I Don't Know What to Do Anymore.... :-(

She has so much going on that she can't control. She's just trying to exert some control where she can. I don't think discipline is the problem, I think teaching her some coping skills with what she is living with would help resolve the problem. Talk to her pediatrician about getting her some help dealing with these major changes. Good luck to all of you!

Take away some of her activities until her attitude imporves. Seems like she is playing the sympathy card which is not good for her growth or you and dad's.

Good grief, my son has exercised induced asthma (so it is rare for it to complicate anything for him--mostly only if he is sparring competitively, not just in class for practice), allergies (he's ending his 2nd year getting injections to help with them, and they ARE helping tremendously), and just got the first step done in his orthodontic treatment a couple of weeks ago.

He is 14 today. IF I told him he had to wear ANYTHING 20 hours a day, on top of the ortho stuff, etc... he would lose it. Heck, "I" would lose it.
That is a LOT for a little girl.

I agree with LittleEsmom. She needs some coping skills. Have you asked her doctor(s) about how you can help her through dealing with all this? How long does she have to wear the brace? Sometimes knowing an end date can help, sometimes knowing it is so far away, can make it seem worse.
Good luck to her. If I were her, I wouldn't just be grumpy, I would be flat out sour. It is amazing the things children can learn to adapt to.

Consistent discipline with clear consequences for inappropriate behavior and clear rewards for wanted behavior.

Do not let her use her medical issues as an excuse for bad behavior.

My son had horrible asthma up until about age 12. This overlapped with an ADD and ODD diagnosis in 6th grade. He would try and use these as an excuse to get his way or to act just plain wrong. And while my heart ached for him, I knew I had to enforce the rules or he would become an entitled, out of control child.

Sit her down during a calm, quiet time, and explain what type of behavior, chores, etc., are expected of her. Have her help develop a system of consequences and rewards, write it down and post it on the fridge. Then stick to it. She is throwing a fit to get her own way and you are caving in because your heart breaks for her and you want to make up for the brace, the asthma, the spacer, etc. She knows it Mom, and is working it. LOL

A friend of mine has a son with several physical issues, as well as ADHD - he has quite a bit on his plate as well. Anyhow, I asked her how she handles behavior issues with him. My natural inclination would be to tread lightly around the child because he has so much to deal with already. My friend surprised me - she said that because he's going to have all of these issues for his whole life, he needs to learn not to use them as excuses for poor behavior - so she parents him the exact same way she parents her other kids! I was really surprised by that - but you know, what she said makes sense, and her son is a cute kid to be around (he is going into 5th grade next year). He is kind of a spaz (I believe this is due to the ADHD), so he requires more correction than the next kid, but his mom is right there, letting him know when he has set a foot out of line. So, that's a perspective from a mom who has a child with some special needs, for what it's worth.

My other thought is, what 7 year old ISN'T happy unless she's getting her own way? I have a perfectly healthy 7 year old, and she has her share of moments when she is grumpy because she's not getting her way! Part of it is just the age, and I think you will just have to manage her the way you would manage any other kid - bad behavior means loss of privileges, good behavior earns praise and recognition. Obviously you have to help her learn to express her frustration appropriately, and acknowledge that she is experiencing pain and frustration, although you cannot allow her to be in charge of your whole family no matter what her challenges.

because of her allergies I would really consider changing your whole family's diet all the processed stuff and sugars could really be affecting her behavior.

Also, have you considered a chiropractor or a massage therapist, not to correct the scoliosis but to ease some of her discomfort.

And just plain being clear and following through, My DD missed out on going ot the library to get her summer reading program card punched -she will ear a free trip to mcd once it's punched but now she has to wait.
Then she was mouthing off and throwing fits so instead of having free swim while her brother had his lesson she sat on the bench and watched.
It will be early bed time too. I will not reward bad behavior PERIOD.

Maybe she could benefit from some counseling? That really is a lot for any child to deal with. And who's to say she's not getting picked on or bullied and thats whats wrong? I really think kids have it hard these days in the sense that there is SOOOO much pressure on what you have, how you dress, what you look like. Media pressure, so much technology that kids have an open door to see way more then they should.
The back brace and spacer alone is probably a huge image problem for her. And this a lot for YOU to deal with. Id seek out the help of a professional so you all can get some peace of mind

Ignore the negative, reward the positive.

As many things as she has going on with her - there are kids who have it worse.
She hasn't got cancer and she has all her limbs.
Her teeth eventually will be straight, allergies and asthma can be managed and the wearing of the brace should be helping her scoliosis.
Temper tantrums in a 7 yr old are about 4 years past the terrible three's and she needs to get over it and grow up a little bit.
Any sort of temper tantrum is an automatic no go.
If she throws a fit - let her.
She can go to her room and fuss all she wants then come out when she's finished.
Make sure her room is not a play haven (else it won't be much of a punishment).

Can you imagine how grumpy she would be if she waited to deal with this as a teen? I know that brace has to be the pits, but it's for her future life and that's pretty darn important.

Be understanding about her grumpiness, but be FIRM in discipline and your expectations of what she does and doesn't get away with. She will be a holy terror as a teen if you let her boss you around. When she throws a fit, send her to her room. NEVER let her get her way or she will act even worse.

There is a book that you should order from Amazon (or it might be at Barnes and Noble). It's called "The Berenstain Bears Get the Gimmees". The little girl bear starts having tantrums in the store when she doesn't get her way. Just looking at the pictures of her having a tantrum helped my kids to think about how THEY looked when they had meltdowns. Maybe it will help your daughter too.

If you consistently send her to her room and make her stay there until she stops her antics and never give in to her demands, she will finally stop this stuff. Meanwhile, no TV, no computer, no electronics in her room. You can do it, Mama...

Sending you strength~
Dawn

I would probably let her get away with a lot to be honest. Poor kid, she's going through a lot of pain I am sure.

I would try and be more patient with her. She is acting out because she is not in control of anything, not even her own body. She may need to see someone just so she can work her way through all that she is feeling. I am sure she doesn't want to dump it all on you either so she is holding it in. Repression shows through acting out and bursts of anger.

She needs you to still be her mom but understanding where it is all coming from is the first step for you guys to get on the same page.

Google PCIT therapy. It is a way of spending some quality time with her. It really really works and it makes all the little stuff just go away. The more you guys bond over special play time the more she'll want to do what you ask and the more compassionate you will feel towards her. It really helps develop empathy between the adult and child.

My 7 yr old is going thru a grumpy period too! no fits, just whiny. I wonder if it is because when he was sick (about 10 days ago) he got a lot of sympathy and was allowed to be whiny for a few days? I am trying to make sure he gets more sleep, hope that helps

She going through alot and I can understand as a mom it must be hard to see her go through this even though you know this is gonna pass.So you probly kinda gave into her alot and she expects it now,maybe all the time now.You just need to be sturn all this well pass,but you do need to out down the law before she gets any older. Dont worry she'll be fine and Im sure your doing your best..And Im sure all this is alot for you as well.

First off, start saying no more often, sounds like she needs to hear it, and NEVER give in to her tantrums, just walk away and ignore her when she throws a fit.

I have a 7 yr old that tends to do the same thing, especially when he gets home from visitations at his dad's. I try to find ways to give him choices, either he can do what I ask or he can take a time out in his room or lose a privilege for example. If he refuses to choose, I give him until the count of 3 to decide to choose for himself or I get to choose the consequence (discipline choice). When he throws a fit over being told no, he is told that he can throw his fits in his room, as the rest of the family doesn't care to listen to them. It wasn't an instant fix, it has taken time for him to realize that no means no and that it is easier for him to do what he is asked to do and he still backslides, but it is getting better :)
Good luck, and hope you get some great ideas!

someone just asked a question about 123 Magic.... it's a discipline book that is easy to read and better yet easy to implement. Check out the responses she's getting. I HIGHLY recommend it.