I Have a Nearly Two Year Old Who Is Highly Aggressive

Get some garage sale drums or create some out of buckets, oatmeal containers, whatever. Put em in the basement or wherever and take her there, saying, "We hit DRUMS, NOT people." and let her bang away. Sometimes playing a cd of beat-heavy music like rock can help her work out her agressive feeling by pounding away on the drums. Not only will it help her find an acceptable way to get her frustrations out, it might create a budding musician. An added bonus is that it will make her develop an understanding in rhythm and pattern, which will help her later in everything from sports to math!!

Hi B.
If transitions at daycare are the only thing that set her off what are they doing that you don't. do they give a 5,4,3,2,1 minute warning so she knows she will need to stop what she is doing. Can you talk to her teacher to see if she can give her a little more one on one attention right before the transition. This is so hard to deal with my daughter was the same way. Good Luck in this difficult stage. :)T.

Fulltime day care can be a source of great stress for some kids. Maybe she just needs you. If you have any way to cut back on your work schedule, do it. The best way I ever found to curb aggression and bad behavior in my kids was to "tie" them to me - everywhere I went, they went, until they learned to behave properly w/o me around. I would also suggest reading "What the Bible Says About Child Training" by Fugate. It may be that there is some character training that needs to be stepped up. Kids are naturally ego-centric, and w/o training to curb that urge, they will fall into aggressive behaviors to further their interests - unless they learn other, acceptable ways of getting their needs met, and learn that unacceptable behaviors to not get them what they want. Child training is not for the faint of heart, but imagine any ill behavior in a toddler, multiplied by 1000 (teenage years) and you'll want to nip this right away while she is still small enough to physically manage!

SAHM of seven, 23 yrs - 20 mos.

I would highly recommend utilizing Baby Sign Language. It decreased our toddlers frustration immensely. There are online baby sign language resources (I just googled it) and I know there are a number of books available for purchase on the topic.
Good luck!

It has been my observation that the behavior and attitude of the child educator/provider has a lot to do with the level of aggression in the classroom at a daycare. If the adult there expects the child to behave against the rules, the child will pick up on this. Kids naturally want to please their adults--it's a survival instinct--and when a child is labeled "naughty" or "aggressive" by the adults caring for them all day, they will respond to this. Children, especially young ones like yours, are very good barometers for the feelings and attitudes of others around them. I suggest you make unannounced drop-ins at her daycare to see just what is up. Does she act this way at home on the weekends? My guess is no. I know it can be a lot of work but setting aside a special time each week to have your daughter all to yourself and go on a 'mommy date' can make a huge difference. It may also give you more insight into her behavior and she might just talk about how she feels about daycare (likes/dislikes). Keep in mind too that if you are working outside the home full-time then she is in daycare (i.e., away from you-the most important person in her life) more than full-time when you factor in travel time for drop-off and pick-up.

We went through the same thing with our son. He was way more aggressive than the other kids the same age when he was at daycare. He also started seeming more stressed and he started napping for barely an hour at daycare while taking 3 hour naps on weekends. He was biting and hitting and pushing everyday even when there seemed to be no reason. The daycare had us in for meeting after meeting. We finally pulled him out and I stayed home to help him through this. I eventually did some reading about sensory processing disorder (formerly called sensory integration disorder). After reading "The Out-of-Sync Child" and some others, I understood what was going on. We were able to seek some occupational therapy and do a lot of things at home to help. He was in preschool this year and his teachers were willing to learn some of the techniques for helping him and he had a great year. This may not be what is going on with your daughter but it is worth investigating. Daycare settings are packed with extra noises, smells, activity and other sensations that make it very tough for some kids to process.

She is the youngest of three. And most likely learned that behavior from her older brother. Maybe with out you noticing. He probably took toys out of her hands, push her out of his way, or even hit her when she would not let go of something he wanted. My daughter started picking up on all kinds of things we have tried to correct from my four year old. She will be three this month. Most of the time she just screams when he tries to take something from her, but last night in the car he stole her blanket just to throw it on the floor and make her mad. And she hit him in the face and screamed until I gave her blanket back to her. Seriously, my son knows when I am driving I can't exactly stop him from torturing her unless I pull over. And anytime I leave the room, it seems like something goes on in there:) I learned from one of my strong willed child books, that it takes 21 days to correct a behavior. And you need to be consistant, patient, and willing to jump in everytime the behavior presents itself in order to correct it. It does not get better over night, nor in one week, 21 DAYS! And that can seem like forever sometimes:) Good luck!

Start by reading, Raising Your Spirited Child, by Mary S. Kurcinka.

Because your two-year-old understands all English words and phrases, she will understand that you are imposing a consequence on her when you tell her that you will have to keep her home from daycare until she agrees to stop making other children cry.

Making other children cry is the consequence of HER actions - staying home is HER consequence for making children cry.

What she needs to identify is that what you want her to stop doing is making others cry (as opposed to hitting, etc., which to her are natural).

I would suggest that you take a few days off work to work through this with her B. OR find a local babysitter to stay home with her.

Every day that she is not allowed to go to daycare you can talk about missing her friends, missing snack time, missing art time, missing story time... these talks will remind her that she is experiencing a consequence.

Since two year olds need natural consequences in order to really learn what you need them to know, the natural consequence in this case would be staying home.