I Created a Monster & Now I Need Help!

Could you unplug it for a week or so and tell him it is broke? This will give him ample time away to form new habits.

Try telling him the tv broke and you had to get rid of it/wait to get it fixed/something like that. And nobody watches tv for a few weeks. You can then decide whether to bring it back or not.

You are not a bad mommy but he may think that you are mean when you change the routine. I was going to advise that you do crafts and read but you said you already do that. Maybe he would be interested in helping you with chores in the kitchen to prepare the evening meal and even the morning meal. In years to come his wife will thank you for teaching him to be proactive in the kitchen. You will listen to a few days of screaming and temper tantrums. Tell him that if he continues to act in this manner then the longer he will go without television. Good luck.

L.

I don't think all TV is evil, by any means. However, your son might be one of those kids who can't just watch "a little".
My friends have kids who can't just play video games "a little".
My son has had play stations and x-box, etc. He can take it or leave it.
I don't even have to monitor him. He's just not that into it.
On the other hand, my friends have had to go to drastic measures because video games were nothing but a constant fight. 30 minutes or so a day just didn't work because it was easier not to have it at all.

Your son is 4. Either he can appreciate a limited amount of television per day or per week, or, he can't. Sometimes you just have to pull the plug all together if they throw such hissies about it. They basically leave you no choice when that's the case.

It's an analogy, but what would you do if your child threw fits over cake? He had some for a special time and now expects it ALL the time and screams when he can't have it. You would like him to have cake, but not as an entitlement. What would you do in that case?

I may be going out on a limb, but I would think no cake at all until he understands he can scream as much as he wants, but he's still not getting any.
The more my kids threw a fit about something....the more they could kiss it good bye.
That's exactly what I told them.
A 4 year old can understand that.

Kids can't filter for themselves so adults have to do it for them. If your son simply can't have a little bit of TV without acting out, the choice is none at all.
If cake made your kid go crazy, you would let him have it on rare occassions or not at all.

An analogy, I know. But it's really not that different in my opinion.

Best wishes.

My 3.5 year old has this same problem with our Wii. I don't mind if he plays it for an hour a day, because he is active and moving around with the games he likes, but he also tends to get "addicted" and it becomes ALL he wants to do, to the exclusion of other fun things that I suggest doing (like going outside, coloring, going to Grandma's house, etc). When it's time to turn the Wii off he will cry and throw a tantrum.

What I have found to be most effective is that if there is any arguing or tears when I tell him his hour is up, then the Wii is taken away for the next day. Period. And I absolutely follow through on the punishment. I've found that as soon as I say "you can either calm down and stop crying, or the Wii will be gone tomorrow", that he really shapes up and moves on to another toy/activity without a fight. On the rare occasion that he doesn't, he has to face the consequences of no Wii the next day.

Also, if he repeatedly asks for the Wii after I tell him no, the same consequences apply. It gets taken away for a day.

This seems to help a lot.

K

I would go cold turkey for a few days and then add it back in as a treat.

I know how it is, in the winter we end up watching way too much tv, due to it being too cold to go out. When it gets nice out, we all have an adjustment period, but it's the little ones it's the hardest on. Dont feel bad for letting it get a bit out of hand, sounds like you're doing a good job to me!

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I think you are in line when you say you turned off the TV and let him just cry. As well, we turn the TV off during reading and craft time.

Take Nick and Disney and all that garbage off your TV. Get a parental control and use it. In the morning the TV does not work. I never let my kids have TV whenever they wanted it. Some years there was no TV.

I have to chime in on the DVR (or other way to record his favorite shows) - then when he does get to watch a show, he gets choose between which ones you've recorded (Chuggington vs. Jungle Junction or whatever). If it's on a channel that has commercials (hopefully not), you can fast forward those, and then when it's over, it stops playing. He'll get bored of looking at a tv with nothing happening on it.

4 year-olds are notorious for exploring their boundaries, and they will push hard to find out where those boundaries are. If they have success by throwing a fit and wearing you down, they will definitely keep trying that route. You're the parent so you have to make those boundaries clear. He'll get it. :)

How long does he watch it a day?I say keep it under two hours a day and your fine.Honestly My daughter watches nick jr as well shes just turned 3 and she will be interacting with the shows telling them the answer she also love super why..I do not think tv is bad in moderation.It wont make your child stupid if he watches it for only a little bit each day.My daughter is very advanced for her age, so whatever to the tv haters.
If he is watching more than that you need to tell him iam going to turn the tv off after this ok, then warn him before you do it..then say we are done watching tv now would you like to play outside or color ect..IF he throws a fit say we are not watching tv iam sorry but if you keep having a fit you will not get to watch it later ok..if he goes on a full blown fit leave him scream but if hes throwing things or hitting he needs to be put in time out..

No lecturing here....I like the tv on for noise :o)

I would turn off the tv for at least a week - really detox. You can play music for him if you and he want something in the background. Then explain that if he does his chores he can watch ''his shows'' - whatever/whenever you decide.

TV doesn't have to be evil.....everything in moderation.

If he cries and screams then no TV for a day or two. If he behaves, does his chores etc., then allow him however much you allow. For example: an hour a day. Let him know if he does throw a fit, that he can't watch TV for that day and maybe the next too depending on what you feel is best. He'll get the picture. =) Good luck!!

I agree with K R. What I've done is "I will let you watch my TV and it will be turned off in an hour." Now, I did have to add, "After the show, you will come over to lunch (or whatever activity) with no fussing. Fussing means the TV will be in time out for the rest of the day. Which means we won't turn it back on until tomorrow." As your son gets older, that "time out" can be for the next entire day, or week, or just over the weekend.

At this age, he really won't understand the "this is mine and Dad's TV, not yours" but saying that will give you a start.

You are right about having to "endure this for a few days". What might help is try real hard to find a time when he has calmed down and say "you did that very nicely and with practically no fussing, you can watch one half-hour show." And I mean just about ANY good behavior. You might start with rewarding improving behavior with a favorite snack or the flavor juice with his lunch that he doesn't always get (for my kids it was chocolate milk instead of plain white milk). You can figure out what will work for you.

Good luck and hang in there!
D.

Pick the two shows, tell him those are the two shows he's going to watch, and then stick to it.

I remember once a long time ago, when I was really fed up with tv (this was before computers), I just took the tv out of the living room and put it in the garage. Well it took a few days, but after only a few days they became really nice, and even started playing with each other nicely and making up games and coloring and playing outside and doing things they hadn't done in a long time.

Unfortunately, after a few weeks I missed the tv for myself, and I put it back.

However, just be consistent. Let him freak out for three or four days; it will stop as he adjusts. He IS going through withdrawal.

You put it great where you said "But I guess, I'll have to endure this for a few days as he withdraws!!)" That is a very true statement! You will be doing your son a huge favor by kicking the habit now =-)

Sit with him at a time that he is calm and content and explain exactly what you said above about letting him watch 1 or 2 cartoons AFTER he does his chores. Talk with him about it.

He is 4 and will understand that is the new rule. He will learn quickly that Mom is NOT going to give in to his tantrums. Stick to your guns and you'll be happy you did in the long run! Best of luck!

I wouldn't use the TV as a reward. Don't teach him that it is the best thing in the world. When he gets to school, he will be bored when the teacher doesn't use audio-visual stuff. Many kids expect to see high energy, entertainment when they go to school. (Just ask kids and many will tell you school is boring.) Keep the TV as an extra, but not a reward.

Good job not giving in to his tantrums. He needs to learn that they are not effective. He needs to learn that you run the house.

If he likes noise, put in some kid CD's while he plays. You can even find CD's of kids stories. If you are Christian, look into "Adventures in Odyssey." Give him lots of opportunities to be creative. So many kids these days announce they are bored and expect their parents to run to their aid and entertain them. They have no idea how to entertain themselves. (Another good trait to have in school.) Have him put things together, explore, build, etc. See if he likes musical instruments or science kits, etc.

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You are most certainly not a bad momma, heck I think we have probably let a child of ours get away with something for a period of time only because it didn't seem like That bad of an idea at first...during vacations or visits from Grandma...or whatever = )
What helps at my house, because I too have a pretty controlling 3 year old, who would LOVE nothing better than to have the tv on as background non stop...I play music, we have structured activities, I have him help me with simple meal prep or set the table...most kids LOVE to be "helpers"
When I am watching kids we make transitions FUN...we have races to see hwo can put away toys fastest, we blow bubbles IN the house, we have choices between fun activities like a game or play dough or choices between cut and glue or painting. A walk is fun when the weather gets nicer...I suggest finding music he LIKES in order to help ease the tv being of. Also there are some things I am really lax about, like I will let my 3 year old watch more educational tv more frequently and limit the other stuff. Pandora is an awesome online option for Free music, you can create channels and they have a HUGE selection of kid music. We have a sesame street station and a Wiggles station and so much more, we listen to Beatles and Disco and whatever...I dance and my 3 year old thinks that is HILARIOUS! Good luck!!!

TV can be just as addicting as sugar or a drug, so I can see why he is upset.

First, are you changing the channel in the middle of his show? Adults would hate that so I can see why your child might get upset. My daughter gets upset if you stop in the middle of her show--or even a commercial! I do try to time turning it off with the end of the show BEFORE you can see the next show starting.

Second, after you turn off the TV you'll need to refocus his attention since it has been focused on the box for a long time. I've found some kind of physical activity seems to help the best. Our favorite game is "touch something ___." I'll say "touch something blue!" and she'll have to run around in the room and find something blue. Then I'll say "touch something round!" and she has to find something round as fast as she can. The game always ends in laughter.

My daughter loves having the TV on for background. I think it's a bad habit so I don't allow it. She is only allowed TV at night once all her chores are done, all her schoolwork is done and she's ready for bed. We watch one show together and then she's off to read & relax before bed. We got lax during the holidays and had to endure some upset nights about the TV. Just stick to your schedule and it'll slowly get back to normal. You're doing fine mama!

I'm not going to comment on the tv aspect of your question - I think some of the other moms had great answers about that. I was thinking about what you could do about his tantrums when you took the tv away. We found a book called "1,2,3... Magic" gave us fabulous solutions to help deal with our two boys unruly behavior. No yelling, no rationalizing, just counting. They are both teenagers now and I STILL use it with them. Works great! Good luck!

It sounds like yoiu've got a lot of great responses so far. All I have are a couple of refinements.

We have also gone the route of listening to music instead of watching TV. We use the DVD player to play CDs. You still need to have the TV on (unless you have a separate sound system wired into the DVD player), but there is nothing on screen except for a list of "Track 1, Track 2," etc. Very boring. However, you still have the light and sound coming from the TV, so it might be a more natural transition. It keeps the TV occupied while the music plays, in a way little ones can see.

Also, Monika suggested dvr'ing episodes; check out kids on demand, too. It's free (on Time Warner, anyway). They have most of the kids' channels, but the episodes don't update very fast, so our kids get bored with it after seeing the same episode several times (example: it's been the same Diego for about a month and a half now), and they're more willing to do something else. Second, it has the same advantage of the dvr: when the show is over, that's it. You don't have to worry about catching the TV before the next program comes on. (We also confiscate the remote. Our oldest is only 4, but that doesn't mean she won't figure it out soon.) Finally, only one or two commercials, and those are either for other on-demand programs, or for diapers or cleaning products or something that the kids won't beg for.

Hang in there, mama. You'll be okay. (And so will your little one!)

honestly you are doing what i would do - just turn it off. BRAVO for doing it! as far as the tantrums go, he's four. he's a big boy. tell him if he is going to act like that he can go to his room. i don't want to see/hear you acting like that, it's rude and hurtful. take it to your room and come out when you're ready to be nice. most of the time my son gets distracted by some toys and in a few minutes he's fine, coming to me asking me to help put spiderman on his motorcycle. and then it's over and we all let it go. another thing, to be fair (instead of just killing the tv then "punishing" him when he gets upset, by sending him to his room) offer another alternative. get him to help you fix dinner. have another activity ready and keep it positive. at least UNTIL he starts the fit lol. good luck! (i have several questions on here about 4 year old tantrums - i know what you're talking about!) hang in there!

he's a little young but you could try a marble jar or some sort of reward system He does 5 age appropriate chores, like making his bed, settign the table, cleaning up his toys, putting dirty laundry in the hamper, feeding the dog then he gets to watch which ever 1 show he wants. Or if you arent' into the chores, he can play nicely after lunch until 4pm when you make dinner and he can choose one show to watch if he fusses no shows.

I try to limit tv for my kids but do use it occasionally and i found i would say one show and then i coudlnt' finish what i was doing in that time period so i would let them keep watching and that didn't work so good since i didn't stick to my word.

good luck I would try to distract him with somethign new like baking cookies together or a new coloring book.

I do not know if you are familiar wit the comedian Louis C.K. but he does a skit about children & television. I know this is no answer to you at all but you should youtube it & it will at least give you a chuckle about the situation that you & many other parents are having. :]

Personally I would just start getting a little tougher with him and not give in to the screaming and the crying and the tantrums. I would limit him to whatever amount of daily TV viewing you feel is reasonable - 2 shows, 3 shows, etc. (assuming each show is 30 minutes). Make up some "tickets" that you give to him at the start of the day, with each ticket being equal to watching one show. He turns in 1 ticket to watch 1 show and when all the tickets are gone, he's done for the day. The TV is not on otherwise. When he pitches a fit, warn him that if he continues, he will be put in time-out, or made to go in another room where he can flip out all he wants, but you will not be around to be his audience. It might help too to let him know he's had his turn to watch his shows, but now it's Mom and Dad's turn to watch what they want to watch too. Another consequence is if he can't accept the limits on daily TV viewing, he loses the privilege of watching any TV at all the rest of the day or the next day.

Check out some of tips below and more detail at the links below. There's likely a Love & Logic in your area also:

http://blogs.goddardsystems.com/Cedar-Park-TX/2010/08/11/...

http://blogs.goddardsystems.com/Cedar-Park-TX/2010/02/22/...

Use positive discipline to redirect your child’s behavior, and you validate the legitimacy of your child’s desires and shows you care and understand. Redirecting endorses your child’s right to choose and begins to teach that others have rights, too.

Children respond to reasoning – it just needs to be put into their language.

* ‘Inside feet’ versus ‘outside feet’
* ‘Soft hands’ versus ‘hard hands’
* ‘Inside voices’ versus ‘outside voices’

It sounds like his day already starts out with a distraction, so I would eliminate any TV watching before he goes to school.

Then I'd plan a family meeting to talk about TV watching. Don't hide anything from him. Let him know it's a concern and then I would ask him to pick two shows that he enjoys most and limit his time in front of the TV with those shows only.

As for the other time fillers, books, puzzles, and whatever his favorite things are. You can vary the activity by day so he doesn't get bored. For example, Monday puzzles. Tuesday books to read, Wednesday coloring book, Thursday a game. And so on.

Establish rules and a routine and he should fall in line.

My friends who just got sick of the endless whining for TV took away the cord and told them the TV was broken. Maybe if you take it away all together (for a time), when you tell him its fixed he will be happy to get what he gets.

My recommendation is to have something brand new, a craft, a game, dress up, just something brand new to do when he gets home from school. Talk it up the minute he gets in the door. So the tv is not even mentioned or looked at. Also in the morning maybe you could have him help make breakfast, pour the cereal, get bowls, put stuff in toaster etc. This might take his mind off tv and give him something to do. Good luck, I have had to put in a no tv rule right after school, then my son plays and forgets about it. Maybe giving him a set time will ease the pain, then he will forget about it.

You are doing the right thing and you just have to ignore the tantrums. You may want to set up a TV bank where he can earn some shows during the day. Like- if he helps with chores and keeps his room clean. Simple, simple because he is only 4.

You may also want to distract him away from the TV. You just can't cut TV and expect him to entertain himself. Make sure he knows where the games are, the crafts, coloring books, etc and be willing to do those with him.

Good Luck

My daughter watches TV before and after school too... also when I'm cooking dinner.

She had to learn that the TV is for EVERYONE and taking turns with shows is only fair. She also gets TV taken away as punishment for bad behavior at school.

She's 5 y/o and I don't see any of those 'evils' of watching TV in her - she's excelling at a private school, very verbally and artistically advanced - no real issues with behavior. Noggin (Nick Jr), Sprout, PBS and Disney kids has really enhanced whatever she learns from me or at school.

Just tell him that you made a mistake, and that watching too much tv isn't good for anybody, so the tv time is going to have to be limited. Empathize with him and let him know that you know he wants to watch a lot and for the first day or two he'll feel sad about it, but there are SO many other, better, fun things to do! Plan a few extras over the next few days -like going on a long walk or playing ball in your yard or hitting a neighborhood playground or play place near you that will be done when he's usually watching television. After a couple of days, you don't have to go anywhere special, but re-direct him to a new art project or set up some legos or lincoln logs to play with. Ultimately if he starts having a fit, tell him calmly that you understand he's upset with not getting to watch a bunch of television, but if he's going to act unpleasant and scream and pitch fits, he'll have to do it in his room, because you don't want to hear it. Offer him the choice of pitching a fit alone in his room or staying out of his room and playing nicely and quietly. If he continues the fit and won't go to his room, physically put him there. If he has a fit for two hours -ignore him. I know this is difficult and a pain to deal with, but it doesn't take long to sink in!

Also remember that we have to model things for our kids. I have a "no daytime tv" rule in our house. He will certainly wonder -even if he's not sure how to voice it -if you're watching the morning shows, talk shows or soap operas during the day and he's not allowed to. I'm not saying you do that, but it's just something to think about if you do. On special occasions (sickness and when I absolutely have way too much to do -like during the holidays or snow days when I still have to work from home), my kids get to watch cartoons during the day. Other than that -it's 30 min to an hour in the evening -IF they've gotten good reports at school and nothing else is going on. They're allowed to watch on Saturday mornings.

Also, remind him that people who sit in front of televisions too much aren't very good thinkers and instead of being fast and good at sports and playing, they're usually pretty slow. This reminder always has a good effect on my 4 year old when he's getting whiny about tv!

Well, if you're looking to get him away from the TV without a big fight, and to replace that time with a different activity, I'd suggest bundling up and heading to the playground/on a walk/outdoor adventure. *I* have a hard time getting out the door when its cold and/or wet, but my kids would rather be outside than any other activity - TV included. It's also our best remedy (other than sleep and food when that's the issue) for the grumps/chronic bad attitude/fits.

My mom allowed 30 minutes of tv per day, these 30 minutes were not allowed to be accumulated to watch something longer. Sometimes on the weekends we got to watch a movie, though. I guess it helped that we lived so far out in the country that we couldn't get cable and satellite was way too expensive, so we had 3 channels. I used to be so jealous of my friends that had cable and watched a ton of tv while I was stuck with books and playing in the woods with my sister. Now I couldn't be more thankful. I haven't owned a tv for 4 years and I don't miss it. I have a huge book collection and tend to have a larger vocabulary than many of my tv watching friends. (Not trying to toot my own horn, just want to stress the importance of reading).

Maybe you could start slowly taking away tv time: 3 hours per day, then 2 hours, etc until he gets one 30 minute show per day. Bring him to the library, I used to LOVE coming home with a huge stack of books and have them read in just a few days and begging to go back to get more.

I would turn the TV off while playing other things and set your rule about tv time and stick to it. It's nice to have undivided attention from each other while playing. Set the kitchen timer and when it beeps, tv goes off. You are the boss. You run the show --no pun intended:)! Like anything else--it's fine in moderation.

My kiddo watches too much tv too and I am guilty of allowing it on days that I feel like being lazy or rainy days, etc. I try to not let it happen everyday. He's not in school yet, so for noise when he seems bored, we on music and dance, he loves music and we're a very musical family, so that's a great way to satisfy that need for background noise. Get outside, just get away from it all that you can. Find new acitivies to appeal to him, I know it's hard.

Don't beat yourself up too much, just try and ease out of it. I am sure it's rough when they are older, you're just going to have to slowly reverse the habit and it helps if everyone in the house does it. Make a day or two a week, non tv days.

I have 2 kids, 4 years old and an almost 2 year old, and they both love TV. I do limit it to 30 minutes on a school night (some days it is zero tv) and up to 2 hours on the weekends. They will often ask to watch TV but I try to keep them busy with other things. One thing I have found that my 4 year old son loves is workbooks. I bought about 6 or 7 different Kumon workbooks for him and he loves doing them. Each book focuses on a different skill and he constantly asks me now if he can please do his workbook. One is about cutting (let's the kids define their motor skills), mazes (teaches him to think ahead and see how some areas are blocked so he has to figure out which route works), coloring, numbers, letters, etc...
FYI: these books are available at Costco for around $13 for 3 pack. They are very sturdy and most parents love them. Read the reviews on Amazon.com under Kumon workbooks and you can browse through the various ones.

I find that if I keep the kids doing activities that they enjoy, then they forget about television. In addition to the Kumon workbooks we have sticker activity books that the kids enjoy, play-doh fun factory, puzzles, etc.

If your son is really that eager to watch, then maybe make him earn his viewing time. You could create a reward chart or give him a token for each task or good behavior and then he can redeem those for 30 minutes of TV. For example, maybe he has to earn 4 tokens to watch one show and it could take him a day or two to earn those.

You are not a bad mother for allowing your child to watch TV. It is sometimes the only way we can get anything done. Don't beat yourself up about it, just find ways to distract him from it.

Oh, we also don't let them watch live TV on the weekdays because then it may become hard to turn it off. We DVR several kids shows (all their favorties) and put one on for them. That way when the show ends, another does not immediately begin. We tell them it is over and then move on to other activities.

Good luck!

It sounds like you already know what you need to do!
My daughter had extreme tantrums that were TV-related. We didn't watch TV much at home, but she did watch it at her in-home daycare and later at her preschool aftercare. We would have a tantrum every time I turned it off for dinner or whatever, even though we didn't watch every day. There was something in her brain that would go off every time I turned the TV off, even if she'd been watching long enough. Honestly, it looked neurological--like she couldn't help it! (Someone mentioned TV's addiction--maybe that's it!)

So we went "no TV" for awhile. After about a week, we brought it back, just one show at a time. If she had a tantrum, then we stopped the at-home TV watching again. She was a little younger than your son was when we started this, but it still happened every now and then at 4. We didn't say it was punishment, we just said that she wasn't ready to watch TV responsibly at home, and we'd wait until she was (my husband and I are not big TV watchers--neither of us watches sports either, so it's rarely on). She wasn't totally deprived of TV--they still watched plenty of DVDs in aftercare.

At 5, she mostly outgrew it, and we don't have much trouble at all anymore at 6. Although in her new school, TV watching rarely happens in aftercare. When they do watch a DVD, it's a big deal. And she's better at home, after only occasional watching at school rather than regular watching.

I don't want to totally deprive her of TV because I don't want her to learn that she needs to spend all of her time at friends' houses so she can watch it, and it is nice on some Saturdays to let her watch it so we can sleep a little longer!

Good luck! If I were you, I'd plan other activities, and have him help you make dinner, etc., for a week or so, and then start gradually bringing it back in (but not too much) to see what happens. Many times when my daughter begs for TV, I just tell her that it's not a TV day. If she protests, I just say the same thing and don't budge. After awhile, she started accepting my answer.

Maybe try giving him a choice of what programs to watch? Like do you want to watch Dora or Diego today? (depending on what time what shows are playing). And make sure to turn it off when show is over.

For my preschooler we have a "crying" chair. A big comfy chair in the other room where she can cry as long or as much as she needs to. And whenever she is done she can get out of the chair. That has been helpful in reducing the temper tantrums.

Good luck!