I Cant Believe the Aren't Coming! REALLY!??!!

I was going to suggest you inviting friends over so good for you! I'd learned long ago that sometimes friends are BETTER than family. It's their loss. Don't give it another thought and Happy Thanksgiving!! :)

Wow - that is terrible! What inconsiderate people. I agree with Jessica and One and Done...that your husband should say those exact words to them. I think your attitude is great though and you WILL make it a wonderful Thanksgiving despite their actions!

My brother-in-law is notorious for not showing up, or coming late. Right now, it's two days before Thanksgiving and I'm waiting for him to tell me whether his family of five is coming. We do a sit-down dinner so if I don't hear from them and they show up we'll be five place settings short. They told my SIL they might come for appetizers or dessert. Huh? If you can't make the dinner just don't bother.

Last time I hosted Christmas (again, big sit-down dinner) I was told the night before that my SIL was bringing her MIL along and the other SIL was bringing her (separated) husband. That's two more people, two more place settings. I was OK with them coming, but a little notice would have been nice. They both told my MIL to pass along the word rather than call us directly. I think that's the same year, BIL didn't come and he, too, call MIL who - get this - apparently told him NOT to call us because we would be too busy getting ready for the dinner.

I tend to complain to my husband about it. I think it's his job to deal with his family. All you can do is enjoy who is able to come, let your in-laws know they were missed.

They sound like @$$holes.. If I were your husband I'd tell them exactly that. I can't even imagine.. I can't imagine these people are much fun to be around anyway, make the holiday as fun as you can and don't count of them being a part of your traditions, so sad! You have every right to be pissed off!

UGH!!!! No, I cannot believe it. SHAME ON THEM!!! I love your attitude about the whole thing, though. I think your Thanksgiving will be even more wonderful than you had hoped BECAUSE they won't be there.

I also think that this sort of behavior should NOT be allowed to slide. They need to hear from your family (probably your husband) that they hurt you. I have copied and pasted what "One and Done" suggested be said to the in-laws. They NEED to hear it!

"You know, you guys accepting that other invitation really hurt all of our feelings. Your grandchildren were so looking forward to having their grandparents here for dinner. N. invited you 3 weeks ago and you waited for and accepted another offer. She has planned and shopped for this. All of our feelings are hurt and we feel disrespected."

Happy Thanksgiving to you!!!!!!!

I haven't experienced this exact situation but can assure you that my inlaws would do the same thing and I know exactly how you feel and how bad you feel for your children. :-(

Never make someone a priority when they only make you an option! -That's a quote from somewhere, and it rings true in life a lot. Family and friends are all about you (in this case, being invited over) UNTIL something better comes along. A better invite? Something closer to home? Who knows. I have some shady friends who rsvp to things and flat out no show, no call, no text. Nice, eh?

I guess be glad they let you know...? Can you think of anyone that would love to have a place to go for Thanksgiving? You can share your meal that you have already paid for with someone who might not have plans yet. Invite others!!! You might just get surprised!

There must be someone who either works with you or your hubby or goes to your church or lives in your neighborhood that will be alone this weekend or can't afford a nice dinner. Invite them, they will appreciate the family atmosphere and good food. When you contact your in - laws about getting together for Christmas tell them to please let you know right away if they can't come because you have others you can invite if they don't want to come.
I would also call them and say something like Bill and Susan from the office were so thrilled to have dinner with us on Thanksgiving. It's so nice the way things worked and you couldn't make it.

Oh I have a story for you. The first year our daughter was born, it was my inlaws year for us to spend Christmas at their home..

At Thanksgiving my MIL told me that "since NO ONE was going to be in town for Christmas, She was not going to do anything. No tree, no holiday meal. "

I was standing there holding her first Grandchild and the only person that was not going to in town for Christmas was her daughter, She was going to spend Christmas with her Boyfriends family..

She continued to say this every year to me that her "daughter and her now husband and children are not going to be with here, so" She was "just not going to celebrate. There was no reason to go to all of that trouble..".

This is another reason I no longer speak with her.. I encourage my husband and daughter to go and see them as possible

Get this.. Thanksgiving this week? Will be at her home on WEDNESDAY for LUNCH.. My husband was invited, but since he WORKS! He will not be able to join them. Why are they holding Thanksgiving on Wed at Noon?

Because her daughter is going to her husbands family Thanksgiving, so MIL "is not doing anything Thanksgiving day since no one will be there!!! Amazing.

Ugh - inlaws! I'm sorry that they did that to you and your family - that's very rude! Unfortunately my inlaws do this for every holiday (well sorta) - both of my husbands brothers live out of state while we live about 30 minutes from them (the inlaws). Each and every holiday we are expected to be at while the other sons don't even bother trying to come in! The only time we get a 'pass' is if the inlaws actually get invited to one of the other son's houses for a holiday which is very rare. It just so happens that they are going to see one son for Thanksgiving and the other for Christmas! My husband and I always host Christmas Day and there's always an open invite but when we mention it to them they simply say 'We'll see' which basically says lets see who else invites us. There have been years that they've chosen to go to friends homes over spending Christmas Day with us. I used to get upset and angry but now I simply remind myself that it's their choice and they'll be missing out on spending the time with their grandkids! Plus another bonus is more time with my family =)

Use that turkey up, freeze it in freezer bags and you have lots for the next few months, yum! Or invite another family over.

As for the inlaws, I'd let it slide. You never know the deep rooted reason they decided to go to take this other family's invitation, it could be anything. And yes, this has happened to us too. It does hurt, but not much you can do! Don't let it ruin your holiday or your relationship.

Enjoy your drama free Thanksgiving :)

ooh man!! I'm sooooo sorry!! Sounds like the day will be better off without them.

I like what Holly Beth said - never make them a priority when they only make you an option.

Eat and enjoy the family that IS there. Toast to the missing family's good health and hope they are having fun. Don't let them ruin your family time!!

I'm soooo glad to read that you are not letting them ruin this!! YOU GO GIRL!!!

We've had relatvies do this. Only it wasn't any of our parents, and it wasn't the holidays. But it WAS family we invited to entertain for dinner and our kids really looked forward to having them over. We went out and bought tons of food, made plans, and then have had them cancel at the last minute. We just know we cannot count on certain people. If we see them, great. But it's too much to get the kids all pumped up for plans with them because it so often doesn't work out. We expect it now, but we have learned to shield our kids from the disappointment.

What?!? I would be mad too. I guess if they had told you yesterday BEFORE you bought the turkey, I wouldn't be so irked.

Yes I've had this happen. We had planned a girls-inlaw holiday shopping trip. Hubbys were watching the kids, I was super excited. My SIL was supposed to be at my house at 9am. She lived an hour away, the others live super close. 930 comes. 10a comes. I call her to see when she'll be here. She NOT coming. Oh something came up, I'm not coming. Well ya could've called! I lost 2 hours of 'me' time waiting for her.

My relatives, including my Grandmother were traveling from NY to FL. They had to go past the house. There is a restaurant right off the highway where we sometimes meet up. Its only 15min from my house. So we planned to meet up with them around lunch time. I was super excited. My daughter was 6m old and my Grandmother hadn't met her. We waited for them to call when they were in the area. When they called, it was to tell us that they had gotten a late start and so they weren't going to stop for lunch at THAT restaurant. But I want you to meet your Great-Granddaughter! Sorry, your Uncle says he's not stopping. They didn't stop. I was SO hurt. It took me 5 years to get my daughter down to visit Grandma. Then it was only for a day, and she only said 3 words to my daughter because she was in a sort of old age depression (she was 93 by then). If only they'd stopped 5y ago.... My Grandma passed last Sept.

I am at a loss....I have had something similar but not this bad. I am hurting not only for your kids, but for you too. You tried to do the right thing, and they completely disrespected you. I have never hada problem calling out my in laws on stuff and I hope that when you have the chance and can compose your thoughts you can tell them how you feel. It doesn't have to be mean, but be honet. If you don't say something they will assume treating you like this is acceptable. I am just so sorry, remind them that their actions speak louder than words, them not being there says VOLUMES to your children!

N., I'm so sorry they are hurting you. My in-laws think the road only runs one way.

You know what? If everyone worked the way I do, they'd never get all caught up in this kind of drama. I get 2 days off per year, Thanksgiving day and Christmas day. I value that little bit of time so much I could NEVER get all caught up in who will be here or who's making the turkey or what time we'll eat.

My hope and prayer for everyone on this site is that you'll just go with the flow and enjoy. It's all about grattitude right?

I'm so sorry your in-laws are a$$holes. Because that's what they are, pulling a stunt like that. I hope you don't let them ruin your holiday. Go make that delicious feast and enjoy EVERY minute of your Thanksgiving and don't give them another thought!

N.,
No, you will NOT let them ruin this day for you. Don't allow it! Stick with your plan for music, cooking and fun.

Sometimes keeping our traps shut goes a long way......BUT, I do also believe there is a point when you have to express yourself and make your voice heard. We are not supposed to be happy being disrespected doormats.

I don't think there is anything wrong with your husband (or you--depending on your relationship) saying to them (using your husband as an example here):
"You know, you guys accepting that other invitation really hurt all of our feelings. Your grandchildren were so looking forward to having their grandparents here for dinner. N. invited you 3 weeks ago and you waited for and accepted another offer. She has planned and shopped for this. All of our feelings are hurt and we feel disrespected."

And remember N.--next year you will be a year older and a WHOLE lot wiser! Hope you have a great holiday with your family!