I Hate Bedtime!

It sounds like you already know part of the problem...the tv. It is much to stimulating right before bedtime. If your husband won't budge on the tv, take her to her room (or guest room) and read books or play away from the tv. It sounds like you also need to have a consistant bedtime routine, something to signal to her body that it's time to wind down. AND, if she sleeps better in the guest room then by all means, let her sleep there. Is she still in a toddler bed? Maybe she's ready for a big girl bed.

Ok, this may come out a bit harsh...
1. what the hey is a 14 month old doing up so late? Get her on a routine and schedule before you take on other battles. We do Dinner at 5:30, 30min play, bath, pajamas, book/milk, bed. Every night...by the time JKL gets in the bath she knows what time it is and what comes next!
2. Then talk to your man and do not use the words "I feel, It hurts me blah blah"
Sit him down and shoot strait "this is not working and how do we fix it?" And remind him that foreplay and affection start outside of the bedroom and that you need time to be wife, not just mom!
Just my opinions, we are prayin for you!

1~i dont know where your getting home from.. but i would feed her earlier im sure whoever is watching her would feed her dinner. then wouldnt have to worry about feeding her so late.
2~ you cook while the other gives her a bath. when baby is ready for bed go get her and spend a good 30 min with her one on one(reading, playing whatever)
3~ her bed situation is tricky because kids are different one way could work for someone and not for the other. Like doing a toddler bed, changing the spare into her new room, or just getting new toys in her crib get her a crutch like a new blankie, stuffed animal, playing music before bed, a sound player during the night.
But whatever you do change dont give up on it for 2 weeks..thats my theory whatever you do stick to your guns and see it through.. if it doesnt work in three weeks try something else.
4~ what i have to say about the man rather watching tv then eating at the table is... "Dont feel bad about what you decide" there are so many ways you could do it. Eat with him in the tv room and be happy about it...you might have to deal with a weight issue but at least your not stressed out from him! i had to sit back and pick my battles.."ok..thats mayby not how i want to do it but if i make this decission with a happy heart it will be better for me and my child" because my children are going to have issues no matter what.. but my job is to try and minimize them as i can. I had the best parents in the whole world but i still have issues. i didnt grow up eating in front of the tv i had a sit down dinner with the whole family every day of the week and im overweight. i love my parents but realize now i had a mother that didnt know how to deal with depression. My point is there will be issues just try and minimize what in your control and then whats not.. deal with it in a happy maner. Easier said perfectly than done and struggled with.. but try it one at a time.
5~ i would put her down after the time you spend with her and your hungry. she will not understand why shes going to bed or she will fall right asleep. but stay with whatever you do!! 2weeks straight another week to figure out a new game plan.
during this sometimes hard transition, i would let her cry until you know as a mom shes about to puke go in and re situate her restart music put blankie back on her and leave the room. try it again and again... have you ever seen supper nanny? Kids can buck authority or schedules if they arent used to it! it will be hard but ....consistency!!

i get 10month old to bed at 7:30-8 and he wakes up7am or a little earlier i give him a blanket that stays in his crib and turn on a aquarium music player that plays for 5 min and leave immediately.

i would love to hear any comments on this you think of and updates!! message me if you need

My husband watches TV while he eats dinner. I drives me crazy... All you really can do is keep telling him how insulted it makes you feel that he won't take 15 minutes away from the TV for family time.

As for your bedtime problem... It sounds like a few things are contributing to it:

1.) She's getting over-tired and over-stimulated. Our logic says, if an infant/toddler is tired, then they will sleep.. Nope, not true... Actually, being over-tired disrupts a child's ability to sleep (and stay asleep). And overtired toddlers actually get hyperactive the more tired they become... like a ever-increasing energy frenzy. It sounds like your daughter isn't getting enough sleep on a daily basis... so she's constantly sleep deprived and hyper at the end of the day. When my daughter was that age, her nap started 4-5 hours after she woke up; her bedtime was 5-6 hours after her nap. (and yes, it will be a late night if she sleeps past 3pm on the weekends...)

Below are portions of an article I found on the internet about over-stimulation in toddlers: http://www.babycentre.co.uk/toddler/sleep/overstimulation/

"Look for the first signs of sleepiness - rubbing her eyes or getting grouchy - and get your toddler to bed to head off a meltdown. Even if it's earlier than her usual bedtime or naptime, your toddler is letting you know that she's tired and ready to get some extra sleep. Also, by waiting too long, she's likely to become overtired and have a harder time settling down and falling asleep.

This can be difficult if you or your partner get back from work just as your toddler is getting ready for bed. The arrival of a parent who she has not seen all day will naturally make her excited. Try to make sure that anyone who comes in at this time, walks through the door in "bedtime mode", talking calmly and quietly. Sitting down, having a cuddle and reading a story send out the right "time for bed" signals. Tickling her, playing hide-and-seek and chasing her around the room do not. The calmer and more comforting the activity, the more easily your toddler will go to sleep."

2.) Try and limit the amount of fruit, white flour and white rice foods she eats at dinner. The body metabolizes it into sugar and that can fuel her hyperactivity with a sugar rush. Add more protein to dinner... (Eggs are the wonder food!) I used to make my daughter little cheesy egg balls (microwave egg and cheese, rolled into a ball before cooling)... She loved that they were balls! Also, try introducing egg noodles, wheat/corn noodles, organic canned chicken & mayo scooped onto no salt tortia chips... Again, look for dinner ideas that are not based on white flour or white rice ingredients.

3.) There's a normal separation anxiety phase that starts around her age... Of course, if she hears TV noise from the other room when she's trying to sleep, she knows your there and it just builds on her frustration that she's not with you and fuels her anxiety that you won't respond to her. And the more it goes on, the more anxious she gets... So, 'cry it out' is not working. Ok. Accept that it is not a viable method for her during this stage and try a different approach. (now, I'm not a fan of CIO anyway, so I apologize if I'm a bit biased...) With my daughter, I rocked her: She laid on top of a pillow, with a blanket on top of the pillow, on my lap and I rocked her to sleep (or that point right before sleep). Then I would gently lift her off the pillow with the blanket still around her (so she wouldn't sense the movement/shifting as much) and put her in bed. Calm, quiet... No stress. No anxiety.

4.) The sound and flashing lights from the TV (before bedtime) is creating a stimulating environment for her. You need to dim the lights, control the sounds so that its more calm and quiet. Tell your husband to surf the internet (with the sound down) if he needs a little while to unwind after work... Use that Tivo technology for his favorite shows... And if he won't turn it off, then buy a white noise maker (those ones that feature the sound of rain, streams, beach, etc) and mask the sound of the TV... You could find a CD of that, maybe..? Or find the most freaking expensive white noise maker you can and tell him you' going to buy if he won't turn off (turn down) the TV volume... He might change his attitude if it hits his wallet.

Good luck!

It looks like you already got A LOT of responses and some were very long but I thought I'd try to simplify it a little.

1- Earlier bedtime
2- Routine, Routine, Routine- this is SO important
3- Tell the hubby you need him on board- don't back down, it took two to make her and it takes two to raise her :)

It will get better but you really have to fine a routine that is going to work for you and really stick with it- it will take time to see change but it will get better. I also agree with the ferber method- not cry it out but gradually getting your daughter accutomed to falling aleep on her own.

Good luck!

First of all, it does sound like she is ready for a regular or toddler bed. Begin talking to her about it. Let her know on Friday night when she comes home the new bed will be in her room.. Fridays are a good time to change a schedule. That way you have the weekend to transition her to a new sleeping habit. Totally get rid of the baby bed.

1. While preparing dinner your child can play.
2. Eat dinner with no sweets. Have your husband clean up after dinner.
3. Bath time, close the bathroom door, play quiet music, bathe her in very warm water, do not excite your daughter. Let her play quietly in the tub. While bathing her, rub her with stronger rubs, almost like a massage, speak in low tones.
4.Wrap her in a towel take her to the room she will be sleeping in. Make sure the lights are low. Have soft music playing, dry her off with strong wipes, like a massage. Put her in her pajamas.
5.Have a book ready to read.
6.Tuck her into bed.
7.Do not sit in the bed with her. sit in a chair next to her bed. Read the book to her using quiet tones. Do not ask her questions.
Begin reading slower and slower with each page.
IF, she is still awake at the end of the book. Kiss her good night and tell her to sleep tight.

She will be so tired and calm, she should be pretty sleepy by this time. If you can turn the heat up a few degrees, the warmth will also help her fall asleep.

My mom suggested this technique to us and it worked great.

I always remind parents that the length of time you rile up a child is the same amount of time it will take to calm them down. Adults can stop playing instantly, but a child cannot calm down the same way.

She definately needs to be in bed earlier than 9 or 10pm. Toddlers require a lot of sleep and the more sleepy they get, the less they sleep. My daughter has to get enough sleep everyday or the next night she will be up time after time. If she doesn't catch up on sleep that day then the next day will be a sleepless night for me. She's always been that way.

So if I were you, I would go ahead and eat dinner with your daughter and you at the table and let your husband eat dinner on the couch. Also, after dinner... go as far away from the TV as you can with your daughter and play, take baths, etc. Just keep her out of the room that has the TV in it. What will probably happen is that your husband will start missing you guys after hopefully less than a few days and will come looking for you. Just stop catering to the TV. You may say it's impossible but you probably know as a mom that things you say are impossible, really are possible.

She obviously needs more sleep and at her age 12 to 14 hours a night is the norm...

My son was a horrible sleeper until I put my foot down and used Dr. Ferber's method of sleep training. It is nicknamed "cry it out" but don't just put her in her bed to cry and leave her...actually borrow his book from the library or purchase it from a book store and read it and follow the instructions for your age child and your comfort level. It even tells you how to handle the child that cries until she/he throws up.

Or you can follow some of the great advice already given on this site.

But right now she is running her own bedtime routine and YOU need to start running her bedtime routine.

One thing that works at our house is that I told my husband he had a choice of bathing the kids or bathing the dishes. So, after dinner he usually picks the dishes and I bathe the kids some days he picks the kids. But neither of us gets to sit down and vegetate until the house is straight and the kids in bed. It is only fair, we both want to sit down and watch tv or read a book or surf the net...

Sending you a great big {{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}}

Well, it sounds like Dad is more interested in TV than helping your daughter to develop the bedtime skills she needs. Perhaps some communication should happen there?

Aside from that, I am a huge fan of the Ferber method. I would read the book 'Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems'. But in a nutshell, you get ready for bed as usual, tell her goodnight and leave the room. If she starts crying, wait 5 minutes then go in and without picking her up, sing to her, rub her, etc until she calms down. Once calm but still awake, leave the room again. This time if she starts crying, wait 10 minutes. Repeat. It lets her know that you are still there but lays down the rules for going to sleep. I swear it works like a charm and usually in just a few days.

The thing is that not all babies are born with the knowledge of how to go to sleep at night. Often it is a skill that must be taught.