Last year (and the year before) I managed my husband's Wish List for Christmas. He asked for a bunch of different things and in the past he would give the same list to everyone. The result was he'd get a lot of double gifts or he wouldn't get what he wanted.
Last year I gave out pieces of the list to all who asked (his mom, dad, grandparents, my parents) and the result was he got almost everything he asked for plus no double gifts.
Now, I'm a fan of Christmas lists, but I'm also a fan of getting something you think the other person would like. I love Christmas shopping and trying to surprise the other person. Isn't that what a gift is?
Last year I made some guesses. When it came to my husband's dad, I was running low on "easy" gifts. His dad doesn't like to shop, he wants to know the name of something he can run to Target and pick up in 10 minutes. My husband is into video games (he had a bunch of video games on his list) but unfortunately none of the games on his list were in the stores. They were all ones you needed to get online and my FIL does not shop online. My brother and my husband are close and they like a lot of the same things and there was a new game that was out that my brother said was really awesome. So I suggested it to my FIL and he bought it.
Well, my husband thought it was the STUPIDEST game, and he didn't know HOW I could have thought he would like it! BUT, my husband did NOT leave the game in the package and return it to the store (like I suggested), he OPENED it and stuck it on the shelf. Where it has sat for a year (of course). I was furious at the time that he dare act so childish over a Christmas present! He didn't do it in front of his dad, but I did get an earful on the way home. I was really mad for a while because I was hurt that he'd act that way about a gift that I thought he would like. I know I didn't give it to him, but I suggested it.
I spent a lot of time that Christmas picking through his Christmas list and trying to give his family suggestions that they would enjoy purchasing as well. And of course I tried to be very thoughtful about the gifts I purchased for him as well.
Well, my husband had the nerve to bring up that game today. He told me that if his dad asked me for suggestions to tell his dad to talk to HIM because he doesn't want to end up with another stupid game. And now I'm livid all over again!
Of course this year I am going to tell all people to talk to him about his Christmas list and he can split up his own damn list! However, I had some "surprises" this year I thought he would like but now I hesitate to get them for him in case he throws another fit.
Okay, what I really want to do is give him a sackful of coal and tell him Christmas is for grateful boys and girls.
What would you do?
It's funny, but I told his mama on him! I know one childish act does not beget another, but she happened to call me tonight asking what his daughter would like for Christmas and I told her that she would have to ask my husband. She knows I'm the one who always manages that kind of stuff so she asked me why. I said I am no longer managing the Christmas gifts and I told her why. She said "Put him on the phone!"
He came back, apologized and took me out to dinner at my favorite restaurant.
I guess if you act like a 2-year old then you get what a 2-year old has coming! I'll not be managing his list this year, but at least I'm not mad anymore!!
How old is he?
VIDEO GAMES? Seriously?
That is some PATHETIC behavior. I can JUST imagine how he deals with a SERIOUS issue.
Sounds like hubby needs to grow up.
The bag of coal sounds like a good way to get that point across.
Wow I don't know any adults that give Christmas lists... Truth be told, I kinda wish my hubby would give me one to make things easier but, he would never, ever give a list of things people should buy him. I would be embarrassed to hand out a list of things to buy my husband or myself. Love the sackful of coal idea and I think he really does deserve it.
I'd probably go for the sack of coal.
He's acting like a presumptuous, spoiled brat.
WOW. Um. He should get a lump of coal. And a spanking. And some cold porridge. And a visit from the ghost of Christmas Future with a real scary story about how his Christmases are going to pan out over the years if he doesn't snap out of it. SPOILED MUCH?! Holy cow. Tell him Santa made a list, checked it twice, found out who was naughty and nice, and took away ALL his video games and donated them.
Tell your husband to trade it in at Gamestop and then both of you get over it. I can't even imagine being pissed about something that happened an hour ago let alone a year.
Are you sure you aren't talking about a 2 yo instead of your husband?
Really? I don't know ANY adults who make Christmas about them! That is insane. We do gifts now because it's important to the kids to see us open gifts as well, but WOW! My husband and I both ask for things from each other and tell my mom and dad what we want. My MIL sends us what she thinks we NEED. She tries, but doesn't normally hit it with me, but I would still never be anything but grateful about it.
I'd sit down with your husband and find out why he expects so much and why he is not grateful that he is getting anything. I know a lot of adults (including my husband and I for the first 5 years of our marriage) who never got anything because finances just didn't allow.
Tell him to put his big boy pants on and be grateful he has anything at all.
Tell him he has to handle his own list. Sorry, but it did not work out for you to handle it.
Good gracious! He must never have had to deal with any serious issues!
Tell all the relatives he needs white socks and underwear.
Maybe you should remind your husband that Christmas is not about presents. I dont want to sound rude but he sounds like a 6 year old child. In our family we only give presents to kids and everyone over 18 does a drawing. This way people dont have to stress and you get to focus more on the holiday and less on the shopping. Fyi- I have 15 neices and nephews and none of them do lists. We decided along time ago that it was more fun. Have a Merry Christmas.
They DO sell coal
How old is he? I'm a fan of lists as well, but I'm a bigger fan of gratefulness! Good grief - tell him to grow up, drink some egg nog and enjoy the Christmas lights!
There's a little boy still living inside your husband, and it sounds like he's provoked to come out and behave, um, immaturely during the Christmas season. I would chalk that up to the enduring evidence of the way his and his parents' personalities failed to "engage" during his childhood Christmases.
Unfortunately, it's not usually possible to provoke another person, adult or child, into growing up. The only maturity we can really sometimes culture is our own. So what would be the most adult behavior for you to bring to the conversation?
You'll know the answers best, but they might include a calm, "You know, dear, I need my gifting to be an appreciated and happy event. I think I'm hearing from you that I can't count on that from you, but rather that you're willing to punish me for a gift you didn't like, and not even exchange it. I notice that I'm feeling surprised, sad and angry about that. I do not accept blame for your dissatisfaction, sweetheart – that's on you! So tell me, would you prefer a sackful of coal, or no gift at all from me this year? Your choice."
go with the coal.. :) he sounds kinda immature compared to kids.. adults in my house/family don't exchange gifts, but instead, give to the kids and that of family members.. oh sure, my husband and I might buy a little something for one another but overall, since he does so much for me throughout the year and vice versa, it's not necessary to give gifts at Christmas.. However, I will say that whatever I do give my husband,it's well appreciated and even IF not just right, he is always sure to sincerely thank me..
I would say to your husband that which I say to my son, Contentment is not always getting what you want but the realization of what you already have.....
sounds like hubby needs to be a little less whiney and more grateful...
my best to you and yours
What a booger!!!! Think about this way, if this were your child, how would you react? I would be VERY disappointed in a CHILD for acting this way. I would be having some serious talks and lessons would be learned. If this were MY husband, I would tell him just that! I would also tell him how hurtful he's being and that if he's not going to be appreciative, you won't be participating in gifts for him. Tell him just what you told us: You enjoy shopping for people and putting thought into what you think they'd like. It's clearly a personal thing for you and it means a lot to you to put so much effort into getting something just to suit them. He's ruining YOUR Christmas spirit.
You're a giver.
He's a brat.
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure your husband is wonderful in many other ways. I know that my husband certainly isn't perfect and you're not out to make everyone think he's a jerk! In this instance, he's acting like a naughty, ungrateful little boy. Like I said before, I wouldn't have a problem telling him that.
Sackful of Coal sounds too expensive, i would give him an empty sack.
If your children acted that way about his gifts to them, what would HE do?
A gift list is a suggestion list, not a grocery list.
I also think it needs to have a limit on the amount.
I am not sure what I would do, it is so far from anything anyone has ever done in my life. Maybe just give him a 100 bucks and tell hi to pick out his own gift.
I think your husband missed the memo about what Christmas is really about. If he were my husband, he would get either a stocking full of coal, or a sack of "reindeer poop". I'm surprised that grown adults are all still providing lists to each other. In my family we buy for the kids, and hubby and I buy for each other, but that's it. Tell your hubby that his behavior last year landed him on Santa's "Naughty List".
You should also check out www.whitewhine.com - sounds like he should be on it.
I thought Christmas lists were for children. But then again that's how your husband seemes to be acting. Does he put as much thought into telling everyone what to get you or the kids. Who shops for his parents? My husband is pretty childish at times, but if he ever gave me a christmas list. I think I would tell him to go see Santa at the mall and let him know. It's the thought that someone took the time to even get him a gift at all.
Tell Hubby that this year your focusing on the kids only and he's on his own.
"Hubby, it's time to grow up." Well, you might like to say that....but only you know if you can or not.
You tried to help out with the list so that gift giving was easy and he would get what he wanted without getting duplicates.
You have a kind heart to do that, but I think that just feeds the monster (for lack of a better word.)
People go out of their way to make sure Mr. C. M is happy. And you went WAY out of your way for 2 years.
If this were me, I would let him do his Wish List again and let the chips fall where they may. If he is unhappy this year---WAHHH!!!!
Another suggestion: several years ago, we went to a gift exchange for all adults and kids. The families were getting very large and the constant shopping was making everyone a Scrooge (and poor!) So we started an exchange where everyone throws their name and their list into a hat and we draw. Adults buy for adults and kids for kids.
I've been married for 20 years and my hubby is the same way. =) I can't even buy him anything but if I don't, his feelings get hurt. =) His family will ask for ideas...LOL I just say that their guess is as good as mine. My husband will want huge expensive gifts so this year for his birthday that just past, he got himself a new recliner. For a gift, I'll make him something special, a neat card or a collage of all the kids in a nice frame etc. We go out to dinner with a cake and make him feel special but I don't buy him a thing. I don't give ideas to anyone. They're on their own as far as gift ideas go. I do the same thing for Christmas. I'll buy him underwear and socks that he'll need anyway, give him a framed picture of all of us, make a really cool awesome card, make a huge nice breakfast, love on him and call it a day. =) As far as gifts are concerned?.... he gets NOTHING!!! LOL I feel for you because this is a hard thing but you have to think outside the box and be creative because you'll never please them with traditional way of gift giving. Good luck!!
OMG.
Christmas lists can be helpful, but I have never in my life given anyone a list and expected everyting I want on it.
It's far better to give than to receive.
Especially if you're not a gracious receiver.
Oh my goodness. My kids would be so in trouble for acting like that. I'm not sure what to tell you about a husband.
I hope you get some good advice.
I think your hubby is spoiled, and you ought to take a break for a year. Let him find out what it is like to have to do it himself. Then he won't act like that with you anymore.
He should be grateful for anything he gets. Christmas is for giving and not whining about what you do get. So many people get nothing for the holidays. If anyone asks you what he'd like you should tell them a donation to the local food bank or or other favorite charity in his name.
My question is...what does your husband do about buying gifts for you and other members of the family?? Does he ask for a list and then faithfully go out and get things off of that list so you will be pleased? My guess is a big resounding NO!!!
I think it is too bad that most folks have forgotten what the real meaning of Christmas is...celebrating the most wonderful gift of all...a Savior who came to earth to show us how to live.
I think your husband has taken all of the joy out of Christmas for you..and I am truly sorry
Sounds like hes a spoiled brat!. Sorry to say, but put him in his place! How dare he say that to you!
Just saw your after post---glad he took you out to dinner and apologized! Its the thought that counts!
Hi C., You hit on the single biggest holiday stressor and pet peeve of mine for YEARS, "managing" family Christmas lists. Every year I felt like I was going insane. Each year, my MIL, my Mom and my sister all ask me for a list for each of my girls, as well as DH, or "hints" which is basically a verbal list of very specific items that they want ME to give to them so they know what to buy for them. Every year, I felt like I had to figure out the perfect gifts in the right price range FROM EVERYONE ELSE. Not only that, I had to make sure MIL didn't get the same gift Auntie already purchased, and let everyone know exactly what stores to find the wish list items in. Ugh!! I felt like a human gift registry. Not to mention I still had to save some of MY ideas for things DH and I could get our own kids, as well as things from Santa.
This year I put my foot down. And said no more. I am not making up or managing ANY lists. Nor am I giving any "hints." Nor am I sharing what I know they have or are already getting from somone else. Nor am I taking calls from my family when they are out in the stores and unable to make any decisions without my approval, and well, pretty much me telling them what to buy. It just does not feel right. I'm not even going to listen to them recite for me verbatim each exact item they got them, so they can be assured of my approval and that I will make sure no one else gets those items. This year I want to be completely surprised too as the kids open their gifts. Let the chips fall where they may!
What is the WORST that can happen if you JUST SAY NO to making, managing, and getting involved with "lists" DH or the kids get a few duplicate gifts or things that they don't care for, is that the end of the world? No. If that happens for my kids, they can donate or exchange, no big deal. They may even find some interesting things I wouldn't have thought up.
In fact, I JUST got that annual email from my MIL asking for lists and I emailed her back a nice reply letting her know she can ask the girls directly about their Christmas wishes this year. She was fine with that. I'll leave that between the kids and Grandmas. It's kind of sad if it's made to be like a grocery list, but my kids aren't great with detailed, realistic wish lists, so I'm just ever so curious to see how it all turns out.
I'd just sweetly tell DH since it didn't work out so well last year, you're not going to get involved with any lists for him going forward.
Your husband doesn't want you to tell his dad what to get him, so just don't. And don't give out his list. If he gets duplicates when he gives the list to everyone, HE can go to the store and change them out.
I would wait until after Christmas and then go buy the rest of his list, hopefully on sale. Then just give him the bag full of them, unwrapped. I would do that because it really sounds like he isn't into the "spirit" of Christmas. He just wants stuff given to him that is on HIS list. People don't always use lists. They give something that strikes their hearts when they see it. It is pretty selfish to totally discount something because it's not "on the list".
I'd also just give him the rest of the list AFTER Christmas since he doesn't appreciate what you do for him before Christmas. When he asks where the rest of his gifts are on Christmas day, tell him. When he asks why, tell him why.
Dawn
I would not get him a thing or give suggestions to anyone else. He is acting like a total brat and if my husband ever gave me a list of things he wanted I would tell him to bite me. I couldn't imagine giving people a list of things to buy me. If my parents ask I might mention something, maybe but I think that's part of the fun of shopping is trying to find something that the receiver would like. And being gracious is something that he should have learned a long time ago. You say thank you and move on, I'd be mad too.
Wow. He sounds like a spoiled brat. He's angry for a year about gettlng the wrong GAME? What is he 3? Actually my child didn't even act like that at 3.
He didn't like the video game he received as a Christmas gift and pouted about it? Does he realize how ridiculous that sounds? If he was too lazy to gracefully receive the present, return it to the store and buy something her would prefer then he does not deserve you!
I LOVE the SO what happended update! That is priceless, telling his mother! I got a good chuckle out of that. What I was going to suggest is you guys pull names for gifts for the adults. He really is too old to make a wish (long) wish list. Or give a gift to your community with time or an angle tree.
Ditto, Michelle S.
Sheesh.
Don't get your Hubby anything this year.
Give him the coal.
My kids don't even act like that.
Can't believe he is still.... complaining about that game, 1 year later.
YOU should not have to do all the running around to other people for informing them of what he wants.
Tell him to do it, himself.
Since he is so picky.
And he has Toddler tantrums about his gifts.
Sheesh.
If he's this childish about his Christmas gift, I can only imagine how he is about day to day life, and about his Birthday gifts and anything else... such as Anniversary gifts etc.
How..... high maintenance.
I vote sackful of coal. What a baby. If my husband did that, I'd never get him another present and I'd let him know exactly why.
Yeah, that's rough for you. I'm sorry. I'd probably stick with what was on his list, it's not worth you feeling upset over it otherwise. I also like Jo's suggestion of trading the game in, although returning it would have been better, but that's off the table! ;) You could even see if they have the game he wanted last year instead and trade it in for him. Even if he doesn't want that game anymore, it'd still be sort of satisfying, no?! ;)
Adults do Christmas lists? Really? I can't even think of one thing I want, let alone make a whole list. I really don't like asking for things. I'm normally more focused on DD. Anyway...
Sounds like your DH is a big baby & doesn't know the real meaning of Christmas. You might want to remind him to be thankful for what he has & not be so spoiled & ungrateful. He's coming across as very superficial & selfish. I'd be tempted to not get him anything, honestly.
Exactly what I would do ....it let him reply to all inquiries on what he wants himself...then he gets what he gets and you are out of the loop.
Coal. Definitely coal.
If he can't be grateful for the thought and effort the I would say he can buy his own damn gifts.
WOW...I knw I am late but I can't help respond, to me this is REALLY sad and childish (good for you telling on him). Last year I bought my husband a new beanie (he works outside so he wears them ALL the time) and a new coffee mug, and he was grateful. I got a matching set of dishes (nothing fancy) and adore them. I think it is sad that you hubby would act this way. BTW no one buys gifts for us (THE ADULTS) except each other and then no big deal.
Coal.
BTW, it sounds like you married my brother. He's been BIG into Christmas lists. When my husband joined the family, he was completely shocked at how selfish and greedy and bratty an adult's Christmas list is! My whole family over-does it on gifts in the first place. My husband had never seen such ridiculousness at Christmastime. I've never been a greedy person, I've always been generous, but knowing how my husband reacted to our situation, REALLY got me thinking. We will volunteer during the holiday season and we will sponsor a family. We will make gifts for family members and friends. That's it. If someone can't value that, then I'd find it VERY hard to respect them!!!!!!! Much less be married to them. eck.
(BTW, my brother has gotten a lot better- he loves the things we make him).
I stopped making a Christmas list when I was 16. Tell him to grow up and focus on the kids instead of himself. He's a grown man... I think. How embarrassing! If I ever caught anyone in my family pouting over a GIFT like it was a requirement or something... that would be the last time they got one until they showed a little humility deserving of wrapped rewards.
