I Am Not a Mom but I Have Read Some of Your Comments

I think you are very wrong in taking her car away. What was the reasoning behind it? What good do you think it is going to do? If you think it's going to make her think "oh, dad took my car away so I'm not going to see this boy anymore"...you're wrong. You are just pushing her away. You need to be a positive influence in her life and be there as much as you can for her. Yeah, she has made some wrong decisions, but everyone does. If you know this boy is bad for her then you just be as supportive as possible and soon enough she will learn what's good for her and what's not. Oh, and you can NOT make her talk to you. You will just push her away. You need to be a positive, supportive influence in her life. You can point her in the right direction, but you can't push her.

Hi M.,
I am just trying to think back to being that age and how stubborn I was and how I knew EVERYthing! My dad could talk to me easier than my mother could, but even so, I knew everything. If I were to suggest something to you, it would be to really grit your teeth (and I know how hard this will be) and try to approach her from an "ok with all this" stance just for a while. Try to get into her mind. Be her friend and then maybe gently try to coax her from that position. Being mad at her is going to just drive the wedge deeper. She needs some voice of reason here but not if it comes with judgement because then she will just tune you out. I know this is so hard. Let us know how things are going and good luck.

I got pregnant while I was in college to my boyfriend who is now my fiance (wedding is in september!). Telling my dad was the hardest part of it all. I waited so long to tell him, because I knew that it would not go over well, and belive me it didn't. So take it from the girl who was on the opposite side of you, all she wants is your support. Of course she knows that having a baby isn't easy, and maybe not the smartest move at this point in herlife but she believes that she can make it. I agree with a previous posting, approach her as a friend. You need to be the one that starts talking first. Tell her that your sorry for getting so upset, but it was a shocker. Be sure to ask her how she believes she will handle it, and tell her you will help in anyway you can. Don't forget to mention that you love her anyhow! Buying her a book is a wonderful idea, it will help both of you to know what changes she will be going thru. I recomend The Pregnacy Bible by Stone, MD and Eddleman, MD. This will also show her that you have taken an interest in her. I know when my dad finally started asking about due dates, and would call me when he knew I had a doctors appointment to see if everything was ok with the baby- it made me feel better. It let me open up more to him knowing that he was trying to take an interest. About the shady boyfriend, she will eventually come around. You can't scold her for being with him it will only make things worse. Tell her your just not sure of him and to protect her heart, because you don't want to see her get hurt.
In general the best thing to be is just there for her. Good Luck, I hope all ends well.

Hi M.
When I was 15 I went in search of men's love, thinking that sex was the answer. I ended up pregnant and losing the baby. I was sad but it was actually a blessing in disguise. I really needed my dad to love me anyway. Just keep loving her and keep letting her know that you love her. Yes, she is pregnant but you still love her and she still needs her daddy. She will eventually find out the guy is a creep...we all do. But the important thing to remember is you cannot change the past with her, you can only make the future better. Just don't give up hope, and don't give up on her.

Support. Even when it goes agaist the very fiber of your bones, offer her your unconditional, un-judgemental love and support. If the boy is truly not a good person, she will eventually see the light of day. But she has to find this out on her own, because as a teenager, my dad could try to tell me things, and I would do the exact oppsite because he "didn't know anything about love." (Lord know that there's times I wish I would have listened to him now!)

Taking her car away and not talking to her because you found out that she was pregnant is not logical to me. She needs you, whether or not she'll admit it. And taking the car away is kind of like closing the barn door after the horse has already gotten out. The damage is done, and hopefully in the end, you'll have a beautiful grandchild to cherish.

I am a mother to four a 19 year old son, and 16, 13, 11 year old girls. I have been going through the same thing with my 16 year old daughter. She was dating a guy who i thought was nice but as days went by I could see he was wanting one thing. To my surprise he had already gotten it. I cut off all ties between them. The only thing different is I was in her face all the time. I really upped the family time. More dinners at the table, movies at home and at the theatre, bowling etc. At first she just sat there but she finally gave in. Then within a few weeks she found out he wasnt going to wait for her forever and he had moved on with another girl. Several actually, I got to hear Mom you were right. I didnt want to see her heartbroke, but now she knows I am only looking out for her. I was already a mother by the time I was her age and I really beat it into their heads it is not an easy road. Just because she is pregnant doesnt mean she needs to stay with him. I waited almost two years before I married the father to my child and then divorced him 4 years later. It has been a long road but I am now married to the man of my dreams 12 years after my first child was born. A very bumpy road. Just keep telling her you love her and everything you do is for her best and the childs also. It will be hard but it can be done. Good Luck

I have a three year old, so I may be very unqualified to give advice about a teenage girl. But I did used to BE a teenage girl, and I know that what I wanted from boys at this age was attention and love, and if I was with someone who gave enough of this, I wouldn't have cared what my Dad thought either. I think you should tell your daughter that she is a wonderful person and that she does not have to seek attention from these types of guys. Since she's already pregnant, you will still have to deal with him but maybe with your encouragement you can convince her to believe in herself and find someone who is good for her and her baby, when she is ready..I bet you'd be suprised to know how much she still needs your love and attention.

We've had dads on here before, and we're all more than happy to help out with some advice. As awful as it is that she's gotten herself pregnant, you really have no choice at this point but to accept her and tell her how much you love her and that you and her will get through this together. As far as the boyfriend goes, give it time and let her find out on her own about him. It will happen, but it may take time. If you try to intervene, you will only be pushing her farther away from you and right into his arms. Teenagers have such a rebellious attitude when it comes to their parents saying that they can't do something or can't see someone. It will hurt to see it happen, but she will end up seeing what he really is sooner or later. In the meantime, just try to keep your lines of communication open by asking her how she's feeling, or reminding her you love her, and maybe offer to go to her doctor's appointments with her. You could also maybe buy a couple of special things for her that have to do with the baby, like a baby book where you record everything that happens during your pregnancy and after the baby is born. Anything that lets her know that you accept and love her, pregnant or not pregnant. Buy her the book "What to Expect What You're Expecting" and tell her if she has any questions, you'd love to try and give her an answer. Just don't push her. Her hormones are already crazy since she's a teenager, and on top of that, dealing with the new hormones that come along with pregnancy. It's very easy to feel alone and scared when you're pregnant, even if you are surrounded by people who love you. You feel like noone could possibly understand that you just feel alienated, and sometimes feel like crying for no reason at all. Be very patient, and have faith in yourself. As far as taking away the car goes, it's totally on you, but I don't think that a "punishment" is the best way to handle an unexpected pregnancy. What she needs is support, and you taking her car away is not going to solve anything at this point. Right now, the only thing you can do is move forward from here by making a plan on how you're going to get things that the baby will need, schedule doctor's appointments, and how you're going to help her both emotionally and physically. I would explain to her that you didn't mean to take the car away, you just were so blown away by her announcement that you felt like there needed to be some kind of action, but you hadn't figured out what that action needed to be just yet. Now that you've had some time to think about it, you just want her to know that you are not mad at her, you just wish that she had been more responsible because she's now put herself in a position where things are going to be hard for her. But that doesn't mean that she has to give up anything, it just means that things are going to take a little more planning now. Make sure that she knows that she can still accomplish all the same things and that you will help her in anyway you can. Things will work themselves out, just give it some time and LOVE HER...