Hello Ladies, so I just had a little girl, she is 3 weeks old and I have a 3 year old son. Well...I guess to show he misses being the only child, my son has gone back to pooping in his pants. He is potty trained, will pee all day in the pot, but WILL NOT do #2!!!! It's frustrating, I take sweets away, juice, fruit snacks, I have tried time out, spankings....and yet, day after day, he still does it. It's going on two weeks, I have absolutely no idea what to do. Has anyone else dealt with this? I'm guessing it's just a phase, but this is getting ridiculous, and I'm tired of it. He knows better.
Sorry, I forgot to include that when he does it, I do clean him in the bathroom, change him and all that. I try to include him in a lot of things like helping me change her, hold her, we go outside I sit with him while he plays in the pool (the baby is close by inside the cool house). I give him hugs, we watch movies. I've let him sit in it, but that didn't seem to bother him, I talked calmly, he would say "ok I poop in pot" then the next day go in his pants. He plays with the baby, gives her hugs and kisses...i don't know. His dad and I did just separate and I'm back with my parents, so I don't know if that has anything to do with it. He will often ask "can we go home", but I try to say we are home. He will ask me where his dad is...my dad gives him nonstop attention. He tries to fight with my little sister a lot....not anger fighting...but play fighting (could be anger now that I trhink about it) He loves to play with her, but since she is getting older (10) she has become such a girly girl and doesn't want to play and I think that bothers him. I don't know...if it is a phase, I pray it passes quickly. Also, he used to listen SO well before we separated, now I have to repeat to leave things alone, don't touch and etc.
Hello Ladies! I want to thank you all for your responses. I did have to sit down and think about all that has happenede and look at it from his perspective. A lot of changes have happened for us. I sat him down and told him CALMLY that he is a big boy and his sister is a baby and that she doesnt know how to use the potty but he does and thats a good job for him to use the potty. I understand he is acting out I guess I got carried away because Im also having to adjust being at home again. Noone in the house is use to us being here more than a week, esp. my mom brother and sister...nor having an activ toddler around. I use to be so calm. But when my son runs around, my mom shakes her head and will make little comments like did he do that at home or I didnt let you guys do that...or just look at me. My brother will yell at my son and I get on him by asking dont yell and talk calmly or tell me...otherwise he just wants to play with you. Same thing with my sister. It feels like Im getting the short end of the stick for trying to give my kids a better life since their dad has women issues. I didnt want my son growing up thinking he could be in a relationship and mess around. Being home is frustrating :-/
The top two reasons for potty regression are a new baby and parental separation. This poor kid is dealing with them both at the same time. This is causing him tremendous anxiety. Please try and be patient with him and realize this is a phase. You can google it..it appears to be a common thing for children this age going through these circumstances.
First of all, I'd stop taking all the things away and punishing him. He's regressing because there is someone new in the house and he is no longer the only one getting your attention. I'd not worry about it and honestly not make a big deal about it. When he does it, tell him "I'm sorry you pooped in your pants. Next time let's try to make it on the potty like a big boy!" and leave it at that. He may be trying to get your attention (even negative attention is attention) and only focus on the positive.
Please don't punish him! You're only going to make it worse! This is perfectly normal and even expected. You should go to the library or bookstore and get some information on toddlers and new siblings. I don't know of a toddler out there who hasn't "backslid" at least once with potty training, and all of them I know have done it with a new baby. He wants your attention and to still be your baby! This is sooooo normal - google it even. There are tons of articles! He'll get past it, but please don't punish
him -and realize that ANY three year old has accidents -some more than others.
***Just read your addition -seriously? You don't think moving to your parents and his parents separating along with a new baby has something to do with this??? Either could cause huge behavior changes! PLEASE google both situations and hit the library for some toddler and early childhood books! He's had two hugely life-changing traumatic events happen at once. No wonder he's messing his pants!
Make sure you set aside time to ASK him if he needs to go to the bathroom. He may see that you are paying more attention to the baby, and this is his way of getting your attention.
When he messes, take him into the bathroom, shower him down, and change his clothes, IN THE BATHROOM. After a day or so, he'll get tired of having to take a rinse down all the time and should stop.
M.
In a three-year-old's mind, pooping in his pants is working, because it's getting a lot of attention from Mom! Bad attention is still attention. I would suggest making it no big deal. Ignore it as much as possible. Have him help you clean up the mess.
And give him lots of attention otherwise.
UPDATED I just read your so what happened. Poor little guy. Those are all major changes. I hope you and he both find strength. Hugs!!
Hi there, I haven't gone through it but from an outside perspective, it seems to me that the more you punish him, the more negative experiences your son is going to associate with your new little bundle of J.. I would recommend talking to him calmly and sympathetically (genuine sympathy is key here). As you said, he knows better so it's not like you need to re-train him. He just needs to know that you still love him and he's still your baby. He's only 3 -- not a grownup! Try to see things from his perspective. Don't punish him for feeling neglected when all he's ever known is being the center of your universe. He still has your heart but HE doesn't know that! Help him to transition so he feels loved and supported despite the new addition and he should stop having accidents of his own accord. Good luck!
When there are huge, major changes in a small child's life it's normal for them to regress with toileting. He can't help what's happening because it's a stress response and it's not something he's doing TO YOU but it's something that's happening TO HIM.
You have a brand new newborn, you separated from his father, you not only moved out of his stable home but moved into someone else's home, and you're punishing him for having difficulty with these impossible transitions that are hard enough for adults.
I feel bad for him. He needs some stability, understanding, and his own home. He needs privacy and one on one time with each of his parents (obviously at separate times) and both you and your husband need to talk to him about what to expect in the future. He's had so many changes he's probably very anxious and scared about what might happen next without warning.
Hi, M.. This should pass soon enough. My son did this when we moved back in October, so he was almost 4. He had been potty trained for a LONG time before that, so when he started going #2 in his pants for a few weeks after we moved, I felt the same way you are feeling now- frustrated and confused.
You appear to be going through a LOT of family changes right now, so I am not surpised at all that your son is regressing. This is very normal behavior for a young child.
I would not punish him when he has an accident, I would just keep reminding him of what he is supposed to do. Try to be patient. When he makes progress, praise and reward him. It will take some time.
GOOD LUCK!!!!
It's not a discipline issue, as if he were hitting somebody or being sassy. It's more an emotional thing that you need to meet in a different way.
You want to include him when you take care of the new baby, even though it may take more time that way. Let him do things a big brother can do, like hand you the clean diaper or a burp cloth. When Baby is eating, read books to Big Brother. Let him be with you. Talk to him a lot. Listen to him.
Mention something like, "Susie needs a diaper because she doesn't know how to use the potty. She won't learn for a long, long time. I'm glad you're big enough to know when you need to use the potty! Sometimes you're forgetting now. Would it be better to use a diaper on you again so you won't make a mistake?" He'll probably say no, but if he doesn't, he surely won't like the feel of a diaper after being in big-boy pants!
He may be wondering - although he can't articulate it or even think about it clearly - where his place in the family is now, and he's trying out a number of things to find the answer. Family life has turned upside down for him, and negative attention is better than no attention at all!
So give him positive attention. Stay cool about this, however irritating it is, and he'll decide eventually that he has better things to do.
Ohhhh, my sister went through this. It was funny, once the second child came along, her three year old was doing it all over the place, and he had been off pampers for over 6 months. I would say, let him sit in it and feel the comfort of having the poop and pipi in his pants. I know it'll stink, but he'll eventually stop. My other suggestion, he needs to feel important so put the baby on the relaxer, have your eldest sit next to you, and read a lot of books. That way they're both getting some learning at the same time. Even do drawing together. Keep the baby beside you at all times so that he/she is included. He'll eventually realise that the little one is part of the family after all. Good luck, and keep at it.
I think that he's doing this because there is a new baby in the house and he sees the baby get changed and he wants in on that action. Also, with the new baby, you might not be spending enough time just taking him to the bathroom while the baby is in the crib and having a few minutes of quiet potty time together.
If you know what time he usually goes in his pants, you know about what time to lay the baby down and take your son to the bathroom. Give him a book, sit on the floor with him.
He does know better, but he also knows that the entire structure of everything has changed. There is a whole different routine in place and he can, and will adjust.
You need to just give him attention.
I know of lots of little kids who have a younger sibling and all the sudden they want to have a diaper or they want to have a bottle too. When they were a baby, they got all the attention. When a new baby comes, the baby gets all the baby attention.
I think your son will be just fine, but you need to change your approach. Ask him if he might be doing it because he wants to be a baby again. Don't expect an answer. Little kids can't always express why they do things.
Tell him that no matter what, he will always be your baby no matter how big he grows...even big like daddy. Focus on the benefits of being bigger instead of punishing for backsliding right now.
My kids are 10 years apart so thankfully I never had these issues, but I know many, many people who went through it when a new baby came into the family.
It happens.
He's getting your attention. That's just my opinion.
Best wishes!
I want you to reread your post...I think if you do you might see he has had many changes in his life that are sooooo big and life changing, this is his way of dealing. It will pass, keep that in mind.
It sounds like your trying to love him, include him and do all those important things as much as you can. However, taking things away and making a big deal about it will only make it worse. Even though it's negative attention your giving him, it's still attention. I'll say it again, this will pass. Don't make a big deal about it, don't give him a lecture about it, just clean him up, don't say much to him while your doing it unless he asks you something, then send him on his way. He will start to realize this isn't doing any good and he will move on.
Be patient. This too shall pass!
Have you tried just talking to him? I firmly believe that talking to children, calmly and nicely, solves many problems. Just let him know that you understand how he feels, it is hard having a new baby around. But make him feel like a cool older brother. He can help you around with the baby and everything. SHE is the baby and she poops her pants, not her big boy 3 year old brother! I would definitely make him clean up after himself too. That always helps =)
