I lost my dad last Tuesday sort of suddenly. He was 77 and had a fall and I thing the shock to his system caused him to pass away. The problem is my mother has terminal cancer as well and I know that we have to prepare to bury my father as well as worry about my mother. I know I need to face this new reality but can anyone suggest how I can cope with all of the stress? I am in fact coping pretty well but am afraid that I will suddenly fall to pieces and I need to stay strong for my mother.
http://www.mylbc.info/index.php?categoryid=13
hello- this is a great program w/great people-best of luck at this time-M.
Wow. I can't imagine what you are going through and I have been blessed so far not to have lost either parent. I can't imagine. My parents are in their early 70's and I know it will come some day. I just wanted you to know I read your note, feel for you and will be thinking of you. All I can say is trust in the Lord and pray. it's about all you have at this point. There are grieving support groups too. You can probably find them online and if not, call your local hospital and ask. Sorry for your loss
I feel for you,and am sorry for you loss, my father passed away from cancer in July.You may feel like you doing ok but if those days come when it hits you don't get down on yourself for breaking down.The first of any special days are going to be hard. Try to prepare yourself as best you can...is your mother involved with hospice?becaues they have some really good support groups and counseling.For a little while you might think you can handle everything,my father passed away in the middle of the school quarter,so how I managed to come out with A's that quarter,but the next was so different dealing with his birthday, Thanksgiving,&Christmas. You'll be in my prays
Although I havent lost either parent, my husband lost both his real father to a car accident and step father to liver cancer in less than a year. Overall, he dealt with it pretty well, but it was times that it got the best of him. To me it appeared that talking about what his feelings were towards the whole situation seemed to help. When we speak about even until this day, we be sure to mentiong the positives things that they had done. it just seems to make him feel relieved. So I would suggest talking it out with someone whos going to really listen and let you vent. A lot of times thats just what people need. I am praying for you. I hope this helps.
Let me just say first off that I am so sorry for your loss. My husband and I have been through quite a bit of loss in our short married life (been married almost five years and have lost both his parents, and a grandmother whom we were all very close to) His dad had MS and died in 2003 (a year after we were married ), his grandmother (who was 92) passed shortly after his father and then his mother was diagnosed with liver cancer shortly thereafter and passed away in 2005. The only advice I can give is to talk to those around you and keep lines of communication open. Losing a parent at any age is hard and there is no easy way to deal with it. Everyone handles grief differently and it comes and goes in waves. My husband is a very strong man, but I must admit that after losing his mother he had a hard time. We talked a lot. I was pregnant with our second baby at the time so there was that to focus on too.
However, holidays and "special days" are still hard for all of us. It helps knowing that there are other people around us who love us and are there for us whenever we need to talk. So basically my advice is to let the grief come when it does, keep talking to your family and know that others are thinking of you and praying for you.
God bless you and your family is in our thoughts and prayers.
I am sorry for your loss. I recently went through the loss of my mother (she was 50 and died from lung cancer.) We all deal with it differently. I am "the strong one" in the family and dealt with EVERY detail and did not have time during her passing to deal with my own issues. Honestly, she passed in October, and I have yet to deal with it completely. I miss her terribly, and despite my family and friends, feel very lonely sometimes. I think the best thing to do is to have someone to talk to. I have my husband who had lost both his parents to disease before they were 55. If you need someone to talk to, who has been there, please send me an e mail, and I will give you my phone number. ____@____.com
Keep your head up, it is after all the circle of life. But it does get easier.
~Jenn
Marilu,
I like you, just lost my mother in April and I am a first time mom with a 7 month old. You are on autopilot right now, doing what you have to do. I had to handle everything regarding my mothers death and luckily, I had my hubby, my friends to lean on which helped, but I also dealt with Hospice and they were a godsend. They helped me through the ordeal of my mother dying and when she passed, they still helped out. I talked to them a lot and it helped. They were incredible. It helps to talk about it, at least it did for me. Sometimes you feel like your life is out of control and you are along for the ride and can't get off or at least slow it down. I feel for your pain of losing your father and having to see your mother deal with her illness. Please remember you are not alone, reach out to friends, family, posting here or on grief sites, which I do as well. It helps to talk to people who understand what you feel.
Take care.
Jen
M.:
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I know that it is hard, especially when you feel that you have to be strong and take care of those around you. I hope that you are able to find time to yourself and to grieve however feels right to you. Although...nothing probably feels 'right.' I hope that you have close friends and folks you can call on anytime. That can make all the difference...that and giving yourself time and permission to feel whatever comes (even if that means falling to pieces)...
You will be in my prayers...
You have my condolences. I lost my parents 7 months apart a few years ago, so I know how difficult the world becomes when you have lost someone. The best advice I can give you is to make sure you take time for YOU. Talk about your feelings, go for a walk, go shopping or whatever. As far as falling apart....don't worry about it. You can stay strong! And, if you do lose it for a day or two, so be it. I know how devastating your situation is because I was there. Feel free to contact me if you need to vent.
M.,
I am so sorry for your loss and suffering. I have not lost a parent, but have watched my parents deal with the situation. My grandmother just passed away suddenly a few weeks ago. In this case, it was my mom's mother. My mom is the oldest of 6 children, is the executer of the Will, the one to "keep it together," etc. I have witnessed many stages of the grieving process with her and she has yet to complete the cycle. This past Mother's Day was hard for her, even though she didn't really talk about it.
The one thing I wish my mom would have done, when everything happened, was to take a few minutes to herself. This is very important for anyone who is grieving. She kept going and going non-stop with the arrangements and calling everyone and keeping everyone informed that she never really slowed down to see what exactly was happening. Many people wanted to console her at the funeral, but weren't able to even talk to her because she was busy talking to "everyone else." Even my siblings and I didn't really have the chance to talk to her.
Long story short, you will handle this differently than anyone else, but remember to spend a few moments to appreciate the time you had, and the time you STILL have with your mom. Don't grieve for her while she's still with you physically. It won't do her any good either. Regarding your dad, go through the grieving process. Take some time to yourself and understand the feelings you have.
I wish you the best!
I'm so sorry for your loss, and suffering of your mother. Death is something everyone takes differently, but I lost my father when I was 25 and being strong for my mother was very hard to do, but she needs this from you the best you can do.Open communication is the best way, I disageed with my mother at this time for the first time(she was going to go against his wishes, and have him cremated, and he strongly belived in burial, it was hard, but I do believe you should respect their last wishes, and all together we finally did. In October my only brother had a massive heartattack, and passed on, (51) and we still haven't mended from this, and his wish was cremation, personally I feel I have no where to visit him and have peace when I miss him, and need to, but everyone has their own ways. I have a DVD of pictures of him from young years to present we all put together for the memorial, and all recieved a copy, I highly suggest it if possible, it's wonderful to have, and when I loose it out of nowhere and miss him, I play it, along with a song I found that really was the person he was, this is my peace with it, the best I can get without being with him again!! I was very close to both my father, and brother, and it's been 17 yrs. for my father's but good memories never die, or are taken away from you. God Bless you, I'll keep in my prayers
PS.
If you start to fall to pieces try to walk away from your mother, if she has someone else to lean on at the time, and take a few minutes for yourself. Hope some of this helps!
