Hypocrite Father

you are a very young mom therefore inexperience with man and the way they can make you feel guilty about everything. he has custody you would think that he'd be happy and supportive NO NO NO the most difficult things you are going to have to do is to forget about him being a jerk and remember your son is the most important person worth of you resheduling or changing your class. hopefully kickboxing will help you with your pain and you'll make the best decidision for your son including spending all the timing with him go back to court to get custody. there is alight at the end of the tunnel with patience, love and courage you will see it. good luck to you and your family

You are right- dad does sound like a jerk. Look at the big picture - in 10 years what will matter most?? What decision will you feel was the right one in ten years??
You will prob drop the class that is making your son go to daycare for 10 minutes. Your son is WAY more important than any class you will ever take.
Relish any minutes with your son. Good luck :-)

There is a great book that will help. If interested, e-mail me. I do hope it works out:)

I understand why you would want to do something for yourself. Kickboxing is very rewarding and great exercise and it's empowering to you. That's very important.

It seems you've been placed in a position to "prove" yourself somehow, either by your own standards or those of your ex-husband. You comply with the court and do the right thing and it doesn't seem like it's enough to satisfy your ex-husband because it might seem your ex really doesn't want you to be happy or have a life of your own.

Your ex has placed high expectations on your reactions for a reason. Most of the time, those reasons have absolutely nothing to do with you but are a struggle for him to come to grips with so he takes it out on you. It's a guilt cycle for him (IMHO) and he's lashing out at you by making you feel guilty about doing something good for yourself (kickboxing) and using your son's feelings of being "excited" to see you as a shield to hide something he's not feeling right about. Make sense?

It's hard to suggest your next move on this. I can only try to explain what I would do. Go with your instincts. Spending all the time you can with your son is top priority and you might want to think about scheduling your Wednesday's off until you can get your ex to see reason. You might also want to look at the kickboxing class schedule again and see if there's another day you can rearrange to take in place of the Wednesday class. Swap a day for the Wednesday class.

I would also try to re-negotiate a win-win for the custody with the court system. Outsmart and outwit a situation to your advantage, all the while maintaining your integrity. Be nice about things but be firm. Try to see what's happening with the ex that might be causing all this tension. Ask open-ended questions (those that start with who, what when, where, how and why). Try to reason with him and explain that you need to work this out to both of your advantages as well as your son's. Ask him to stop putting your son in the middle (as you perceive him to be doing).

I can't even imagine how hard your situation would be. All I can think of to say is, I would leave your kickboxing class early to pick him up. Spend every moment with your son as you can. And I would work my hardest to get the case re opened.

I can only imagine that it is extremely hard for you to have lost primary custody. I do however feel that you need to let that little boy know just how much you cherish your limited time with him. Do not let anything take time away, including a kickboxing class. I would continue to go to class on Mon and Fri and either skip Wed. or leave class early. Your relationship with your son is much more important than that and he needs to see that. Don't allow ANYTHING to interfere with those few precious hours you have with him.