Husbands - Hobbs,NM

M. ~ what do YOU do to keep the romance alive? A marriage takes 2 people and BOTH should be working at it. I've been with my hubby for 16 years and yes, we go through some rough patches, but we still love each other very much. And having children has increased that love for one another. Make time for the 2 of you. Try to do some special things for him. If you start to make changes chances are he will too! Good luck!!

Kids are glue that can get you through some of the hard spots in a marriage. When they grow up and are gone, you and husband will get to do all that dating you didnt get to do in the beginning :)
It IS all about the kids for quite some time.... but you two should be doing date night once a week, seriously. You may not have the desire to date each other every Friday night but that is WHY you need to do it!

Honestly? No. And I'm sorry to those women that DO feel that way.

My husband really is my best friend and we *cherish* our time alone together - even if it's just cuddling on the couch at the end of the day.

Yes, but sometimes thats the only reason i am with him too. Marriage is for kids, not romance, in my opinion, marriage is too romanticized and then women feel crappy if they dont have those feelings. Just act loving and kind rather tban insecure and see if that helps.

I don't. He makes it clear that he's crazy about me. I'm still not sure why though. =)

yes. and truly we would have split up many many times if it weren't for the kids. But that's ok! Every couple has those days when they could just call it quits. What keeps you from doing that is comitment. If the comitment you two have is centered around the kids, that's alraight. Some of the best marriages I know are built on mutual respect and admiration that grew over time into a deep love and companionship. As long as you 2 are still in the same house trying, there is hope that romance will blossom. Whatever got you 2 here and whatever is keeping you here isn't the end of the story. It's just the beginning. You can choose to make each other a priority now and choose to work on strengthening your relationship, independant of the kids. Maybe you can be the one to intitiate. Start setting up dates for you too. Let him know that you would choose him, even if he wasn't the daddy. Even if you aren't sure! This is the family you were blessed with. This is the husband you chose. You can choose to improve your relationship. Good luck and chin up sister.

There are days that I wonder! But the prospect of having the kids by himself for a week - assuming a shared custody situation - is daunting enough to have him put up with me.

It certainly is a lot harder now, with two kids, to focus on couple time. Between the kids, the house, and work we seem to put our relationship in last place and sometimes that really shows. I think it ebbs and flows - and it does get easier as the kids get older. Now that we're past the toddler years, we find more time to be together.

But I am fond of saying that there isn't anything in our relationship that more sex and money wouldn't cure. The trick is finding the time for both!

No. He was "with" me before we ever had kids. I believe he stays because he loves me and our children.

Why, do you think that about your husband? Are kids the only reason you are with him?

Never. Keep him happy in the bedroom and you will know it is also you he loves and wants to be with!
Do you want to provide more details?

I know the feeling, but to ONLY stay because of the kids, would be very hard. Im sure there is something still there, you are just busy, tired, etc and other stuff gets priority. Start bringing back the romance, men love seeing you dolled up, cooking for them, and wanting them in the bedroom. They are that simple.

No, but he sadly asks me this. He lost his dad and sometimes in his low moments will ask this. Rarely though.

I guess i am one of the fortunate ones, he tells me he is lucky to have me. I spoil him though. To the point of losing myself...which is not always good.

It sounds like you are hitting a rough patch. I am guessing your kids are young. It is really normal to hit rough patches/low points. Try to go back to the fun you had when you were dating. I know it is easier said then done.

Absolutley not. He was with me before kids. I know things are different since, and our ways of loving each other have changed since the realtionship is not new and exciting but we are still very much in love. There have been tough times, but I never doubted his love for me and our children.

Unfortunately you missed out on the time that most women are going out and dating a lot . Through those years you have a better idea of what you want out of a partner / husband. The grass is always greener - if romance is the only problem in your marriage consider yourself lucky. It takes two to make a relationship romantic - EVERYONE who is married goes through times where you are just going through the motions. Marriage is what you make of it - and bringing the romance back is work. If you want your marriage to work and you are the one with that feels this is an issue I would start taking some steps to make your relationship more romantic. The one thing I have learned in marriage is if I want something I ask for it and take steps to make it happen. Buy some hot lingerie, get a sitter and go out for a night on the town with your husband. When you get back give him a massage with your new lingerie and I am sure he will be shocked and loving it and things will start changing. I would not expect him to read your mind and know that he needs to bring you flowers and woo you again - but what goes around comes around show him some attention and I guarantee you will get it in return. Good luck!

Sometimes yes, He says he loves me but romance isn't there after the baby and it just goes though the motions. Sorry you feel this way too:(

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So sorry you feel this way.
Any chance on seeing why you love him and try to work on some romance.
It might be worth a shot to think of the positives and change this pattern.
Wishing you all the best
B.

Nope, hubby and I dated for 2 years before we got married.