My husband started a business five years ago. It was buying real estate and turning it into rentals. I supported him in every way. He refinance the propteris to have more money to buy more. I stayed home with our son. He wanted me use credit cards for food. I did. Its five years later he does not want pay the credit cards or the houses. He does not want file bankrupty so I am having cradit cards calling me all day. I am going to to become a nurse and I work in a daycare. What would other moms do in this situtation? I am not sure I love him or respect him anymore. I have one under my name which happens to be the biggest home loan, several credit cards and bank loans he want to me have. He works all the time. He works from sun up to about 10pm.
He needs to sell the properties. You can not afford them. Do not file bankruptcy. This is ya'lls responsibility. If the houses get foreclosed, then they get foreclosed. He needs to get a regular paying job and start paying off the credit card debt. Read, The total money make-over by Dave Ramsey.
Lisa
If he works all the time where is the money he is making? It sounds to me like he was not very reasonable in his efforts to starts a business and now he wants you to clean up his mess. If you don't feel like you love or respect him anymore then the issue isn't financial as much as emotional. Do you want to continue living with him as your husband? If not find a lawyer and get out and make sure you don't end up paying for his mistakes. Most states have free legal aide if you contact the state attorney generals office they can probably help you find a free lawyer who can help you. Good luck!
Immediate answer would be to file bankruptcy. You will lose everything, but you will also start out with a clean slate.
Once given the clean slate, learn from your mistakes and NEVER USE CREDIT again. If you don't have it in your pocket, you can't afford it.
Best wishes.
Ummmm -he HAS to do something! He seriously needs to look into bankruptcy if he has a bunch of houses and loans he can't pay. His property WILL be foreclosed on and then you're out of everything AND your credit is completely wrecked. I feel for you and for him if he was doing well and then the marked collapsed, but seriously -it is and always has been his responsibility to repay any loans he was given. What is he doing now to make money? He needs to try to work something out with the banks and institutions he owes money to. At least right now, he has a better chance of working out some sort of payment deal with them because they had rather get something than nothing. This will haunt him and you, since you have credit in your name too, FOREVER if you both don't take some action right now. He needs to own up to his responsibility.
how can he expect to buy all this property and not pay it? is your name on these items, if they are then i'd still rent them out regardless what he thinks and keep on keeping on....can get serious if they don't get paid such as getting sued and garnishment of pay check (including yours) if unpaid and a joint debt
I don't have any solutions, specifically, but I think you need to try to confront this in a kind way. It's hard to know what's going on inside his head.... But, try sitting down with him when you're calm and telling him what's going and that you want to help him with this problem. It sounds like he might be scared and/or depressed by this financial disaster, and that might be causing him to pretend like it's not happening. Yes, mistakes were made but don't cast blame on him--focus instead on trying to get a grip on situation and move forward, before it gets worse and ruins your credit and lives.
Find out what cards/loans are in his name, what are in your name, and what are in both your names. Talk to him first, then work out a repayment plan for what you can, and sell off whatever properties you can.
If you want to try to save your relationship (and I can understand why you feel like you need to get out), show him support/encouragement. Be his rock, but show him that you think he's man enough to fix this mess with your help.
No one wants to file for bankruptcy- from what I understand it's an incredibly invasive and agonizing process. However, you and your husband should meet with someone at the bank and see what can be done. You may be able to refinance or consolidate some of your loans. Same advice for credit card companies! Many of them will put you on a payment plan that will reduce the "life" of the debt without adding more to the interest.
In this economy the creditors will work with you, but you will need your husband present for anything that is jointly owned. Things in your name... do it on your own! If the loan is in your name, the property is your name, then technically... it's yours! Meet with the loan officer for the mortgage company and see what they can do!
Hi!
Check to see if your name is on the credit card accounts. You may be a card holder but not financially responsible for the debts if they were not opened as a joint account. Also, is your name on the homes he purchased? Try to take care of any cards on which you are a joint holder.
Many of us have had poor credit at one time and it is easier to ignore the phone calls. You will find that most collection agencies just harass you knowing that you can't pay.
You can spend a lot of money trying to pay off debts when you should probably put it toward building a new life for yourself. He sounds irresponsible. Get your "ducks in a row" and consider getting out.
Start here: http://www.daveramsey.com.
I know you may not want to hear this, but you got married for better or for worse. Obviously, this is worse. If he's not beating or abusing you and/or your kids, I encourage you to consider divorce only after you've exhausted every other possible option. Seek counseling. If you can't get him to do it with you, do it on your own. Having someone to talk to that doesn't know you, has no expectations, and isn't worried about hurting your feelings can be a wonderful thing. And whatever you do, DO NOT take out one more loan, one more credit card and DO NOT charge even one more item on your credit card. In fact, if I were you, I'd shred every credit card that it's in your name. Get a debit card or use cash only. Once you realize you've dug yourself into a hole, there's only one smart thing to do-stop digging! Sell any and all homes in which the loan is in your name and put that money towards the loan. Don't let anyone talk you into doing any other thing with that money than paying down your debt. And don't beat yourself OR HIM up over this. We all make mistakes. It's unlikely that you or him either one forsaw the bottom dropping out of the real estate market. Very few of the so-called experts saw it coming and whenever one would try to sound the alarm, 5 others would come along and say that he (or she) was crazy. I'm truly sorry that you are in this predicament. If you believe in God, turn to him for comfort and guidance. I wish you peace.
Is your name on the credit cards or properties?
If not... Not your problem.
Sounds a little like my ex. He didn't want to work OT when I was laid off so I had to use credit cards for food... I ended up filing bankruptcy after my divorce. But everything was in my name including his Jeep.
It's easy for someone to tell you to file BK or leave your husband or that he owes, he must pay. But our situation is all too familiar these days with people that have worked in the Real Estate market. Real Estate is a risk, and sadly, a lot of us fell short when the market fell.
I can understand your frustrations, but you have to determine what is best for you. Filing BK might stop the creditors, but depending on whether or not you chose to go 13 or 7 it could create more havoc on your life. The credit companies will work with you. They might make you miserable in the process, but it is what it is.
He (you) needs to sell the homes. Working with the bank as an investor is most likely NOT an option. They focus on modifying primary residences and even then very few people are able to take advantage of these programs. Selling the homes is the best option for salvaging your credit. If there is not enough equity do a short sale.
Right or wrong, you can't change the past. Make a decision to support him or not and move forward. It sounds like he is working hard to try to change the situation?
But regardless, you aren't alone. Below is a link to a credit repair company that I am a member of. The site has a wealth of information, including why you shouldn't file bankruptcy. I am a Realtor in DFW and this is a company that I not only personally used, but I refer my clients to. This site is not a scam! Please know that there are a lot of companies that are. I can also refer you to an agent in your area that handles these types of sales and knows how to get them closed.
Good luck, and I'm happy to talk with you personally if you want to pm me.
L.
SEll stuff, sell stuff, sell stuff and pay off all you can.
Get a Dave Ramsay book and learn how to dig out.
J. L.
I suggest you meet with a financial advisor, or at the very least your accountant. Never mind the credit which is really important specially in his line of work, but because the creditors will not wait forever and will jump on him, I don't know how the business was established, so there's a possibility they can get a hold of your assets. Sometimes as business owners if difficult to see the inside of the business. I say meet with your accountant, look at different options from restructuring your loan, and credit card debt, to consolidating it, or to sell properties if necessary. Make sure you or your husband knows his debt ratio, maybe he doesnt know it and thinks he is a different reality. That can happen too.
Good Luck!
I'm sorry to hear that you're in this situation. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you and your family.
You mentioned all the financial problems first. Then said "I am not sure I love him or respect him anymore." Why? Because of the collapse of the real estate business? Because he doesn't want to file bankruptcy? You said he does not want to pay the credit cards or houses...do you have money to make the payments?
I think it's the "easy" way out, to walk away from it all. But it certainly isn't easy to do. Love and marriage are about working hard when it ISN'T easy.
It sounds like from what you've said that you both made the decision together to get into real estate and have you stay home. It may have been financially lucrative for you at the time, but no matter what, it was a risk. Now you are clearly in the midst of the down side of that risk.
Get into marital counselling, so that you both can keep working on your marriage during these hard times and get on the same financial page together.
Then talk with a financial advisor. Determine how you both want to work with the credit card companies and the loan depts for the houses. Sell what you can. Continue to make minimum payments as much as possible, ESPECIALLY on the card that's in your name!
As much as your situation is difficult now, you both made choices that got you where you are. Keep that bond and work together to dig yourselves out. If that means filing for bankruptcy or divorce, I think you'd feel better making those decisions after seeking professional advice. Not as a "reaction" to the hard times.
Best wishes.
