Husbands - Fitchburg,MA

I've got a doting husband in many cases, but I still remember when he asked the doctor, "Does this (state of pregnancy) mean I should do all of the shoveling (in winter)? The male doc just looked at him and did a slight nod of his head, and kept the "Do you even have to ask me this, isn't it obvious?" comment to himself.

I am 40 weeks 2 days pregnant and not much has changed in how much my husband does to help out. We still pretty much do the same chores/work as we did before I was pregnant. Now he does let me nap a lot when I need it and helps a bit more with the kids since I am just plain worn out.

Help? He was more moral support but definitely didn't wait on me. I wouldn't stay still long enough for him to help me like that.

I discovered that I really had to be pretty direct and ditch the head games. I also had to let go of the expectation / assumption that he should just know what to do to help (both before and after baby's birth). He DIDN'T...really! I found that when I asked him to do something specifically, he was happy to help, but if I didn't well...things really didn't get done.

A lot of my friends had this, too, esp after the baby was born. If it's your first, he won't know what to do. I read and read and read so I would have some idea what to expect, but he didn't. We also have a different tolerance level for certain degrees of messiness, so unless I said something, it was pretty lax.

I know you probably feel like "I shouldn't HAVE to ask him...!" ...like it's the same things as asking for a compliment - it doesn't mean as much. But honestly, do yourself a favor and enjoy the freedom to be direct and specific with him if you need something. My husband made a point to tell me he really appreciated when I did that as opposed to waiting for him to "get it" and getting upset when he didn't.

Congrats on the baby! Good luck to you.

My husband helped out a lot. But, I did have to ask. It isn't him being insensitive (in my case) it is just that he can't read my mind, and I am really GOOD at being pregnant, so it "looks" easy.

I had it harder the second time around though- chasing a toddler, and he had to work a lot. I wished he could have "helped" more near the end, but in retrospect I think he was doing all he could and I was just OVER being pregnant by then- nothing could make me happy except for labor!

if you are 39 week... just cross your fingers and you'll be happier about things soon!

-M.

My husband did pretty much everything as I was critically ill and in the hospital for most of my second pregnancy. He got my daughter up, dressed and to school, helped with her homework, did all the housework and cooking. They let me go home to have a little time out of the hospital before the baby was born. He did all the cooking, laundry, everything.
It might have been different if it hadn't been so ill, but I was.
If you need more help, just ask your husband. Tell him you need a bit of help so you aren't exhausted for the birth. Sometimes you just have to come out and tell husbands what you need.

Best wishes and let us know when the baby arrives.

My first husband didn't help with sh-- during pregnancies or marriage. That's why he's my ex. My husband now works full time, makes 6 figures and still probably does more housework than I do. I am blessed! I'm sorry I don't have any advice except to have a heart to heart talk with him and tell him what you need. I hope it gets better after the baby comes. <hugs>

My hubby helps out a ton whether I am preggers or not. I rarely ask him for help because he just sees what needs to be done and does it.

Ask your husband for help...he is not a mind reader. Give him a short list of things that would help you out. And then, when he helps but may have not done it exactly as you would ...DON'T COMPLAIN...that will backfire and he won't want to help at all.

Thank him for his help..give him smooches and lots of affection and tell him how much it helps you out...he will then probably do a little bit more.

They don't get what they don't get......he's either sensetive and empathetic, or he's not.....either way...it's not right or wrong.....it just IS.

My hubby didn't help out, because I didn't need help. It's up to us to create the results we want.....I didnt' need anything.

.....How things have changed two kids later........What am I doing to create the results I want? I'm telling him what I need, and how he can help, and how he can do it. Honest communication is priceless, it's my goal, a work in progress....difficult on most days, but the small results are priceless.

Ask for what you want. They want nothing less/more than clear direction.

S.
S.

If you need help - ASK for it! Otherwise, he doesn't know.

I can't really remember how much he helped with our first. I remember feeling frustrated at his lack of help at times. Part of the problem was that the only other prego women he had been around were at work, and they had easy pregnancies for some reason. With my first, I swelled a LOT (even got a stretch mark on my foot because I swelled so much). It hurt to even walk. I also developed morning sickness again in the last month (weird!). It was not an easy pregnancy.

All I can say is that we are now 32 weeks pregnant with baby #5, and he has learned A LOT over the years. He is very helpful now. I don't feel like he has the same attitude he used to have. He seems to really get it now, whereas before it was like he thought I was just acting like that because I saw women on TV act like that. hehe. It was frustrating beyond frustrating. Like I enjoyed going through what I was (I enjoyed carrying a baby in my belly...just not all the other difficult parts!). But he has really matured a lot. I'm not a drama queen when I'm prego. I'm just not one of those ladies who have easy pregnancies through to the end. I get a HUGE belly when prego, and it can make things very difficult to do.

Your hubby needs to help. If he's not, just know that it is normal with a lot of men...though I don't think it means it's okay! My hubby feels bad for being how he was.

I wish there was a way for a guy to experience full term pregnancy - like REALLY experience it, not just a fake belly - because I think they'd understand more if they could go through just a little part of it.

Hang in there...

.

My husband treated me like a queen! He did all the housework and took care of our 2.5 year old twin boys. I just gave birth six weeks ago and he was so understanding throughout my entire pregnancy.

When I am pregnant, I am so thankful that my husband literally does everything for me besides the dishes. I am most thankful that he cooks...in fact, as much as I love to cook and feel it's more or less one of my jobs as a stay at home mom, he has been cooking meals from the time I was about three months pregnant with my last (I couldn't stand the sight of raw food, etc) and is still cooking...she's 15 months old, and a handful, plus nursing, so I have a hard time making a lengthy meal.

However, with the last one...funny story...I KNEW I was going to have her the night I had her, a week before C-section was scheduled. I could just tell. I specifically said, "Don't have anything to drink tonight, I think I'm going to have the baby." So, at 12:30, after he's had a few beers, my water broke while I was lying in bed and I come out and tell him. He's standing in the kitchen with a plate of hotdogs, all done up with relish and everything, mouth full...and the look on his face!!!! He didn't believe me!

Hi P.,
No my husband didn't do extra when I was pregnant. He worked outside the home for 10-12 hours a day 6 days a week so when he was home he needed a little break. He is a great dad and it worked in our home (im a sahm) but I can see how it might not work for others.
Best Wishes for a stress free and safe delivery and a healthy baby!

I don't remember... but so it must have not been.... a TON.
LOL
No, but really, when I was at that stage, my belly was HUGE and I had a hard time moving around... and we have upstairs and downstairs.
With both my kids, gawd was I just not real mobile at that stage and everyone thought I had multiples in my tummy.
And well, my Husband did help.
But no, not waiting on me.

Men... don't think. Nor do they even know, how it feels to have a huge pregnant belly nor the discomfort involved.
Thus, whether they help or not... they are pretty clueless.
You actually have to tell them, you need help. Or you cannot carry all the groceries yourself etc. nor bend over to put things away.
Men... don't know how it feels, at 39 weeks pregnant.

My husband probably did help out a bit more than normal. I'd say what I remember more is that he was way more understanding/flexible. I mean, he's pretty easy going anyway, but if he called and I hadn't started dinner yet he didn't complain about picking something up, even if it happened more than once a week! He would help with laundry and cleaning the kitchen more too. He was really great while I was pregnant actually. It's stressful, I hear you! Hang in there!

Helped out?? Ha!

I cooked dinner for us the evening I went into labor, and cleaned up after.

He did all of the housework, bedtime duties for our toddler when it was baby #2, bought me 2 prenatal massages, ordered thai food twice a week, and told me I was really hot for a pregnant woman (yeah right). He was a saint.

LOL!....what help? My husband doesnt take hints very well, i have to ask for what i want.

Does sleeping on the couch so I could hog the bed count? LOL

My husband was great during both pregnancies. More so probably with the first, because I was still working during the pregnancy. He cooked meals when he was home at dinner time. He did laundry. Routine stuff.

With the second, he didn't cook as many meals, lol. But he did EVERYTHING the first few weeks because I was so sick I didn't stand up and walk around for a few weeks. He made me cheese toast and brought it to me in the bedroom nightly. Then we were introduced to Zofran. :))

I still did the grocery shopping, the night time routine with our older son, we shared the laundry (we always have and still do), and I mostly cooked, but he would grill the main course if he was home and I asked him to.
I tend to be pretty independent most of the time though, and have a difficult time "resting" when there are things that need to be done.

My Hubby was exceptional! I was huge and my feet, legs, and hands were swollen so badly that I could barely walk! He did everything and took care of our four year old. Granted, the house wasn't perfect, but he did what he could when he could because he also has a full time job! :)

He did the dishes, kitty litter (the whole pregnancy), refilled cats' food/water, and did whatever small things I asked - - he was quite good. He was also very supportive and loving during my 13 hours of unmedicated laboring at home and cried/panicked/supported with me during getting my epidural and emergency cesarean.

OMG how sad so many have said there husbands didnt help. I hope we are all raising our sons differently!! My sons will know that a real man does what he can to help and support his wife and children. Isnt that the definition of a man? I mean we really dont need them to hunt and protect us from mountain lions anymore, we are all capable of earning as much as men and finding quality child care so men must ether become obsolete or change from the traditional. I dont want my sons to be obsolete. A man who cant help his pregnant wife will probably not be a good father either. Sit him down and talk to him, as many have said they have NO IDEA what we need and appreciate if we tell them. Sadly I have to tell my DH in the right way or he will pout and sulk cuz I am too bossy, and THEN he will help. Read the John Grey books and the five love languages (Chapman) to learn how to communicate with men

Honestly, hand and foot...LOL...I took advantage of it, it was really nice because he knew I was tired and completely drained...But I never made it to 39 weeks, only made it to 35 weeks due to complications.

not at all really lol. sorry. he didn't really start growing up and thinking of others till we'd been married almost 10 years and our son was 4 years old. but all men are different.

I posted a question (rant) about this last year. Talk to him. Let him know what you feel capable of doing. Ask if he has a plan for handling the gaps (and your recovery time.) Ask if he planed to hire a doula to surprise you after the birth, and if you could have some of that time now. Perhaps that will have the subtlety of a 2x4, but hopefully he'll get the hint.

never made it to 39 weeks....1st son was at 34 weeks and the second was at 36 weeks....

first one bed rest from Jan to Mar - so he did it all. 2nd one helped out a lot

My husband has always helped out whether I was pregnant or not. He was extra helpful during my pregnancy.

I'm pretty much on board with the other answers. Asking is the best way to see results. But I will say...for better or worse, my husband got a lot more helpful when he walked in on me rearranging the furniture that he'd promised he would do and then forgot about. Once he realized how badly I was nesting (or, as he would say, as frickity-frakin' stubborn I am), he paid more attention.

I don't recommend doing this as that can be dangerous this far along, but I'm a little mule-headed sometimes...

I didn't make it to 39 with my last pregnancy but as I got closer to the end he would bring up the laundry wait for me to fold it then take the basket upstairs. With pregnancy number 2 the laundry and he would carry our older one more so I didn't have to. With my first one we didn't have steps so I needed no help with anything.

Um What's that? LOL I have really healthy pregnancies so I don't think my husband sees the point. I am mostly a SAHM and he works 40+ hours a week so I think he still feels like the housework is my job. I only work 6-8 hours a week as a personal chef so I kind of feel like I should keep up with things ok. I mean some of you hardworking mommies have 40 hour a week jobs. I think if I worked full time it would be different.

Lots, both times. That's the type of relationship we have. We each have our duties/chores that were respsonible for, but if one of us has a health issue or isn't available, the other jumps in to make sure it gets done.

Sometimes men just don't get it. You have to ask, "could you please....". My girlfriend has back problems, she once but 2 baskets of clean folded laundry in front of the stairs to be carried up to the bedroom. Hubby came by empty handed, pushed the baskets aside and walked up the stairs. He stood on the stairs and looked at us wondering why we were both laughing so hard.l

I was on severe bed rest and I could only get up to pee. I was forbidden to walk to the kitchen to get food. My wonderful husband would come home mid morning, at lunch and mid afternoon to make sure I was fed, hydrated and doing well. Thank goodness he worked only five minutes away! By necessity, he did everything.

Then, he took the entire week after our baby's birth (both times) to stay home and help me more. <sigh> What a guy!

But, once that was over, he reverted to his normal, workaholic tendencies. Ten to fourteen hour days were once standard. He's cut back in the last few years to 8-10 hours!

Good luck!

I don't think my husband increased his helping very much. But he did take over the kitty litter duties because of toxoplasmosis. I was very very evil and told him that it was still a big risk when breastfeeding. Hee hee hee. He was so pleased after four years when I'd finally weaned our third child!

yes.. because I was on couch rest with high blood pressure and I couldnt do anything or i got a horrible headache..

Well, I spent a lot of that time laying on the couch, playing nintendo. I would lay on the couch and say "I wish I were playing nintendo" and he would turn on Tetris or Mario 3 for me and bring me the controller.

If you mean housework, we've always done it equally and that didnt change when I was pregnant, although he did take over cleaning my rabbit's cage even though he was allergic.