I Admire YOU...

Updated on September 18, 2011
S.R. asks from Grovetown, GA
14 answers

I've been wanting to write this post for a while, and after seeing one that was just recently posted, I thought it was about time...

I get to "play" single mom from time to time while my husband is deployed. Each time, I am reminded of how much I respect the TRUE single moms out there. As an example...

I have a friend who got pregnant when she was 20. Contrary to what generally happens where we're from (due to regional social constructs and our religion), she did NOT marry the father. While I think that upset her mother (VERY traditional), it turned out to be a good thing. He began cheating on her with an ex of his shortly after her son was born. This friend of mine had dropped out of college before this happened, got her cosmetology license, and was a hairstylist at a high-end salon. After her son was born, she continued to work for this salon. She soon hatched a new dream. She wanted to open her OWN salon. She felt like she needed more of an education to do this, so she started going back to school to get a degree in business. Her son (my godson) will be five in November. Over these five years, she has been a single mom both working AND going to school. She graduated this past May WITH HONORS. She has managed to balance everything, while still being able to provide for herself and her son, and build a foundation to hopefully BETTER their lives even more. Her perseverance astounds me.

I get stressed an overwhelmed doing this for what I know will be a short (relatively), finite time period. The fact that she is able to do this day in and day out and not get completely bogged down is amazing.

So, who is a single mom you admire?

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So What Happened?

I have loved reading these responses!

@ Jackie - Is my friend perfect? Of course not. No one is. But I think she is doing a slam-dunk job of making the best of herself situation for her and her son. I'm sorry you can't see that.

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C.S.

answers from Houston on

When my father died at 39 without a will my mom (at 33) had 3 kids, (15, 13, 13), a 10th grade education and a job at Sears selling men's suits. She went to business school, became a bookkeeper, held on to the house until she could sell it without losing most of her assets to probate, and always made each of us feel important. She didn't remarry until we were grown. Now that I'm a widow with a 13 year old who gets no benefits for my child, has no help or local support and a more-than-full-time job, my respect for her grows exponentially every day. I think she's stronger than Superman, has eyes in the back of her head, intuitively smells trouble, and retains her optimism and sense of fun. Wish I could be exactly like her.

3 moms found this helpful

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E.J.

answers from Lincoln on

This post was SO sweet!!! I'm a single mother and I've faced a lot on my own including my son being ill and requiring a feeding tube and experiencing developmental delays. Later he also had an Autism diagnosis. I tackled all of his nutritional/feeding needs, his delays, etc, I've gone to school, and I've done it all solo. I used to get upset when people would ask me if my mom helped me... uh no! I mean he's my kid.

I don't know a lot of other single mom's, so not to sound arrogant, but he is my biggest accomplishment and I am proud of all the work I have done. I guess I admire myself as I never would've thought I could do this all on my own.

Thanks for admiring us and I admire you as well. That must be so hard to be w/out your husband while he's deployed. I admire his dedication for our freedom. Thanks and best wishes to you and yours!

4 moms found this helpful
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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

My mom. She left a bad situation and was on her own with two young kids. Didn't even get CS or time to herself through visitation. She finished college and never let us feel like statistics or victims. We would not be the women we are today without her. Especially now that I'm a mom, I realize all the sacrifices she made for us.

It's not an easy job to be a single parent, no matter how you got there. Kudos to all of you moms and dads who do it on your own.

4 moms found this helpful
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W.M.

answers from Nashville on

I agree with you! My husband travels and I get stressed out when I have to do sports, homework, etc by myself with no help. I could not imagine having to do it ALL by myself. Kudos to the single moms!...and dads!

3 moms found this helpful
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K.B.

answers from St. Louis on

This was sweet! I am not a completely true single mom (as his dad is around), BUT at the same time I am. I financially support my son 100%. I maintain a household for him, provide him with whatever he needs, put him to bed each night, get him up each morning, etc. The most I normally get from dad is a couple of hours every week or two to go grocery shopping and he'll come over and be at the apartment some nights while I'm home too so he can spend time with him (although I still do most of the work side and he just does the playing). All of my family is in Texas and I don't use any benefits either, so its a lot. There are some weeks I sit there after putting the baby to bed and just have to breathe even though I know I should be cleaning the kitchen! It's definitely not easy but my son's sweet face makes it all worth every ounce of stress I may feel.

I will say that the women who ultimately made me realize that I was capable of being a single mom (I had a huge amount of difficulty really ending it with the father, even though I needed to, because I really didn't want my son to have the "single mom" thing happening) was my dear friend. She became pregnant while in an abusive relationship that she was having a great deal of difficult leaving (he had a lot of power and control over her). At 7 months pregnant, she packed up her car and drove from Seattle, WA to Austin, TX and never looked back. She has tried to have the father be involved in her daughters life (even being willing to buy plane tickets) but he likes to guilt her about it. She has a beautiful, happy, well-mannered, and intelligent three year old now. She has provided for her, returned to school and just finished with a degree in accounting and now has recently bought her first house. She is amazing and her daughter has never gone without!

3 moms found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

EDIT:
Thank your husband for his service and sacrifices to our country!! VERY much appreciated!! I know from experience it's not easy during times of deployments!!! YOU GO GIRL!!

My Girlfriend, Mary, who is raising two kids (Irish Twins - 10 months apart) a boy and a girl on her own.

She too is working full time and going to school full time - she will graduate with her Master's Degree next June!

She lost everything due to her ex husband - car, house, job - because he wanted her to be the SAHM - although she made more money than he did - they sank fast - when the going got tough - he ran...Thank GOD!!!

Now? She's got a GREAT job, two wonderful kids (who haven't seen their "dad" in 8 years) and working to make her dreams come true all the while taking care of her family and making great memories!!

KUDOS to your GF!!! May her salon THRIVE!!!!

2 moms found this helpful
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S.C.

answers from Des Moines on

This single mom admires military moms. I can't imagine the stress. Just when you get in a good groove of sharing and doing things WITH hubby he gets deployed, and not only do you have to do it all yourself, you have to WORRY about him while you do it. And then, just when you get in a good "do it myself" groove hubby comes home, hopefully physically and mentally healthy but maybe not, and you have to adjust ALL OVER again. Not to mention all the moving. I HATE to move.

In some ways its easier to be all me all the time-- no adjustments, changes or need to negotiate decisions with anyone else!

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B.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

My grandmother. Her husband died of pneunomia and poverty. If they had money he wouldn't have been working and that made the cold worse and he died because of it.

She became a widow and single mom when my mom was just over a year old. She had just a 6th grade education because in her era, 6th grade was all a middle class girl needed to be a wife and mother and run a home. She worked her way up to Chef at a junior college here, but was fired when the college decided it needed someone with a degree to run its cafeteria. She never remarried, and raised my mom as an only child. (My mom always wished she had had a sibling.)

Thanks for asking. Good luck to you and yours.

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

O. of my best friends, "T" she has been a single mom si=ince her 17 yo was 2. She left an addicted husband to get her son away from that environment. She works FT, juggles the sports & school stuff AND has chosen to be "man-free" until this year. She's always said she would not introduce a boyfriend or stepfather into the mix until her son was grown. And she has stuck to her word. And she was right. Yes--she sacrificed for her child--a LOT, but she feels it was totally worth it. Once he starts college, she will begin her love life.

1 mom found this helpful

E.B.

answers from Seattle on

My Best friend.

And she is a mom by choice and single at that.

She has a foster kiddo that is a week younger then my youngest.

She has moved into the role as full time single working mama and does it without breaking a sweat.

She is my hero. I look to her when I need motivation to get through the day to day grind.

1 mom found this helpful

A.L.

answers from Wichita on

I am a single mom, I was raised by a single mom and two of my aunts were single mothers, I admire all of them cause they have taught me to be the best mom I can be to my little girl.

1 mom found this helpful
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F.W.

answers from Miami on

That is the nicest post. Thank you on behalf of all us hard working single mom's. :-) I also have been single since my daughter was 2 (she is now 8) I went back to college when she was 4 and for the past couple of years I have been working full-time. It has not been easy all of the time but with great family & friends behind me, it has not been so bad. I have given up a lot but I have no regrets. Oh and I admire your friend, she sounds amazing. :-)

1 mom found this helpful

S.L.

answers from New York on

I realize I'm so late to this convo, but everyone should understand why people like Jackie bash single Moms. Fear. Fear they will become one(could happen to anyone). But Mostly fear that they made the wrong choices (ex. staying with an alcoholic husband and exposing kids to that rather than breaking up a marriage....)

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