I Feel So Overwhelmed

Hi my name is P. and my daugther is 7 months old and I'm working full time. And I feel so guilty and I don't find solution. Please share with me if you received some sugestion or advice. Have a nice day!

Here are some "tricks" I use/suggest:

* Give your husband a list of things that have to get done each day. Ask him to pick 1 in the morning and 1 in the evening. Mine chose dropping my 2 boys at day care and giving them a bath (I think he just wanted to play too). Both easy but fine with me as long as I could count on it.
* See if you can change your working hours. I changed jobs to work 7-3:30 w/ 30 minute lunch, little less pay, closer to home, but works well with my family.
* I do grocery more often, but in smaller quantities. I buy only 1 value pack of meat when I go, so I have time to portion them out by meals, pour a marinade and freeze them. I just buy the pre-made marinades, but they can be used with different kinds of meat. This allows me to just pull a bag out each night and put it in the refrigerator so its ready to be cooked the next day after work. Most of these just need to put in the oven, we eat frozen vegetables so that's just a couple of minutes in the microwave leaving me more time with the carbohydrate. Most meals are ready in 30 minutes or less.
* I do only 1 load of laundry a day, sometimes, I don't even have one to do. But when I do, its manageable as its only 1 load. My toddler (the other is a baby) loves to help sort, put them away and/or hang clothes onto a hanger. Any help, even from a 2 y.o. is better than none. I also hang their clothes in outfits already. Each hanger has a pair of pants and shirt on it, so in the morning, I just grab a hanger, a pair of socks and shoes for each child. I dress the baby and let the 2 y.o. work on dressing himself. I just put the shirt over his head and make sure he knows which is the front of his pants and he is able to do the rest himself. Of course, I do the socks and shoes.
* I only clean one room a day and only for 30 minutes. The only combination are the seldom used rooms (guest, dining and formal living rooms). I just dust and vacuum; I'm not looking for any awards anyway. Teach your kids (and husband) to put their things away, it makes things go faster. Trust me, it'll get to a point, where you won't need all 30 minutes.

My day looks like this: up at 5:30 a.m., get ready for work, get kids ready and feed them breakfast, they get to watch tv until daddy takes them to day care. I leave home at 6:45, work 7-3:30, shop, put a load of laundry in washer, make dinner. Pick up kids bet. 4:30 and 5, spend time with them, eat dinner at 6:30. Hand them over to dad for bath time at 7:15. As they bathe, I move my laundry to dryer, put their pajamas out, clean up dishes. After they bathe, we get ready for bed, lights out no later than 8:45. I finish the dishes, move tomorrow's dinner from freezer to refrigerator, clean, then plan my next day and other "to dos". I go to sleep at 10:30 regardless of what else needs to get done.

As long as I stick to the schedule, even on weekends, things work out well. Don't let yourself get into the habit of adding just 5 minutes here and there for each item, 'cuz 5 minutes here and there can add up and throw your whole day off. Plus, if your kids learn the schedule they start doing things themselves.

BTW, I did take 1 day a week off the first month after I had my baby but still sent the kids to day care to get myself situated. I did it that way, so I could see if my changes and/or preps worked and then adjusted things on my next day off as well as to stay ahead of the game.

Good luck!! Make sure you get your sleep, you need your rest to keep up.

I know how it can be. I work 40 hours a week outside the home, pick up my kids from daycare, go home, cook them dinner, do laundry, baths, bed, and clean the house.....and I'm a single mom. It can get frustrating at times. The way I deal with it is by just getting away from it all for alittle bit every week. I go sit by the water and just let it out...and it helps.

You also need to tell your hubby to help more. I know he works hard, but in every family just about, the mother always works harder than everyone because all the chores fall on her delegate them and get some help.

Good luck with this.

Either get help from whoever can help out... family or your husband... or just do what you CAN! Your house doesnt' have to be SPOTLESS> Listen to me! YOUR CHILDREN WILL GROW UP TO BE HAPPIER PEOPLE IF THEY HAVE MORE OF THEIR MOTHER RATHER THAN A CLEAN HOUSE.! I learned a long time ago. It also sounds like you need to cut back at work. Or could you maybe pay someone to help you some, maybe with laundry or something. I would be interested. I know that you don't know me, but my heart is breaking for you trying to do it ALL.
Talk to your husband about whats important, and let the rest go.
Julie
Momma to 3 Princesses.

B. baby I can predict your furture right now without knowing much about you. D E A T H. YES.......... honey I know that's pretty harsh, but it's the truth. I was the exact same wat at one time. I was having heart palpatations.and the same year I was feeling my most overwhelmed I lost a brother, because he didn't know when to stop. My husband is a hard worker too, but I had to make a decision to live or die. Either you guys pay for you some help or he has to take some. My husband was the excat same way. B. you know why, Becasue I was allowing it. Now he shoips for grocery, he does dishes, he helps me clean the house. Ebery now and than he drops a load of cloths in the wash and waits for me to start the wash and make sure he has the right colors in. It all had to start with me asking for help. Even if it meant starting the kids bath water, that would even save me some time. Listen I can tell you grew up in a house where you had a m other who did everything. Well who ever said history don't repeat it's self lied. What you are doing is trained behavior. STOP THE MADNESS, get your self some help before those children want have a moma . Let that man know how can he help, he probaly don't mind, just ask. and just a little hint of help, start prayimg that's going to help a lot.

I know how you feel. I only have one child, but have to do all of the stuff you describe plus I take two college course which I have to do online because I can not be a way from the house more than one night a week. I just had to tell my husband that he needs to help me and not wait until I ask for help. Just to say this did not work so I live in a messy house. Not a dirty house just clutter everywhere. I felt bad about it at first but the time that I do have that does not include homework, dinner. my work and phone calls I want to devote to my son and enjoy some downtime because once he is asleep I have a hour or two before I need to go to bed. I know this probably is not helpful but I am sharing the same pain

B.,B.,B....girlfriend! It's now going on eleven o'clock here in Lake Mary and I am usually tring to be in bed by now listening to Letterman crack jokes about another giddy politition,however,tonight I just could'nt find it in my heart to ignore this opportunity to let you inside my daily life as you have ours.

You see I am also a fulltime mother of four wonderful{____@____.com VERY TRING my PATIENCE}sons.
Eldest,just turned thirteen.Next...ten,next...seven,last...{and I do mean LAST!}two.

They are all very wonderful blessings in my life and I thank God above for each and every one.
There are no instruction booklets on "how to" raise,guide,nurture and bring up children.One just has to go with instinct and pray for the best.

Yes life can get very overwhelming at times,trust me I've got the grey roots to prove it{and I'm only thirty-two}"and holding!!"LOL
I have been married for almost fifteen years to my childrens father and believe you me,its not all been roses!:)
Its supposed to be a fifty-fifty give and take in a marriage{so I once thought}but now that I'm getting "younger",I'm feeling more and more as if I'm the whole fifty-fifty!
Now don't get me wrong,my husband is the head of household when providing for our family of six but there comes a time when a fulltime wife and mother needs some recognition as well as the next person.
I mean,lets face it ladies,its been said many times that what we do on a daily basis is equivilent to two fulltime jobs outside the home!"HELLO!" Now I don't wanna sound like I'm male bashing here but lets be real...THEY HAVE NO IDEA!
It's like asking them to deliver our children themselves as well{yeah,just as I thought,IT AINT HAPPENING!
Men's brains I think are just programed differently than us women.They seem to "most times" overlook what needs to be seen.Now I can't speak for every woman on this planet,nor any of the other planets{lol}but I can speak from my heart and what goes on inside my home and its not always what its cracked-up to be,but I carry-on.Thats whats important as our role as mothers laides.It's not always gonna be cookies and ice-cream.Some days we're gonna stumble and somedays we're gonna fall but then theres those every once in awhile days when we're all gonna go to bed knowing in our hearts that we've done our best and the rest is in Gods hands,let him handle what we sometimes can't.
My point simply being,we've all been through tring times and we'll go through plenty more before our jobs as mothers are over,but keep in mind at all times,even when you think you're in your darkest of hours and at the ends of your ropes,materialistic possessions can't go with us when we parish but everything we've done as good parents while raising our children can,in our hearts and souls and the reward we've been promised will be far more richer than anything of this world!
Give yourselves a big pat on the back mothers,we deserve it! GodBless

I think we've all been there at one point or another. I also do everything in our house. i assume that both you and your husband work crazy hours because you may be struggling financially. so hiring a housekeeper is not going to help. what worked for me was realizing that i didn't want to be on my deathbed one day thinking that i didn't enjoy my life as much cuz i was worried about everything, or thinking what the hell are they gonna do now. I realized the house can fall apart for a while, as long as i got some time to myself and for my family. We decided to pick a day out of the week where we clean. I'm still trying to get the hubby to put things away automatically. split the chores up between everyone...have the girls clean up their mess/rooms/toys, and split the rest up between your husband and yourself. try to have an idea of meals for the week (maybe on sunday) marinade everything so all you have to do is cook it. while you're doing something have your husband help with something else. you are not a single mother. Do give yourself time to wind down every night, so cut out the work aspect after a certain time. you need you time, you also need couple time. let the family know that if you keep the house clean, all you realy need to do is to maintain it, and there will be more free time for everyone. Both you and your husband need to figure out what will work for you guys. Good Luck.

Believe me i know exactly how you feel. I work 32 hours a week outside of my home and am the office manager for our home based business(handyman.)As well, i do all the house work, bill paying, dog feeding, getting myself and the kids clean each day(it's work to give 2 small children baths!!) I fit in naptimes and craft times, trips to the playground, shopping for food, gifts, etc... My husband, yes, he goes to work everyday and comes home to dinner on the days i don't work. He does everything outside the house(pool, yard etc.) But it seems he has alot more time to sit in front of the t.v. at night then i do! How fair is that. They just don't realize everything we do. Sometimes he will call me and say, are you up yet? And it's 8:00am! I'm like, yah, since 6:00!!
But what i did was arranged my schedule so i work 1-9 3days a week and 9-5 on Saturdays(my husband watches the kids that day) and i get to do some of my paperwork each morning, and i get to see my kids each morning. Then i hired a sitter i only have to pay for 6 hours on the 3 days i work-saving money because my husband watches them at night for a few hours til i get home. Then i hired a company to come clean once a week, which i justify because i work so much! And just that alone gives me peace of mind that my house is clean and organized. (At least for a short time.) Even at every other week it reduces your stress. Also, at night, sometimes i feel i need to get out with friends. I like to sing, so i go to a karaoke place after everyone in my house is asleep, like 9pm. and just 2 x a month, i do that for myself for a few hours.
I think the key for you is to have time for YOU. Figure out what you need more time to do that would make you happy. If it's spending one more day with your kids and needing more time for household things, then you may need to rethink your job/work schedule/situation. Can you work 4 days? Do you need to have a sitter for half a day so you can get things done. Even if you are home while the sitter is watching the kids.
Sometimes, i have a sitter come for a few hours so i can clean, or do errands alone. You can clear your mind. You can make lists, do food shopping for real without the kids to make you forget what you need to buy!
Plan out your options. It really works. I don't think i would resort to medication. It's all about getting a little help from somebody with the things you need to get done. email me if you want to ____@____.com
I might be able to give you some more ideas.
Good luck!

I've felt this way also. I haven't reached the point of crying, but I have been at times so irritable I catch myself snapping at my husband and children and have to stop myself. It's really hard sometimes.

The last job I had expected me to work long hours so I found another one that gets similar pay but doesn't expect more than 40 hours of my week (government jobs are good for this). That helped a lot with the stress, but still a mandatory 8-5 workday leaves little time for the kids. Especially when they are involved in activities and I think it's unfair to prevent my kids from doing anything. I have had to limit them to one extra-curricular activity each. At one point we were going everyday, and that was just too much. With one activity each, it's a lot more managable. My husband works 10+ hour days and usually on the weekends too, so he's more busy and stressed than I am, but I've been very lucky that he's willing to help out at least a little. He cooks dinner for us every night. He loves to cook, thankfully. We keep other chores to a minimum. I don't try to have a house that looks like a musuem. My family lives here and my house looks lived in. I try to get the dishes put away most nights, but the majority of housework is done once a week during time we set aside on Sunday afternoons. And everyone helps, including the kids and my husband (though I still do the majority of it, but any help is better than nothing).

Sounds like you need some alone time too. Every now and then, maybe once a month, I ditch the kids with my husband for a few hours and sit at a coffee shop and read. Or do minor shopping that's so much more peaceful without the kids.

girl i do everything in my house, but i dont have a job out in the streets my job is at home helping mu husband with our busniess and it can get crazy sometimes. You really have to sit down with your husband and explain this to him and have him help you with some of the things, maybe he cook one day and take the kids a bath, or crab some food on the way home and have him maybe clean alittle in the house. You have too much stress and it is going to tare you apart. One day you are going to wake up and see that your girls are now teenagers and were did the yaers go. Dont let that happen to you . Sit and talk to your man about helping out ebven thou he works hard so do you and when you get home your work is never over. Good luck and know that you didnt have those babies on your own.

I have to say that it sounds like you have a tremendous amount on your plate. It is no wonder you are overwhelmed. Maybe it would be a good idea to look at everything you have to do, write it down, and see were you can cut back (I've had to do this several times just this year). Find anything that someone else can help with and ask for help with it. Find a few things your husband can do and let him know that you are completely overwhelmed, that he is going to have to help with some things because you cannot do it all. Give him suggestions on what he can help with; maybe even suggest when he might find time. At 50-60 hrs of work each week, I think you deserve a break just as much as your husband does.
Buy the way; it is probably a good idea to bring this up while things are not chaotic. Don't wait until you have had enough, and break down in front of hubby like I did. Although, that did seem to wake him up a bit.

Sometimes me, my husband and the kids get together and work on housework together as a team. The kids just work on simple things, like put their blocks in a cubby, take dishes to the sink, take stray clothes to the laundry room, or put dishes in the dishwasher. It is nothing major, but they feel helpful and my husband and I get the rest of the housework done fairly quickly. That way I am not doing it all on my own.

Hope these suggestions help.
V. Brown

Hey B.,
Wow, does your story sound familiar! You really need to speak to your husband and figure out a way to divide responsibilities so that it is not all resting on your shoulders. Maybe even consider hiring some outside help to clean, help with the kids, etc. Make him aware of what this is doing to you! Good luck!

Hi B., I know how crazy things can be. I am going through the same thing. The only difference is my 2yr doesn't sleep through the night. Every morning I just have to remind myself how lucky I am, my family is healthy, my husband is a hard worker. We have a roof over our heads. So what I am trying to say is take a deep breath and remember all the good things you have. Also try to have one day a week or just the weekends to have family time and don't worry about anything else.

Hope that helps.

M.

Even as a stay at home mom, I also fee overwhelmed at times because my husband works 10+ hour days. I'm with the kids all day without any relief and the day is definitely full and sometimes hectic with all the driving to activities and trying to get errands and groceries done so we don't have to do it on the weekend. Keeping the house clean is a daily struggle because the kids are home most of the day and things often pile up all over the house and stay that way for days, sometimes weeks. I think we all have our own individual struggles as moms, it's hard work, no doubt.

Like many moms here are saying, you have to make time for yourself and maybe cut back on some of the activities your kids are doing. Sit down and write down what is most important to you and as the major caregiver you need to put yourself at the TOP of the list. Also have a calm, planned discussion with your husband and let him know that you need one hour a week to yourself and ask him to pick what responsibilities he wants to help you with or take over. If you're not communicating to him that you need help, how will he know?

Please do one more very important thing besides finding one hour a week to relax or have fun...get more sleep! You are probably feeling very emotional and overwhelmed because you are sleep deprived. I don't know how you can do what you are doing on a daily basis with only 4.5 to 5 hours of sleep. I've been that sleep deprived before for many months when my first daughter was born, and I was not a happy person. Everything felt totally out of control and overwhelming. Once I started getting 7.5 to 8 hours of sleep, my days became much brighter.

So there's your "homework" from me, as well as other moms here who suggested similar ideas. I hope to hear that things are less stressful on your next reply :)

Honey, Honey, Honey! I just went through the same thing. I had to pray and prioritize everything according to it's importance to me since I was the one under ATTACK! Read my situation and find clues that might work for you. I work six days a week 9 1/2 to 12 hour shifts delivering mail. I am exhausted from all the walking and the SUN! I also attend classes online for my convenience. I used to iron my uniform and my 2 year old's daily. Now, I iron once a week and preferably not my day off (Sundays)because it is supposed to be just that my day off. Washing is a task I hat to do because I have to go out and do it. Sometimes, if I am too tired I pay them to wash and fold our clothes which averages out to what it would cost me any way to do it myself. Sundays, if I am too tired I may miss church. God knows my heart. Washing dishes is a task also. I use paper forks, spoons, and plates all for a dollar each. I never found time to cook now I have more time. Also I have annual time at work that I take advantage of. I use to feel guilty and allow me daughter to stay home also. NOT anymore that is my time that I need which helps a little more. I no longer entertain guest as much because if I don't feel like cleaning this week I don't have to. This gives more time to me and my daughter. A good point that Ingrid had works for me also. I allow the bill pay online through my bank to pay all my bills even my rent. I don't have to remember when bills are due. My memory was shot from doing too much. I am now gaining it and my sanity back. Talk it over with your husband. Tell him how you feel. Your husband should help out also. You guys should share the chores or even do what I am considering hire someone to clean. I'm telling you it helps alot and you will reap the benefits and start to not feel guilty about having someone do the work. So use those tears to make a plan girl. We have all been there and still are. You are not alone.

i am a stay at home mom of 3 kids , but i did work full time a coouple year ago when my 2 boys were pretty young. i felt overwelmed also, but i did a few things to make my life easier. i cooked alot of meals in the crockpot , prepared them in the morning and they sit and cook all day while i was at work. i also hired a cleaning lady ( angela ###-###-####)She did everything that i couldnt do, and i had so much more time with my kids. I also got a babysitter once a week so my husband and i got time alone AND that really helped. Right now i am in charge of everything in the house , plus cooking,cleaning, laundry\ homework etc..... but when i do go back to work soon, my husbnad knows that he needs to hep out more. maybe your husband can take the girl to the park so you can get some stuff done at the hosue, or better yet, let him be in charge of laundry or cooking from now on.....and if you have any family members around to help, LET THEM!!!

I know exactly how you feel. Although I am not working right now because we just relocated to Miami, I was in your exact spot not 6 months ago. One thing that really helped me was hiring a housekeeper that would come once a week or every other week, depending on what she did. She did everything for me that one day a week, cleaned the house from top to bottom and did all the laundry, even folded and put them away. That one day a week help was all I needed to keep everything together. All I had to worry about when I got home was cooking dinner, and since I worked, I had to know what I was cooking the night before. If I got everything pretty much ready, it was easy. I am not going to say it was easy because I had a housekeeper, but it was more manageable. I did end up staying up till midnight just to get cleaning done, and some nights I was just too busy to give the kids a bath, but I did have more time with my kids after work once I had the housekeeper. I hope it helps.

It sounds like you and your husband are making mega money working so much and such long hours. If that is the case, hire someone to help you. Another choice is to talk to your husband and ask him to help you more and share home and family responsibilities. Remember that health and family come first and then work, money and the rest. If you keep going the way you are, you may get sick. If that happens you can't work or do anything and what will become of your family? I am sure you can get help. Is your husband the machista type of man? How old are your kids?

Hi B., that's some pretty good advice from ALL. I think the crying is probably some sleep deprevation too, which when i get to that poit like you and my days begint o run together, I find that it definetly affects my mood, I also agree with the ladies that told you to find the one thing that really make you feel good about and rearrange your schedule to fit that in, for me it's walking or reading or going to the beach. I try to fit my walking in daily before going to work or after I pick my son up from school, we'll stop at a park and he plays or skateboard or something and I walk or exercise where I can see him also. It clears my head and helps me keep pounds off as well. When I am absolutly overwhelmed I take a me day....I play "Hooky" and spend the afternoon at the beach alone, reading and praying and thanking God for all my blessings including my family and the BEAUTIFUL day.....Thank God for the beauty all around us in FLORIDA, such a shame to let it go to waste. Hubbie's at work son's at school and I hit the beach. It's so refreshing, and my family benefits as well because they get a RENEWED woman! So after trying some of the suggestions to rearrange your schedulling, I don't know what works for you, but FIND IT! and DO IT! All the best! Remember Everything is for a season....
M.

B.,
Hey girlfriend, knowing your not alone is not comforting all the time but assuring to know if others make it, you will too. I would like to share a little about my story and explain what helped me. First I received advise from an older man that told me not to worry about the dishes and the toilet, that when my children were grown and moving out I would not be regreting the fact that I should have cleaned them more often.........
I am a mother of two boys, 7,& 5 and my husband is an addict. I can't tell you of the feeling alone. But for the sake of my children I did what ever it meant for them to have food on the table and a roof over their head with the grace of GOD! I gave my life and circumstance to him two years ago and with his favor have everything I could need. I alone was the only source of income while my husband stole money from accounts and piggy banks to feed his addictions. All the while too staying with him and just praying he would either die while out on one of his excersions or GOD would heal him. It was very difficult. I just figured, well if I leave my husband or divorce, I will still be alone. I trusted GOD and today my husband is not 100% but is attending church with us and trying.
My point is circumstances could always be worse, I knew in my circumstance it could have been worse as well. He never got abusive with any of us. Trust in GOD, he will provide you with all you could need. Even the extra hour in a day. Just hang in there and find a church to attend, there you will find a) time away from all the responsibility, b) strength, c) peace................
I totally understand what your saying, I'm asking you to do one the hardest things for a woman to do. "DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, then GIVE IT TO GOD!" It sounds rather easy but if your ready for a different challenge????? Try that.
God bless you sister and may he strengthen you to fulfill all the daily requirements.
your sister from a far.....
M.

I have 2 pieces of advice: Housekeeper once a week or every 2 weeks, laundry service or something!! Wtih both workign, maybe you can swing it and give you more You time and More quality time with kids. My second one is Medicine.... I went thru a very rough time. I was a newlywed and pregnant and my husband left me. I was a mess. I can relate to that. My emotional pain was horrible and continued to have ups and downs when she was born. So i was workign full time and being a new first time mom. I was an depression pills. It makes your body maintain and keeps you happy. Some people think it is stupid, but it works. There is no shame. It keeps you balances and within a few weeks you wont be crying no more. You can handle it, gives you strength. Go talk to dr, they can help you decide. or just couseling, getting it out.
S.

My suggestion to you is, if possible look into hiring a cleaning lady once a week.. It will take such a load of off your shoulders to know that the main cleaning in your house is being handled.. I am a stay at home mom, but money is tight so I look to do side jobs.. I currently clean one house a week and am possibly looking into cleaning another.. If your interested you can always email me at ____@____.com and possibly discuss something.. But take a break.. Don't overwork yourself.. I understand your husband works hard, but you possibly might have to put some of the duties on to his plate.. You can only handle so much..

Good Luck!!

Hi B.,
I know exactly how you feel. I am a single mother of 3 young children and I work full time outside the home just trying to make the ends meet. I cannot afford to hire a helper or any of the other things the other moms suggested, but for me it is different because I am alone. I moved here from NY looking for a clean slate so there are no relatives nearby and just like you it is rush rush rush to get things done so there hasn't been time in 2 years to socialize and make friends. I feel like things are different for you because you have a partner and that is why you have one so he can help you from time to time. I have no such so I know that I have to get it all done by myself. You may need to get a helper if it is something you can afford if not there are times when you have to just get with your babies and become one of them. YOU HAVE TO TAKE A FEW HOURS TO JUST BE HAPPY!!! Blow of all the must do's and do something fun with your family. As long as no one is gonna die or your lights wont be cut off, just stop and do something fun. For bill paying I created an excel spreadsheet with the due dates and the amounts and set up the payments online so I am not spending hours with that stuff. Take an hour every night when everyone is sleeping to read or watch tv or just veg out whatever it is you like to do. I do fill it in puzzles and watch my tivo shows. As long as it takes your mind off all the things you have to do it will keep you sane and prepare you for the next mad day. You loose an hour of sleep but it does you alot more good than the sleep trust me.

I hope this helps and good luck.

PS: even if you do get the helper still just be a kid from time to time and give yourself at least 1 hour EVERYDAY. YOU ARE A PRIORITY TOO!!!

Wow,Here I thought I was the only one going through this. I know exactly how you feel. I work full time Monday thru Friday and I go to school on Saturdays from 8:00am to 6:45pm. My only day off is Sunday and its not a day off. My husband works for a company and also has his own business so I never see him. I get our beautiful 2 year old daughter out of bed, washed up and dressed for school and I pick her up, give her a bath, dinner and bedtime every night. I also feel like I am drowing becase I have very liitle time to study and my husband and I hardly spend anytime together. We both decided we could not go on like this so for some "me" time I go to the gym MWF at 5:00am so I can geared up for the day and my husband said he would try to not work every weekend and would be home early 1 or 2 days during the week and would handle everything with our daughter. Sometimes they have "daddy night" and they go out to dinner. I also see a therapist once a week who is a neutral person who I can talk and vent to. Sometime talking to her I see things in a different light and I am able to better handle everything. I agree with the moms who suggest the housekeeper, it does take a load off. I have also looked for a babysitter to come and stay with our daughter after I get out of school so my husband and I can have a dinner out by ourselves. It is tough but we are strong and can get through it. Last but certainly not least, you have to pray for guidance and strength. I am not super religous but there is a higher being who guides us each day.

Regards

B., first off, it is very difficult taking care of a family nowadays. Remember that a household needs to be split 50-50. You need to let your husband know that it is getting to be too difficult for you and you really need his help. When he gets home, he needs to be helping around the house, cooking, and helping with the children. You are blessed because you have that other half unlike some of us who are doing it alone. Use this to your advantage. You also need some alone time; you may think you don't have time for this, but when he helps, just take a candle-light bath to relax or read a book. This helps tremendously, especially when your at the verge of a breakdown. Your children need you strong. If your husband doesn't help or gives you a hard time, start cutting his things out, like not doing his dishes or laundry. Take the kids out to dinner without him and this will get his attention. I just can't believe he's not helping already. Good luck and God Bless.

You need to have your husband help you with home chores... maybe start splitting the mup between the both of you... it's not all of your responsibility, after-all he did help make the babies too!

I absolutely agree with the other Mom, you need to plan out your options and make time for YOU. Even if it is a hot bath every night or 15 minutes spent on you, it will make a difference. Also, what I did once when I was completely overwhelmed was I took a day off from work and spent the day doing what I love- I went swimming. Just me, no husband, no kids, no friends etc. Sometimes you need the time to unwind and spend time with you! It worked wonders for me.

The only way you are going to fix the situation is by changing it. Maybe there is a way that your family can cut expenses so that you do not have to work so many hours. If it is the job you have that demands the hours, then it is best to search for something else.

Check out the website www.positivediscipline.com they have a book for Working Parents with an excellent section on balancing your life and how to have your family (husband too!) divide up chores, responsibilities. Everyone feels good about themselves when they are helpful and your family will be a much happier place for it and so will you! Once you find a plan of how you will get out of all this EXTRA work and responsibilities, your stress will fade away. You are feeling overwhelmed right now because you see no end in sight!

This is an opportunity to grow as a person and overcome this challenge. When you find the solution you will be a stronger and better person and you will have taught your children a valuable lesson about life.

Many blessings for you and your family!

When I got pregnant I made the decision to work from home. I now work from home part time with my own business and make as much money as when I worked full time out of the house. The first year I didn't make as much, it took time for my business to grow.

Now I make the money and have a lot of time to spend with the kids, clean the house, do things for myself, etc. Why not consider doing something like this? Take your current skills and create a home business.

If you dont mind me asking.... what do you do for your career/job that requires you to work over 50 hours per week...?
Can you cut down on a few hours?? how old are the girls? even though your hubby works hard so do you... write down a list of stuff that needs to be done in a week ex:
grocery shopping
lawn
cleaning ie: vacuum,laundry,dusting etc...
girls activities....

then try to give your hubby at least one-two of those things to do a week.. sweetie trust me I HAVE SEEN IT... Im an ob/gyn nurse........... IF you dont set time aside for YOU, not only will YOU fall apart but your family can too...
you'll start snapping and fatigue will set in and eventually you'll start to shut down....
talk to hubby and tell him what you just told us... maybe he can figure out what he can do to help... I mean it is his home and kids too... marriage is 50/50.... it'll be ok...

I am a stay at home mom of 2 beautiful children. Our daughter is 2 yrs. old and our son is 7 mo. old. I am looking for some side jobs also, I have cleaned homes before, so if you would like to discuss this further please email me at ____@____.com. I look forward to hearing from you.
Thanks, N.

B.,

sorry to hear about your crazy schedule. A friend of mine is in a similar situation. She works as a nurse practitioner around the clock has two kids and her husband owns and runs his own business, so he is never around and when he is(not that he is being mean)all he wants is a hot meal and his laundry to be done for the next work day. She was getting so crazy and overwhelmed that she came up with a great idea! She hired a maid to come and clean her house once a week maybe even twice if she needs it. It really is not that expensive and is worth every penny to your sanity. She does not feel one bit ashamed about either. I think you are at that point girl. Give a try!!

E.

Dear B.,

I've been reading all the responses to your request and I hope I'm not going to be repetetive. You sound like I used to and I really feel strongly about this. You and your Husband HAVE to come to some kind of agreement and communincate about both of your limitations. I went through 2 years of keeping it all in and basically just becoming more tired and more depreseed. I thought that if I asked for help that my Husband would either be mad at me or disappointed in me. Finally, I started having panic attacks and my it really freaked my Husband out; he thought I was having a heart attack and couldn't understand why I had kept all of this in and not come to him. As women in general, we think we can do it all but we're not machines. Try and approach your husband. Have a night where you two go out and have dinner by yourselves and tell him that you are tired, exhausted actually and that you need help. I'm not male bashing either, but men kind of need to be told what you need, they're not good at guessing. I hope this helps....are you in Naples?

Honey i know just how you feel. I am not currently working a full time job but i know what its like. I made a chart of everything and if one day was too full i just either tried to find someone to help ( if its a practice or something for the kids) or i tell my husband that he has to help just as much as i do. Now like i said i am not working full time so i guess i have a few more hours in the week to do house work and stuff but my main suggestion is to make like a chart with everything on it including work scheduale for both you and hubby. Then try to see if you could mannage a few hours on the weekends maybe to do the nessasary house work, And maybe see if you could afford someone to do your yard work and maybe have a house cleanning party. Just a few suggestion. Good luck honey!!