I really need to talk to other women who can relate, I know everyone’s situation is unique, but my husband has ADHD and although thankfully he can maintain a decent job, I’m dealing with way too much on a day-to-day basis, and really frustrated because it’s so hard to communicate and get on the same page with him. I’m overwhelmed with working full-time, taking kids to groups, organizing weekend activities, buying whatever’s needed for the kids or the house, paying bills, and just doing the bulk of what’s needed to keep house and family running.
I’m not a control freak, but when I do ask him to do something, 2 out of 3 times he screws it up, and while that may sound harsh, it’s things like asking him to make dinner but my picky eater 6-year old won’t eat an omelette if half of it’s brown from being overdone, so I end up making another one anyway, or making a mess just to clean one thing, defeating the whole purpose. And it’s not like he’s some bumbling yet lovable guy, he gets angry quickly (not violent, but impatient with the children and sarcastic with me) and easily frustrated.
We are together at this point because of the children, and if it weren’t for them I’d be out of here, so I have to live with my decision, and he’s not going to change.
I think it would help though to be in touch with other women dealing with similar stuff, just to get some support (and I’ve learned a few things too which might be of use to someone else, I’m happy to lend an ear as well…)
If anyone actually knows of any support groups (“peer-led”, meaning not run by a professional) or is in similar situation, feel free to reply.
**I'm going to add that my husband is not interested in seeking counseling or meds, as even though he is diagnosed ADHD, he doesn't really think it's a problem and thinks I'm just too picky and want to control everything, it's his excuse, really.
Thanks!
They do have medicine to help with his ADHD. Check into it. If he is on some and not doing better than he needs to try another one. Hang in there,
Hi A. M: I sent you a private message but because I've been on Mamasource for about 48 hours, I haven't exactly figured out all the bells and whistles with this site. Anyway, I just can't begin to tell you how much I unfortunately completely understand all that you are going through. I'm 38 and have been married three years and have a 6-month old daughter. My main problems are that he not only has ADHD but also depression (which apparently is quite common). The WORST part is that although he is taking medication, he refuses to see that it is playing such a HUGE part in the problems in our marriage. He doesn't see the value of him going to counseling because he feels that he's just fine in just taking the medication. I'm thinking I might write a letter to his psychiatrist to tell him my side of what I'm witnessing. Because he tells me he goes in to see him, the psych asks him how he's doing, he says he's fine and then he pays his $25 copay, gets a refill on his meds and then leaves. Apparently, psychiatrists don't do counseling. They only screen for disease and then prescribe. Totally frustrating. Anyway, I'm REALLY at the end of my rope. We've been talking divorce for about the last year or two. I really want this to work for the baby's sake but then I don't know if this is just an exercise in futility. I would DEFINITELY benefit from having someone else to talk to about this. I'm starting to investigate support groups but so far have not found any in the St. Louis area. So if you're intersted in talking, I would sure be open to it. If not, then I wish you the best of luck in your journey coping with this issue. It's such a comfort if nothing else, to know I am not the only one going through this. So thank you for posting your comment. I think it was brave and it has already validated my decision to join this group.
A.,
I'm can't relate to having a husband w/ADHD, but I am ADHD myself. Is your husband on ADHD medications? Is he going to therapy? If not, explain to him that it is imperative he does so to continue your marriage. It is not fair to you to be expected to 'carry' what he doesn't/can't do or complete. While therapt & medications will not make all of his ADHD symptoms go away (Don't I wish there were for me!!), it WILL help reduce them. Therapy will help him where medications will not. Another thing to consider is that stress & depression will make his ADHD symptoms worse, so while you are both having problems, those 2 factors make it even worse! You might also want to go to therapy for a little while to get some sanity! As for groups, I hope some other women here can suggest some. CHADD is a great ADHD organization that has meetings in most areas, but in the St. Louis area they don't have the adult meetings. If you go to their website, you can look up what they have in your area. You both deserve the help needed to make your lives more manageable.
Good luck!
J.
Has he tried medicine? Ty Pennington from "Extreme Home Makeover" takes Vyvanse and says it changed his life. He not only can focus more but is more even keel with his emotions. My son takes it and it has made a profound difference in his behavior and ability to focus in school. We were VERY reluctant to put him on any medicine but as a last resort we did and now when he is off of it on the weekends we see a huge difference. Your husband may not want to take medicine but if you explain how frustrating it is to live with him in his current state, he just may try to do something to change it. If you don't ask, nothing will change so what do you have to lose?
Hi A.
My fiance is severly ADHD and WAS on Adderall, he quit taking it and my oh my what a bear he has become! He gets very easily set off and triggered. He is hateful, cruel, and just out right mean. Like you we are only together for our kids, but one of my kids is not his, and he treats her much differently then the other 2.
If you can find a group or some website chat or advice could you fill me in as well. I am not much help on this topic, but i am going through it also.
We have been in such bad situations because of his ADHD we have been evicted, electric shut off, water shut off, etc. Because he forgets or just didn't feel like paying the bills. It has come to a point that I started babysitting to supplement his income and pay half of all the bills so we have everything half way caught up.
It is terrible, and then to top it all off its never them always you, right? If I could afford my house and bills on my sole income I definitely would! But I can't so like you I have to try to live with it. Sometimes it seems almost easier to struggle and have things shut off than deal with him anymore, right?
I am venting, but also letting you know you ARE NOT ALONE! Feel free to message me or chat anytime, I know I could use a strangers ear every now and then too!
