Help Trying to Manage Kids/ Work/ School/ House/ Etc

I am impressed with all you are doing. I manage my kids 1, 3, 4 and 6 and the house (husband is gone before dawn and home around bedtime). And it's tough! Throw in school, and you certainly are busy!

I do hire cleaners once a month just for bathrooms and kitchen. I do have the oldest three in as much school as possible. I can't find anything affordable for the baby, though. Shower? That's a good day!
I guess I'm saying I get what you are saying. Hang in there! School does not last forever. (I was doing graduate school when I had only 3 and it was very difficult).

Can you pay your step daughter to help you and cook and clean?

Use paper plates, cups, forks etc as much as you can.

Can your mom take a cab or a service or the bus?

Search around for grocery delivery near you

Tell your husband that you are really sorry but with school and everything you just don't have time to do his laundry. That he is going to have to do it. You wish you could help but you just don't have the time. Then get him a big laundry basket and throw his dirty clothes into it to separate from yours and the kids. Tell him before he leaves for work so you don't have to listen to his temper tantrum.

Good luck!!

Do you have a couple of hours maybe just one hour on Sunday afternoon to sit alone a plan out your week? Make menus for each night at this time too...make your shopping list...and hang the menu in the kitchen and put all the recipes in a pile on the counter ready to go.

I literally list the days and mark lunchtime as the middle of the day and the kids getting off the bus at the 75% mark and then I fill in all the gaps in between. I make a list of everything that I have to do that week, all the appointments, shopping, laundry, everything and assign it a time slot.

I am trying to get at least 20 hours a week in working my part time job and if I pick up freelance work get that in there too. I will even list the after dinner things I need to do each night like get meat out of the freezer, make children's lunches for next day, set up coffee pot to start in the morning...I am big on lists, if it is on my list it happens.

The weeks I don't get organized in this fashion totally seem out of control...I run out of bread or milk on Wednesday...by Thursday I don't know what we have to fix for dinner...I forget to make the kids sandwiches the night before and end up rushing in the morning...

I make lists and a detailed calendar and carry it with me...then I can add to it as I discover other things I need to do...hugs!!

Get a new, supportive, helpful husband? I think if you had one of those, your list of tasks would be doable. Sounds like you're working on being self sufficient, so good job on that!!

You don't have to shuttle your mom around. There are services for that. Cutting that out is your first step. And no, you shouldn't feel guilty.

If the kiddos' social time has to be cut out or down for a while, then so be it. They see their friends at school.

Return phone calls can be made while going to/from work, and on breaks at work.

The crock pot/grill/counter top griddle are all your friends. It's ok if you eat cereal or grilled cheese for dinner sometimes.

Teach teenage step daughter to be more self sufficient. Is she helping around the house at all? If not, she should be. Does she have a part time job? If not, she should.

Hire cleaning help.

Do a doctor's appointment every 2 weeks or once a month.

Hire a mother's helper or babysitter for the nights you really need to study, or catch up on household stuff, or just take a damn breath.

What you list is too much for one person to handle. You NEED help. It's okay to ask for it, and to pay for it. If you don't, you will burn out.

I guess the idea is to make hubby man up. If it doesn't get done then just let it go. If he wants to live like this then let him. It won't matter if a few dishes don't get done or if the laundry backs up a bit.

Make him do it and don't do it over. If he does dishes and when he puts them in the cabinet they still have food stuck on them I make sure hubby gets that plate for himself. If he says something I tell him that if the dishes are not clean when the dishwasher is finished he has to do them over. That doing them the right way the first time will save him time and effort since he won't have to redo them.

If you continue to rescue your hubby and do not force him to stand up and be a man then he will not ever do it. Let some stuff go and do not do it for him even if he doesn't do it all week. He has no consequences of his actions so he has no reason whatsoever to even try to change.

Husband needs to help you. Can he food shop once a week (with list from you, make it together as you plan dinners), fold the laundry and/or do dishes at night? Don't do over his work, 5 year old can make her bed too,

We also have super busy weekdays and I am in school full time. What I have done for the first time this summer when I was working on top of that was to prep freezer meals: you buy everything, chop everything up place in freezer bag and when you're ready to use it just drop it in the crockpot in the morning and that night you have a yummy home-cooked dinner with virtually 0 work. It took me 2 hours on a Sunday night to put together 10 meals...

I also don't particularly care about my looks or my house. During the week we have a housework-free house (other than picking up here and there and loading the dishwasher). If you both work/go to school things are just bound to be less perfect at home. There are only so much hours in the day and keeping up your school work and spending time with your children is simply more important than an immaculate home and appearance.

On your list of things you need to identify your priorities and let go of other things that may be "nice to do" but are not essential.
Good luck!

Breathe deeply and slowly whenever you think of it, I do it in the car a lot! It really calms me.
When I feel overwhelmed I feel kinda frozen and cant get anything done.
I think coming up with plans, lists and schedules would really help you get control of your life. Have a big calendar and tell your mom to write her apts on it as well as your families. Have a master shopping list that you can print out multiple copies and circle what you need that week to limit your trips, take mom at the same time.
my ideas: Always cook a lot on weekends or days off and freeze homemade macaroni and cheese, soups, casseroles, healthy muffins for breakfasts and lunch boxes or whatever your family likes. Cook a lot of extra chicken and ground turkey and have it on hand to prepare in different ways throughout the week. Most kids that age would prefer raw vegetables to cooked so you can give them carrots, sliced peppers, cherry tomatoes to snack on while you cook dinner and they've already had their veggies!
Prepare as much as you can in the evenings for the mornings, Kindergarten backpack is packed Completely, shoes are by the door, outfits are layed out. Lunches are packed (let her buy once in a while)
Is this full day K?? she will be Tired after a full day of school and will have lots of socialization in school so don't stress right now over her social life!
Give your mom a few easy to do chores if the two yr old naps, tell her if she feels up to it she can unload the dishwasher or fold laundry. She will prob be happy to help and you wont feel guilty if they are easy chores.
Some of the stress you feel may not be from your busy life but rather the problems you've been having at home. Seeing a counselor for a few months may help you feel less overwhelmed than hiring a housekeeper!

WOW. No wonder you are overwhelmed. I felt overwhelmed reading your post. You DO have a lot on your plate.

My first questions is:

Is there something you can put aside for now? You sound like you are trying to do everything well (school, playdates for the kids, etc), but it's just too much. NO human being could do this without a lot of support. Unless you enlist the help of family (many hours each week) or hire a nanny, I'm thinking you might need to put aside something of your own.

I don't mean to be a "Negative Nelly" but can you put school aside until your kids get to be a bit older? I'm not sure about your circumstance, but that would cut out a HUGE amount of stress right there.

Or, can you hire help? Put your kids in school or daycare so you can get things done during the day?

Maybe hire a house cleaner once every couple of weeks? Try doing online grocery ordering? I've done that and it helps a bit.

Unless you are SUPER organized, it will be tough to get "everything" done. And even if you get everything done, you are going to feel VERY stressed, I imagine.

Hope this helps.

Random thoughts...
Some grocery stores let you shop online and either have it delivered or pick up at a certain time.
Set aside a chunk of Sunday to cook for the week, then you are just reheating on week nights.
Would teenager be willing to help with the house or the little ones for extra cash or privileges?
Lastly, prioritize what is mandatory (healthy groceries) vs what you can let slide sometimes (a neat living room) and try to let some of it go. Do the best you can and take it a few days at a time. Hang in there!

Can I say that I am looking forward to reading your answers...with a first grader, one starting kindergarten, a 2 year old at home and 3/4 student myself at college I am a little worried on how everything is going to go in a week when we start...Oh and of course, gymnastics, and hockey...oy!!

Since husband will not help, hire it.

Consider a house keeper once a week to clean the kitchen, (clean out fridge every 2 weeks) bathrooms and laundry. Or see if your mom can also do some of this. Pay her for her work. If she will not take the money, put it aside and do something special with her or for her later on.

Hire a college student to pick up your children from school, get them home, make snack and help with their homework.. and then start your dinner. This way your mom can leave when she needs to, (look into a elderly transportation for her.,) it gives you a little more time to get home.

Do NOT make calls while driving.. ever! You are already overwhelmed and you do not need another distraction while you are driving, and we other drivers do not need a distracted driver on the road. Use this car time to listen to calming music or a book on CD so that this can be a quiet time of your day.

Or ask your mom if she can make the appts, based on your needs. Your mom can also at least prep for dinner.

Make a weekly menu, keep lots of staples in your pantry. Consider doubling everything you make so you can freeze half of it for 2 weeks later. Keep freezer bags and a sharpie in the kitchen so they can be labeled.

Many doctors etc, you can now make appts online, check and see if that will work. Ask them to email communications to you Can your mom take the kids to their appts? My mom has always taken my sisters kids to all sorts of appts.

I am concerned about the amount of courses you are going to attempt to take and keep up with.. Even a full time student with no other obligations would have to really keep up with their studies, reports, etc.. to stay on top of as much school work as you are about to take on..

You will be sacrificing time with your children, you can teach them to be big helpers by, helping to keep the house clean. Taking their dirty clothes straight to the laundry room, putting their clean clothes away, they can learn to fold their own clothes, change their beds..

Start eating on paper plates. Teach your children how to make salads. How to put the dishes in the dishwasher after they have rinsed them.

Playdates only on weekends at your house. If they are invited to others during the week, see if the college student can drive them and pick them up, before agreeing.

Get as much rest as possible and do not neglect your health or this fragile house of cards is going to all fall. Your children need a happy and healthy mom. I am sending you strength.

Are you kidding me about the step-daughter being treated like a maid??? Part of being a member of family (of any kind) is contributing. Every one should pick up after themselves. As soon as they are able, they should clear their own dishes, sort (and eventually wash) their own laundry, help prep the meals they eat, help wash the windows they look out of, help scrub the tub they bathe in, etc. etc. This is part of being a family and pulling your own weight. I don't care if she's 'yours' or not, she's living there and needs to contribute. People feel better when they do so--that's just human nature. And if she (and the KIndergartener for that matter) do not do age-appropriate tasks, then who becomes the maid? And what do they learn from that? Sorry if it feels like I'm coming down hard--I'm simply shocked to hear that and cannot understand that line of thinking.

Remember, just like a plane going down (and we all do at times), put the oxygen mask on yourself FIRST and then you are better able to help yourself and others. Good luck to you. Believe me--I can so relate as I often feel like I am drowning too even though my situation is very different. I hear a big piece of me in your question...it's not easy and I have not figured it out myself!