not allowed to babysit or be alone with her.
she is now 10 so i can have higher standards and she usually lives up to them. hang in there. it gets better and it is not your fault

Yes. Wine and chocolate. At least that's what helped me back when my son was that age. He has ADHD, PDD-NOS (basically high functioning autism), Tourettes and sensory issues. The years from 3 to about 8 quite frankly sucked. And he is my eldest, so I also had the toddler and the infant to deal with. Yep, lots of wine and chocolate. I've been where you are, it's really hard, isn't it? But I kept telling myself "it could be worse". For example, your little guy could have used permanent marker or, like Betsy C. said, poop (and that is NOT FUN, trust me, I've been there!) Or he could have a life-threatening disease. Or...or...or...it could be worse, waaaay worse. Now think of all the little things that he does that brings you joy. Does he sometimes give you a hug just because? My son, at 6, was asked by his psychiatrist "what makes you happy?" His answer: "I know SHE loves me" pointing to ME! Brought tears to my eyes.

Wine, chocolate and "it could be worse"... and know that it WILL get better. At 13, my son still has all those issues, but he's also made honor roll at school on SEVERAL occasions, does karate 3 times a week and is LOVED by his teachers, friends and friends' parents. Sure, sometimes it's still hard dealing with him and his logic, but that's what also makes him unique and the most interesting kid I know. Just hang in there. It's hard, but you can do it...your son is counting on you to keep it together and hang in there. He might not express it, but, trust me, you are his rock.

I'd put a lock on the door that holds the peanut butter. Prevention, prevention, prevention.... when you can't get them to mind.

ya, i would be haning them to thier father, and hideing in the bath tup with a glass of wine.
you have allot on your plate. be sure to take care of YOURSELF!
if you let your self get too run down, you will not be able to be the mommy u need to be.

I'd grab the jelly & join him right about now. What about giving him busy kinds of things so you can do what you need to and he stays occupied? My best friend's son has multiple diagnosis and has to pretty much be watched like a hawk but for some reason when he's at my house he's not too bad. I try to find things for him to do. I give him a bucket and sponge to have him wash down my dining room table and chairs, big deal we're all a little wet when we sit down for dinner, Jake is occupied til it's ready! I have him sweep & mop my kitchen floor, THIS IS SOMETHING HE LOVES DOING! No child labor going on here. We do simple things....like what you were talking about w/the puddle hopping - that is the best! I don't think there's a puddle yet in NJ that me & my girls haven't hopped! Well, best of luck to you. Oh, one more suggestion, chocolate pudding finger painting - just get the snack cups and he can clean up his own mess. Okay, I'm done!

My granddaughter is Autistic. Go to www.autisimspeaks.org and www.easterseals.com. There is tons of advice out there.

One thing that will help is his diet. Make sure he doesn't get any yorgert or MSG --never ever never. Both will make an Autistic child violent.

Look up the autisim diet it is basically a gluten free casin free diet.

Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry your evening has gone this way!

I suggest that you put him to bed for the night, grab that bottle of wine, put on some music, and have a peanut-butter scrub-off session. Laugh about it. Take some pictures. Find the humor as best you can.

Tomorrow will be better. And when you get that testing done, see about getting into an ASD support group for parents. See if you can get some ideas, in person, from the trenches.

I wish I has some ideas for how to actually stop the behavior...but I'm in your corner and wish you the best!

ETA: If it's to big for you to handle, it might just have to keep until tomorrow...maybe you could call in a few favors? Or a professional cleaning crew?

Have a good cry for sure... No advice...can't imagine what you go through every day. Please ask for advice when you take him for his test...

A doctor who recently died had a way of connecting the parents and the autistic child. He had the parent get down on the floor and be there with the child letting the child lead the situation. The child did the relating he/she wanted with the parent. The parent would play with the child and form a rapport with her/him which led to the connections all regular kids do without hesitation. Once bonded all other situations became much easier.
Lots of playing on the floor with him for half an hour at a time and your kid who is not at all dumb will get the cause and effect connection. It takes time and is worth it.
Get him into a gym class all that organized movement will bring him an understanding of life that nothing else can. Once he is 4 put him in a martial arts class. You will be amazed at how he matures and becomes self disciplined.

Oh my dear girl, I have ZERO advice for you (wish I could help!) but I'm sending a giant HUG your way!

And go ahead and cry. I was having a horrible day on Saturday over a horrible situation and my husband and I were driving around just trying to process (love that man! He knows just how to help!) and I said that I just had this urge to self medicate my anxiety but I didn't even know WHAT I wanted to self medicate with! :) Just saying it out loud seemed to lift a little burden off of me. I don't really know why. Sorry, now I'm just rambling! :)

You are one hell of a good mama!

Libby:

I've been reading the responses as I don't have an Autistic child - the one that captures me is - get the jelly and join him!! oooh you answered it - chocolate and peanut butter are great together!! if you can't beat 'em- join 'em?!!!

Thank God it's not paint or something else!! You will handle it.

I don't think it's wrong to buckle him up in the car seat when he gets out of hand...you are keeping him safe.

Hugs to you!

Since we are talking about a three year old, you need to lower your expectations just a bit. You can't expect him to learn from the same disciplines that you would use for a ten year old. Three year old children, special needs or not LOVE to have fun all the time. With kids who have defiance issues, the bigger deal you make out of something the more they are going to do it. Patience is very much required for children who are defiant (I have three of them). It is important to find fun and creative ways to teach them how to make good choices. It is also important to communicate with them at their level.

With this kind of incident, I would have made cleaning up the mess into a game. "Okay kids, let's see how fast we can clean this mess up! And then we can have a cookie when it is all cleaned up!" That usually encourages several children to work together. I would have also said something like "Wow, brown? We could have had more colors if we had used finger paint, don't you think? You forgot the bread and the jelly, we could have had a huge sandwich for dinner." And I would have showed him a good place where he could place a piece of paper to finger paint.

BTW, my daughter did this with eggs. She really wanted hard boiled eggs and thought that they all were automatically like that. It took me a few times of cleaning up egg out of the carpet to figure out that she just was looking for a hard boiled egg and kept cracking ALL of them everywhere.

I talk to my children about problems we run into and find out why we are having the problem. I don't usually get upset since it doesn't help the children. They usually have a reason for what they are doing even if we don't understand it at first. Smart remarks has gotten me a long way and helps keep the mood light when the disaster is really smaller than it seems at the moment.

My ten year old boy with Autism now keeps things like shampoo and lotion in itty bitty containers. Apparently they are part of his science experiments. My response is "Okay that is fine, just don't make a mess. If you do, please clean it up so I don't have to see it." He is pretty certain he can make something really cool with his science experiments. Pretty sure he is going for Frankenstein. We went through a lot of mess making. I greatly enjoyed pulling cotton balls out of his nose every morning for his first two years of life, never did figure out why he kept stuffing cotton balls up his nose. Those come out easier than crayons, though. LOL!