I Can't Keep Up!

I can't keep up either. I have two girls (5 and 3) and work full-time (I was part-time until Feb. this year). I am going crazy and frustrated too. I know that doesn't help you, but please share any responses you do receive because I could also use the advice!!!

just wanted to say, I feel the same way. It is hard but what we are doing is so important. I look forward to reading the responses as well.

Flylady.net - This website has totally saved my sanity not to mention my marriage and it is totally free.

Good luck!

To get your house in order try http://www.flylady.com/

To get your family fun in order, try MOMS Club (activities for you and your kids with other SAHM who know what you're going through and you'll make great friends). Here's a link to the Ogden Chapter: http://www.geocities.com/ogdenmoms/

And I always find it easiest to plan my meals out in advance and only do grocery shopping once a week.

Make a schedule of things you need/want to do and schedule it! Don't forget to include time for YOU, your exercise, time with the entire family and time for you and your hubby. Treat your job as a SAHM just like you did your previous job - make a schedule and keep to it.

You might think you know people who do it, but it's probably just a front! My sister made me read a book just last week (the first complete book I've read in the 7 years since my first was born) and I think you might like it. It's called "I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids: Reinventing Modern Motherhood". It's a quick and enjoyable read and the main theme thru-out is that we all need to lower our expectations a little, or alot! It helped put some things in perspective for me.

Hi G.,
You sound as crazy busy as I was when my kids came along. Well I don't know if I can say much to help you but a couple of things that I have done that have brought me a great deal more peace is that I did have to realize I wasn't super woman so I needed to either give up a few things, start incorporating the kids' help or die trying. Well I have learned to let a lot go...a.k.a housework!! I still strive for a clean home and do accomplish that most of the time but it has been me needing to say, "it's o.k, it's not the end of the world if it doesn't get done". On that note too my husband and I have both worked with our kids (2 and barely 4) so that they are learning to clean up for themselves. Intially this is extra work on our part but they are quick learners and you can always make a game out of it. Just having them know how to clean up their toys or make their own bed is a huge start. Our kids have been picking up their own toys since day one and now they both know how to make their beds. Not perfect mind you but it's a start. They have been taught where to put their dirty clothes, how to vacuum and mop and how and where to empty their own wastebaskets. They can put their clean clothes away and they know how to set the table for dinner, how to clean the table off after dinner and how to empty the clean silverware out of the dishwasher. Well I guess that's enough bragging but seriously if you'll take the time to work with them they will truly love you for it as they really want to be a part and Mom, you win in the end...before you know it they will be doing all the chores with minimal supervision and you can enjoy their productive- ness and the pleasure of a clean/organized home. Regarding working on your finances/bills etc. Again, may I suggest you incorporate your girls right along with the paying of the bills etc. I have been known to set down at the kitchen table with the kids, the bills, the calculator, stamps and the checkbook in tow. I let my oldest lick the envelopes and place the stamps on the bills. In the meantime, the youngest can draw on scrap deposit slips or other paper. Having fun stickers to use and cheapy envelopes are helpful to keep my little one busy while I'm able to get our bills paid. O.k, enough babble. I hope you find this helpful. God Bless You!

Whew...I'm not alone! I just became a stepmom to three kids and feel like all I do is prepare/shop for/clean up after/plan for meals! They are bottomless pits and say they're hungry all the time...even after eating a huge meal. Then there's all that laundry...sigh. I don't know how full-time moms do it. We only have them half the week and it is exhausting. They haven't learned to do any chores so it all rests on me and my husband til we come up with a way to get them to help out(and not create more mess or work for us! : )) Hopefully, it's getting better. I took out tons of cookbooks from the library that showed me how to cook and freeze food. I'm finding recipes that we all love and making 3 entrees at a time. Turns out it's often another 10ish minutes to make 2 more and saves so much time down the road. Plus, it's cheaper to buy the bigger sizes and use it all up. Lastly, I found a FREE site that helps with a cleaning and organizing schedule and sends out a weekly menu with recipes. It's at http://www.menus4moms.com/. Good luck...sending hugs!

Oh G.! Welcome to motherhood and what we all feel. We like to pretend that we are all put together to our friends but our kids are watching tv all day and getting icecream for dinner. First thing is first...decide what is the most important to you then be easy on yourself for the rest. I read the most wonderful book. "I was a Better Mother Before I had Kids" I highly suggest you get a copy for yourself. It is a pretty quick read and it helped me be a little easier on myself.
Lastly...are you getting time for yourself? I am a much better mother to my kids when I am getting me time and filling my own reserves. I am much more patient and loving when I take time to get my nails done and go to a movie every now and again.
Sometimes just knowing that the rest of us feel the same way is theraputic.

It is a hard job and a lot of responsibility but I am hearing that you might be depressed. You might want to talk to your doctor about that. I am a grandmother of 3 beautiful granddaughters but when I was a mother of 3, I went through a stage of depression. It did not last very long but my doctor prescribed me a very mild anti depressant that helped me. I think I took it for a couple of months and slowly went off of it and went back to my normal self and taking care of my 3 children and my husband our home was so much easier. Just a suggestion. Good luck.

First of all - don't worry and spend time with the kids. Life is too short. I used to stress about keeping the house clean and orderly etc. Did good after first one and then threw second one in and was doing daycare for 6 kids under the age of 5 in a condo. Then I was gifted a book entitled Sink Reflections and I learned to F.L.Y. Yes it is a book to read but it is a quick and easy read as I know you don't have time to read books. This one you will enjoy and then we implemented the zones etc. You will enjoy things so much better and made our house and life easier. Trust me - read this book!!

Sink Reflections by Marla Cilley - The FlyLady

Enjoy!
R.
www.upwithwellness.myarbonne.com

www.flylady.net

Hi G.,

It looks like you've gotten some great advice already. I too am a SAHM of 3 who are now 4 1/2, 2 1/2, and 1 1/2. The middle child is a boy, who has given new meaning to "a mess." For 8 months after the 3rd was born we had our house up for sale and it was supposed to be ready to show within 5 minutes at all times. HA! We had at least 3 showings following explosive diarrhea of the baby, who got every tummy bug out there. I, too, was irritable and exhausted, and dreaded ever leaving the house for fear of having to have it "perfect."

I agree that it is best to figure out what is most important and focus on that. With little to no help from hubby, it is difficult, but those are "survival" times. I usually try to do extra crafts and activities with the kids when hubby is gone so that they don't so much focus on having only one parent available. The house most certainly is a mess those times. I try to keep up with dishes, laundry, and the messes that are yukky! After breakfast and during cartoons works best for us. I'm always too exhausted to do much at night after the babies are asleep.

Having once been a type A almost obsessive compulsive organizer and cleaner, having 3 kids is a HUGE change. But, I feel this early childhood time is so important, and I will have a clean, organized house and life later! I do try to decrease clutter so that the kids aren't overwhelmed. The basket trick another mom mentioned is good. Also, I have a large pop up hamper that everything on the floor goes into at the end of the day (when I can) so that I can walk across the floor without injury! The kids just dump it out every day anyway, so I don't worry about my inner need to sort it all!

Also, as an ex-social worker, you are probably aware that there is an irritable depression - and post partum depression can be irritable rather than "typical." So, you may explore whether this is an issue for you.

Best wishes, and know that many of us are in the exact same boat!
L.

You sound just like me! I'm still struggling but this is what I have found helps A LOT:
FLYLADY.NET!!! It is absolutely AMAZING! She teaches you how to get your home and life in order.. ALL OF IT! and it's easy too. She has a way that makes you feel ok with yourself and how things are because you know it will get better. She focuses on BabySteps and building small habits and routines which makes it SO easy.
Then, I'm also taking anti-depressants for post partum depression and they make a HUGE difference. Before I got on them I almost couldn't even function. You say that you have been impatient and snapping at the kids, that's how I was before the meds but now I actually enjoy my kids. Maybe you should check that out to see if maybe you're dealing with ppd as well. If you are miserable, your kids will be too. You have got to take care of yourself.
Another thing that helps me is to go to the gym for exercise and put the kids in the onsite daycare. I've found that this gets me the exercise I need and my time to do something for myself (but I actually enjoy going to the gym, some people dont.) I am so much happier because of this.
Oh and regular date nights with your hubby! :)

You have 3 children 3 and younger, just feeding, cleaning and entertaining those children and surviving at the end of the day is a big accomplishment! You should give yourself credit for all the things that you do each day. Try not to dwell on what did not get done in your busy day, you don't need to do it all at once. As for other moms who seem to do it all and do it perfectly, they are either on drugs or going insane or lying about how perfect they are! I used to feel inadequate compared to a mom-friend of mine because she was in such great shape, her house was always clean, etc. Then she confessed to me that she felt like I was such a better mom than she was because I seemed so confident and happy when I was caring for my children. So you see we all comapre ourselves and wish we were more like so-and-so, but it is not nessesary or healthy for us to do that! As far as a scedule, that can be helpful, but rememebr to be flexable, there will be days when the scedule has to be changed or tossed out completely, and that is OK. I like to make simple to do lists for the week ahead, then I give myself the whole week to get it all done so I don't feel like I have to cram everything into one day. Remember to slow down and just enjoy time with you children when you are just hanging out coloring or playing with toys or reading books, those times are precious and are much more important than getting the house clean. Good luck and try to be less critical of yourself!

I don't know if you have a schedule or not but that's very helpful. I even have a list of what things I can clean that day because I would try to keep everything clean and would end up ignoring the kids. Plan a specific time or just a day that a certain thing needs to be done and don't do it if it's not on that day, that's hard for me to do but it freed up a lot of time eventually it's not going to be as hard because the kids will get older and be able to take care of themselves more or they will be in school and once they are in school that time with them at home is gone. They grow up so fast and you can never get it back so find a good schedule that works for you and your family and follow if you have to schedule specific times for every little thing like reading books baths whatever and when youj are frusterated take a little break even if it's a little one and you sit and try to ignore what's going on for a minute you also need time for yourself take time out at least once a week to go do something you enjoy, try to do it more often if possible and take some time to have a lone time with your hubby even if it's staying up a little later to watch a show you like together with a bottle of those white grape juice things to make it a little romantic life will go a lot smoother when you have a plan.

Good morning G.,
I love Joann's response, and she is so right... Good thing I read through a few so as not to be redundant! The blessing you have to be able to stay at home with your babies is something that you will treasure the rest of your life. My three are now 24,22 and 18... it flies to fast!!! Take lots of pictures, and don't take yourself too seriously!

There really cannot be too much structure except for the three year old... she should be able to understand naps and bedtimes.

When my daughter was three, ( now 18) she told me that she didn't want to take naps anymore... so, I said, 'ok'. &:-) Well.. that lasted about a week, and then when she was grouchy I explained to her that it was probably because she was tired..mommy gets tired sometimes to.... She then told me that she wanted to take a nap, and that was that... ha ha!!! Love those babies, girl! I miss when they were little... but now I have have two beautiful grandaughters from my oldest son to relive those days..

Also, I would like to add that it's important th realize that your mood reflects upon your children... if you are happy.. they will most likely be happy too. And, don't forget to take some time out for yourself!

I have 3 little kids too! For housework, I don't try to clean the entire house every day.

I have laundry day, grocery shopping day, floors and dusting day, bathrooms day, etc. As my kids start to get older, I have then help clean more and it is cleaner here.

I have tried many times to exercise at home but I found I have to go to the gym and put them in their daycare. If I get up early to workout, they wake up early and bug me.

I have to schedule times to be away from my kids or I get way too snappish. Everyone does, so don't beat yourself up for being snappy.

I try to organize closets and menu plan for a month so that I don't have to come up with a new grocery list every week.

I have a few rituals with my kids but don't freak out if they don't get done, like story time at nighttime. As long as I usually do it, and not always.

You have to lower your standards a little on some things that don't matter to maintain your own sanity. My kids used to take all the towels out of the pantry and kitchen drawers and play with them and throw them all over the floor every day. So I completely stopped folding anything like that and would just shove them in too. And they take their clothes out of the drawers and closet and throw them on the floor, so I hid most of them on the very top shelf and just shove the unfolded clothes back in the drawers because I don't want to spend my life folding.

Hope that helps!

Marci

I can relate! I am a SAHM of a 4 year old and 21 month old twins, they keep me going! This is what I do: Monday is cleaning day and Thursday or Friday is errand day. On Monday I do laundry, and do chores around the house. My 4-year-old has "chores" that he has to accomplish daily and he gets a quarter for each item each week. He feeds the cats, makes his bed, and picks up his toys. The twins love to help unload the dishwasher, and so they help by giving me the silverware (after I have already unloaded the sharp stuff). My husband also has chores, he has to load and start the dishwasher after dinner every night and mow the yard.

I make a list of everything we need, either shopping wise like groceries, or to pay bills. Write down the cost of everything and then put an extra $10-15 in for lunch with the kids. (I have it all on a spreadsheet in the computer). Then on Thursday or Friday we go out in the morning, run all our errands, while checking them off the list, stop off at McDonald's or a place like that, pick up some happy meals and go to the park and have them eat and play.

Tuesday, Wednesday, and the other day being either Thursday or Friday are reserved for "kid time" we either go to friends and play, play at home, do activities, go to parks, go to free events such as the Edwards free summer movies, etc. Enjoying the kids and doing activities with them is the most important. Sometimes the house gets messy, and you just have to say "oh-well" at least your kids know you love them.

Good Luck!!!

You have THREE kids under THREE!?!? You can choose to have a clean house or be a good mom --- but you can't have both --- in my opinion. It will get better once your kids are old enough to help clean. No one died wishing they kept a cleaner house. There's no such thing as superheroes so give yourself a break and enjoy your kids. And until your husband is around more to help --- he needs to just deal with it. You're not alone. Hang in there.

Welcome to the world of every other Mom out there! It isn't pretty and it is hard work, but it is rewarding. My hubby travels a lot, too, so those early years were very hard. The first thing to remember is that you are a Mother, not super woman. Those friends who do it all and seem to be fine secretly need therapy. ;o) Or, maybe they think that you are doing it all and trying to keep up with you--silly girl. Take a look at what you really need to do and then decide the level of importance for each thing. If a clean house is a must, can you hire a cleaning person? If surface clean will do and you can tackle one major chore a day, lower your stress level and go with it. I would clean the bathrooms one day and mop another, etc....If exercise helps you maintain your sanity, join a gym that offers childcare while you work out--community centers are usually the least expensive. As for time with the children, you cannot put a price on that. You will find that if your children know you will be there for them and spend time with them, they are more likely to be able to self entertain on occasion so that you can work on a few other things (finances, for example). They will reflect your level of unhappiness and stress, so it is important that you take care of yourself to be a good Mom to them. Parenting is honestly another whole ball game and so many of us don't realize that until it is too late--forget how structured a "job" outside the home was. Children can't tell time. It is also important to try to remember that right now, your children are the number one priority. If you like to get pretty for the day, have the girls get pretty, too. I can't tell you how much easier it was to grab some cheap light cosmetic colors and cool brushes for the little ones and have them do "makeup", too. It was actually cute...Even though mine are boys, they just wanted what I had. Make sure you spend your time teaching them how to be the kind of people you would hope they will become. So many of us just 'do' for them instead of being patient and teaching them. It is soooo hard, but eventually it becomes second nature. Do things like go to the park everyday at a set time. This gives them something to look forward to and the set time helps you say things like, "when we get home we are going start fixing dinner." You can even invite a neighbor child or two--maybe Mom will return the favor of free time. We went swimming in the summer every day at 4 PM. We met friends there and just played for an hour or two or three (depended on the kids). If Dad was in town, he would join us sometimes. It was great and my children became very water proficient. There are so many things you can do, but remember you aren't super woman and it is all about the children for awhile. They really do grow up fast! Just relax and know that the job description for Mom includes hard work, but no particular time frame or requirements other than raising children. Make sure you find time yourself and for dates and most of all...Don't be so hard on yourself...being a slacker in some areas can actually be very rewarding in others....:o)

G.,

That sounds completely normal. I don't have 3, but I have 2 less than 18 months apart. I only had a 1100 sq ft townhome in Los Angeles, but I could not keep it completely up for quite some time. My husband really had to help me out on specific things: he took over toilets (which can be difficult with 2 kids following you around), trash duty, misc grocery shopping (milk on Tuesday, tomato sauce and wine on Wednesday, etc.), also we do the major shopping expeditions as a team splitting up the kids.

As far as the stress, taking hot baths during Sesame street works (if you have a tv in your master bedroom--just lock them in with you). I also started journaling everytime I felt impatient. I would say mommy is getting frustrated please give me space. Sometimes if it is a temper tantrum that will not end that is pushing my nerves, I go to my room and close my door. I immediately have 2 kids sitting by my door and I can journal my thoughts and ideas on ways to handle it.

If you have the money, date night once a month at least helps. But also if you had someone come in for four hours a week it could help. I joined a gym with great child care, just so I would have a little break everyday. I would workout and sit in the sauna or hottub and then shower in peace! Also it was a chance to use the toilet without an audience!

I don't know if you are a member but in many areas (I am moving to Boulder, not there yet) there is great SAHM clubs with playgroups, Mom's night out, family activities....If you want a contact for one I have enjoyed in multiple states, just let me know.

Hang in there is gets easier! Write me anytime. Oh, finances I would make sure you have them computerized it will save you a ton of time and hassle!

R.

Don't be so hard on yourself. 3 preschoolrers take a lot of work.

When my kids were that age, I found that if I could get up an hour before they did I could enjoy 15 minutes of quiet and then spend 30-45 minutes like a tornado getting things done. It would make the rest of the day go so much better. (of course I had to get up at 5:30 to have time alone... but it really helped me keep my sanity)

also try to find a Mother's of Preschoolers group in your area. They're a great support group.

If you ever figure this out, feel free to share with the rest of us. You may know people who SEEM to have it all together, but do they really? Or are their kids truly happy and played with or are they not allowed to walk on the kitchen floor. When you signed up to have kids, you turned your house into a full time 24/7/365 daycare center. Enjoy it and clean up when their gone.

I know how it is. One thing that has helped me is flylady.net
She sayes you can do anything in 15 min. Give it a try, she helps set new routines to keep everything up.

I'm interested to see what advice you receive because I don't feel like I can keep up and would be interested to see how people do it!

only got one child, but this is what i do. play, have fun, don't worry, simplify, and do my stuff before he gets up, during naptime, while he's happy and self entertained, and after he goes to bed. I jog with the stroller, but my husband offers to watch our boy when he's home and i need a break.

G.,

I remember that feeling!

When I chose to be a SAHM I was amazed at how overwhelmed I would feel. For me, I was wanting the home to be clean and orderly all the time. After all I had all day to do it, so why couldn't it happen.

The best gift I gave myself was to enjoy the moment with the children. I love the poem about clean house can keep. Since all my children are now grow I don't have it handy any more.

Cherish the moments that you have with your children. I am not saying don't clean the house. I am simply saying remember why you chose to stay at home. It wasn't for the house.

With my whole heart,
C.

before mine were in school, I set aside one hour every morning at the same time - I used 8 to 9, right after breakfast. Whatever got cleaned, got cleaned - I focused on the "they'll take my kids away it's so gross" stuff and left the rest. Whatever didn't get cleaned, didn't. the kids knew that right after breakfast was cleaning time and they either stayed and helped (ugh nothing got done...) or disappeared into their rooms. It kept me focused as I knew that at 9, I would be done and be focused on the kids. I also tried to structure the week - one day was for art (crayons, playdoh), one was for music (CDs, lots of marching bands, lots of dents in my pots), one was for going out to museums/zoo, one was for library story hour, and one was for play dates. I don't think the kids noticed it but it kept me focused on exposing and enriching them as I wanted to. Take baby steps w/the schedule and it'll become routine easier - start w/meal times if you need to, then the hour for cleaning, then the weekly enrichment stuff - taking a week or two at each step. Also, enlist hubby on the housework and finances - the kids are more than a full-time job by themselves so he needs to help w/the housework, etc. If you've lost your patience it probably means you need more "me" time. Set aside one morning or evening each week (dependent on hubby's schedule or get a sitter) that's just for you - read books, whatever. also, make sure your hubby provides at least a 1/2 hour per day (say bathtime/bedtime routine or breakfast time) where you can go for a walk or exercise some way. It'll make a huge difference! Also, try spending a couple of nights per month in the basement w/earplugs in during the night to make sure you're getting enough sleep. Neither hubby or kids will die w/out you for one night and it'll be good for everyone. And welcome to the chaos of parenthood - I think it ends when the kids leave but since mine are 4 and 6 - I don't know!

Have a basket or container for everything you can. Have your kids help you, and teach them to have fun while cleaning and maintaining the house. I am a big fan of Clorox wipes as well. Don't stress if your house is messy. Get bins for all the toys. I organized mine by type: GeoTrax, Tools, Cars, etc. Don't expect to do all this in one day. Every so often work on an area of the home. look for sales on containers and then go to work getting that area super organized.

Eventually you will get into a schedule, and you will get faster at doing what you do all the time now.

I play with my kids while I exercise. I turn on my Ana Caban Pilates dvd and if the kids hop on for the ride I just chalk it up to greater resistance. They have fun, and I am starting to teach my 3 year old when to back off so I can still do the exercises. Also play with your children. They love to be flipped in the air. Well, mine do anyway. I lay on my back and let them lay on my legs and I flip them over my head. They are pretty agile and more aware of their physical environment and I think that has something to do with it.

Cooking - when the kids are all asleep, or when you get meat home from the store, cook it all and pack it in the freezer. I took one of the centsible nutrition classes (check your local university or department of family services) and they have a basic biscuit mix that comes in handy. I make it once a month and have it on hand for pizza and whatever else. Invest in a big kitchenaid food processor. My husband got me one when we first got married even though we were living in low income housing. I would be lost without it and never make half the healthy meals that I do now.

Reward your kids for being nice to each other and playing together.

As far as being patient, be sure you are getting enough nutrition, esp. if you are nursing. Take the kids to the sitter and go get a massage (or have hubby give you one), make sure you get some time out even if your husband is out of town. Don't just wait until you really really need it. It is good for your kids to learn to stay with someone else for short periods of time.

G. - Most moms feel like they can't keep up! We usually don't see the stress or challenges at home, so we think other moms do it all and whats wrong with me? So my first suggestion is to give yourself a big break. Most mom's don't keep their home spotless with the rooms dustfree, perfectly spotless glass, and absolutely no clutter. Just decide which things are MOST important (happy people is at the top!) and let go of some of the others for a bit.
Next, break things down into small tasks. Put a load of laundry in each morning and into the dryer after lunch. You can fold and put away in the afternoon - just one a day! Empty the dishwasher as soon as it's done if you can and then load dishes directly into it after eating. Little things like that can break up the work and feel less overwhelming. Have a scheduled time each week to pay the bills and take 30 minutes or less to do so (keep your checkbook up to date every time you write a check so that there isn't a bunch to do later.)
Involve the little ones as much as you can. I don't know the ages, but even a 18 month old can put toys in a basket if you make a game of it. They love to be mommy's little helpers!
Get some help! You need a few hours to yourself every week or so. The best thing I did was join a gym that has on-site child care. They are great with the kids, it gives me time to exercise, and I feel better all around. You can also enlist your husband in a few things - emptying the dishwasher or putting away the socks, or bathing the girls. He needs to especially be involved with the kids, even giving you an hour off to go do something. And he needs to give you attention!! (You may have to tell him this right out. Chances are he has no clue how difficult motherhood is!)
And find someone to talk to. A mother's group, or just talk time at a play group, can help you network with other women, get support and ideas, etc.

Oh, goodness...I just asked this question. I heard when you are working you either afford a cleaner or it is that your house isn't ask messy since no one eating and going in and out all day. at any rate I have come to three ornagizing advices: location, down size, and schedule. Location: Do a study to find out where things end up. So like shoes, they end up at the back door; so put a basket there. Have only (downsize) two shoes max. per person in the house in the basket. the rest needs to be on shelves by the door in the garage or,like your highhels, in labelled sweater boxes on the top shelve of you closet. Our toys ended up in the living roomsince we have a two story. so all soft dolls are upstairs but all other is down in living room. (downsize) we only keep enough toys to fill two drawers in a cabinet below our TV and then I have an antique card table (wood and sizes go down style) where two large bins with wheels on them from Target in the kid's decorating aisle for remaiing toys. They have chalk board fronts so each gets one. If it is over flowing, I go through and toss (sale). We have one other area that has three Little People house, barn, and garage and two large cars (one for each kid) and that is it. As they go to school and not home all day, toys will need to be in their rooms and brought up and down o play. So they are already organized in bis with handles that fit in the cabinets and closets..so it is easy to carry and move around. Lastly, one drawer will remain for games as those will be played as a family. so figure out your storage space, good bins, and a label maker. then all else needs to be sold or tossed. I go nto people's houses that have a whole room of toys and dolls. we don't have room for that and my kids really don't play with their toys that much anyway. they mostly dress up and run after each other playing house and stuff. So toss it. This also goes for your decorating. Go through your stuff...tear up your house for one week (make that limit and schedule when you will spend 30 minutes here and 30 minutes there..and one day when dad take the kids out to swim and lunch so you can finish.) Make one counter in your kitchen were you put herlooms, but too breakable to be out, herloom or precious and have to keep, I am not too sure, and the donates. Lay out all your knick nacks and get serious!!! Get a nice bin to label heriloom and fill with packing peanuts. Pack up your stuff wrapping and labeling as you go..paper towels and tape work fine. The sent up another box for stuff you will put out but don'e have room for right now. start decorating again with the keepers putting extras in the second box. Then all the rest is to be donated. Okay, that said, get rid of as many horizontal serfaces as possible like coffee tables. Put out baskets or serving trains on the horizontal surfaces to collect magazines or only put decorator stuff on. this makes cleaning a breeze. the less stuff you have, the better it looks, less likely it gets broken, and less time to clean. so of, course, I have more ideas (and need to write a book.) but lastly, make schedules. I clean up stairs well one week and just wipe up the down that week. then I mop the down and scrub the kitchen (go through toys if needed) the next week and just quick wipe the up (no vacumming unless necessary. Usually this is Mondays for me but can sometimes take three days if busy...but always force to get done by Wednesday. Schedule bill making too. Probably could do twice a week like Wed. and Sun nights (a lot seem to come on Saturday for me) Or if you know (and can change this) your due dates are all the same time...schedule two nights in a row right before to get it done. So schedule your life, but be flexible. Make it 30 minutes on and 30 minutes with kids. 2 hours on errands and one hour in the park for lunch following.... I have Thursday and Sunday nights are my TV nights no matter what (unless going out with the girls, of course.) Saturdays are usually hubby nights if he will stay up after kids in bed. I do a lot of work while watching TV too like wrting letters, filing papers, etc. good luck, take two weeks and schedule when you will complete an overhaul, donate half yor junk (or label and store it for later), and enjoy your simplified house and life. It will be hard, but then you will have more time with kids and less worried about how clean your house is...oh, start getting kids to clear dishes and stuff.

Although motherhood is new to me, I also find it hard to keep on top of everything. I find that praying helps. Also write down a daily schedule every night of everything you want to get done the next day include naps, breakfast shower, play time, shopping, and check off everything as you get it done. Don't expect everything to go perfectly, but as you check off the things it will help. I am very checklist oriented. Also try getting up even 30 minutes earlier every moring so you can have your workout and shower done before everyone else gets up. Take the kids for a walk and count that as exercise. I hope this helps a little. It won't be this crazy forever pretty soon you can start chore charts and things like that. Don't know if you have heard the song you're going to miss this. It is a country song. Listen to it, everytime my baby cries and I don't know if I can handle it I think of this song.

Kasey-A little about me. Married 3 years, 1 little boy 5 months, working 1 Full time JOb and 1 Part time job. My husband works 6 days a week.

Dear G.,

You have your hands full! I have 3 little ones too, but as they are getting older it is getting easier. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. One thing that has helped me a lot is www.flylady.net. This website is wonderful for helping you establish routines for both yourself and your kids and stay on top of the most important chores. There is a lot of encouragement and guidance along the way as establishing new or different habits is a slow process. It is free and you will receive emails from them to help you along.

Keep in mind you are at a point where you have to do almost everything for your girls so other things are not going to be perfect or even where you might like them. That is the hard part, but as your kids see you doing things in a new and fun way they will be excited to help you.

As for the short temper, I have the same problem! I try to keep telling myself that they are little and they are learning and growing every day. Try not to expect them to behave as older children. Someday you will be pleasantly surprised at their progress! My oldest just turned 7 and he doesn't volunteer for doing a lot, but he is cooperative if I ask for his help and can do more and more on his own.

I wish you the best and look forward to reading some of the ideas of the other moms! Keep us posted and stay on your knees. God knows our heart for our kids and the struggles we have.

L.

I read something in a magazine the other day. I'm going to totally butcher it, so I'll just tell you the point. It was a mom who used to be on top of things, but now she just muddles through. No one else can tell she's muddling, so what's the big deal?
Yah, that totally butchered it. But it's true. You say that you know people who do it all, but maybe that's just what you think! Other people's lives always look nicer and neater than they really are.
For example, I have a hard time keeping things neat and tidy in my house. My college roommate doesn't, even though she has a bigger house and more kids. She also gets up and works out every morning before her kids wake up. Well guess what? She also has OCD, which is why her house is always so clean and why she's obsessed with her body image. So why can't I be just like her? Because I don't have the disorder she has.
Now, before you think I'm being mean to her, I actually do have a disorder. I have fibromyalgia. And I feel guilty and embarrassed when people see my messy house. But I can't do it all. I have no energy. So I have learned to let things go.
There's a poem that goes around in emails. I'm going to butcher this one too. But it says something about the perfect mom. How she gets the kids to school on time with all their perfect science projects, makes snacks for t-ball, cookies for the bake sale, finishes her scrapbooks, has a clean house with sparkling toilets, and then....she died.
I'm not saying that you shouldn't do your best, but know your limitations. And realize that you aren't the same person you were before. Now you're a MOM!!! And that is the most important thing. Your kids are more important than the dishes or the laundry.
You can check out websites like FlyLady to help you get organized. One thing she says is to do something for 15 minutes, with a timer. And when the timer rings, you stop. You'll have to read it on her website (flylady.com). Or someone I know said that they do whatever they want for 50 minutes, then work for 10 minutes. I haven't tried it, but they seem to get things done.
Sorry, now I'm rambling. Just don't be too hard on yourself. Try to let go of some of the stress and embrace your new life. Then decide which things are the most important to you and focus on those.

Maybe check out flylady.net I'm the same way, but check that out and see if it will work for you :)

Oh, do I feel your pain!! I have three kids as well a 12 year old boy who is super active a 2 year old girl and a 5 month old son. I work as well from my home and own my own business. It is so crazy here that I had laundry in baskets that was clean for over a week!!! I realized I had not vaccumed my house in over a week, and the kitchen never stays clean!!!! I used to be super anal about keeping my house clean and it started to depress me aftrer my last was born, I would look around and see everything that needed to be done and just could not manage to get anything done!! I have gotten better at learning to let things go- and not to put the added pressure on myself. I have decided that we as women tend to take on too much, and realized that something needs to give. I am trying to enjoy my time with my kids more since this is what I am meant to do right now. I have decided to quit working so I can focus more on my responsiblities at home. Take a deep breath and just learn to take it all in ( easier said than done sometimes) It will get easier- when they leave the house ;-) then you will miss all the craziness! Hope it gets better, God Bless you!

When my children were younger I would swap with my friends who had children. One day a week I would take her kids so she could do housework, groceries, ect. Mostly Tuesdays. This is the day that we would have a Kids day Out. We would go to the park, movies, ect. My day was always Thursdays. My husband works construction so he would be home early on Fridays so I wanted the house to atleast look okay. That day I would get groceries and clean up. Now that my children are older I have a list of every room in the house. Each room we pick up on a certin day. If anything is out of place any other day my children are in charge of picking it up and puting it away. It takes alot of work. Good Luck

First of all, give yourself a break. Three kids under three years old is a LOT of work and responsibility!!! I don't know what super-human friends you have that are able to keep their lives together with children those ages, but you CAN'T compare yourself to them! My Lord, I have a 4 year old and an almost 2 year old, and I can't keep my life together most days. I do keep a fairly clean house, but ONLY because we just moved in 6 months ago, and I didn't bring in most of our old junk...if it didn't have a place in the new house, I pitched it. It's easy to keep the house clean when there isn't much in it.

Try to keep your To-Do list short. Somebody told me that if you keep your expectations low, you won't be disappointed! Haha. Seriously, though, it's silly to set your goals too high. You can't do all the things you used to do before you had children. So decide on one big job a day, to do when the kids are napping or otherwise occupied, and then call it good. For exercise, walk with the kids in a stroller (they make a triple seated one). Your husband may be gone a lot, but he can still take care of some things, like the finances.

I think you are probably stressed and impatient because you are trying to take on too much. Try to enjoy your kids and get done what you NEED to, but let some things go. You'll be so much happier!

I think what you are experiencing is very normal. I have a few ideas for you, and I hope something helps.

You may want to talk to your doctor about anxiety... medication can help you with "snapping nerves" and impatience.

I would also recommend finding friends to trade with, or a mom to come buy 2-3 hours per week, or if you are in a position where you can afford help, pay someone to come help out 2-3 days per week for a few hours. In the summer time when there is no school, pay a 10 or 11 year old $2 per hour to be a "mother's helper" while you focus on projects or give yourself a little break.

I have 3 kids 5 and under including a 9 month old. I found a friend that has a lot of skill with organizing and helping with various tasks around the house. At first my husband was so embarrassed that someone we know would see our messes. I didn't even know where we would start. She has helped me so much. I pay her $12 per hour (I think it's a win-win situation). Ask around and see if there is anyone who might be able to help you.

Enlist your husband's help. Let him know you want to create a home atmosphere that is orderly and a haven for all, but that right now you need his help to make that happen. Ask if he can take responsibility for specific tasks. For ideas, check out Desperate Households by Kathy Peel... she has a lot of good ideas.

Get to bed at a decent hour and up by 7... try your best to be on some kind of schedule, tell God about your dillemmas and your goals and desires. Ask Him how you can accomplish those things... keep plugging away and asking for help.

At some point you will look back triumphantly for having made it through some very tough years. You will be stronger for it all!

Hi G.,

I am in a similar boat as you with feeling overwhelmed at times. I only have one right now, but am working 30+ hours per week. I can relate with you on the getting stuff done part.

Just remember what an awesome mom you are putting other stuff on the back burner to spend time with your kids. Kids are a gift. I think if you enjoy them every thing else will fall into place. Be easier on yourself and enjoy your time with your kids. After all they are all yours only for a while.

Take Care

I also have 3 under the age of 3, WAHM (run my own business) and am also losing my mind-- seat of the pants, nerves and all--

Let me know when you find a solution! Just letting you know you aren't alone! :)

My Third one threw me too! Stop and breathe, breathe. Take a few minutes for yourself, the Mom is the "Big toe" of the family. Where you lead, they follow. Don't be quite so worried about a perfect schedule. If you are spending time with your kids while you excercise, clean house, do a few things, you can make it work. Having three children even under five is a huge responsibility just to keep up with. You may not be able to do all you did before.

I am a night person, so for me it worked to take time for myself at night after kids were in bed to make my lists, finish a few unfinished chores and then have a bubble bath or shower. My husband was good at putting the kids to bed or giving a nightime bottle if needed. I breast fed all but one bottle so he could help feed them too. (He liked to be a part of it all, and it helped if we ever needed to be gone during a feeding.) He often would take the 6:00 am feeding before he went to work so I could sleep before getting up with the other one or two.

Find what works for you and don't be afraid to ask for help. If a Mom, sis, or friend offer to take the kids to give you a break, TAKE it! It will be good for all of you. Don't forget to spend a little time with hubby if you can, even getting a neighbor to watch while you grocery shop is almost like a date if you can do it together!

Just because you don't do everything you used to doesn't mean you fail. We all have some idea in our heads of the "perfect Mom". Your kids will still think you are perfect even if you don't do all the things you might "want" to do. I used to put on music and let the girls "dust" with old socks on their hands, or sweep with a kid sized broom, while I vaccuumed. They can help take things to their proper place, help put away groceries, pick up toys, sort laundry by color. It may not be perfect but you did it together and taught them as well.

Another thing that helped me a LOT is I found a "Moms" or MOPS group, Mother's of Preschoolers. The Mom's get to visit together and learn helpful tips or find out about pediatricians or other helpful people in your area. The great thing is you get a break and so do the kids. They get to visit with "grandparent" type people or volunteers who love kids and want to give you a break. My girls called it "grandma school" and loved to go there. It also got them used to not being just with me all the time. They still have great memories!
God Bless you all!

P.S. one of the poems is:
Cleaning the House while your kids are growing is like
trying to shovel while it's still snowing. Ha Ha ;)

I was also thrown for a loop when I had children and I think it got worse when I became a SAHM. Flylady is a great resource. She advocates routines. Once those routines became habit, we no longer have to live in CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome). Her website is Flylady.com. Check it out. Even if you don't follow her rountines, it may give you some ideas. You can also check out Organzied Home.com

G.,
First you need to give your self permission to have things different than when it was just you and your husband. Moterhood is all about letting go of unimportant things and reordering your priorities. I worked full time as a teacher the whole time my kid were little and there are a few things I learned that might help you.
1. pick a planning time. I used early Saturday morning while the kids were watching cartoons. Plan your meals for the week, get shopping list and chore priority list made. I found a half hour of planning saved me three or four hours of work later.
2. Pay the bills the day the paycheck comes in, either on line or at your desk or table. Pick a spot and keep them there until payday. Take the kids for a slurpee when you go to the post office to mail them.
3. Find a couple of 13 to 15 year old girls in your nieghborhood who would like to earn money doing chores with you. Set aside 2 hours when Dad takes the kids, or they are occupied with a video to do the basics on your house with your clean team. Kids that age really can't hold a job and are generally really motivated by 5 or 6 dollars an hour. If you work beside them, you get it all done the way you want in record time and they will feel great about the extra spending money.
4. Exercise in the morning. It is the only way it gets done. If you can do it before the kids get up, you are happier and more centered all day. If not, get a babysitter and a girlfriend and go walk the neighborhood before dinner. You will feel much better.
5. Get a wipe off calendar and put it on your fridge. On Sunday, have a calendar meeting with your spouse. Write in separate color his appointments, your appointments, family events and kid responsiblities. This will become even more crucial when your kids are teenagers, so start practicing now.
6. Keep your sense of humor and enjoy the ride. these are the good times !!!!

Have fun,
E.

This is totally normal, but there are few things you mention that send up a few red flags. You have 3 kids aged 3 and under, your husband works a lot, your are irritable, and you are having a hard time feeling motivated to keep up despite really wanting to. I was like this when I had my third child. After about a year of uncharacteristic irritability and no motivation I finally figured out it was post-partum depression. By the time I realized what was going on I was pretty much over it. One of the primary triggers for ppd is stress combined with a baby. It can take a few months to settle in too. Three small kids and a husband who is gone a lot creates a lot of stress. Talk to your doctor about it. I really wish I had. I was not a very good wife or mother while it was going on and I regret not taking care of it so that I could give my family what they needed and deserved; particularly one daughter who really needed a patient and caring mom during that time.

Just put one house chore a day on your list per day of the week. I do vacuuming upstairs on Mondays, Tuesdays dust the house, Wed scrub down the kitchen, Thursdays do bathrooms, Fridays change all the sheets. Daily I do laundry, take out the trash and keep the kitchen picked up. I do not spend more then 40 minutes per day on chores. For excersise, get your kids involved, doing leg lifts with your kids on your legs is a favorite around here, taking them for a walk, running at the park, bike riding with them in a trailer in the back or so on. Everyone has days we are low on patience, whomever thinks being at home all day is easy is full of a lot of words I won't type on here!!! :)
It is exhausting, make sure you are hydrated all day, make sure you get good sleep, don't sweat the small stuff and laugh with your kids daily.
I try to remind myself things can wait, to laugh and tickle with my kids, to get a good laugh for no reason at all as they say the funniest things sometimes. I try not to get to upset about the playroom disassters and offer to help and race to see who can clean up fastest, I try to remind myself they are young once and certain things can wait.
Not staying hydrated causes me to be cranky, take Vitamin B supplements and take care of yourself. There is no sin in taking a nap when they do!!!! :) Read your favorite magazine at naptime or indulge.
As far as finances and so on, enlist your hubby to take the girls all to himself a few hours so you can have time to do it, or have him do it! :)
Someone said to me noisy kids means happy kids (unless it is crying of course) so to not stress about noise or them being loud but relish it as they grow up fast!!! Smart person! :)
Make sure you get a sitter and have date night with your hubby and have time with your own friends too!

The first thing you need to do is breath.
If you relax about your life not being as structured as your work place you will find that things will be alot easier.
You are way to hard on yourself.
Yuo have three children under 3 years of age. That in itself is a magnificent feat.
Put your girls in a play area after breakfast in the morning and do what you can, such as make beds, do the dishes.
Make it a fun time with your girls, let them help.
If your house is not perfect, that is ok.
While your daughters are napping, make out bills.
But stop beating yourself up. Life is not that hard.
If you try to relax and breath girl, you will find yourself less likely to snap at the ones you love.
Take care and good luck.

My mom told me once - "If you've accomplished one thing that day, then you've had a good day." I've kept that in mind and it's really eased my stress. Just figure out what's most important for you that day and don't worry about the rest of your list if you don't get to it. But if you do accomplish more - Good Job!

I think that the thought that you can be a super, do-it-all kind of Mom is the biggest myth that so many people buy into. You can't do it all or you are going to burn out! Those people who "can do it all" are likely sacrificing something that perhaps shouldn't be sacrificed. Are those type of people spending quality time with their kids? Or are the kids ignored while mom scrubs the house top to bottom while the kids hit each other?

Schedules are important, but don't get obsessive compulsive about it! Watch what your kids like to do and build a schedule from that. I like to work on one room on a certain day of the week or in phases. Perhaps I will clean the tub on Monday and then on Tuesday I'll wipe down the counter. Usually I like to do most of the room in one day and then leave the smaller things for other days, especially if I have run out of time to do the smaller things.