My daughter will be turning three in March, and over the past couple of weeks she has come into our room in the middle of the night. She will go to sleep just fine in her room. But anywhere between midnight and 4:00 a.m. she comes into our room to get in our bed. I work a full-time job, go to school full-time and quit frankly do not feel like fighting with her in the early hours of the morning. I have tried to walk her back to her room and put her in her bed, but she will continously get up and come back in our room until I let her in our bed.
The little girl probably misses you and knows it is one time she can find you and be with you. Why not slow down a little and spend time with her? If you have to retire at 45 instead of 38 or take a little longer to go to school, I doubt you will look back and wish you had spent less time with her.
2 options: Either make it okay or gate her in.
Both options have benefits and both have drawbacks... but if you don't actually choose one or the other what she's learning is that she can get whatever she wants by keeping doing whatever she's been told not to often enough.
Personally, we like snuggle-time... the comfort it brings, the security for Ds, and the added sleep for ALL of us. Our bed is also big enough. (We have friends who, like Susan, have a futon on the floor).
If you gate her in she will most likely cry and scream for the first several days/weeks, and possibly throw a bloody tantrum... so you have to make sure that there's nothing dangerous (aka hard, even a jack'n'the'box that ricochets off a wall and split a scalp open (as my nextdoor neighbors found out) or heavy. The people who go this route still have to get up and put the toddlers to bed over and over OR the whole CIO thing, but it means that she won't be in your room or wandering the house.
When I was that age, I did that too. I think many kids do do that. For me, I just missed my parents and got "scared" being in my room by myself. So I would wake and trek down the dark hallway just to go to my parents room, and then climb into bed with them. They let me. I grew out of it.
Or, what you can do... and what we do with our kids is: we have on the floor of our bedroom, a floor futon, where the kids sleep if they want to or need to. Its "allowed." For us we don't mind. It works for us. Kids, at young ages, go through night-time "fears" and missing us... and we can't stop their imaginations. Its developmental based that they get scared at night, or they have nightmares. Each kid being different.
It is a phase.
All the best,
Susan
I'm one of the ones that is ok with my daughters showing up in the middle of the night. I barely wake up, if at all (granted, a king-size bed helps). Everyone has their own boundaries for where they can live with having their kids sleep. Mine is that they go to sleep in their own bed (we make exceptions on the weekend sometimes), but coming over later is ok.
When or if I ever need to change this routine, I would favor the recommendations that you got of just quietly walking her back (like you have been doing). It takes persistence, but has worked with both of mine when they had trouble staying in bed after I tucked them in.
Good luck. I hope that you settle into something that works for you! Taking care of kids in the middle of the night doesn't stop after they aren't babies anymore, so I've tried to find joy in it (not always successful!) and accept a certain level of tiredness on an on-going basis.
Dear D.,
If your daughter does not really disturb your sleep once she's in bed/room...or modifications can be made so that this is the case...why not just let her sleep in your room/bed? Why fight this if you do not want to?
But, I am one, who thinks, in light of all of human history and the variety of cultures that populate the earth, making kids sleep alone in a room of their own is really kind of odd.
Good luck!
Maybe try time outs! It's what we have had to resort to! Here's my story;
We have had the same problem with our son ever since we transitioned him from his crib to a bed.(about 2 1/2 yrs old) 14 months ago!!!!!!!
I, myself, have some sleeping issues, I'm a VERY light sleeper and can have a hard time falling asleep or waking and not being able to got back to sleep which is why the just letting sleep in bed just doesn't work for me not to mention we only have a queen bed and it's soooo tight!
My son has only slept through the night 9 times in the last 14 mo. Started with just coming in once or twice then, all the while just walking him back to bed! (Super Nanny method) Then actually became worse as he became scared of the dark and monsters! We had tried EVERYTHING; Super Nanny method, Charts w/ rewards, taking privileges/toys away, locking our door ( which only led to him nearly breaking it down), melatonin(under Drs. supervision) never put a gate up because we already had taken the one down on the kitchen because he (little Jackie Chan that he is) could easily hop over it, even the tall doggie sized ones!!
Just a few days ago a friend suggested timeouts which she did with her daughter! Well, I started timeouts 4 days ago and the first 2 nights when he came in our room he got a timeout, night 3 I heard him open his door take a few steps then heard his door close! Last night, nothing until he came into my room this morn at 7am (also have a special night light - the good nite lite that you program for wake up time) saying "mommy, I stayed in bed ALL night!" My son is very social and isn't big on being by himself, I think just wants to make sure we are there!!
By the way, my husband and I both get him ready for bedtime and snuggle with him and spend about 25min reading books with him and reassuring him we are not far, just that WE ALL need our sleep!!
I sure hope this continues and may you soon find a solution that works for your family!!! Good Luck!!
I agree with Rachel. We put our daughter in her bed, then put a baby gate up at her door and closed it. She learned within a week that when it was night time, she needed to be in her bed - in her room, and she was great. It really proved to be a great solution for us. Good luck!
Sorry, but you are going to have to walk her back each time or else she will continue to do it because she knows you will give in. Enlist your husbands help in this, too. You shouldn't be the only one with sleep deprivation.
It will take a few nights, but just keep walking her back without engaging her (the "Supernanny method"). You will have a few rough nights, but the result will be great and everyone will be getting some sleep. Like you, your daughter also needs consistent uninterrupted sleep so teaching her that now will have lots of future benefits.
what's wrong with her sleeping in your bed for couple of hours? buy bigger bed : )
Good Luck
V.
We had the same thing so we put a gate up in her door at night and that has worked. Some times she will just stand at it then I go in and put her back in and she is good, and other nights she will get up and just go back to sleep next to it. hope that helps.
id let her sleep in your bed. everyone will sleep better.
Why fight it and lose sleep yourself? Let her in the bed. It won't last forever.
Sounds like she misses you. I hope you just let her stay in bed with you. Get a bigger bed, easy solution if you use Craigslist. With your busy schedule, it's almost like you are deployed and your baby needs a Mommy to feel close to and warmed by human contact in the winter nights. I absolutely promise you that in time she will feel more secure, less needy, and would want to go back to her room soon enough! Best wishes, Ali
